It's Friday! I don't really care though, because it's the summer and I lose track of the days- because that happens.
Today, I was at the dentists' office. Very fun. Lucky for me, I don't have any cavities and I don't need to get my wisdom teeth out. Good thing it took me a hundred-and-something dollar dentist trip to learn that.
People always complain about dentists being torture, but honestly I don't see it- maybe I've just been lucky. I mean, sure- it's annoying and sometimes painful, but it's really not that bad. Whatever sinks your boat, I suppose.
If people really find it that bad, here are my thoughts:
They need to get some
Dentists for Guantanamo,
That's good torture
Really, if you want new means of cruel and unusual punishment, look no further than dentists. The only real problem I can see is that it's hard to talk when their picking your teeth with metal. Maybe that's a good thing. It can allow all those hygienists to blabber away like they're hair dressers, while the person in the chair can say nothing. Now that's torture. I'm sure it wouldn't be long before a suspected terrorist would crack while under that kind of pressure. And if they don't, you can always threaten them with the bill.
On a side note, shouldn't psychologists be paid to get haircuts? Seems like hairdressers get paid to receive what people normally pay for.
Showing posts with label Medicine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Medicine. Show all posts
Friday, May 14, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Leeches!
The sky is blue today! I cannot believe it! It was blue for most of the day yesterday too, but two days in a row? What an honor for the sun to have graced us with its presence. Probably the 3rd day of it since we got back.
It's Friday. Finally. And I sure am glad.
The other day in my etymology class, I learned something (well, a large number of things) interesting about word histories. The word "leech" used to refer to doctors, and what we now know as leeches are only dubbed so because doctors would use them in their practice of "medicine" (if you could call it that). I have a haiku about this.
Though leech may not mean
Doctor, that doesn't mean that
Doctors aren't leeches
Really, have you been to a doctor's office lately? It's insurance this, copay that. You get scheduled for the same time as 6 other patients, your doctor ends up being an hour late and then spends five minutes with you. They really are leeches, trying to suck the money out of you and as many other patients as possible with as little effort as possible. Of course, not all doctors are leeches. It varies from office to office, and profession to profession. For instance, in a pediatrician's office, they most likely won't be time leeches because that's exactly what the kids want to happen (and we can't have that). On the other hand, in a primary care office they'll use all sorts of tricks such as misdirection to make your appointment as short as possible ("hey, look a bear!" the doctor then runs out of the room). And then there are doctors who I'm pretty sure are actual leeches, considering the sheer amount of blood they take.
It's Friday. Finally. And I sure am glad.
The other day in my etymology class, I learned something (well, a large number of things) interesting about word histories. The word "leech" used to refer to doctors, and what we now know as leeches are only dubbed so because doctors would use them in their practice of "medicine" (if you could call it that). I have a haiku about this.
Though leech may not mean
Doctor, that doesn't mean that
Doctors aren't leeches
Really, have you been to a doctor's office lately? It's insurance this, copay that. You get scheduled for the same time as 6 other patients, your doctor ends up being an hour late and then spends five minutes with you. They really are leeches, trying to suck the money out of you and as many other patients as possible with as little effort as possible. Of course, not all doctors are leeches. It varies from office to office, and profession to profession. For instance, in a pediatrician's office, they most likely won't be time leeches because that's exactly what the kids want to happen (and we can't have that). On the other hand, in a primary care office they'll use all sorts of tricks such as misdirection to make your appointment as short as possible ("hey, look a bear!" the doctor then runs out of the room). And then there are doctors who I'm pretty sure are actual leeches, considering the sheer amount of blood they take.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Christian Science Medicine
You know what I find rather annoying? The medical system here at Cornell.
It seems that Cornell
Does everything it can to
Say "just don't get sick"
If you feel sick, you can go to Gannett, the health center on campus. Except if you go to Gannett, chances are you will get more sick, since that's where they keep all of the diseased pigs (not literally). Oh, and anything you do will take forever, since it's still a medical facility and that's a given. And did I mention that it's only open during work hours, and is not open on weekends? So to make up for that fact, they have a 24 hour on-call nurse, who will call you back within 30 minutes after you call them. She will then proceed to go through the list of questions that you could find almost verbatim on webmd.com, and will tell you everything that results from that query, minus the diagnosis.
Yesterday, I was feeling sick with chest pains, so I called. The entire time, it was as though I was being interrogated.
Nurse: "Is it a pressure-pain or a stabbing pain?"
Me: "I swear, I don't know! I don't know!"
Nurse: "That's not an acceptable answer. Answer the question damnit!"
In the end, she suggested that I call an ambulance. The problem with calling an ambulance? Well, first of all, it means calling 911 for something that might just be something do with gas or whatnot. And then you have to go to the Cayuga Medical Center. Which is about 40 minutes away from here and in the absolute middle of nowhere. And you have to go to the ER. So to do that makes it an all-day (or all-night) excursion, something that a student here really can't handle.
So all-in-all, between Gannett's fail of service, and Cayuga Medical Center's fail of convenience, Cornell fails at providing medical assistance to the 14,000 students here. And they wonder why swine flu was such a big deal. In any case, if you're sick here, unless you're ready to waste an entire day on hospital trips, you'll feel like a Christian Scientist with appendicitis- helpless.
It seems that Cornell
Does everything it can to
Say "just don't get sick"
If you feel sick, you can go to Gannett, the health center on campus. Except if you go to Gannett, chances are you will get more sick, since that's where they keep all of the diseased pigs (not literally). Oh, and anything you do will take forever, since it's still a medical facility and that's a given. And did I mention that it's only open during work hours, and is not open on weekends? So to make up for that fact, they have a 24 hour on-call nurse, who will call you back within 30 minutes after you call them. She will then proceed to go through the list of questions that you could find almost verbatim on webmd.com, and will tell you everything that results from that query, minus the diagnosis.
Yesterday, I was feeling sick with chest pains, so I called. The entire time, it was as though I was being interrogated.
Nurse: "Is it a pressure-pain or a stabbing pain?"
Me: "I swear, I don't know! I don't know!"
Nurse: "That's not an acceptable answer. Answer the question damnit!"
In the end, she suggested that I call an ambulance. The problem with calling an ambulance? Well, first of all, it means calling 911 for something that might just be something do with gas or whatnot. And then you have to go to the Cayuga Medical Center. Which is about 40 minutes away from here and in the absolute middle of nowhere. And you have to go to the ER. So to do that makes it an all-day (or all-night) excursion, something that a student here really can't handle.
So all-in-all, between Gannett's fail of service, and Cayuga Medical Center's fail of convenience, Cornell fails at providing medical assistance to the 14,000 students here. And they wonder why swine flu was such a big deal. In any case, if you're sick here, unless you're ready to waste an entire day on hospital trips, you'll feel like a Christian Scientist with appendicitis- helpless.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Take a Medication for your Uptight-ness
The other day as I was walking, I heard someone say "take a chill pill." This got me thinking: What exactly is a chill pill? I mean, would it be something like Ritalin? Or would it be more like an antihistamine? Regardless of the answer though, the question brought me to this conclusion:
"Dude, take a chill pill"
Should not be taken to mean
Flunitrazipam
If someone were to misinterpret that, who knows where they would end up. They could pass out at their desk and wake up with their face super glued to the desk, clear nail polish on their fingernails that will turn pink when exposed to sunlight, and no pants (not that this has ever happened to anyone). Or it could be worse, though I won't go into that. In any case, I would not recommend rufy-ing your own coffee in the morning if someone tells you to take a chill pill. Even if you're somehow into those consequences I mentioned.
"Dude, take a chill pill"
Should not be taken to mean
Flunitrazipam
If someone were to misinterpret that, who knows where they would end up. They could pass out at their desk and wake up with their face super glued to the desk, clear nail polish on their fingernails that will turn pink when exposed to sunlight, and no pants (not that this has ever happened to anyone). Or it could be worse, though I won't go into that. In any case, I would not recommend rufy-ing your own coffee in the morning if someone tells you to take a chill pill. Even if you're somehow into those consequences I mentioned.
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