The Rise of the Shadow King

Well today is my final final. After this non-cumulative sociology test, I shall be almost set to go home. And then Tuesday I will be on my way home! Oh happy days.

Last night, I came across another interesting article. I'm pretty good at finding these.

This article is about how Queen Elizabeth II (who, according to the article is only ever referred to as "The Queen," since the article never gives her name (I guess they assume it will only be read by British people)) is planning on making her grandson, Prince William, the "Shadow King." And no, that is not in reference to the infamous Shadow King of that video game (you know, that one?), or of the X-Men universe. By Shadow King, the article means a sort of "Ghost King." And not the Hamlet's Dad type of ghost- the "ghost author" type. He will be ruling in her place, while she acts as a figurehead, in order to, as the article states "ease the strain" on her. Responsibilities will include intending afternoon tea and crumpets, shaking the hand of Miley Cyrus, and not being involved in scandal after scandal (if you wonder, he has been involved in various scandals, Google it. And it's not on Wikipedia, which likely means that someone is working to make sure it stays that way). Which brings me to my haiku:

Constitutional
monarchy: The George "Dubya"
Bush of monarchies


As you probably don't know (or care), England is a constitutional monarchy. You might wonder what this means exactly. Well, pretty much, as I insinuate in my haiku, it means that they get to be George W. Bush. Except they're restricted by a constitution.

By being George Dubya, I mean that they get to go around and do whatever the hell they want, without worrying about consequences (though, unlike Bush, they are smart enough to avoid any consequences). And so now, though he will be Shadow King, he will continue to frolic around as he pleases, attending tea time and elevenses to his heart's content. If he's lucky though, his grandmother will still take part in the most daunting of the foreign meetings, saving him from a confrontation with Hillary Clinton for as long as possible.


The title is intended to sound like another one of those B movies.

"And Now for Something Completely Different"

Alot of great things have come out of Britain. Tea, biscuits, Shakespeare, Chaucer, Harry Potter, The Beatles, Whose Line is it Anyway, cricket, the telephone, French toast, Adam Smith, John Smith, Mr. Smith, Blacksmiths, The Smithsonian, toothpaste (just kidding), and lots of other things. There is one thing I have not put in this list, and if you did not catch it, then shame on you.

Monty Python may
Be the greatest thing ever
To come from Britain


Does anyone beg to differ? If you do, you've probably been eating too much fresh fruit. Monty Python is undoubtedly the most amazing, fantastic thing to ever come out England and even Europe in the history of the universe. Don't believe me? Go look up some sketches on Youtube. I would recommend self-defense against fresh fruit, the ministry of silly walks, the lumberjack song, a dead parrot, the man who contradicts people, cheese shop, the Spanish inquisition, the fish slapping song, a dirty fork, and I could go on forever. To sum it up, Monty Python is amazing. That is all.

I will not even tell you the source of the title.

Tea and Crumpets

If you read that title and thought British, don't worry- you're not racially profiling (well, maybe a little). British people do indeed love tea and crumpets (or so I've heard), but don't often have the two in tandem, much like Americans only occasionally have apple pie and french fries (unless you are Morgan Spurlock and/or making a movie about the obesity epidemic). Unfortunately, today I am not talking about British people (that's another day), but rather am advocating people randomly switching to British accents to make life a bit more interesting.

So that being said:

Everything is much
More fun when read in British
Accents. Mmmm, yes. Quite.


Hopefully you read that in a British accent. If not, please reread, for its purpose (because all haikus have purposes, right?) would be lost if you do not.

And now for something completely different which has absolutely nothing to do with British people or British accents. In fact, disregard everything I just said when reading the following:

Today for breakfast
I shall fancy a waffle
Perhaps with some tea


Fun, isn't it?