I am a horrible person.
Well, not really- but I have neglected to properly keep up my blog. My plan had been to post when I actually had something to say, rather than forcing myself to say something. So far that hasn't exactly worked, as I've found myself rarely having anything to say. I would reassure you that I'm trying to change this, but I can make no promises.
You see, I'm super busy this semester. I have my usual clubs and extracurriculars, but my classes are far more rigorous than they were last semester. Also, I have been trying to do more work on my songs. I have about 5 mostly completed ones at this point, though I will not be posting them online until they are in a presentable state (aka when they have good singing). I am quite proud of them though.
Yesterday was Labor Day, and, in a history-making choice, we had a significant holiday off! As a result though, irony was unavoidable, since it was a three day weekend. Allow me to elaborate in a poetic haiku (bet you didn't see that coming):
There's nothing quite like
Observing Labor Day by
Spending it working.
Yep, the entire day was spent doing homework. A holiday well spent.
In other news, this in my blog's 1 year anniversary.
I shall try to bring updates more often. But actually. Really. Sorry. Fin.
Oh, and also- if you happen to miss me between posts- check out my Twitter accounts:
http://twitter.com/Teowulf (my normal account)
http://twitter.com/FictFacts (where I make up fun facts)
Showing posts with label Holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holidays. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
The morning after
Been working on my English essay all morning so I haven't had the proper time window in which to post.
Today, much like Mother's Day, is a special day. It's the day after Mother's Day. A transitional day really.
After mother's day,
The mother's role goes back to
The opposite one.
It's probably the biggest change from one day to another- even more so than Opposite Day. One day the kids are making mom breakfast, the next day she's doing it for them and cleaning up from the previous day's mess. They give her flowers, she has to take care of them. They do the shopping for her, she has to go and buy non high-fructose corn syrup based foods. And you get the point. While the intentions of Mother's Day are pure (except for Hallmark and all of the stores), the drawbacks of it can make it not necessarily worth the hassle. Or maybe they are. Who knows, I certainly won't since I will never (probably) be a mother.
Today, much like Mother's Day, is a special day. It's the day after Mother's Day. A transitional day really.
After mother's day,
The mother's role goes back to
The opposite one.
It's probably the biggest change from one day to another- even more so than Opposite Day. One day the kids are making mom breakfast, the next day she's doing it for them and cleaning up from the previous day's mess. They give her flowers, she has to take care of them. They do the shopping for her, she has to go and buy non high-fructose corn syrup based foods. And you get the point. While the intentions of Mother's Day are pure (except for Hallmark and all of the stores), the drawbacks of it can make it not necessarily worth the hassle. Or maybe they are. Who knows, I certainly won't since I will never (probably) be a mother.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The ultimate gift
It's a very special day today. No, it's not National Water Bottle Appreciation day, or Warren G. Harding's birthday. It's not some obscure Jewish or Canadian holiday. It's not Memorial Day or Veteran's Day. Still don't know what today is? Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, you might want to run to the store. Today is Mother's Day! That's right, once again you need to buy your mom presents, and yes- we all now it's unfair because they get three holidays for presents a year and you only get two. But honestly, your present is where you are now, because without them you wouldn't be there. Unless you're living in a cardboard box, which is a pretty bad present.
Mother's Day is the day to show appreciation for all that your mom has done for you. And that means getting her flowers and a nice card. Why's that? Well, it's quite simple really:
Nothing says "thanks for
The past nineteen years full of
Support" like flowers
Really, it's true. In spite of the thousands of dollars she spends on you for food and college and presents and things and clothing and shelter- getting her the ultimate gift of a $6 bouquet of flowers and a $1 Far Side card really says thank you like nothing else. And if you don't even go that far to thank her, you're a disgrace to sons and daughters everywhere. Jerk.
Mother's Day is the day to show appreciation for all that your mom has done for you. And that means getting her flowers and a nice card. Why's that? Well, it's quite simple really:
Nothing says "thanks for
The past nineteen years full of
Support" like flowers
Really, it's true. In spite of the thousands of dollars she spends on you for food and college and presents and things and clothing and shelter- getting her the ultimate gift of a $6 bouquet of flowers and a $1 Far Side card really says thank you like nothing else. And if you don't even go that far to thank her, you're a disgrace to sons and daughters everywhere. Jerk.
Friday, May 7, 2010
National Zip-Lock Baggie Appreciation Day
It's Slope Day, and you know what means! Well... it means a number of things I guess.
First of all, don't be surprised if, when walking down your dorm's halls, you smell alcohol. It's a perfectly normal side effect the holiday. Especially in Donlon (that one dorm I talked about way back when... they're gonna be having a lot of ambulances today, I bet).
Second, it means that everyone is going to be gathered in one place. So if you happen to want to meet with someone for a study session on the slope, I'd recommend saving it for tomorrow (or the day after, depending on the efficiency of the cleanup).
Funny that we have
No usual holidays
But still have Slope Day
Most college campuses have some sort of day like Slope Day. It's just a common occurence. But most other schools also have Presidents' Day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Yom Kippur, Passover, Boxing Day, National Zip-lock Baggie Appreciation Day, and many more. Yet we have none but the last of those. So why do we have Slope Day, if they're so set on ridding the school of holidays, puppies, unicorns, balloons, and happiness? Well, I think that it's simply something that they cannot eliminate. They can try their best to restrict access, to have classes, or to distract people from it- but really, if they were to eliminate it there would be a rebellion. Or a hunger strike. Or just a lot of people getting drunk with their stored-up alcohol. That sounds more like college.
First of all, don't be surprised if, when walking down your dorm's halls, you smell alcohol. It's a perfectly normal side effect the holiday. Especially in Donlon (that one dorm I talked about way back when... they're gonna be having a lot of ambulances today, I bet).
Second, it means that everyone is going to be gathered in one place. So if you happen to want to meet with someone for a study session on the slope, I'd recommend saving it for tomorrow (or the day after, depending on the efficiency of the cleanup).
Funny that we have
No usual holidays
But still have Slope Day
Most college campuses have some sort of day like Slope Day. It's just a common occurence. But most other schools also have Presidents' Day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Yom Kippur, Passover, Boxing Day, National Zip-lock Baggie Appreciation Day, and many more. Yet we have none but the last of those. So why do we have Slope Day, if they're so set on ridding the school of holidays, puppies, unicorns, balloons, and happiness? Well, I think that it's simply something that they cannot eliminate. They can try their best to restrict access, to have classes, or to distract people from it- but really, if they were to eliminate it there would be a rebellion. Or a hunger strike. Or just a lot of people getting drunk with their stored-up alcohol. That sounds more like college.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Ferris Bueller's Day Off x 20,000
Thursday! And it's the last day of classes.... well sort of. I suppose technically speaking, tomorrow is the last day of classes- but I don't think many people will be going tomorrow. If you're not a student here, the reason for that is Slope Day- a massive concert and celebration on the slope where absolutely nobody is drunk, nooooo.
Some professors are having class tomorrow, and either threatening that people go, or offering extra credit for those who do. Either is a dumb move though. Why? Well:
To have class on Slope
Day is sacrilegious and
Must be avoided
Yesterday, my linguistics professor told us that we would not formally be having class because he doesn't expect anyone to come. However, he said that for any linguistic-loving, etymology-enticed souls, he would be there.
My TA for my English class moved our discussion forward "in observance of Slope Day." That's how you need to do it. It is just plain blasphemy to have class on slope day, and it must be avoided at all times. It is your right to skip class if your teacher imposes on you. Of course, you also have the right to fail if your teacher's a douchebag, so it's probably smarter to go if you don't expect your teacher to be cooperative.
Some professors are having class tomorrow, and either threatening that people go, or offering extra credit for those who do. Either is a dumb move though. Why? Well:
To have class on Slope
Day is sacrilegious and
Must be avoided
Yesterday, my linguistics professor told us that we would not formally be having class because he doesn't expect anyone to come. However, he said that for any linguistic-loving, etymology-enticed souls, he would be there.
My TA for my English class moved our discussion forward "in observance of Slope Day." That's how you need to do it. It is just plain blasphemy to have class on slope day, and it must be avoided at all times. It is your right to skip class if your teacher imposes on you. Of course, you also have the right to fail if your teacher's a douchebag, so it's probably smarter to go if you don't expect your teacher to be cooperative.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Earth Day Fail
Well, it's the day after Earth Day. Yes, I know I probably should have done an Earth Day post, but I felt yesterday's topic was a more pressing issue.
I'll get right into my haiku, to make up for the length of yesterday's post:
Earth Day is the day
To do stuff that you should do
Normally, but don't.
I mean really. We shouldn't need a specific holiday to encourage people to throw their recycling in the recycling bin instead of the trash can right next to it. We shouldn't need a holiday to tell you to not leave your cell phone charger plugged in 24/7. We shouldn't need a holiday to tell you to take slightly shorter showers, or anything for that matter. All of the power-saving tips that are forced upon you on Earth Day shouldn't need to be forced upon you, they should be part of your lives. Yes, I know people are lazy, but still.
If you treat Earth Day like a single day and do the aforementioned things, you're doing it wrong. Earth Day should be about going above and beyond the call of duty. Today, if you're not doing the same environmentally friendly things you were doing yesterday, you fail at Earth Day. That's all there is to it.
I'll get right into my haiku, to make up for the length of yesterday's post:
Earth Day is the day
To do stuff that you should do
Normally, but don't.
I mean really. We shouldn't need a specific holiday to encourage people to throw their recycling in the recycling bin instead of the trash can right next to it. We shouldn't need a holiday to tell you to not leave your cell phone charger plugged in 24/7. We shouldn't need a holiday to tell you to take slightly shorter showers, or anything for that matter. All of the power-saving tips that are forced upon you on Earth Day shouldn't need to be forced upon you, they should be part of your lives. Yes, I know people are lazy, but still.
If you treat Earth Day like a single day and do the aforementioned things, you're doing it wrong. Earth Day should be about going above and beyond the call of duty. Today, if you're not doing the same environmentally friendly things you were doing yesterday, you fail at Earth Day. That's all there is to it.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Cold Hard Truth Day
There's not a cloud in the sky on this fine, warm day. And today, it is the first day of April, otherwise known as April 1st.
There's this silly tradition people have where April 1st becomes April Fools day. It becomes this crazy day loved by kids where you can say practically anything and get away with it. If you are waiting for the perfect moment to propose to your significant other, it's now- since you can just say "April Fools!" if they say no. In all honesty, April Fools day is perfect for cold hard honesty. Think about it.
April Fools day is
The day to test the waters
For any big news.
Waiting to come out to your parents? Do it today! If they're appalled, say April Fools. Want to introduce your non-Jewish girlfriend to your Orthodox Jew parents? Do it today! Want to confess to the police about your hit and run last year and how you panicked and just kept driving and driving and have since carried all of the guilt with you? Don't do it today, they won't care if its April Fools day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure that today's weather is Ithaca's April Fools joke on us.
There's this silly tradition people have where April 1st becomes April Fools day. It becomes this crazy day loved by kids where you can say practically anything and get away with it. If you are waiting for the perfect moment to propose to your significant other, it's now- since you can just say "April Fools!" if they say no. In all honesty, April Fools day is perfect for cold hard honesty. Think about it.
April Fools day is
The day to test the waters
For any big news.
Waiting to come out to your parents? Do it today! If they're appalled, say April Fools. Want to introduce your non-Jewish girlfriend to your Orthodox Jew parents? Do it today! Want to confess to the police about your hit and run last year and how you panicked and just kept driving and driving and have since carried all of the guilt with you? Don't do it today, they won't care if its April Fools day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure that today's weather is Ithaca's April Fools joke on us.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Pyromania.
It's Friday! And Spring break! And I'm done with my essays! Yay!!!
You know what it also is? A very important holiday here at Cornell.. Dragon Day!
That's right! It is the day that Architects have been waiting for... that day that they parade a giant dragon around campus and then set it on fire! It's quite the holiday. Only problem is that half of the school will be gone.
If I had to guess
I'd say that Dragon Day is
Meant to keep us here
Really, everyone likes to leave early. They'll skip classes, and dash from campus as soon as they can. My hypothesis is that the only reason that they have Dragon Day the day before Spring break is to encourage people not to skip classes and to stay here long enough to witness a classic Cornell tradition. Only problem is that the parade is during class, which means that people will skip class in order to see the dragon burn. Which sort of invalidates my hypothesis I guess... in any case, there's FIRE, and I like fire. And I shall be there. And hopefully convince my professor to let our class watch, since it's definitely educational.
You know what it also is? A very important holiday here at Cornell.. Dragon Day!
That's right! It is the day that Architects have been waiting for... that day that they parade a giant dragon around campus and then set it on fire! It's quite the holiday. Only problem is that half of the school will be gone.
If I had to guess
I'd say that Dragon Day is
Meant to keep us here
Really, everyone likes to leave early. They'll skip classes, and dash from campus as soon as they can. My hypothesis is that the only reason that they have Dragon Day the day before Spring break is to encourage people not to skip classes and to stay here long enough to witness a classic Cornell tradition. Only problem is that the parade is during class, which means that people will skip class in order to see the dragon burn. Which sort of invalidates my hypothesis I guess... in any case, there's FIRE, and I like fire. And I shall be there. And hopefully convince my professor to let our class watch, since it's definitely educational.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Seeing Green
Well, yesterday was St. Patrick's day, and I probably should have focused my post on that. However, seeing as most people are probably still hungover from yesterday, I think it's fair to discuss it.
People usually wear green at St. Patrick's day. Or at least that's the tradition I grew up with. In New England we were very conscious of the holiday, probably in part because of the massive amount of Irish in Boston. However, at Cornell not very many people wore green, and I'm guessing that most of those who did are either Irish or from the Northeast. So to that effect, I feel that it's necessary to make people understand exactly what St. Patty's day is about.
St. Patrick's Day's not
About Irish. It's about
Drinking and green stuff
Really, there's no law saying that St. Patrick's Day is just for the Irish (why don't they have some sort of shortening? I mean, we call British people "brits" and Scottish people "scots," so why aren't Irish people "ires"?), just like there's no law saying that Thanksgiving is only for people who actually give thanks. And as a result everyone can partake in the festivities. And by festivities I mean drinking, along with wearing and puking green. Then, when you don't wake up in time for class then next morning, you don't fret because you could definitely see that one coming. Unless you have a midterm, then it sucks to be you.
People usually wear green at St. Patrick's day. Or at least that's the tradition I grew up with. In New England we were very conscious of the holiday, probably in part because of the massive amount of Irish in Boston. However, at Cornell not very many people wore green, and I'm guessing that most of those who did are either Irish or from the Northeast. So to that effect, I feel that it's necessary to make people understand exactly what St. Patty's day is about.
St. Patrick's Day's not
About Irish. It's about
Drinking and green stuff
Really, there's no law saying that St. Patrick's Day is just for the Irish (why don't they have some sort of shortening? I mean, we call British people "brits" and Scottish people "scots," so why aren't Irish people "ires"?), just like there's no law saying that Thanksgiving is only for people who actually give thanks. And as a result everyone can partake in the festivities. And by festivities I mean drinking, along with wearing and puking green. Then, when you don't wake up in time for class then next morning, you don't fret because you could definitely see that one coming. Unless you have a midterm, then it sucks to be you.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
3/14
Today is a special day. It's a holiday celebrated by about 1/3rd of the Cornell population (and no, it's not another Jewish holiday (which could definitely be the title of a movie by the Not Another Teen Movie people)). It's Pi Day!!!! No, not pie as in apple, rhubarb, pumpkin, strawberry, brambleberry, blueberry, cranberry, Huckleberry Finn, very berry, or chicken pot. Pi as in 3.14159265358979323846 (that's all I know) and more! "So why is it pi day?" I hear you ask. Well, the answer is simple- today is 3/14. It's as easy as that. "And why should we care?" is the obvious next question. The answer to that is just as simple (well, not quite):
Pi Day serves as a
Reminder of all the math
You don't need in life
Think about it. Way back when, in middle school or high school, you had to take math courses. You had to actually use pi to solve practical problems about circles and stuff. Now, it's as useless as the rest of geometry and trigonometry (for me at least). Pi Day is a way to remind all of us of what we once were forced to do, and the fact that we can still recite 21 digits shows what we have gone through in the past. It's sort of like Memorial Day. Only not nearly as significant. But the fact remains that Pi Day is a day for remembrance, a day for thanks, and most importantly, a day for "thank God I never have to do that again." Unless you're an engineer, in which case I am deeply and truly sorry.
Pi Day serves as a
Reminder of all the math
You don't need in life
Think about it. Way back when, in middle school or high school, you had to take math courses. You had to actually use pi to solve practical problems about circles and stuff. Now, it's as useless as the rest of geometry and trigonometry (for me at least). Pi Day is a way to remind all of us of what we once were forced to do, and the fact that we can still recite 21 digits shows what we have gone through in the past. It's sort of like Memorial Day. Only not nearly as significant. But the fact remains that Pi Day is a day for remembrance, a day for thanks, and most importantly, a day for "thank God I never have to do that again." Unless you're an engineer, in which case I am deeply and truly sorry.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy "You're-Single-And-All-Alone,Sucks-To-Be-You" Day
It's Valentine's Day! Everyone's favorite holiday of the year! But not actually.
Valentine's Day is
Loved by all, except for men
And single people.
So it's pretty much just the holiday for taken women. I guess it's supposed to be the one day of the year that girls get to feel like they're the queen. I read an article saying that Valentine's Day is supposedly great for our economy, since it's completely commercialized. I can see that. Except that it's hell for like 75% of the population. It gives men the opportunity to feel like slaves, and single people a reminder that they're lonely.
You know what I don't get? Why is it called Valentine's Day? It's named after St. Valentine, who must have been a priest or something. If that was the case, it would mean he probably didn't get much loving, so it doesn't make much sense to ironically name a day about love after a saint. Wouldn't it seem more fitting if it were Venus or Cupid day?
If you were to ask me, we shouldn't need Valentine's Day. Women in relationships shouldn't need it to be a validation of their man's devotion (every day should be that), and single people certainly don't need the reminder that they're alone. Oh, and our economy certainly shouldn't need more people wasting money (they do that enough).
Valentine's Day is
Loved by all, except for men
And single people.
So it's pretty much just the holiday for taken women. I guess it's supposed to be the one day of the year that girls get to feel like they're the queen. I read an article saying that Valentine's Day is supposedly great for our economy, since it's completely commercialized. I can see that. Except that it's hell for like 75% of the population. It gives men the opportunity to feel like slaves, and single people a reminder that they're lonely.
You know what I don't get? Why is it called Valentine's Day? It's named after St. Valentine, who must have been a priest or something. If that was the case, it would mean he probably didn't get much loving, so it doesn't make much sense to ironically name a day about love after a saint. Wouldn't it seem more fitting if it were Venus or Cupid day?
If you were to ask me, we shouldn't need Valentine's Day. Women in relationships shouldn't need it to be a validation of their man's devotion (every day should be that), and single people certainly don't need the reminder that they're alone. Oh, and our economy certainly shouldn't need more people wasting money (they do that enough).
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
A Carefree Christmas (though this is an oxymoron...)
It's Tuesday! Last night was the finale of The Sing-Off and it was epic. The group I had hoped would win, Tufts University's "The Beelzebubs," did not win, and the group that I expected to win, "Nota," did win. It was disappointed, but satisfying at the same time- because though I was upset, I was also right. And being right is always nice. That's it for the news. If you could call it news.
With this post, I have decided to take a break from blog-posting for a little bit. Christmas is coming up quickly, followed by New Year's, so it's hard to find time between friends and family. Plus, it's difficult to find topics while not at college. And Jon Stewart's on hiatus, making things even harder. I'll be back some time after New Year's, so do not fret. Also, be sure to check back for a new song posting at some point soon. I'm trying to create a song pertaining to a certain upcoming holiday. I'll also have another one to post later hopefully. That is if my piano's acoustics work alright for recording on my sad little Macbook's mic.
"University"
Is a five syllable word
For "utopia"
Now, don't get me wrong- college is far from perfect. However, it is about as close to perfect as many can get in this society. Being at college is being inside of a bubble, with its own air supply (so you don't suffocate. Unless you're premed, then you're transferred to the pressure cooker). You have your own place to stay, you're finally free from home, you have great non-home food (well, this is of course dependent on where you attend), and you're cut off from most of the problems in the world. You can spread your wings and fly. Assuming that you're not scared of heights. It can be a daunting and stressful experience, but at the same time provides for the student a moment in their lives where all of the pieces of useless information they learned in high school can come together (except for Trigonometry... that's still useless). So for those of you who are hating college- try to enjoy it, knowing that these will probably be the best years of your life (Again though, unless you're premed).
And with, I bid you a carefree Christmas, a nonchalant New Year's, a blithe Boxing Day, and a pretty and politically-correct other holiday. I'm sorry if you were expecting a more epic post for the start of my hiatus, but you're going to have to just deal. And chances are I'll think of some new material over the break, so expect a nice return.
With this post, I have decided to take a break from blog-posting for a little bit. Christmas is coming up quickly, followed by New Year's, so it's hard to find time between friends and family. Plus, it's difficult to find topics while not at college. And Jon Stewart's on hiatus, making things even harder. I'll be back some time after New Year's, so do not fret. Also, be sure to check back for a new song posting at some point soon. I'm trying to create a song pertaining to a certain upcoming holiday. I'll also have another one to post later hopefully. That is if my piano's acoustics work alright for recording on my sad little Macbook's mic.
"University"
Is a five syllable word
For "utopia"
Now, don't get me wrong- college is far from perfect. However, it is about as close to perfect as many can get in this society. Being at college is being inside of a bubble, with its own air supply (so you don't suffocate. Unless you're premed, then you're transferred to the pressure cooker). You have your own place to stay, you're finally free from home, you have great non-home food (well, this is of course dependent on where you attend), and you're cut off from most of the problems in the world. You can spread your wings and fly. Assuming that you're not scared of heights. It can be a daunting and stressful experience, but at the same time provides for the student a moment in their lives where all of the pieces of useless information they learned in high school can come together (except for Trigonometry... that's still useless). So for those of you who are hating college- try to enjoy it, knowing that these will probably be the best years of your life (Again though, unless you're premed).
And with, I bid you a carefree Christmas, a nonchalant New Year's, a blithe Boxing Day, and a pretty and politically-correct other holiday. I'm sorry if you were expecting a more epic post for the start of my hiatus, but you're going to have to just deal. And chances are I'll think of some new material over the break, so expect a nice return.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Every Day is a Holiday!
Well, it's my second-to-last day of classes. And I'm not nearly as excited as I probably should be. It may have something to do with the huge number of papers and exams I have this coming week.
The other day I was on Facebook, and I came across something rather entertaining. It is a group warning people that Obama is trying to move Christmas. Now, I probably shouldn't need to tell you that this notion is absolutely preposterous and has not been posted anywhere but Facebook (which is surely a reputable source of information). The group was most definitely formed as a parody, to anyone dumb enough to join, but in any case- no one has the power to change the date of Christmas. Well, maybe the Pope. Or Jesus.
But I am writing this post thinking about the possibility of it.
Imagine if the
Government could control all
Of the holidays
Now, I know that they have some power over declaring various holidays, such as "Veteran's Day," "Memorial Day," or "National Seat Belt Safety Recognition Day." However, this power, for rather obvious reasons does not reach to religious holidays, namely because any person who did propose such a thing would never get reelected. But think about what could happen if we could change the dates of holidays. One thing is that we could have Christmas twice a year! Or we could put all of the holidays into one EPIC week of awesomeness. Although then the rest of the year would suck. So maybe they should change the time in a year along with Earth's revolution speed around the Earth. Instead of 365 days per year, why not have 12 days per year! Which happen to be the twelve days of Christmas, but also with another holiday on each day. Of course, the other religions would need some lovin' so maybe we'd rotate each year. Although then people would even more frequently call Obama a muslin. Also Obama's terms would be really short, so that's just unrealistic to expect him to do that...
The other day I was on Facebook, and I came across something rather entertaining. It is a group warning people that Obama is trying to move Christmas. Now, I probably shouldn't need to tell you that this notion is absolutely preposterous and has not been posted anywhere but Facebook (which is surely a reputable source of information). The group was most definitely formed as a parody, to anyone dumb enough to join, but in any case- no one has the power to change the date of Christmas. Well, maybe the Pope. Or Jesus.
But I am writing this post thinking about the possibility of it.
Imagine if the
Government could control all
Of the holidays
Now, I know that they have some power over declaring various holidays, such as "Veteran's Day," "Memorial Day," or "National Seat Belt Safety Recognition Day." However, this power, for rather obvious reasons does not reach to religious holidays, namely because any person who did propose such a thing would never get reelected. But think about what could happen if we could change the dates of holidays. One thing is that we could have Christmas twice a year! Or we could put all of the holidays into one EPIC week of awesomeness. Although then the rest of the year would suck. So maybe they should change the time in a year along with Earth's revolution speed around the Earth. Instead of 365 days per year, why not have 12 days per year! Which happen to be the twelve days of Christmas, but also with another holiday on each day. Of course, the other religions would need some lovin' so maybe we'd rotate each year. Although then people would even more frequently call Obama a muslin. Also Obama's terms would be really short, so that's just unrealistic to expect him to do that...
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Wanted: The Grinch, on 304 million counts of breaking and entering, theft, impersonating a government official, and unethical treatment of an endangered species
Well. It's the start of a new day. Tuesday, to be precise. I plan to lock myself in the library today and finish a paper or two. Chances are, this won't go exactly as planned, but I will try nonetheless. More than being the start of a new day, it's the start of something much, much greater- 31x greater to be precise: A new month. That number, however, is only quantitative. In terms of quality, the percent increase is much much higher. Why? Because it is December!
I can hear you asking now "Why do you care about December, Theo? It's just another month! And it's cold!" Well, the answer is that December is not just any month- it's a magical and joyous month. Between the holiday season, New Years (although I know this technically isn't December. Sort of), and my birthday- the month is great for everyone, unless you don't affiliate with a religion/don't celebrate holidays. Or hate happiness. Or both.
You see, in December- the best in people tends to come out. They enter into a month-long holiday spirit, and insist on giving and receiving gifts. And now you're saying "but it's about the spirit, right? Not the gifts? That's what my mommy always told me!" Well, first, you can't believe everything your mother says, can you? For instance, you're not special, Santa isn't real, and you're probably adopted. But second, the answer is: wrong.
The holiday season is all about the material objects. How on earth can you be in a happy mood if you didn't get that new Mercedes you asked for?
Without presents, the
Holiday season would be
Pointless. Oh, and suck.
Okay, I know that that haiku was rather lame, but think about it: without presents, the holiday season would not be a holiday season- no one would care about it except for the religious. Contrary to what Dr. Seuss may want you to believe, our society's Christmas would fail if the Grinch pulled the same stunt he did with Whoville. It would be like holding a dance party without any dancing. Or a pool party without the pool. Or a birthday party without the party. It would be a flop of a holiday. Any holiday that isn't highly commercialized simply fails to be cared for by society, for instance- any Jewish holiday.
I guess, in layman's terms- December would be nothing without all of the over-commercialized material bullshit that goes on. God forbid we have holidays that are about the spirit of them.
I can hear you asking now "Why do you care about December, Theo? It's just another month! And it's cold!" Well, the answer is that December is not just any month- it's a magical and joyous month. Between the holiday season, New Years (although I know this technically isn't December. Sort of), and my birthday- the month is great for everyone, unless you don't affiliate with a religion/don't celebrate holidays. Or hate happiness. Or both.
You see, in December- the best in people tends to come out. They enter into a month-long holiday spirit, and insist on giving and receiving gifts. And now you're saying "but it's about the spirit, right? Not the gifts? That's what my mommy always told me!" Well, first, you can't believe everything your mother says, can you? For instance, you're not special, Santa isn't real, and you're probably adopted. But second, the answer is: wrong.
The holiday season is all about the material objects. How on earth can you be in a happy mood if you didn't get that new Mercedes you asked for?
Without presents, the
Holiday season would be
Pointless. Oh, and suck.
Okay, I know that that haiku was rather lame, but think about it: without presents, the holiday season would not be a holiday season- no one would care about it except for the religious. Contrary to what Dr. Seuss may want you to believe, our society's Christmas would fail if the Grinch pulled the same stunt he did with Whoville. It would be like holding a dance party without any dancing. Or a pool party without the pool. Or a birthday party without the party. It would be a flop of a holiday. Any holiday that isn't highly commercialized simply fails to be cared for by society, for instance- any Jewish holiday.
I guess, in layman's terms- December would be nothing without all of the over-commercialized material bullshit that goes on. God forbid we have holidays that are about the spirit of them.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Black Stands For Death. Friday Stands for Friday.
Well, that day we've been prepping for since yesterday is finally here. Black Friday! It's just like Christmas eve, but with no real bearing as a holiday. And yet, it's probably one of the most celebrated holidays in the United States. I went to McDonald's at around 12 last night, and there was already line of maybe 10 people outside of Target AND about a 12 person line at the McDonald's drivethru. C'mon people, it's McDonald's!
One question that's probably on most people's minds is "why exactly is it called Black Friday?"
Well, the answer is simple.
It's called Black Friday
Because it's supposed to be
A day of mourning
I bet you're thinking "why on Earth should we be mourning, when we have the opportunity to take advantage of some of greatest deals of the year!?" Well, the answer to that question is also rather simple: It is for mourning the death of dignity and reason, and for the rise of the further predominance of material-society. I can understand camping out to buy movie tickets or sports event tickets, camping out for a Boy Scout trip, or camping out to stalk someone- but camping out to save 50$ on that George Foreman Grill is just sad. Where is your dignity? Our culture has become far too object-oriented. Also, it becomes even more sad when you find out about all of the casualties. Imagine having a policeman knock on your door and be like "I'm so sorry, but your husband died after being trampled by a mob making their way to the computer aisle at Best Buy."
By now you're probably in tears, so I will stop depressing you. And have a happy Black Friday.
One question that's probably on most people's minds is "why exactly is it called Black Friday?"
Well, the answer is simple.
It's called Black Friday
Because it's supposed to be
A day of mourning
I bet you're thinking "why on Earth should we be mourning, when we have the opportunity to take advantage of some of greatest deals of the year!?" Well, the answer to that question is also rather simple: It is for mourning the death of dignity and reason, and for the rise of the further predominance of material-society. I can understand camping out to buy movie tickets or sports event tickets, camping out for a Boy Scout trip, or camping out to stalk someone- but camping out to save 50$ on that George Foreman Grill is just sad. Where is your dignity? Our culture has become far too object-oriented. Also, it becomes even more sad when you find out about all of the casualties. Imagine having a policeman knock on your door and be like "I'm so sorry, but your husband died after being trampled by a mob making their way to the computer aisle at Best Buy."
By now you're probably in tears, so I will stop depressing you. And have a happy Black Friday.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Giving Thanks For What's Important
Well, the day that we have all been waiting to arrive for years is upon us. Thanksgiving.
Now, the idea behind the Thanksgiving holiday is straightforward: You eat as much as you can, while giving thanks that you have the money to afford such an unconventional meal while people around the world would kill to have a fraction of the stuffing off of your plate. And then you can live the rest of your year not thanking people for anything.
This raises the question though: what exactly are we supposed to be thankful for? That we have everything we have? That we're still alive? That our cat got better at grooming himself and no longer has a disgusting back? Everyone has something different.
I think that people's
Thanksgiving thanks is a good
Measure of real age
For instance, if someone says that they're thankful for having their whole family alive and well, that their grandmother lived another year, or that they have enough support to stay at college- you can guess that they're mature and/or down-to-Earth. However, if they say that they're thankful for their 60-inch plasma TV, that they still have a lease on their Mercedes, or that they got what they wanted for their birthday- chances are they are five and/or have yet to realize what's important in life. And sometimes, a five-year-old might have more insight into this than a full-grown man.
Now, the idea behind the Thanksgiving holiday is straightforward: You eat as much as you can, while giving thanks that you have the money to afford such an unconventional meal while people around the world would kill to have a fraction of the stuffing off of your plate. And then you can live the rest of your year not thanking people for anything.
This raises the question though: what exactly are we supposed to be thankful for? That we have everything we have? That we're still alive? That our cat got better at grooming himself and no longer has a disgusting back? Everyone has something different.
I think that people's
Thanksgiving thanks is a good
Measure of real age
For instance, if someone says that they're thankful for having their whole family alive and well, that their grandmother lived another year, or that they have enough support to stay at college- you can guess that they're mature and/or down-to-Earth. However, if they say that they're thankful for their 60-inch plasma TV, that they still have a lease on their Mercedes, or that they got what they wanted for their birthday- chances are they are five and/or have yet to realize what's important in life. And sometimes, a five-year-old might have more insight into this than a full-grown man.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Return to Sender
Readers, I have some bad news. Santa Claus has been murdered. You might ask, how can an imaginary being be murdered? Well, the fact of the matter is that he was quite real to all of the little kids writing their dreams and wishes to him. And now, he's dead. The culprit? The United States Postal Service.
You probably always thought that waiting in those lines at the post office were harmless, unless you had a bladder problem. However, today, the postal service has proved itself much deadlier than anyone had thought.
Here is my source: An NPR Article all about it.
A random out-of-context quote from it:
My haiku:
What kind of monster
Would steal Santa Claus from our
Great nation's children?
The answer, as explained in the article: A registered sex offender was found to be working as one of Santa's helpers. Really? One sex offender among a community of hundreds? Seems a little fishy to me. Especially considering the already thin line between Santa and sex offenders (considering that he does see you when you're sleeping, which is just plain creepy). No, I blame the Grinch. Who is apparently in cahoots with the USPS.
Just to clarify, the present delivering services will still be active. However, the temporary positions regarding letter-replying services have been eliminated due to the economic conditions.
You probably always thought that waiting in those lines at the post office were harmless, unless you had a bladder problem. However, today, the postal service has proved itself much deadlier than anyone had thought.
Here is my source: An NPR Article all about it.
A random out-of-context quote from it:
"Those [letters addressed to Santa Claus] intercepted by the Postal Service will probably eventually be shredded."
My haiku:
What kind of monster
Would steal Santa Claus from our
Great nation's children?
The answer, as explained in the article: A registered sex offender was found to be working as one of Santa's helpers. Really? One sex offender among a community of hundreds? Seems a little fishy to me. Especially considering the already thin line between Santa and sex offenders (considering that he does see you when you're sleeping, which is just plain creepy). No, I blame the Grinch. Who is apparently in cahoots with the USPS.
Just to clarify, the present delivering services will still be active. However, the temporary positions regarding letter-replying services have been eliminated due to the economic conditions.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Turning Every Holiday Into Canadian Thanksgiving!
Well, apparently yesterday was Veteran's Day. And I didn't realize it until somebody told me at around 2 o'clock. Why is this, you may ask, that I have such blatant disregard for our country and all of its rituals? Well, it's simple
The Cornell does not
Believe in holidays or
Patriotism
That's right. Holidays to Cornell are about as real as the Tooth Fairy or separation of church and state (sorry for the spoilers). Labor day? Veteran's Day? Professing your love for America? Unimportant. Yom Kippur? Rosh Hashana? Being Jewish? Nope, not legitimate excuses for holidays. Diwali? Nope. Canadian Thanksgiving? No, although it doesn't really count as a holiday to anyone, does it? In any of these cases (well, most of them), the holidays that are generally accepted by our country as legitimate excuses for days off are not accepted by Cornell. We do get Columbus day, but they pull a cheap shot and make it the same weekend as our "fall vacation" so they really only give us one real day for that break.
On the bright side, next year Labor Day will be given to us as a real day off. However, classes will start a day earlier to compensate.
In other news, our Winter break will still remain ridiculously long so that you do end up stranded at home weeks after all of your friends have left.
The Cornell does not
Believe in holidays or
Patriotism
That's right. Holidays to Cornell are about as real as the Tooth Fairy or separation of church and state (sorry for the spoilers). Labor day? Veteran's Day? Professing your love for America? Unimportant. Yom Kippur? Rosh Hashana? Being Jewish? Nope, not legitimate excuses for holidays. Diwali? Nope. Canadian Thanksgiving? No, although it doesn't really count as a holiday to anyone, does it? In any of these cases (well, most of them), the holidays that are generally accepted by our country as legitimate excuses for days off are not accepted by Cornell. We do get Columbus day, but they pull a cheap shot and make it the same weekend as our "fall vacation" so they really only give us one real day for that break.
On the bright side, next year Labor Day will be given to us as a real day off. However, classes will start a day earlier to compensate.
In other news, our Winter break will still remain ridiculously long so that you do end up stranded at home weeks after all of your friends have left.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
"This is Halloween"
Well last night was Halloween. For any who did not see me, I went as the Minister of Silly Walks. We watched Sleepy Hollow and went to a boring graveyard (Graveyards in general just aren't very lively). And though we did not trick or treat, we had plenty of delicious candy. It was fun. Now what can I say about Halloween.
We played an incredibly fun game the whole night. We call it "count the sluts." It entails pointing out all of the people dressed up in slutty costumes and keeping a tally until the number gets to high for the engineers in the group to count. We lost track, so we won.
This brings me to my haiku.
When it's Halloween,
If you want a gentleman
Then don't dress slutty
By this I mean that slutty outfits are rather counterproductive. If a girl just wants to hookup, they're ok (they suit the person). However, if they want to find a good guy and form a nice relationship and/or friendship, they won't dress slutty. Here are some ideas for much more effective costumes: Pikachu, the house from Up, a zombie from one of many zombie things (be it Left 4 Dead or Pride and Prejudice and Zombies- a zombie Mr. Darcy would be good... although not a far cry from a normal Mr. Darcy), something not from Twilight, a non-corrupted (aka don't take after Emma Watson) Harry Potter character, etc. Any of those will help you get a good guy, I guarantee it. Keep that in mind next year when you start putting on your miniskirt and horrid excuse for a blouse.
I'm not even going to identify the title quote for you.
We played an incredibly fun game the whole night. We call it "count the sluts." It entails pointing out all of the people dressed up in slutty costumes and keeping a tally until the number gets to high for the engineers in the group to count. We lost track, so we won.
This brings me to my haiku.
When it's Halloween,
If you want a gentleman
Then don't dress slutty
By this I mean that slutty outfits are rather counterproductive. If a girl just wants to hookup, they're ok (they suit the person). However, if they want to find a good guy and form a nice relationship and/or friendship, they won't dress slutty. Here are some ideas for much more effective costumes: Pikachu, the house from Up, a zombie from one of many zombie things (be it Left 4 Dead or Pride and Prejudice and Zombies- a zombie Mr. Darcy would be good... although not a far cry from a normal Mr. Darcy), something not from Twilight, a non-corrupted (aka don't take after Emma Watson) Harry Potter character, etc. Any of those will help you get a good guy, I guarantee it. Keep that in mind next year when you start putting on your miniskirt and horrid excuse for a blouse.
I'm not even going to identify the title quote for you.
Friday, October 23, 2009
The (Storefront Decoration) Nightmare Before Christmas
Well, it's the afternoon now. And I have an important public service announcement: IT'S FRIDAY! Yes, it is finally Friday. Although if you are reading this on a day other than when I'm writing it then it might not be Friday, unless you are a week late to read it. But in any case, it's Friday now! After a long and grueling week, I finally have a little bit of time to relax.
So I was having trouble thinking of what to write about, and the Cornell chimes just inspired me. As I was walking to class, "Jingle Bells" started playing. For all of you under-rock dwellers, Jingle Bells is a Christmas carol. And for all of you month-ly challenged people, we are in October, and Christmas is over two months away. Which brings me to my haiku:
Constitutional
Amendments are needed for
Holiday store ads
Seriously. Seriously. Halloween has not even passed, and Christmas trees can already be found erected (get your mind out of the gutter) in your local stores. What I propose is a constitutional amendment saying that holiday decorations can't be put up until the passing of the holiday that comes before it, which is how it should be. So Halloween decorations can't go up until after Labor day (or Columbus day even), Thanksgiving until after Halloween, Christmas until after Thanksgiving, St. Valentines until a bit after New Years, and so on. Right now it's just ridiculous. When I go shopping for discount swimsuits at the end of the summer, I should by no means be encouraged to start shopping for Christmas tree ornaments.
So I was having trouble thinking of what to write about, and the Cornell chimes just inspired me. As I was walking to class, "Jingle Bells" started playing. For all of you under-rock dwellers, Jingle Bells is a Christmas carol. And for all of you month-ly challenged people, we are in October, and Christmas is over two months away. Which brings me to my haiku:
Constitutional
Amendments are needed for
Holiday store ads
Seriously. Seriously. Halloween has not even passed, and Christmas trees can already be found erected (get your mind out of the gutter) in your local stores. What I propose is a constitutional amendment saying that holiday decorations can't be put up until the passing of the holiday that comes before it, which is how it should be. So Halloween decorations can't go up until after Labor day (or Columbus day even), Thanksgiving until after Halloween, Christmas until after Thanksgiving, St. Valentines until a bit after New Years, and so on. Right now it's just ridiculous. When I go shopping for discount swimsuits at the end of the summer, I should by no means be encouraged to start shopping for Christmas tree ornaments.
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