Hunting Wabbits

Well, I am finally back at Cornell. Starting up with classes and such again... fun fun fun. Luckily, there's only one week of classes left. Which is always nice. Except for finals.

The other day I read an interesting article about rabbits being used as fuel. Essentially what the article says is that rabbits are overpopulating in Europe (filthy little sex addicts), and when they kill the rabbits they send them to be burnt and used as electricity. In layman's terms- they're using actual bunnies as energizer bunnies.

Now, you might think this is a horrid effrontery to the circle of life- but it's not. This is how it's always been: Animal kills lesser animal, disposes of carcass in preposterous ways. Lesser animal keeps coming back endlessly, greater animal rises and repeats.

I think, however, there may be other benefits of this:

I'm pretty sure that bunny
Hunting correlates with the
Crime rate has gone down


Think about it. If people have loaded guns, and are itching to shoot something, what's more satisfying for relieving stress- shooting a human, or shooting a cute little bunny-rabbit? And then if you can sell those rabbits as electricity? Even better.

Let's just hope that the bunnies never come back as zombies. It would be like Monty Python's Holy Grail, but with millions of bunnies, and they're be undead. And would aim for brains with those massive hops. Just thinking about it makes me want to aid in the conversion to electricity.

Also, I find it rather innovative for them to destroy parts of the environment to save the environment. And to any of you who object- at least it's better than forcing all of the bunnies to run on wheels to produce power, and then burning them after they die of exhaustion. Not that anyone has every done that.

Squirrels? More Like Churls

Well, today is waffle Wednesday. Again. I suppose it's my way of coping with the horribly long Wednesdays I always endure.

Recently I've taken to discovering new musical artists. Don't ask why, it just sort of happens when I research for my Survey of Jazz papers. Two such artists, who I highly recommend are Melody Gardot and Kesang Marstrand. I already have both of Melody's CDs, and will likely order Kesang's soon (you can buy the physical CDs online, and for an average fee have her sign them).

Now, on to more serious business. Squirrels.

Recently, I've noticed that a lot of the squirrels here are becoming fat. Well, more fat than usual. This might be due to their storing up food for the winter, OR, maybe it's all a conspiracy.

Squirrels may seem dumb,
But that is precisely what
They want us to think.


That's right, I can tell. These creatures are actually fiendishly smart, and are plotting against us. You ever notice how squirrel-y the squirrels here are? I'll tell you: too squirrel-y. Looking so smug and happy with their acorns and tree climbing, hoping we'll never suspect. They're up to something, I'm telling you. The other day, as I walked to my dorm, their was a squirrel walking in the same direction, maybe 20 feet to my left. Every time I would stop, he would stop. When I continued, he would continue. I swear, he was mocking me. Squirrels? More like churls. These guys are fiendish beasts. They are definitely planning something. Now to figure out what....

In the meantime, I propose that more and more people get squirrel-proof bird feeders. It seems to be the one problem that the squirrels can't solve, and is highly entertaining as a result. It's like watching a drunk person try to solve a basic problem: hilarious, but if they knew that you were watching them they would not hesitate to end you.

The Organic Haiku

So last night was Bo Burnham. He was absolutely hilarious and amazing and creative, and all the while offensive. At one point, he had haikus. These were pure genius. However, I noticed something:

Bo Burnham writes great
Haikus but he cheats on syl-
Lables, just like that.


I noticed that many of his haikus would have hyphenated words, so they weren't pure (or organic, as you will). However, it really doesn't matter when performing since I feel like I was probably one of the only audience members to notice this. But for that matter, I have decided to write a haiku with hyphens for today, which makes writing a haiku significantly easier.

I am proud to say
That this haiku was not test-
Ed on animals


See, easy. Now to talk about that haiku. You see all sorts of products these days that are tested on animals (pigs with lipstick anyone?) and on the other side of things, you see tons of organic products and such that are not tested on animals, even if it's a little unnecessary (high heels for sale! Not tested on animals!.... this is of course debatable depending on how you view models). So that being said, I am very proud to say that this specific (organic) haiku was not tested on animals (I cannot vouch for that claim for all of my other haikus). This fact shows you how environmentally friendly I am, and how deathly afraid I am of interacting with the farm animals we have here at Cornell (the squirrels always run away). All the more reason that you should be happy sending me your money (that is assuming that you are, in fact, sending me checks in the mail).