A Triumphant Return

Wow. Sorry for saying that I'd try to update my blog over the summer, and then failing miserably to do so. I've just been busy, and, to be honest- there wasn't much to talk about. Home is not college, and anyone can sit on their butts at home observing what goes on- that's what Twitter's for. It takes a real pro to observe college from a real subjective, poetic viewpoint. I have a New College) Year resolution, which is to actually keep my posts a reasonably length. It'll be challenging, but I think I can do it.

Now, the question I'm sure all 2 of you are asking is whether I can just pick up my blog again and be as good as before. I'm not gonna make any promises, but I can guarantee you that I will try as hard as I can possibly attempt to try maybe.

And the moment you've all been waiting for:

Haikus are quite hard
To come back to after a
While. Obviously.

If you're wondering what I've been doing that's had me so busy, it's a variety of things. One such thing is my songwriting. I have been doing much songwriting. It's not funny writing, it's actually rap believe it or not. However, as my paper from my summer course argues, much of rap music is incredibly witty. And I'd like to think some of my work falls into that category. So I thought I would occasionally take the opportunity to share various rhymes with you. This will not be one of those occasions.

I Do All My Own Stunts

So I have a huge research paper to be writing today. Don't expect an evening post. I had meant to lock myself in the library for the entire day, but I doubt that will end up happening. I ended up somehow scheduling myself with something at 11:15, 12:30, 1:30, 3, 5, and 7. Yes, busy day.

I had no idea where I was going with this post, so I just glanced at the books on my shelf, searching for inspiration. I came across Bill Bryson's Shakespeare: The World As Stage (which I've been meaning to read), and a random haiku came to my mind, so I decided to post it.

All the world's staged
And all its men and women
Merely stunts people


I say "people" instead of "man" in order to be politically correct. And to have the right number of syllables. No idea why I thought about this. It's pretty deep though. Ok, not really, but we can pretend it is, right? Like everything that happens in life is fated and we are merely the stunts people who are victim to those happenings. Or not. Try not to read too deeply into any of my stuff, it's not deep.

If one day I become a famous poet (that made me laugh), let it be known that my works do not have deeper meanings and ridiculous metaphors that can be found in poetry. And by found, I mean beaten out of the poem with a stick. I can imagine poets such as John Donne being like "What? No, I did not write this poem about life struggles and the social stratification. It was supposed to be a clever metaphor for loss of virginity. What are you on?" (this is in reference to his poem "The Flea") Seriously, while most poems do have some sort of meaning, it is usually much, much, more plain than might be interpreted. If my poems are ever discussed in an A.P. English class, the discussion should be no longer than one sentence.

My 100th Post!

And here it is, the post you've been waiting for (or not). I realize that these videos are extremely long, so please just watch the second if you can. I am also posting another vlog post that will be shorter and explaining my failings with this entry.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsPko4ArDWo


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7uXXwf7n98


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9jXRTeqmrA

There once was a man from Nantucket....

Well, fall break is finally upon us! A whole 4 days of freedom (technically 2, since half of them are the weekend anyways)! Well anyway, I will have much time to think this weekend since I shall be avoiding work as best as I can (well, until it's inevitable for me to revise that paper, write that other paper, and write that yet other paper). But yeh, so by think I guess I mean that I will have some time to write haikus and songs and such, which brings me to my main point. Today, I was asked (by myself, but nonetheless), "why don't you write limericks?" It's a very good question (I sure am smart), considering that limericks are almost always comedic and seem perfect for me to write (I did actually go through a limerick writing phase, believe it or not). Now, I could say something along the lines of "well, limericks are too long and are in themselves enough to stand alone, and therefore could not be accompanied by a good post" and this would be an adequate (who on Earth thought of spelling that word like that? Took me 4 tries to get it right) answer. However, it would be a lie. I shall relay the proper answer in haiku form:

Limericks can be
Fantastic, but require much
More work than haikus


Well that's the reason in a nutshell. I am lazy, and alas, far too lazy to write limericks. That being said however, I will now spontaneously write a limerick to continue my trend of contradicting myself. I will give it to you uncensored, and draft it as I write this post.

There once was a boy from Cornell
And in Clara Dickson he dwelt
He had a single
Which let him mingle
With all of Cornell's pretty belles


First let me clarify, that boy is not me. And second, that did not turn out quite like I had intended at all. I had meant to make it something ridiculous and then have crossed out words which would turn it into something less ridiculous. It ended up being witty enough in the end, and I'm too lazy to dish out more. Sheesh, soooo demanding. I gave you your limerick, damnit! Leave me be!

This is silliness!

You may have noticed that my second post yesterday did not come until later (around 21:00... for those who can not read military time, it means around 9 pm (it's simple really, just subtract 12 from the time given and you get the real time (unless it's under 12, then you already have it (wow there are a lot of parentheses in this sentence)))). The reason for this is because I was songwriting. By which I mean fiddling with garageband and hoping something comes out of it. I actually did produce a song I am fairly satisfied with. Maybe I'll post it once it's finished.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that I sadly have not had a haiku-writing creative mood of late. I have still managed to create a good number of haikus, but I have been unable to dish out them en masse (why do people use that phrase... it's not even English). My creative moods have rather been song-writing ones. That being said, I have decided to cut down my posts to 1-1.5 posts per day (by .5 I mean 2 every other day, or maybe a really short post (like the ones I had at the beginning that I have since aspired to return to)). I am sorry to any of my faithful readership who are greatly upset by it. Here's a smiley face to make you feel better: :)

Now to get down to business. HAIKU!

It's truly seldom
Suitable for someone to
Yell "This IS SPARTA!"


That's right, even in reply to "this is madness," "this is silliness," or "this is the Daily Show with Jon Stewart" it is still unsuitable. Especially when accompanied by a kick. Funny, yes, but suitable no. Imagine if Obama was giving a speech and suddenly was like "This... is.... WEDNESDAY!" and then kicked over his podium. Well, actually that would be pretty boss, so bad example. But you get the idea.

If Music be the Food of... Procrastination?

Well today is another rainy day here in gorgeous, sunny, and warm Ithaca (that was sarcasm... the gorgeous, sunny, and warm part. Not the rainy part. It is raining here, as usual). I will resist from using another weather haiku, however (trust me, I have many more up my sleeve). Instead, I will write about yet another source of procrastination I have found of late (don't worry, it doesn't interfere with my work any more than this blog does... it interferes with the blog interfering with my work.... ie it's procrastination for procrastination). So here it is, the all new! procrastination method:

A synthesizer
Plus GarageBand amounts to
A lack of haikus


Yes, that's right- I have spent the past two hours or so fiddling around with GarageBand (I did actually write a good start to a song, so it was not all wasteful). But overall I have found fewer and fewer haikus in my document where I keep them all entitled "miscellaneous crap." Luckily, I am still not out of haikus (that's an oxymoron, seeing as I can pull them out of thin air... and sometimes thick air too).

Rhyming, Ramblings, and Road Runners

I've spent much of today working on my freshman writing seminar paper about Bob Dylan's song "With God on our Side." I had a little trouble getting started, but the first draft made me feel pride. One thing I discussed in this paper was Dylan's rhyming pattern, or at least I tried. Which brings me to the age-old topic of rhyming, now let me be your guide.

First off, let me answer a couple of frequently asked questions. Aren't poems supposed to rhyme? Aren't haikus a type of poem? And what's that random little area below your nose and above your lip?

Poems don't have to rhyme. Yes, it is true that rhyming makes them easier to read, and oftentimes more fun, but some of the greatest poets of all time did not use rhyme (for instance, William Carlos Williams and.... that's all I've got). And yes haikus are poetry. And I have no idea what that area is called, although at one point I did know.

So here's the best way to explain rhyming in haiku, as I see it:

Haikus need not rhyme
The beauty is in the lines
Though rhyme's fine sometimes


So as you can see, here is an example of a normal haiku without a rhyme pattern. See, the problem with having rhyming is that it divides the lines of the haiku into three separate entities, making each line stand alone rather than flowing together as one. It's a nice effect in some instances, but makes the haiku harder to write and is oftentimes debilitating for the poem.

This post is much lacking silliness, so I have decided to augment it with some random haikus that have nothing to do with rhyming, poetry, haikus, or anything else in this post.


You ever wonder
What life would be like without
Plastic coat hangers?

Frank Gehry's buildings
Are really innovative,
But what about rain?

Haikus are always
Five-seven-five syllables:
This is no exception

Verbal polka dots
Really make much more sense than
Mental polka dots
(This one was a commission. Don't question its nonsensicalness)

Alliteration
Always acts as an able,
Apt augmentation


That any better?..... No, I suppose not really. Oh well, I apologize. I shall make it up to you in tomorrow morning's post. Tell you what.... to show that I'm not kidding, I will give you a little teaser trailer of Wednesday's haiku:

The