Happy "You're-Single-And-All-Alone,Sucks-To-Be-You" Day

It's Valentine's Day! Everyone's favorite holiday of the year! But not actually.

Valentine's Day is
Loved by all, except for men
And single people.


So it's pretty much just the holiday for taken women. I guess it's supposed to be the one day of the year that girls get to feel like they're the queen. I read an article saying that Valentine's Day is supposedly great for our economy, since it's completely commercialized. I can see that. Except that it's hell for like 75% of the population. It gives men the opportunity to feel like slaves, and single people a reminder that they're lonely.

You know what I don't get? Why is it called Valentine's Day? It's named after St. Valentine, who must have been a priest or something. If that was the case, it would mean he probably didn't get much loving, so it doesn't make much sense to ironically name a day about love after a saint. Wouldn't it seem more fitting if it were Venus or Cupid day?

If you were to ask me, we shouldn't need Valentine's Day. Women in relationships shouldn't need it to be a validation of their man's devotion (every day should be that), and single people certainly don't need the reminder that they're alone. Oh, and our economy certainly shouldn't need more people wasting money (they do that enough).

The Sting of Irony

Yesterday, I read a little something of interest to me. For years now, people have been getting shots of Botox injected into their faces to eliminate wrinkles caused by the excessive tanning that they partake in. It seems harmless right? Just another thing to add to the list of sick things that people do to themselves to keep up with social trends. If this is what you think, though, you're dead wrong. The "tox" in Botox is, in fact, short for "neurotoxin" (whoever thought of this marketing strategy was genius. Personally, I would not pay hundreds of dollars for injections of "botulinum neurotoxin Type A," it just doesn't have a nice ring to it).  So pretty much, we have been injecting neurotoxins into our faces in order to defy a natural life process, accelerated by our nation's vanity to begin with.

Well now, it would seem that the toxin found in Botox (albeit in small quantities), is so potent that "a speck of toxin smaller than a grain of sand can kill a 150-pound adult." As a result, there is now a fear of terrorists using it as a WMD. Which would be disastrous. I think the other weapon that comes with this weapon is a bit scarier.


Irony would seem
Another weapon mastered
By the terrorists

Seriously. If Los Angelos is wiped out tomorrow, I can think of no more suitable cause than by a Botox. That is unless the citizens snap in half or drown in money, Elagabalus-style (you probably won't understand that joke. Unless you're taking "Decadence."). So now apparently the terrorists have a better sense of satire. Or they're just trying to be efficient with their plans. If we're lucky, they'll discover Botox's usefulness as a wrinkle-reducer and then use it all up themselves.

My source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/24/AR2010012403013.html

Pride of Laziness

Well, the day is finally upon us. Today is.... the final day of classes! No more lectures for almost two months! Of course, there are still finals, final papers, final labs, final fantasies, and last suppers. I feel as though I'm much less excited than I should be. Oh well.

In the news, Cornell has received an(other) award from the City of Ithaca. What do I have to say about the award (before you know anything about it)? My haiku:

Laziness is a
Merit that has once again
Proved to be useful


This award is called the "Pride of Ownership" award (should be "Pride of Laziness"), and it was presented to Cornell for its fantastic landscape (or lack thereof) architecture on Libe Slope. Right now, it is overgrown, which apparently creates:

"A beautifully textured counterpoint to the areas currently mown more frequently and a stunning setting for I.M. Pei's Johnson Museum of Art."

It's reminiscent of how my cat doesn't clean his back, which I would say creates a "textured counterpoint." I can't exactly vouch for its beauty.

Yes, this is a prime example of the payoff that laziness provides. You too can get far in life and earn rewards for doing absolutely nothing! That is what you come to Cornell to learn. Although if you do nothing chances are you'll be kicked out (unless you play hockey). Rather ironic, don't you think? If I stop doing work, I don't think I'll get any sort of award for creating a "beautifully textured counterpoint" to other students who do work. Hypocrisy.

I've thought of a couple of other award we could get in other departments for laziness:


Construction: I'm surprised we haven't gotten anything for this yet, but we should get something for our construction by Rand, which "creates a hideous counterpart to the architecture building, where the students are learning to design buildings that are supposed to be artistic"

Winter Maintenance: I'm sure you've seen the signs saying "No Winter Maintenance." Well, I think we should get a reward for the leaves on the grass creating a "beautifully textured counterpoint" to the grass.

The Food In Okenshield's: You've all likely been victim to it, but have you thought about its award potential? It could be for creating a "textured counterpoint" to the food in any other dining hall. That is, the food is textured. And gross. Which is a counterpoint to the rest of the food on campus!

NaSiWoShoStoMo

I look like an idiot. The weatherman said that it would be sunny today, and as a result I decided to bring my sunglasses with me, hanging from my neck. But, of course, the weatherman lied! It has been cloudy and gross all day, and here I am with my shades. You might ask "why don't you just take them off and put them in your bag?" My answer: that would be accepting defeat. I prefer to deny and defy defeat by carrying my sunglasses with me. That way the statement I send is "it's supposed to be sunny, and it damn well had better be sunny" as opposed to "it was supposed to be sunny, but it's not so I'm putting my sunglasses away."

Now that I got that out of the way, I had something to talk about, but I forgot. I really need to write down and/or tweet haikus as soon as I think of them. Here's something I randomly thought of just now.

One thing that a large number of people tend to do in November is the NaNoWriMo. The challenge is to write a 50,000 word novel in a month. That equates to a little less than 2000 words per day. There is no reward other than self-satisfaction and being able to accomplish something huge. Sadly, quantity is valued over quality though, and as a result- the novels are likely not very good from many people (no offense). It's still a large accomplish, but if you want to write a novel you should not need a competition to inspire you to do it, and you certainly shouldn't rush to finish it. John Updike, a professional writer (well, he's dead now), used to write 3 pages a day. For this competition, one would be writing more pages per day than someone who made his living writing. This is not to say that I'm against the competition, no- I just feel that if you are serious about writing a novel you should not need a competition as such. I would also like to suggest a competition for those who are not as Carpal-Tunnel-y inclined:

50,000 words?
Why not try to write for "Six
Word Short Story Month"?


That's right. I suggest that rather than writing a 50,000 word novel, you put that effort into writing a super epic, high-quality six-word short story. It would equate to writing about a letter every day or two. There would be such suspense to it: You sit down at your computer, and you have to choose. What will it be for today? A vowel? A consonant? Perhaps both?! (crazy talk, I know). This option is much more suitable for someone who favors quality over quantity, or who is lazy, or has a really short attention span. And trust me, when the month is through- you would probably be much more proud of an absolutely unmatchable short story than you would for 50,000 lukewarm words.

Christopher Robin Loses A Grand

Well, my early event was canceled due to rain. It's been predicted to be rainy and ugly all day. Strangely enough, it's sunny right now with barely a cloud in the sky. Gotta love meteorologists.

Know what I just realized? I haven't posted about meteorologists yet. Which is strange, because they're such an easy target for ridicule. Maybe that's why. Maybe they're just too easy for me... Oh well, I'm going to make fun of them anyways (Sorry for getting your hopes up if you're a meteorologist).

Let's see, where to start, where to start. So many things to talk about and only so long I can talk before losing your interest (and if you're reading this part, I'll assume I haven't lost your interest yet). I think I'll start with a haiku.

If people gambled
On weather, the odds would be
Against weathermen


What I'm trying to say here is that if meteorology was a professional gambling sport, so many people would bet against meteorologists that betting for them could net you a lot of money (on that occasion that they're right). They probably aren't paid too much, so that may actually be a good way to make money on the side. Black market weather gambling. Sounds so illicit when I say it. It'd play out something like this:

"What are the odds of Precipitation today?"
"Well, sir, official weather reports place her at 75%, and so odds right now are 3:1 against."
"Hmmm, I'll put a grand on Precipitation by 2 PM today!"
"Alright, it's your money after all"
"Damn right it is"
(2 hours later)...
"Damnit."

The title is in reference to Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin's "Tut, tut, it looks like rain" quote.

Also, stay tuned because I'm going to be posting mah surprise later this afternoon and/or early tonight. And I'm removing the rating system for now because it simply diminishes my glory.

(Un)Creative Writing

This morning, upon waking to some static-laden country music from my radio, I sprinted down the hall to the bathroom. Inside, I found more people than I had ever seen in there. I looked around eagerly, and locked eyes with one of my hall-mates. He gave me an approving nod, knowing full well my frame of my mind without needing verbal communication (as my sociology professor would say, we had no issues with our interpretive screens). I ran back to my room, grabbed my towel, and showered. In warm water.

That's right. The water was warm, and as I said, I needed to take advantage of that. And I did. Now what to say, what to say.

Last night, I attended a poetry and rhythm event, in which three different professors (two from Cornell and one from GWU) shared songs, short stories, novel excerpts, and poems set to music. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and it inspired me to take creative writing next semester. Which brings me to my topic: creative writing. Lots of people take creative writing. So many in fact that there are about 10 sections of it. Of these people, some can write creatively, and go on to do great things (Toni Morrison anyone? Although I'm sure the graduate level creative writing is different); others are not so talented and the only aspect of the course that they are taking advantage of is the "writing" part. Speaking of which, what on Earth am I talking about? This post is failing, I need to think of something better to say, wouldn't want too much exposition.

Creative writing:
What does it become when one
Is not creative?

I suppose that works. But it's not especially silly now, is it? Maybe if I gave it a funny hat... or a shirt with something funny on it. I wonder if anyone has done that in creative writing... by which I mean having a bad assignment and prettying it up with something silly. Although I suppose making it pink and girly would be the equivalent. Though that would be creative... but I guess that's the point if they're trying to cancel out the blandness of the writing.

Bleh, this post is a failure. I can't think right now, it's about 100 degrees here for some odd reason. Which is rather ironic because now of all days is when the hot water was working. Damn you irony, always out to get me. And I suppose this entire post is ironic if you think about it. Since it's not creative but it's about creative writing. Oh irony.