The Windshield Wiper Widower

So I am (finally) home for fall break. After my 7 hour bus ride, I arrived home and surprised my parents. On the bus, I had planned to accomplish tons of work. When that obviously failed to be done, I decided to do some haiku writing. However, I even failed at that and only was able to crank out 4 haikus. I then solved 4 clues in the New York Times Crossword Puzzle, and then just stared into space for the remaining trip while trying to fall asleep.

While I was listening to the incredibly annoying "squuueeeeeeeeek...... squuuueeeeeeeeeeek..... squueeeeeeeek" sounds of the windshield wipers (which sounded remarkably like a tortured cat... not that I know the sound of a tortured cat) I realized something:

Windshield wipers are
One invention that cannot
Be abused by man


Yes, it may seem obvious, but I bet you've never thought of that. We always hear about all sorts of fantastic inventions of man kind being abused by power or simply being misused (for instance, a cane in the hands of William Zantzinger, a pipe in the hands of Colonel Mustard, or a microphone in the hands of Miley Cyrus). However, we never hear about people misusing windshield wipers. I wonder why that is (just wait till tomorrow when the "windshield wiper widower" serial killer strikes and proves me wrong). And yes, this is random, but I'm tired, so be quiet. And I'm home. Mmmmm, Tempurpedic.

In Today's News...

SILENCE! Before the sheep of the underworld obsessively posses the webs of your inters. Pantaloons away! To the milky way and beyond, for oxygen makes the grown man cry. See, beauty is in the eye of the apple's gullet, else a wise man's folly be true and to be or not to be shall be the anthem of the American elephant. "Cabbage. Once more, my spleen lies akimbo on the linoleum." Do not forget the Alamo! And never forget Horton! For an elephant saved is an elephant earned, and ivory to ebony is not unlike the relationship between twelve and the letter Q! But then the piano's loss fumbles with disastrous platypus flippers!

The sensical priest
Makes absolutely no sense
For it is so clear!

The apocalypse
Is upon his Camry and
His chair is rotten


And REMEMBER: When in Italy, act like a rhinoceros' lobotomist, or else face the wrath of the Green Boar of Hamensnausage!



If you are reading this, you have just partaken in a social experiment. You passed, if that is of the utmost importance to yourselves. You see, I approached this post from a deconstructionist point of view, in which words of the English language cannot properly express emotion and such. I passed.