APPLEAPPLEAPPLEAPPLEAPPLEAPPLEAPPLEAPPLE....CIDER!

This morning (well, afternoon technically) I walked into Appel dining hall for a nice brunch only to find that the milk machines thingies were offering cider (something I have been (im)patiently awaiting for weeks now). I sprinted to grab a glass only to find that the cider dispensers were both empty! I proceeded to force a dining hall staff at gunpoint to refill one of them while I jumped up and down in anticipation. I FINALLY got it, and had what I refer to as a mouth-gasm (something very rarely experienced... usually only with Cornell Dairy Bar ice cream or Pita Pit pitas). Cornell cider is damn good.

Fresh apple cider
Is one way to make a nice
Day even better


That's right. As I said earlier, it's a beautiful day, made even more beautiful with the addition of cider. I don't think I've been this happy since I got into Cornell (well, that's a hyperbole, but you get the point).

On another note, I have the Fabolous concert tomorrow, and my crew's call is 6:30 AM. I will be going to bed at 9 tonight. I will be busy all of tomorrow, but will make a post to come up tomorrow morning. And maybe a short one for later. You'll have to wait and see!


The title is meant to be sung to the tune of the Batman theme.

Mr. Sun, We Meet Again

Today is a BEAUTIFUL day. And I am not being sarcastic. The temperature is a little warm, but the wind makes it absolutely perfect! It may well be the best weather day we've had since I've been here. I know I've always talked about Ithaca weather being bad, and it usually is, which makes these rare nice days absolutely amazing. Which brings me to my haiku:

Good weather days in
Ithaca are like Tigger:
They catch you off guard


Yes, when I say Tigger, I am referring to the character from Winnie the Pooh (their tops are made out of rubber, their bottoms are made out of springs!). A few friends and I re-watched the classic Winnie the Pooh, and it was just as amazing as I had remembered it, if not more. In case you led a deprived childhood, Tigger would always pounce the characters when they least expected it. Nice days in Ithaca are just like that, you never expect them and then they pounce on top of you! Minus all of the back problems that may result from the constant pouncing... Plus cancer...

Sophisticated Shots

First thing's first: Shield your child's eyes if they are reading this, for this post is about alcoholic beverages (albeit in the least crude manner). Now here's something I've never understood:  Why is it that beer is considered unsophisticated? I mean, sure it's cheap and a low concentration, and champagne, wine and such are sophisticated, but still, it's pretty much the universal (by which I, of course, mean American) drink. I think the problem is merely that beer is not properly targeting the sophisticated audiences. So here's my real question:

It's beyond me why
There are no beers named after
William Shakespeare yet


I mean, really, it's not that hard. Here's my suggestion: In order to target a sophisticated audience, SOME beer company should market a "Shakesbeer" line of drinks. It could include such classics as:

A Winter's Ale
The Taming of the Brew
Two Gentlemen of Corona
All's Well that Amstel
King Beer
Much Ado about Frothing

And many more.

C'mon, there must be some beer heiress reading this or something... I'll only take some of the profits... Bueller... Oh well.

It's a Beautiful Day

Today, it is 50 degrees. Warmer than yesterday. Luckily it is also not supposed to rain and so far has no been.... A day of great weather by Ithaca's standards.

Ithaca in fall
Is not unlike an ice cube
Submerged in pure cold


Now, when I say I fall.... I really mean winter, since Ithaca skips autumn and goes right in to winter. It's October now, so snow is right around the corner.

Sorry, couldn't help but talk about the weather. It inspires me to mope in my room all day and write about how much it inspires me to do so.

Will the Real Beowulf Please Stand Up.

After liking yesterday's post about "this is sparta," I have decided to make another post about a battleshout because I can and because I am not creative enough to do anything else. So here's something else to think about:

There are few people
Who can successfully scream
"I am BEOWULF!"


That's right. You know why? Because they'd be liars. The 300 could've screamed it, but people would've been like "pfffft, no you're not.... you had me scared for a second." Obama could scream it during a speech, but people would look at him like he was crazy and it would just not be nearly as sweet as yesterday's cry. Really the only person who can pull this off is actually Beowulf. And he's dead. So really, this is not something you should go around screaming. You never know who you might offend. Other things are okay to scream though, as usual. For instance, if your name is Chad and you go around yelling "I am CHAD!" you might get some weird looks, but it wouldn't be a lie and would be within your rights. Just don't go around yelling "I am MACBETH" when in theatres. You'd be asking for disaster.

Because of work and such, I will make 2 short posts today (not unlike way back when).

Uniforms

Today, as I walked around the campus in the 40 degree weather, I realized something.

Cornell has a dress
Code: Long underwear, hoodies,
Thick pants, and layers


Really, well we may not have an actual dress code, but we may as well. Everyone is dressed the exact same way, with some variation such as types of jackets or the material of hats. And those who happen to be still dressed in flip-flops and shorts are looked at as one of two things: Crazy, or they've lived in Ithaca for a while.

And this post is too short to qualify as a half post, so I'm gonna do precisely what I've been taught not to do in essays: add fluff.

Fluff              fluff         fluff    
fluff        fluff          wool.      Cottonballs         fluff         fluff    
styrofoam packing peanuts.

I am cold. That fluff
Would serve well to keep me warm.
Frosty the Snowman.



Fin.

This is silliness!

You may have noticed that my second post yesterday did not come until later (around 21:00... for those who can not read military time, it means around 9 pm (it's simple really, just subtract 12 from the time given and you get the real time (unless it's under 12, then you already have it (wow there are a lot of parentheses in this sentence)))). The reason for this is because I was songwriting. By which I mean fiddling with garageband and hoping something comes out of it. I actually did produce a song I am fairly satisfied with. Maybe I'll post it once it's finished.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that I sadly have not had a haiku-writing creative mood of late. I have still managed to create a good number of haikus, but I have been unable to dish out them en masse (why do people use that phrase... it's not even English). My creative moods have rather been song-writing ones. That being said, I have decided to cut down my posts to 1-1.5 posts per day (by .5 I mean 2 every other day, or maybe a really short post (like the ones I had at the beginning that I have since aspired to return to)). I am sorry to any of my faithful readership who are greatly upset by it. Here's a smiley face to make you feel better: :)

Now to get down to business. HAIKU!

It's truly seldom
Suitable for someone to
Yell "This IS SPARTA!"


That's right, even in reply to "this is madness," "this is silliness," or "this is the Daily Show with Jon Stewart" it is still unsuitable. Especially when accompanied by a kick. Funny, yes, but suitable no. Imagine if Obama was giving a speech and suddenly was like "This... is.... WEDNESDAY!" and then kicked over his podium. Well, actually that would be pretty boss, so bad example. But you get the idea.

"It's an Art!"

Here at Cornell, we are proud to have our own hotel, and consequentially, our own hotel school (because any school with a hotel needs a school associated with it... right?). I have refrained from making fun of it for a while now, but I am just having trouble staying away from it... it's just such an easy thing to make fun of. It's the Sarah Palin of Cornell (No offense to the hotelies in my readership).

The other day I was talking with a few friends and we were curious as to what the majors are for hotelies. Rather than looking it up like an unbiased knowledge-seeking individual, I have decided to fabricate my own list of majors.

The Hotel Majors:
Dish washing, room service, and
Culinary Arts

I have, of course, left out hotel management and such, but I ran out of syllables. Now, to bring me to my prewritten haiku which I did not wing (like the above haiku).

Culinary arts
Is just a fancy name for
The art of cooking


Think about it.



The title comes from the song "It's an Art" from the musical "Working," which my school did last spring.

"Baby, I hate days like this"

I know the other day I promised I wouldn't talk about weather, but that was then and this is now. So I have, once again, decided to talk of weather, since it is a very solid thing to talk of whilst in Ithaca.

Today, once again
The sky's gray, the ground is wet,
And I am quite soaked.


Word of advice: bring an umbrella everywhere. No matter how beautiful it may be in the morning, there is always a high probability of rain. If you'd like, you could probably bring your shampoo everywhere and not even have to shower. I do, in fact, bring an umbrella everywhere, but am still quite wet in spite of that, you see:

Why is it that rain
In Ithaca feels compelled
To travel sideways?


That's right, unless you're fully clad in impermeable garb, you are bound to get wet. Sorry to be the harbinger of hellish news (bearer of bad news is an exhausted expression).


The title is from the Mika song "Rain."

And This Little Piggy Stayed Home With Swine Flu, Which Strangely Enough Does Not Actually Affect Pigs

Here at Cornell, flu vaccines are finally available. Not the pig version, sadly, but the seasonal one. On Friday, the first day that they offered them, about 2000 people went and got them (the line to them was hundreds of people long.) Nothing like preventing flu by cramming hundreds of people into one small area. But anyways, I noticed something of late in regards to the three-little-piggies flu.

It's actually rather funny. Swine is still quite prevalent on campus, and is just as dangerous as it was a week ago, and yet no one seems to care about it as much anymore. Rather than a daily update of the number of cases on the front page of the paper, with that number skyrocketing each and every day; one has to go out of one's way to investigate the number of swine flu cases (and it's worth noting that the rate of reported cases has also mysteriously gone down).

Why might this be? No, not because of the increasing amount of Purell on campus (which does not actually kill the flu). No, not because of increased awareness from Gannet Health Services (though this may have some effect). Rather, it is because of the following:

Swine's suddenly not
As much an issue now that
Class won't be canceled


Last week, President Skorton sent out an email quelling rumors of canceled classes if the swine flu head count exceeded 1000. Need I say more?

In Today's News...

SILENCE! Before the sheep of the underworld obsessively posses the webs of your inters. Pantaloons away! To the milky way and beyond, for oxygen makes the grown man cry. See, beauty is in the eye of the apple's gullet, else a wise man's folly be true and to be or not to be shall be the anthem of the American elephant. "Cabbage. Once more, my spleen lies akimbo on the linoleum." Do not forget the Alamo! And never forget Horton! For an elephant saved is an elephant earned, and ivory to ebony is not unlike the relationship between twelve and the letter Q! But then the piano's loss fumbles with disastrous platypus flippers!

The sensical priest
Makes absolutely no sense
For it is so clear!

The apocalypse
Is upon his Camry and
His chair is rotten


And REMEMBER: When in Italy, act like a rhinoceros' lobotomist, or else face the wrath of the Green Boar of Hamensnausage!



If you are reading this, you have just partaken in a social experiment. You passed, if that is of the utmost importance to yourselves. You see, I approached this post from a deconstructionist point of view, in which words of the English language cannot properly express emotion and such. I passed.

It's a Fabolous Life

Well, a week from today is another concert, and you know what that means: Promotions! This concert is for Fabolous, Trey Songz, and Mario- 3 great hip-hop artists. They're not huge right now, but Mario had a hit of the summer, and all 3 will be bigger soon enough. Personally I found Fabolous to be an absolute genius, and am quite happy to have him coming here.

Fabolous is more
Than clever enough to be
A comedian


It's true. I'm glad he's not though. But take a look at some of his lines:


"The same thing that the bank robber told the teller, just throw it in the bag"

"My attitude is celibate, I don't give a f---"

"I'm Tinman, heartless"

"We hit Miami like a hurricane"


There's a couple more very clever lines, but I deemed them in bad taste and have refrained from posting them. Buy your tickets now! Also, if you want to see Maroon 5, I'd recommend getting tickets ASAP as they are expected to sell out tomorrow.

That is all.

If Music be the Food of... Procrastination?

Well today is another rainy day here in gorgeous, sunny, and warm Ithaca (that was sarcasm... the gorgeous, sunny, and warm part. Not the rainy part. It is raining here, as usual). I will resist from using another weather haiku, however (trust me, I have many more up my sleeve). Instead, I will write about yet another source of procrastination I have found of late (don't worry, it doesn't interfere with my work any more than this blog does... it interferes with the blog interfering with my work.... ie it's procrastination for procrastination). So here it is, the all new! procrastination method:

A synthesizer
Plus GarageBand amounts to
A lack of haikus


Yes, that's right- I have spent the past two hours or so fiddling around with GarageBand (I did actually write a good start to a song, so it was not all wasteful). But overall I have found fewer and fewer haikus in my document where I keep them all entitled "miscellaneous crap." Luckily, I am still not out of haikus (that's an oxymoron, seeing as I can pull them out of thin air... and sometimes thick air too).

The Times, They Are a-Changed (about 8 months ago)

I used to be a religious watcher of both the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. It was my nightly tradition to tune into each one every single night at 8 o'clock. As I briefly touched upon in my post, "The truthiness will set you free!," I would get all of my news from Comedy Central. Sadly, I have not been watching them lately due to the fact that I have been remarkably busy and our floor's lounge is 24/7 home to studious students studying some studies of sorts. However, I still have found to check the NY Times each day, and to read our student-run paper "The Daily Sun" (not quite as good as The Daily Show, but not bad). And there has been one thing in the news (or should I say not in the news) I really have taken note of:

George W. Bush
Has not been in the news of
Late. I wonder why.


That's right, Bush is not president anymore (and so it has been for quite a long time, believe it or not). Since I have really not been seeing the news on TV, I don't receive as frequent reminders of who the president is (not that I forget, but it's just not beaten into me as much). Of course, the lack of reminders does not make me think Obama isn't doing a good job (Which he is). He's doing well, but our government would probably be much more efficient if Congress didn't exist. It's when I think about that (im)possibility that I remember Bush.

As hard as it is for me to admit, I actually miss Bush a little. He was a prime target for ridicule and Obama just isn't the same. Luckily, we still have such great targets as Joe Wilson and Kanye West (who admittedly is not a government figure, but is still great fun to make fun of).