Well, it's Saturday. Again. Get some originality December- it's been done. And it's snowing! Finally.
No more classes! If you read my post yesterday, I already mentioned it, but it's worth another mention, methinks.
What with classes being done and such I lack inspiration for my posts... even though I, admittedly, rarely base posts on classes.
Since I can't think of anything clever to discuss, I shall revert to another limerick, which are never clever.
There once was a girl named Marie
And she felt the urge to party.
Though underage,
She went on stage,
And was fined for indecency
This is only slightly based on a true story. By which I mean none at all. Maybe. But in all seriousness, no one drinks at Cornell. At all. Not one alcoholic beverage on campus. That I know of. And only occasionally will I hear ambulances coming to pick up people for alcohol poisoning (only like ever 20 minutes, at least). Disregard anything I may have said in that vlog post.
And that "underage" "stage" rhyme may have been inspired by the Freezypop song "Sprode."
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Pride of Laziness
Well, the day is finally upon us. Today is.... the final day of classes! No more lectures for almost two months! Of course, there are still finals, final papers, final labs, final fantasies, and last suppers. I feel as though I'm much less excited than I should be. Oh well.
In the news, Cornell has received an(other) award from the City of Ithaca. What do I have to say about the award (before you know anything about it)? My haiku:
Laziness is a
Merit that has once again
Proved to be useful
This award is called the "Pride of Ownership" award (should be "Pride of Laziness"), and it was presented to Cornell for its fantastic landscape (or lack thereof) architecture on Libe Slope. Right now, it is overgrown, which apparently creates:
Yes, this is a prime example of the payoff that laziness provides. You too can get far in life and earn rewards for doing absolutely nothing! That is what you come to Cornell to learn. Although if you do nothing chances are you'll be kicked out (unless you play hockey). Rather ironic, don't you think? If I stop doing work, I don't think I'll get any sort of award for creating a "beautifully textured counterpoint" to other students who do work. Hypocrisy.
I've thought of a couple of other award we could get in other departments for laziness:
Construction: I'm surprised we haven't gotten anything for this yet, but we should get something for our construction by Rand, which "creates a hideous counterpart to the architecture building, where the students are learning to design buildings that are supposed to be artistic"
Winter Maintenance: I'm sure you've seen the signs saying "No Winter Maintenance." Well, I think we should get a reward for the leaves on the grass creating a "beautifully textured counterpoint" to the grass.
The Food In Okenshield's: You've all likely been victim to it, but have you thought about its award potential? It could be for creating a "textured counterpoint" to the food in any other dining hall. That is, the food is textured. And gross. Which is a counterpoint to the rest of the food on campus!
In the news, Cornell has received an(other) award from the City of Ithaca. What do I have to say about the award (before you know anything about it)? My haiku:
Laziness is a
Merit that has once again
Proved to be useful
This award is called the "Pride of Ownership" award (should be "Pride of Laziness"), and it was presented to Cornell for its fantastic landscape (or lack thereof) architecture on Libe Slope. Right now, it is overgrown, which apparently creates:
"A beautifully textured counterpoint to the areas currently mown more frequently and a stunning setting for I.M. Pei's Johnson Museum of Art."It's reminiscent of how my cat doesn't clean his back, which I would say creates a "textured counterpoint." I can't exactly vouch for its beauty.
Yes, this is a prime example of the payoff that laziness provides. You too can get far in life and earn rewards for doing absolutely nothing! That is what you come to Cornell to learn. Although if you do nothing chances are you'll be kicked out (unless you play hockey). Rather ironic, don't you think? If I stop doing work, I don't think I'll get any sort of award for creating a "beautifully textured counterpoint" to other students who do work. Hypocrisy.
I've thought of a couple of other award we could get in other departments for laziness:
Construction: I'm surprised we haven't gotten anything for this yet, but we should get something for our construction by Rand, which "creates a hideous counterpart to the architecture building, where the students are learning to design buildings that are supposed to be artistic"
Winter Maintenance: I'm sure you've seen the signs saying "No Winter Maintenance." Well, I think we should get a reward for the leaves on the grass creating a "beautifully textured counterpoint" to the grass.
The Food In Okenshield's: You've all likely been victim to it, but have you thought about its award potential? It could be for creating a "textured counterpoint" to the food in any other dining hall. That is, the food is textured. And gross. Which is a counterpoint to the rest of the food on campus!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
SONG: Finders Keepers
New song is up! It's based on Regina Spektor's song "Wallet," but with more questionable morals. Which really aren't that questionable- I'm sure you would do the same.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX-6PMJh-Yw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX-6PMJh-Yw
Every Day is a Holiday!
Well, it's my second-to-last day of classes. And I'm not nearly as excited as I probably should be. It may have something to do with the huge number of papers and exams I have this coming week.
The other day I was on Facebook, and I came across something rather entertaining. It is a group warning people that Obama is trying to move Christmas. Now, I probably shouldn't need to tell you that this notion is absolutely preposterous and has not been posted anywhere but Facebook (which is surely a reputable source of information). The group was most definitely formed as a parody, to anyone dumb enough to join, but in any case- no one has the power to change the date of Christmas. Well, maybe the Pope. Or Jesus.
But I am writing this post thinking about the possibility of it.
Imagine if the
Government could control all
Of the holidays
Now, I know that they have some power over declaring various holidays, such as "Veteran's Day," "Memorial Day," or "National Seat Belt Safety Recognition Day." However, this power, for rather obvious reasons does not reach to religious holidays, namely because any person who did propose such a thing would never get reelected. But think about what could happen if we could change the dates of holidays. One thing is that we could have Christmas twice a year! Or we could put all of the holidays into one EPIC week of awesomeness. Although then the rest of the year would suck. So maybe they should change the time in a year along with Earth's revolution speed around the Earth. Instead of 365 days per year, why not have 12 days per year! Which happen to be the twelve days of Christmas, but also with another holiday on each day. Of course, the other religions would need some lovin' so maybe we'd rotate each year. Although then people would even more frequently call Obama a muslin. Also Obama's terms would be really short, so that's just unrealistic to expect him to do that...
The other day I was on Facebook, and I came across something rather entertaining. It is a group warning people that Obama is trying to move Christmas. Now, I probably shouldn't need to tell you that this notion is absolutely preposterous and has not been posted anywhere but Facebook (which is surely a reputable source of information). The group was most definitely formed as a parody, to anyone dumb enough to join, but in any case- no one has the power to change the date of Christmas. Well, maybe the Pope. Or Jesus.
But I am writing this post thinking about the possibility of it.
Imagine if the
Government could control all
Of the holidays
Now, I know that they have some power over declaring various holidays, such as "Veteran's Day," "Memorial Day," or "National Seat Belt Safety Recognition Day." However, this power, for rather obvious reasons does not reach to religious holidays, namely because any person who did propose such a thing would never get reelected. But think about what could happen if we could change the dates of holidays. One thing is that we could have Christmas twice a year! Or we could put all of the holidays into one EPIC week of awesomeness. Although then the rest of the year would suck. So maybe they should change the time in a year along with Earth's revolution speed around the Earth. Instead of 365 days per year, why not have 12 days per year! Which happen to be the twelve days of Christmas, but also with another holiday on each day. Of course, the other religions would need some lovin' so maybe we'd rotate each year. Although then people would even more frequently call Obama a muslin. Also Obama's terms would be really short, so that's just unrealistic to expect him to do that...
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
"Featuring Songs By The Most Obscure, Non-21st Century Artists!"
It's the middle of the week! And I have just three days left of classes! It's been a very busy week, and will continue to be, between final papers, final papers, and more final papers. Don't worry- exams aren't until next week.
The other day, I was thinking about Guitar Hero, and then thought about how cool it would be if they had "Piano Hero." Then I realized that it would probably be the same as a real piano. But I did figure something out about the franchise:
Put any music term
Before "hero," and you're sure
To have a good game
Really, take a look at the possibilities. So far we have "Guitar Hero," "Band Hero," "DJ Hero, "Guitar Hero [Insert any number you can count on one hand. Unless you have a 6 fingered hand. Or anything other than 5, really]. Now, imagine the possibility with games such as "Chamber Orchestra Hero," "Avant-Garde Jazz Quartet Hero," "Big Band Hero" (they would need like 20 controllers for this one), or "Gregorian Chants Hero." Any of these games would be a cult classic, I guarantee it. They may lose millions of dollars, but what it loses in popular appeal each would make up for in pure uniqueness. And it would be great for the Wii, which aims to attract a wider audience range- the "Chamber Orchestra Hero" would be great for any nursing home.
I hope Activision is reading this post, and maybe they'll become inspired. Maybe.
Title is a spin-off of what the case for "Band Hero" says on it.
The other day, I was thinking about Guitar Hero, and then thought about how cool it would be if they had "Piano Hero." Then I realized that it would probably be the same as a real piano. But I did figure something out about the franchise:
Put any music term
Before "hero," and you're sure
To have a good game
Really, take a look at the possibilities. So far we have "Guitar Hero," "Band Hero," "DJ Hero, "Guitar Hero [Insert any number you can count on one hand. Unless you have a 6 fingered hand. Or anything other than 5, really]. Now, imagine the possibility with games such as "Chamber Orchestra Hero," "Avant-Garde Jazz Quartet Hero," "Big Band Hero" (they would need like 20 controllers for this one), or "Gregorian Chants Hero." Any of these games would be a cult classic, I guarantee it. They may lose millions of dollars, but what it loses in popular appeal each would make up for in pure uniqueness. And it would be great for the Wii, which aims to attract a wider audience range- the "Chamber Orchestra Hero" would be great for any nursing home.
I hope Activision is reading this post, and maybe they'll become inspired. Maybe.
Title is a spin-off of what the case for "Band Hero" says on it.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Wanted: The Grinch, on 304 million counts of breaking and entering, theft, impersonating a government official, and unethical treatment of an endangered species
Well. It's the start of a new day. Tuesday, to be precise. I plan to lock myself in the library today and finish a paper or two. Chances are, this won't go exactly as planned, but I will try nonetheless. More than being the start of a new day, it's the start of something much, much greater- 31x greater to be precise: A new month. That number, however, is only quantitative. In terms of quality, the percent increase is much much higher. Why? Because it is December!
I can hear you asking now "Why do you care about December, Theo? It's just another month! And it's cold!" Well, the answer is that December is not just any month- it's a magical and joyous month. Between the holiday season, New Years (although I know this technically isn't December. Sort of), and my birthday- the month is great for everyone, unless you don't affiliate with a religion/don't celebrate holidays. Or hate happiness. Or both.
You see, in December- the best in people tends to come out. They enter into a month-long holiday spirit, and insist on giving and receiving gifts. And now you're saying "but it's about the spirit, right? Not the gifts? That's what my mommy always told me!" Well, first, you can't believe everything your mother says, can you? For instance, you're not special, Santa isn't real, and you're probably adopted. But second, the answer is: wrong.
The holiday season is all about the material objects. How on earth can you be in a happy mood if you didn't get that new Mercedes you asked for?
Without presents, the
Holiday season would be
Pointless. Oh, and suck.
Okay, I know that that haiku was rather lame, but think about it: without presents, the holiday season would not be a holiday season- no one would care about it except for the religious. Contrary to what Dr. Seuss may want you to believe, our society's Christmas would fail if the Grinch pulled the same stunt he did with Whoville. It would be like holding a dance party without any dancing. Or a pool party without the pool. Or a birthday party without the party. It would be a flop of a holiday. Any holiday that isn't highly commercialized simply fails to be cared for by society, for instance- any Jewish holiday.
I guess, in layman's terms- December would be nothing without all of the over-commercialized material bullshit that goes on. God forbid we have holidays that are about the spirit of them.
I can hear you asking now "Why do you care about December, Theo? It's just another month! And it's cold!" Well, the answer is that December is not just any month- it's a magical and joyous month. Between the holiday season, New Years (although I know this technically isn't December. Sort of), and my birthday- the month is great for everyone, unless you don't affiliate with a religion/don't celebrate holidays. Or hate happiness. Or both.
You see, in December- the best in people tends to come out. They enter into a month-long holiday spirit, and insist on giving and receiving gifts. And now you're saying "but it's about the spirit, right? Not the gifts? That's what my mommy always told me!" Well, first, you can't believe everything your mother says, can you? For instance, you're not special, Santa isn't real, and you're probably adopted. But second, the answer is: wrong.
The holiday season is all about the material objects. How on earth can you be in a happy mood if you didn't get that new Mercedes you asked for?
Without presents, the
Holiday season would be
Pointless. Oh, and suck.
Okay, I know that that haiku was rather lame, but think about it: without presents, the holiday season would not be a holiday season- no one would care about it except for the religious. Contrary to what Dr. Seuss may want you to believe, our society's Christmas would fail if the Grinch pulled the same stunt he did with Whoville. It would be like holding a dance party without any dancing. Or a pool party without the pool. Or a birthday party without the party. It would be a flop of a holiday. Any holiday that isn't highly commercialized simply fails to be cared for by society, for instance- any Jewish holiday.
I guess, in layman's terms- December would be nothing without all of the over-commercialized material bullshit that goes on. God forbid we have holidays that are about the spirit of them.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Hunting Wabbits
Well, I am finally back at Cornell. Starting up with classes and such again... fun fun fun. Luckily, there's only one week of classes left. Which is always nice. Except for finals.
The other day I read an interesting article about rabbits being used as fuel. Essentially what the article says is that rabbits are overpopulating in Europe (filthy little sex addicts), and when they kill the rabbits they send them to be burnt and used as electricity. In layman's terms- they're using actual bunnies as energizer bunnies.
Now, you might think this is a horrid effrontery to the circle of life- but it's not. This is how it's always been: Animal kills lesser animal, disposes of carcass in preposterous ways. Lesser animal keeps coming back endlessly, greater animal rises and repeats.
I think, however, there may be other benefits of this:
I'm pretty sure that bunny
Hunting correlates with the
Crime rate has gone down
Think about it. If people have loaded guns, and are itching to shoot something, what's more satisfying for relieving stress- shooting a human, or shooting a cute little bunny-rabbit? And then if you can sell those rabbits as electricity? Even better.
Let's just hope that the bunnies never come back as zombies. It would be like Monty Python's Holy Grail, but with millions of bunnies, and they're be undead. And would aim for brains with those massive hops. Just thinking about it makes me want to aid in the conversion to electricity.
Also, I find it rather innovative for them to destroy parts of the environment to save the environment. And to any of you who object- at least it's better than forcing all of the bunnies to run on wheels to produce power, and then burning them after they die of exhaustion. Not that anyone has every done that.
The other day I read an interesting article about rabbits being used as fuel. Essentially what the article says is that rabbits are overpopulating in Europe (filthy little sex addicts), and when they kill the rabbits they send them to be burnt and used as electricity. In layman's terms- they're using actual bunnies as energizer bunnies.
Now, you might think this is a horrid effrontery to the circle of life- but it's not. This is how it's always been: Animal kills lesser animal, disposes of carcass in preposterous ways. Lesser animal keeps coming back endlessly, greater animal rises and repeats.
I think, however, there may be other benefits of this:
I'm pretty sure that bunny
Hunting correlates with the
Crime rate has gone down
Think about it. If people have loaded guns, and are itching to shoot something, what's more satisfying for relieving stress- shooting a human, or shooting a cute little bunny-rabbit? And then if you can sell those rabbits as electricity? Even better.
Let's just hope that the bunnies never come back as zombies. It would be like Monty Python's Holy Grail, but with millions of bunnies, and they're be undead. And would aim for brains with those massive hops. Just thinking about it makes me want to aid in the conversion to electricity.
Also, I find it rather innovative for them to destroy parts of the environment to save the environment. And to any of you who object- at least it's better than forcing all of the bunnies to run on wheels to produce power, and then burning them after they die of exhaustion. Not that anyone has every done that.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The Elements of Style
Well, I am anon returned to Cornell. I am most sad to depart from my dwelling, along with my family and friends- however, I am contented by the fact that I shall not have long ere I come home again. I'm not sure why I'm talking as I have been.
There's not much to speak of today, other than my departure- since that is all I can really think about. So rather than make an entire lengthy post, I will leave you with a haiku and a short thought based off of that haiku.
Strunk and E.B. White
Are now rolling in their graves
Because of Twilight
Really, I pity them. That is the curse of The Elements of Style, which forever afflicts them with the disease of poor grammar. I really want to see some grammar-fanatic or grammar-cult start someday, which would enforce good grammar with an iron ruler. They could start by making sure that Stephanie Meyer writes no more books. I've already discussed this, but we need a government-funded grammar police. Really. And anyone who wants a phone would need to take a short quiz on when to use "your" versus "you're."
There's not much to speak of today, other than my departure- since that is all I can really think about. So rather than make an entire lengthy post, I will leave you with a haiku and a short thought based off of that haiku.
Strunk and E.B. White
Are now rolling in their graves
Because of Twilight
Really, I pity them. That is the curse of The Elements of Style, which forever afflicts them with the disease of poor grammar. I really want to see some grammar-fanatic or grammar-cult start someday, which would enforce good grammar with an iron ruler. They could start by making sure that Stephanie Meyer writes no more books. I've already discussed this, but we need a government-funded grammar police. Really. And anyone who wants a phone would need to take a short quiz on when to use "your" versus "you're."
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