Here We See The Trash Can, In Its Natural Environment

I'm going to open with a haiku, to be different (yes, no weather reports!):

Here at Cornell the
Trash can is an extremely
Elusive species


While you may think that college campuses are breeding grounds for trash cans, with them littering all over (get it, litter?), loitering outside of buildings, and lying on curbs. Sadly (or happily, if you discriminate against trash cans), this is not the case. In fact, there are very few trash cans. As a result, litter can be found quite frequently around campus. I often will pick up a bottle that someone has thrown on the ground, will sometimes have to walk up to 5 minutes or more before coming across a trash can. And then I throw away a perfectly good bottle. If I wanted to recycle it would be a 30 minute walk.

Seriously Cornell? Really? Here we are, in the middle (well, edge of) Ithaca, New York, known for a large population of hippie left-wing activist liberal democrats obsessed with recycling and all of that other environmentalist stuff, and yet it is harder to find a trash can on campus than it is to find a republican. And if you're looking for a recycling can, that's harder to find than a republican at a Cornell Democrats' meeting. Ash tray columns for smokers, however? No problem. Of course, those are probably better than recycling bins, but I favor the alternative: Rejecting anyone who runs and spreads carcinogens to other people like they're giving out candy on Halloween. Only other people don't want this candy. And it smells like cigarette smoke. And you get cancer instead of cavities.