Pew pew pew

You know, if you haven't noticed, it's been over a week since my last blogpost. I feel like such a terrible human being. If you haven't been, make sure to check out my Twitter accounts (really, please do. Some of the stuff I say is actually funny. I promise), which are a bit easier to update every day (I give links in the previous post).

This coming month is a busy month. We're having lots of concerts and people coming: M.I.A., Phoenix, Donald Glover, Wynton Marsalis, Frank Warren (creator of http://www.postsecret.com/), and Louis C.K. (a comedian from Boston with his own show).

Between all of this, I will be incredibly busy working shows (pretty much one every single week). That being said, I know everyone generally has similar things on their schedule, be it a cappella, a job, or chess club (seriously, that stuff's addicting). And, though I know that this may sound cliche, I'm going to say it anyways:

Between homework, jobs,
And other things, make sure to
Make time for yourself

I know it's hard, but just an hour a day of taking some time for yourself (be it reading, watching TV, or playing video games) is invaluable in keeping your sanity.  I know that if I didn't get my proper number of bad-guy-kills per day, I'd probably explode from stress with little metaphorical bits and pieces of me coating the wall like the blood of my enemies (I am sane, I promise).

The title of this post is dedicated to the sound my imaginary laser gun makes when I shoot it.

Sheriously.

If you haven't been paying attention to my Facebook or Twitter, then this will be news to you. If you have, you can skip to the next paragraph (you won't though, will you?). The other week, I was accepted into the College Scholar Program at Cornell. Essentially, it means I can write my own ticket/major. In my proposal, I focused on humor. So yes, that does essentially mean that I will be majoring in humor.

While this may seem incredibly awesome (which it is), it will also be alot of work, considering that I'll be writing some sort of epic thesis that somehow incorporates everything I will have learned in my years at college. However, I have a while to think about that, so I'd prefer not to worry at the moment. I'm sure the topic will come to me. Eventually.

Now, if you were to assume that because I'm majoring in humor I'm gonna be funnier, that's a complete misconception.

Having a good sense
Of humor does not equate
To being funny

That's right. Just because I'm going to be studying funny people and memorizing countless quotes and quips does not mean that I myself will be any funnier. And, since I'll be studying humor seriously, I expect that I shall be taking it seriously, and whenever I say something funny, you'll have to stop and think about it from a scholarly point of view without any hint of laughter. Or else.

A Triumphant Return

Wow. Sorry for saying that I'd try to update my blog over the summer, and then failing miserably to do so. I've just been busy, and, to be honest- there wasn't much to talk about. Home is not college, and anyone can sit on their butts at home observing what goes on- that's what Twitter's for. It takes a real pro to observe college from a real subjective, poetic viewpoint. I have a New College) Year resolution, which is to actually keep my posts a reasonably length. It'll be challenging, but I think I can do it.

Now, the question I'm sure all 2 of you are asking is whether I can just pick up my blog again and be as good as before. I'm not gonna make any promises, but I can guarantee you that I will try as hard as I can possibly attempt to try maybe.

And the moment you've all been waiting for:

Haikus are quite hard
To come back to after a
While. Obviously.

If you're wondering what I've been doing that's had me so busy, it's a variety of things. One such thing is my songwriting. I have been doing much songwriting. It's not funny writing, it's actually rap believe it or not. However, as my paper from my summer course argues, much of rap music is incredibly witty. And I'd like to think some of my work falls into that category. So I thought I would occasionally take the opportunity to share various rhymes with you. This will not be one of those occasions.

Wanted: work

Well, the job search is a fail thus far. Who would have thought that it would be so hard to find a job, even in a retail environment. No luck with bookstores or restaurants, and still need to take a look at other places. I'm beginning to think that it would be easier to land a record deal than it would be to find a paying job.

Honestly, you'd think it'd be a little bit simpler for perfectly qualified college students to find jobs. But nope, the process is impossible. Every job I either don't fit or I'm overqualified for (I'm pretty sure that the number of Ivy League students that have set foot in Abercrombie is smaller than the number it takes to screw in a light bulb (1-5, depending on the version of the joke). No offense to Abercrombie, it's just the nature of the store).

What I find more ridiculous is the number of graduates who can't find jobs. Namely those in English, linguistics, sociology, or any other field I'm interested in. It's unfortunate really. All of these college-educated students doing jobs that could be performed by high school drop-outs. Which brings me to my haiku:

Something forgotten
About college is that it
Is an investment

The point of college is not to drink, party, or have fun. It's to learn- and importantly, it's also an investment. People spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to go to school because they expect to make it back. Because college is worth that much. But when college kids are busy working a cash register, using less-than middle school math skills, it just seems like such a waste. Maybe it's a hint that colleges need to lower tuition, or maybe it's just a sign that they need to do a better job helping their students to find jobs. Who knows. All I know is that I don't have a job, and need one.

National Zip-Lock Baggie Appreciation Day

It's Slope Day, and you know what means! Well... it means a number of things I guess.

First of all, don't be surprised if, when walking down your dorm's halls, you smell alcohol. It's a perfectly normal side effect the holiday. Especially in Donlon (that one dorm I talked about way back when... they're gonna be having a lot of ambulances today, I bet).

Second, it means that everyone is going to be gathered in one place. So if you happen to want to meet with someone for a study session on the slope, I'd recommend saving it for tomorrow (or the day after, depending on the efficiency of the cleanup).

Funny that we have
No usual holidays
But still have Slope Day

Most college campuses have some sort of day like Slope Day. It's just a common occurence. But most other schools also have Presidents' Day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Yom Kippur, Passover, Boxing Day, National Zip-lock Baggie Appreciation Day, and many more. Yet we have none but the last of those. So why do we have Slope Day, if they're so set on ridding the school of holidays, puppies, unicorns, balloons, and happiness? Well, I think that it's simply something that they cannot eliminate. They can try their best to restrict access, to have classes, or to distract people from it- but really, if they were to eliminate it there would be a rebellion. Or a hunger strike. Or just a lot of people getting drunk with their stored-up alcohol. That sounds more like college.

Remember that disturbing video you saw in high school bio that one day? Yeh, that one...

The other day, I passed by a scene outside of Olin Library, which brought me to the brink of vomiting. No, it was not any sort of bodily excrement- for I have stepped in my fair share of doggy doo, and have become accustomed to it. No, it was not any sort of spider or any possible disgusting result of nature... Actually, that's not true. Take the part of nature which is the most natural part of all- a trait common to almost all of Earth's creatures. Now apply that to humans and you have the vomitrocious sight I saw.

That's right, I saw two humans practically reproducing in public space. Now, they weren't actually in the process of mating, but they were very much enthralled in a ritualistic run around the bases that ends in home plate. They were about 120 feet in to that run, sliding into second base. Had I been in a more volatile mood, I may have shouted "get a room." However, I chose to maintain the generally respectable demeanor I keep about me, and my mouth refrained from yelling the words in my head. Though I did end up coming to a conclusion, and the fact that I'm writing about it now only shows that apparently I'm fine with being passive-aggressive as opposed to just plain aggressive. Considering that I'm not naming or directing this at any individuals in particular, I don't think it's too bad.

People showcasing
Their love in public somehow
Are compensating.

I don't want to go all Freudian analysis on it, mainly because I lack the knowledge to, but my general thoughts surrounding this are that anyone who feels it necessary to straddle their mate in public (I say mate because the lack of self-decency is animalistic in more than one way) must have some sort of insecurity when it comes to their relationship. Again, I'm not sure how it works- but if you really need to show off to the world "look, we're nauseatingly in love," chances are you're only trying to prove it to yourself. I would be highly interested in reading a sociological study on the length of relationships with common decency versus those with incredibly public showcases of affection and hornyness. My guess would be that those without displays would have a statistically significant increase in the chance for a long-term relationship. Sorry if I offended any of you who may fall under this category. I'm sure you're a very cute couple if you're reading this blog.

Parsley, rosemary, sage, and time

I have 4 classes of American Studies left. Weird to think the semester is practically over. Or, even more- that my first year of college is practically over. Boy time flies when you're too busy doing work to look at a clock. I've already discussed that to death though... Actually, I realized that the post I had thought discussed this did not. So I'm in the clear (yes!).

I've always heard that the college years go by in the blink of an eye. And so far it's proving to be true. It's strange, really. It feels like forever ago that I met my friends here and moved in, but at the same time it feels as though the weeks just zoom by. Time is strange like that. Evil, even.

Time is plain evil:
Slows to a halt in high school,
Speeds up in college

When one is in high school, it's not unusual to be tormented. Between time in school, schoolwork, overbearing parents, underpaid teachers, and rules rules rules- it can really be a torturous process. Most people desire to break free of the high school grind and to get to college. Only problem is, high school goes on and on and on forever (don't worry, it ends eventually- I'm a testament to that fact). Then, when you finally get to college, it sprints out the door before you can even so much as get its name and number (well, that's probably not a great metaphor since you actually do get that stuff, along with a pretty couple of lines on your resume and forehead). So yeah, the moral of the story is that time's an asshole who you can't mold to your uses (unless you're your goldfish Swimmy, who has somehow miraculously lived for 20 years and magically changes his shape and size every year or so).


The title's a pun, albeit a bad one.

Weekly Chores

I'm seeing OK Go tonight! If you don't know, they're this amazing band who I barely know who have been around for however long. They are best known for their famous treadmill music video for "Here it Goes Again." If they don't bring their treadmills for the performance I'm going to demand a refund.

There are two weeks of school left. I've posted about time flying before, but seriously- wow. Of course, there are still finals, but I don't have to worry about those since I have essays instead of tests. Which means that I can stress now instead of the night before! I've already talked about that too though. Covering college life just gets harder and harder. I guess I'll just take a cliche topic I have yet to discuss: parties.

Now, it's a stereotype that all college students go out and party. And yes, I have emphasized that many people stay in to do work on weekend nights. However, lots of students do, in fact, still go out every weekend to party (and they act like it's a chore: "I have to go out tonight").

On the rare occasion that I am to be found at a party, people tend to be baffled when I tell them that I don't drink. Most can't understand, but then again- in the context of me talking about, they're usually drunk themselves. Here's the best explanation I can give:

You never know how
Fun it is to be 'round drunk
People, till you are.

Really. Drunk people are actually quite entertaining. Whether you're drunk or not, it's always quite a lot of fun to laugh at them. Also, it gives you a feeling of superiority, and serves as a good reminder that students can actually have fun here.

The price of freedom

I've always emphasized the freedom that college provides, and my love of said freedom. However, I think it's important to emphasize that freedom is not for everyone. Some prefer a clear-cut set of guidelines to work with, and don't know where to start if they're not given a specific topic (these are the type who start hyperventilating and then jump out the window screaming "you'll never take me alive!" when their teacher says that they must choose their own topic). This problem plagues many who are given freedom, and even some who are used to it. For example, me.

The price of freedom
Is high if you can't think of
A decent idea

If I don't have an idea, I can't write. That's all there is to it. Usually, this isn't an issue, since I tend to have plenty of ideas, but occasionally I'll get stuck. For instance, right now. I need to figure out something to write for my English paper, but it's just a question of what that is. I was considering comparing Oscar Wilde's epigrams to Twitter- but decided that the topic would only net 5 or fewer pages (when I need 8). Luckily, I figured out my American Studies paper, so that's good. Now all I have to do is write it- which, honestly, is the easiest part.

The tip of the iceberg

I have a research report due tomorrow. And if you didn't notice, I was tweeting yesterday about how much I hate Microsoft Excel. That's because I have to make tables in Excel and it's like a 5 year old who refuses to cooperate and insists on doing his own thing even though it's blatantly wrong and stupid. Luckily I finished the tables and won't have to deal with any more of them until my next paper for that class comes around...

It's another beautiful day, which is always nice- especially since I'll be spending it locked up inside and working on the aforementioned report. I've already written about that plenty of times though, so don't worry- I'll try not to be redundant.

During Cornell days, a lot of tours were going around the dorms. Oftentimes they want to show what a room looks like, so if they hear talking or music on the other side, the tour guide will knock on your door and ask if it's okay to show people your room. Here's what I have to say to that:

You may want to check
What a room looks like before
Showing people it.

Really. I'm pretty sure that those two tours that peaked into my room may have been greatly put off by the unsightly sight of my overflowing paper recycling bin and filled clean-laundry basket. But really, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Compared to the average college student, I'd say I'm much, much more hygienic. You never know how many doors you'll open before you find moldy socks, rotting food, rotting animals, or worse. So really, check with people before you tour.

I have confidence in sunshine

I'm getting mixed signals here, Ithaca. Yesterday, it was horribly ugly and cold. Today, I look outside and it's a beautiful day! Then I go outside, and it's 40 degrees. What the heck Ithaca? Make up your mind- it's Spring.

In other news, there are tons of prospective students visiting campus. Seems as though every other person I see has a "Class of 2014" nametag and a parent they're walking awkwardly ahead of. Between their nametags, parents, sleeping bags (which most have), and general innocence, it's pretty easy to identify a prospie (as we have taken a fancy to calling them). However, it wouldn't be too hard for one of them to blend in:

By getting rid of
Your nametag and parents, it's
Easy to blend in

All you really need to do to blend in to the school of however-many-tens-of-thousands-of-students-the-number-is-now is leave your indicators at the door. Of course, there's still that innocence problem. If you're walking around and looking like you have no idea where you're going, or looking at all scared- chances are we'll know you're a prospie, and judge you as a result. What you need to do is be confident of yourself. However, make sure that you don't look confident, as that's a dead giveaway- anyone who looks confident obviously has not been at college very long.

The title comes from the Sound of Music song "I have Confidence." It fulfills a double meaning in this context (confidence and sunshine).

Ecstastic about essays?

I have a quiz today. And a presentation on Wednesday, and a book to finish by tomorrow, and a bunch of statistical regressions to run for tomorrow, and a large linguistics assignment for Wednesday. Did I mention I'm in college?

Lucky for me, that's practically nothing compared to the average college student, since none of my classes have real tests (humanities for the win!). None of them have real finals either, which means that I get to leave on May 8th, a whole two weeks before many others get to. Unfortunately, I don't get off the hook that easily, and I have 6 papers to write in the next month. Some people look at that and say I'm lucky. Others say they're sorry for me. I consider myself to fall into the former category. Why?

Paper-writing can
Really be enjoyable
If you make it that

I really don't mind writing essays, because I tend to enjoy writing the ones I write (which consequentially leads to good grades). It's all a question of topic-selection and choosing something that you're truly interested in. This year I've written papers comparing Merlin and Gandalf, discussing the separation of church and state in U.S. government (something I thought to write about myself), analyzing a single song of Mika's, explaining why translating poems loses their beauty, commenting on the rising (yes, rising) popularity of jazz in popular music, giving a history of the vibraphone, and comparing the lexiconal differences in the works of Tolkien and J.K. Rowling. Overall, I have had fun writing all of these (although my iTunes play-count on Mika's "Lollipop" is a little higher than I would like).

So please, don't take pity on me for having to write a ton of essays. If anything, simply take pity on the small time frame I have in which to do them.

Ithaca is... fences?

And it's another beautiful day. I'm beginning to worry here. A couple more and I will think it the end of the world. Or maybe Mother Nature has decided that since no prospective Cornell students will be coming here (as soon as they see the fences, that is), it may as well rain during Cornell Days anyways.

The other day while walking to college town, I saw a sign up which was advertising a competition to design a more permanent fence replacement. Now, I'm all for taking down the fences, but now they're trying to create some sort of permanent solution? I mean, I suppose it only makes sense that they want to keep people from falling and/or jumping off of the bridges, but still- they don't exactly have their priorities straight if you ask me. It's quite simple:

If people didn't
Want to jump off of bridges,
They really wouldn't.

The way I see it is we really wouldn't need to worry about having fences around the bridges if we didn't have people who wanted to jump off. Here's a metaphor for you: if a bull is charging someone and runs them off of cliff- the solution isn't to build a fence, they'll still get gutted. The solution is to stop the bull. But obviously the administration doesn't understand that. If they did, we might have the most important Jewish holidays of the year off. Or maybe the occasional national holiday? Give people a chance to take a breath of fresh air in between drownings.

Oh, or here's another idea: give us a fall or Thanksgiving break that's longer than a local high school's. Really, our breaks are pretty much 3-day weekends when you factor in travel. Or maybe they could just ease up on requirements so people don't have to be taking 5 science classes at a time and not sleeping. And honestly, if people aren't sleeping and are working on Friday nights, you know you have a problem other than a couple of exposed bridges.

The title comes from the architects' ingenious giant poster with that phrase.

Enjoy it while it lasts

It's a beautiful summer day. That's right, not Spring: Summer. All because Ithaca's cool like that, and does not believe in Fall or Spring, as I have reiterated a countless number of times.

Unfortunately, it is still Ithaca, and we still have the month of April, and therefore we will still be having plenty of rain to come. Yes, this gorgeous weather won't last forever, so take advantage of it while you can. Go outside, go biking, go hiking, play frisbee, play golf, play frisbee golf, sun tan, photosynthesize (which, in spite of what science may tell you, can be done by human beings), and just have a good time. Wait. I've forgotten something. We're at Cornell.

Weather isn't much
Concern when you spend your days
In the library

I've probably posted something along these lines before, but bear with me. While it's true that good weather is always a blessing, when you spend your days buries in bookshelves, you don't pay much attention to weather. Whether the weather (see what I did there?) is good or bad doesn't matter, since it'll be nighttime when you're out anyways.

We just returned from spring break and already there are papers to do and prelims to study for. But such is life. I would urge you though, no matter how many equations you need to memorize, poems you need to analyze, essays you need to improvise, or Wikipedia articles you need to plagiarize, to go outside. Have fun, enjoy this weather while you can, because you never know when the rain will return. Just remember: don't do anything you might regret, use protection. Sunburns are a pain in the ass (although that's one spot that hopefully won't get sunburned).

Summer Soliciting

It's yet another cold and cloudy Ithaca day. In other news, pigs still can't fly.

For the past few months, I, like many other college students, have been involved in this horrific thing known as the job and internship application process. I've sent a number of job applications out, and am sending more by the day, it seems. It really appears that companies try their best to screw you over though, if I'm not mistaken.

Job applications
Are just like college ones, but
Without safety schools


Really, think about it- you apply to a bunch of jobs, and are expected to do so by a certain time. Then, they decide that they will never ever get back to you, and you end up screwed over because by the time you find out you didn't get it, it's too late to apply for other jobs. And I don't think there's such thing as a safety job (except maybe those officers who help kids cross the street (bad pun)). Personally, I would much rather hear back from a job saying that I didn't get it than not hear back from it at all. And I think that's the case with most people. So please, when you're reading those cover letters and decide a candidate's not fit for the job, maybe you should let them know, so they can try for something else? Or just leave them screwed over and playing video games in their basements all day long.

Childproofing Cornell

During my brief hiatus from this blog, I made a number of astute observations which I intended to blog about. However, I have since forgotten them, but I ensure you that they were quite the clever considerations.

For want of Windy City whimsies, I shall serenade you with closer-to-home matters. Well, not really serenade, but I felt it sounded nice.

It's really nice to be back at Cornell. I already have a lot of work and the weather sucks, but it's still nice. What's not nice on the other hand is the unavoidable downer that I am forced to witness multiple times per day. I didn't wish to write about this, but I feel that I have little choice in the matter.

Each morning, on my way to class, I have enjoyed beautiful views of the gorge and that nature around it. It's a highlight of my day. However, the university administration decided to fence off the entire gorge area overnight. Now, the bridge and all of the surrounding nature is lined with a 10 foot tall fence. Not just any fence though. This is a barbed wire fence. The type used in prisons. In concentration camps. The purpose of these are to prevent suicides, or at least reduce the ease with which they can be committed. Here's what I think:

Fencing off the gorge
Is like childproofing your home
For a teenager


I mean, really. We go to Cornell. We're Ivy League students. If you've made it this far, you're probably pretty smart (I say probably because that's not necessarily true). So to put a fence around the gorge is like using a child lock on your teenager sitting in the car, or assuming that a tamper-proof medication top will keep him out. It's just not effective. If the teenager wants out of the car, he'll find a way to open it up. If he wants to get into a medication, he'll open the tamper-proof lid. And if an Ivy League student wants to take his own life, he will. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but that's the case. You need not to address the means, you need to address the cause. Without causation, there is no need for medium. If you ask me, it's only a matter of time before students rally and say "President Skorton, tear down this fence!"

Only YOU can prevent perpetuation of stereotypes

Cornell is a ghost town. Everyone is gone. I see people wandering the hallways aimlessly, as if still in shock over the sudden absence. People look at me as if they've seen a ghost, because honestly- there is no one here. My guess is that everyone vanished yesterday, as I hypothesized. That, or they've left this morning. What's amazing is that some people stay around for the whole bread. Though the college leaves dorms open, they do all but encourage students to stay- closing all of the dining halls and coffee-shops.

Me? I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon. Over 24 more hours before I go. Lucky for me, I'm done with all of that work I had, so I can relax now. Of course, there's always the possibility that the seclusion and lack of things to do will drive me insane. I'm okay with it though, as I'm already halfway there.

People yesterday were saying bye and wishing us good spring breaks and such. However, I think some advice is better than other:

The one saying I've
Heard that is quite wise is to
"Have a safe spring break"

Honestly, considering the stereotypes that have evolved around spring break, it's really quite suitable for them to give us such wishes. And I will do the same: Have a fun spring break, and always remember: "Only YOU can prevent the perpetuation of stereotypes!"

I myself will be taking spring break from my blog as well, since I will be in Chicago and quite busy. I'll be back on Saturday or so, and if you can't wait till then, check me out on Twitter as I will be sure to keep that updates. Also, tomorrow I'll be in the airport, and we all know that airport tweets are the best (so much to make fun of)!

Pyromania.

It's Friday! And Spring break! And I'm done with my essays! Yay!!!

You know what it also is? A very important holiday here at Cornell.. Dragon Day!

That's right! It is the day that Architects have been waiting for... that day that they parade a giant dragon around campus and then set it on fire! It's quite the holiday. Only problem is that half of the school will be gone.

If I had to guess
I'd say that Dragon Day is
Meant to keep us here

Really, everyone likes to leave early. They'll skip classes, and dash from campus as soon as they can. My hypothesis is that the only reason that they have Dragon Day the day before Spring break is to encourage people not to skip classes and to stay here long enough to witness a classic Cornell tradition. Only problem is that the parade is during class, which means that people will skip class in order to see the dragon burn. Which sort of invalidates my hypothesis I guess... in any case, there's FIRE, and I like fire. And I shall be there. And hopefully convince my professor to let our class watch, since it's definitely educational.

It's Never Sunny in Ithaca

Well, Cornell is on the front cover of the New York times, but not for any reason I would hope. Not for groundbreaking new research or the quality of the school itself, but for the three suicides that have occurred in the past month.

On a brighter note, it's another beautiful day here. And I still have essays to write and homework to do. As I said yesterday on Twitter: "I put the fun in 'spend a beautiful, warm, and sunny day inside doing homework.' Didn't see the fun? That's because there isn't any." That's how it works on the rare occasion that it's nice out. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the reason Cornell is such a reputable school is because of its location. Think about it:

It's always cloudy
At Cornell, so students must
Stay in and study

Really, there's not much else to do. If it was always beautiful here, you'd want to be outside frolicking in the sun and photosynthesizing. However, that is not the case, and as a result you spend all of your waking hours in a windowless library room, with no sun- which is not a problem since there's never any sun anyways. And that's why my essays are not done yet, it's just too pretty outside.

Oh, and did I mention that it's St. Patrick's day? Yeh, I probably should have just written about that, would have been much easier. I'll write about it tomorrow, you'll never know the difference.


The title is a play on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

There are no late passes in college

Yay! It's pretty outside! And it's supposed to be in the 50s today. Apparently it's supposed to be sunny for the whole week in fact. Too bad I need to spend it inside working. Oh well, that's life.

I need to leave for class in about 2 minutes in order to be properly early. Some people, including me, like to show up early, which means that you have time to settle in and your professor will come into a classroom with you already in it (which leaves a good impression usually). Others will arrive right on time, and then some will arrive late. And honestly, arriving early guarantees that if there's trouble along the way (for instance, if you're attacked by a raccoon) you won't be late.

Being late to class
Is an insult both to your
Teachers and your grades.

Really, teachers hate to see students come in late, and some even count tardiness as an absence. Arriving late is an easy way to make your teacher dislike you and can count against your participation grade. Especially since usually the grade is based on no real set-in-stone basis. So if your teacher doesn't like you and you don't participate that much, it can lead to bad grade with very little bargaining power.

So why am I writing this? Well, I'm urging you to, instead of spending 5 minutes online and arriving late to class, arrive early and then spend 5 minutes online. Unless you're looking at porn, do that in private.