Liberal Linguistics

If my mom had yesterday asked me "what did you learn in school today?" I would have had a very simple answer: Liberals' linguistics are lame.

That's what I learned in linguistics class. Either the democrats are too proud to not take the "linguistic high road," or they just don't realize what a huge difference linguistics make in politics. Seriously, the conservatives have their Frank Luntz, a marvelous linguist, and as a result have made some remarkable headway. For instance, take the "death tax." It used to be called the "estate tax." Essentially what it did was tax people who inherited estates worth a certain amount or more. Obviously, rich conservatives wanted it repealed, so Luntz renamed it the "death tax," so that people would be all like "oh no, I don't want to be taxed when I die!" and he left out the part about how it pretty much only affected the top 2% of the populace. Here's the moral of the story:

If democrats took
The linguistic low road, they'd
Be much better off

Another instance of linguistic engineering (or semantic engineering, as it's called), is that Rush Limbaugh calls liberals "libs." You'd think it wouldn't be too hard for someone in the democratic party (here's looking at you, Keith) to start calling conservatives "cons." Seems like the logical thing to do. You'd think that words don't matter that much- but in all honesty words make a world of difference. Even the word "liberal" is a perfect example of this engineering. In the 50s, being liberal was something that all politicians aspired to be. However, because of smart campaigning, the word has undergone significant pejoration (decline of the connotation words give) and has become almost an insult of sorts.

If you want to learn more about this, Geoffrey Nunberg has an interesting book called Talking Right: How Conservatives Turned Liberalism into a Tax-Raising, Latte-Drinking, Sushi-Eating, Volvo-Driving, New York Times-Reading, Body-Piercing, Hollywood-Loving, Left-Wing Freak Show.

He asked him knowingly

It's Sunday, and I leave home tomorrow.

You know what's strange? I came here on Friday, and go home on Monday. That's the exact thing I did for my Fall break. And I took the bus then, so I was home for even less time. Yeh, Cornell- vacation fail. But I probably don't need to tell you that (assuming that you go to Cornell, I guess).

Another ugly day. But I shall not call it that, for in doing so I would only be adding to the pessimism so ingrained in our society. I shall call it... green! Because all of the ugly rain makes the trees green. I like euphemisms. They're fun.

Euphemisms are
Fantastic for both kids and
Cynical adults

That's right, you're never too old or young for a euphemism. Whether you're telling your kid that their fish "went to a better place," even though you flushed it down the John, or telling you're not unemployed and are just "between jobs." Euphemisms really are great for use in everyday life, even though in most cases they're just a way of avoiding saying the real word. For instance, when you refer to Tiger Woods' "putter," we know what you mean. Sadly, since I'm here I missed the linguistics class on "magic words (taboo, swear, naughty, etc) and how we avoid them. I think I know enough though, hopefully.

The title quote is from a Monty Python sketch. Shame on you if you don't know it.

Names: Ugly Heads and Grateful Deads

The other day I posted about how people aren't being original. And you know, yesterday I learned (in class) that I was right.

First, a brief history lesson. Did you know that last names arose out of necessity? For instance, if you had two Bills in town, and one was a blacksmith and the other a shoe maker, you had to distinguish them somehow, and now you have Bill Smith and Bill Shoemaker. Physical features were used as well, so if you were talking about John, the ugly one, you would say John Kennedy (which means John "ugly head"). Then there are patronymics, and you get names like Jackson, Stevenson, Fitzgerald, or Fitzpatrick (all meaning "son of so-and-so"). I found all of this stuff pretty interesting. However, my favorite point was this one:

Apparently the
Welsh need the sixties, or some
Creative movement

Did you know that 95% of the Welsh population answers to 39 names. So pretty much you'll have a lot of Jacks, Rubys, Megans, and Bruces (that last one was a Monty Python reference). Some creativity wouldn't hurt. Maybe we could send a few of the left-over hippies over there to populate the region with some Hopes, Rainbows, Destinies, or Prudences. Wouldn't be too hard, just put on a Grateful Dead concert there.

In other news, Hilary used to be a boys name. Hillary Clinton is bringing that back.

Poopypants

Another beautiful day. This is mother nature's way of foreshadowing the months of rain to come.

I've come up with a theory about the human nature based solely on the English lexicon.

If the words we have
Are any indication,
We hate each other.


Think about it. Try to think of all of the insulting nouns that you can. Asshole, slut, whore, bitch, jackass, twat, dumbass, smartass, moron, retard, idiot, nerd, noob, crybaby, hussy, pussy, wussy, poopypants, buttface, and the list goes on and on. Now, try to think of an equivalent list of compliment nouns. Umm... nice-guy, kind-soul, hard-worker... and that's all I've got. Seriously, either human beings absolutely hate each other, or we just can't bring our selves to compliment one another. Well, both of those are kind of true. So yes, judging by what words are available to us, I'd say that the fact that we can never have enough insults (and turn to insulting others' mothers) is testament to human beings' natural hatred.

Leeches!

The sky is blue today! I cannot believe it! It was blue for most of the day yesterday too, but two days in a row? What an honor for the sun to have graced us with its presence. Probably the 3rd day of it since we got back.

It's Friday. Finally. And I sure am glad.

The other day in my etymology class, I learned something (well, a large number of things) interesting about word histories. The word "leech" used to refer to doctors, and what we now know as leeches are only dubbed so because doctors would use them in their practice of "medicine" (if you could call it that). I have a haiku about this.

Though leech may not mean
Doctor, that doesn't mean that
Doctors aren't leeches


Really, have you been to a doctor's office lately? It's insurance this, copay that. You get scheduled for the same time as 6 other patients, your doctor ends up being an hour late and then spends five minutes with you. They really are leeches, trying to suck the money out of you and as many other patients as possible with as little effort as possible. Of course, not all doctors are leeches. It varies from office to office, and profession to profession. For instance, in a pediatrician's office, they most likely won't be time leeches because that's exactly what the kids want to happen (and we can't have that). On the other hand, in a primary care office they'll use all sorts of tricks such as misdirection to make your appointment as short as possible ("hey, look a bear!" the doctor then runs out of the room). And then there are doctors who I'm pretty sure are actual leeches, considering the sheer amount of blood they take.