It's Tuesday! Last night was the finale of The Sing-Off and it was epic. The group I had hoped would win, Tufts University's "The Beelzebubs," did not win, and the group that I expected to win, "Nota," did win. It was disappointed, but satisfying at the same time- because though I was upset, I was also right. And being right is always nice. That's it for the news. If you could call it news.
With this post, I have decided to take a break from blog-posting for a little bit. Christmas is coming up quickly, followed by New Year's, so it's hard to find time between friends and family. Plus, it's difficult to find topics while not at college. And Jon Stewart's on hiatus, making things even harder. I'll be back some time after New Year's, so do not fret. Also, be sure to check back for a new song posting at some point soon. I'm trying to create a song pertaining to a certain upcoming holiday. I'll also have another one to post later hopefully. That is if my piano's acoustics work alright for recording on my sad little Macbook's mic.
"University"
Is a five syllable word
For "utopia"
Now, don't get me wrong- college is far from perfect. However, it is about as close to perfect as many can get in this society. Being at college is being inside of a bubble, with its own air supply (so you don't suffocate. Unless you're premed, then you're transferred to the pressure cooker). You have your own place to stay, you're finally free from home, you have great non-home food (well, this is of course dependent on where you attend), and you're cut off from most of the problems in the world. You can spread your wings and fly. Assuming that you're not scared of heights. It can be a daunting and stressful experience, but at the same time provides for the student a moment in their lives where all of the pieces of useless information they learned in high school can come together (except for Trigonometry... that's still useless). So for those of you who are hating college- try to enjoy it, knowing that these will probably be the best years of your life (Again though, unless you're premed).
And with, I bid you a carefree Christmas, a nonchalant New Year's, a blithe Boxing Day, and a pretty and politically-correct other holiday. I'm sorry if you were expecting a more epic post for the start of my hiatus, but you're going to have to just deal. And chances are I'll think of some new material over the break, so expect a nice return.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
"Everyone's a little bit racist"
It's Monday! And I barely noticed because I'm on vacation! If it wasn't for the little thingy in the top right hand corner of my computer screen, I swear I would not be able to keep track of the date.
Christmas is coming up quickly! Have you finished your shopping yet? Chances are, the answer to that question is no, in which case you should be out shopping right now. Christmas eve is meant for sitting by the fireplace, not for finding last-minute presents at your local Target. Unless you're not Christian. Then you can do whatever the hell you want. May I recommend not shopping.
Today, while perusing the world wide webs, I stumbled upon an entertaining picture. It shows all of the auto-complete choices Google offers for certain searches. If you look, you'll see something that I have always thought true: people are racist. They might not even be trying to be racist, and yet turn out to be. For instance, they could be saying something kind, such as "British people are always so polite," but they're still backing racial stereotypes. In sociology, we discussed ethnicity and online dating. Apparently, there are two groups of racist people on those sites. The "white supremacists," who look to date other whites, and another group (whose name I can't recall) who like to explore their options in terms of race (the third group is those who don't specify about race). The second group, believe it or not, turns out to be more stereotype-enforcing. They'll have profiles saying things such as "looking for exotic Japanese woman" or "need a black male to add flavor to my life." With these, they are labeling and stereotyping without even meaning to (most of them are probably blond). With that, I shall put forth my haiku:
Stereotyping
Is the "For Dummies" approach
To racist remarks
I mean, they're just so easy to pull out on people. I'd post a few, but I don't wish to offend any parties, although chances are that none of my readers are Asian, since they're too busy studying. As an all-so-true Onion article once stated: "Stereotypes Are A Real Time-Saver." If you're going to be racist, try to come up with something a bit more clever. Insulting me for being frugal or unable to jump is just weak. If you really want to be racist, show your knowledge of history. Say something like "well my ancestors didn't surrender to the French in the 100 years war." Now that's racist. In fact, I take offense at that- so don't go spewing such slanders to my face.
Title comes from the Avenue Q song.
Christmas is coming up quickly! Have you finished your shopping yet? Chances are, the answer to that question is no, in which case you should be out shopping right now. Christmas eve is meant for sitting by the fireplace, not for finding last-minute presents at your local Target. Unless you're not Christian. Then you can do whatever the hell you want. May I recommend not shopping.
Today, while perusing the world wide webs, I stumbled upon an entertaining picture. It shows all of the auto-complete choices Google offers for certain searches. If you look, you'll see something that I have always thought true: people are racist. They might not even be trying to be racist, and yet turn out to be. For instance, they could be saying something kind, such as "British people are always so polite," but they're still backing racial stereotypes. In sociology, we discussed ethnicity and online dating. Apparently, there are two groups of racist people on those sites. The "white supremacists," who look to date other whites, and another group (whose name I can't recall) who like to explore their options in terms of race (the third group is those who don't specify about race). The second group, believe it or not, turns out to be more stereotype-enforcing. They'll have profiles saying things such as "looking for exotic Japanese woman" or "need a black male to add flavor to my life." With these, they are labeling and stereotyping without even meaning to (most of them are probably blond). With that, I shall put forth my haiku:
Stereotyping
Is the "For Dummies" approach
To racist remarks
I mean, they're just so easy to pull out on people. I'd post a few, but I don't wish to offend any parties, although chances are that none of my readers are Asian, since they're too busy studying. As an all-so-true Onion article once stated: "Stereotypes Are A Real Time-Saver." If you're going to be racist, try to come up with something a bit more clever. Insulting me for being frugal or unable to jump is just weak. If you really want to be racist, show your knowledge of history. Say something like "well my ancestors didn't surrender to the French in the 100 years war." Now that's racist. In fact, I take offense at that- so don't go spewing such slanders to my face.
Title comes from the Avenue Q song.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Don't Thirst and Facebook
There's finally snow here! It started snowing around midnight last night, and has not ceased since then. It's beautiful outside. And now I don't need to worry about scooping up the dog poop littered around the yard. Yay for snow!
It would seem fitting for me to talk about snow now, since it is actually snowing- but that's exactly what they want. No, I will not talk about snow, no matter how much the front page of all of the news sites pressure me.
Today, I found a rather hilarious list of "fails" on Facebook. I would suggest looking at it, especially before reading the remainder of this post.
Now, that list, if you didn't read it, has a number of hilarious posts by stupid and/or naive people. To that effect, I've taken to write a haiku regarding this issue.
If you're on Facebook,
I would highly recommend
You try to be smart
The number of stupid people on Facebook is sort of astounding. Examples can be found in that article, but also can be found just by going to your home page on Facebook. For instance, people who post pictures of themselves blatantly drinking alcohol while they are friends with their parents on Facebook. Or people who let any other person get on their Facebook, and those people end up changing the statuses to ridiculous things. Facebook is really the perfect way to eliminate any dignity one might have, and it can come with just one stupid status update or wall-post. So I would urge all my readers to be careful, and to remember one piece of advice: Don't thirst and Facebook.
It would seem fitting for me to talk about snow now, since it is actually snowing- but that's exactly what they want. No, I will not talk about snow, no matter how much the front page of all of the news sites pressure me.
Today, I found a rather hilarious list of "fails" on Facebook. I would suggest looking at it, especially before reading the remainder of this post.
Now, that list, if you didn't read it, has a number of hilarious posts by stupid and/or naive people. To that effect, I've taken to write a haiku regarding this issue.
If you're on Facebook,
I would highly recommend
You try to be smart
The number of stupid people on Facebook is sort of astounding. Examples can be found in that article, but also can be found just by going to your home page on Facebook. For instance, people who post pictures of themselves blatantly drinking alcohol while they are friends with their parents on Facebook. Or people who let any other person get on their Facebook, and those people end up changing the statuses to ridiculous things. Facebook is really the perfect way to eliminate any dignity one might have, and it can come with just one stupid status update or wall-post. So I would urge all my readers to be careful, and to remember one piece of advice: Don't thirst and Facebook.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Let it Snow
Today is Saturday! But for me, and my overtly long winter break, it's the same as any other day of the week! Except on Saturday my high school friends don't have school, so I guess there's a tiny difference. I don't really notice though- I still call them at like 1 PM saying "hey, I just got up, come over to my house" and they're all like "I'm in class, Theo! Go away!" And then I laugh at them. Good times...
In the news, it is not snowing here. And it should be. It's snowing pretty much everywhere else, from what I've heard. My high school friends don't want the snow to come till the week starts so that they could get a snow day, and I just laughed when they told me that. Apparently it's snowing in DC, which is just unfair. They need to learn to share with the rest of the country. Damned elitist politicians.
I could talk about snow, but it's not snowing- so that would be improper, inaccurate, and incognito (that last one didn't make sense, but I was on a role). Actually, on second thought, I think I may talk about snow, since, according to the NYTimes, the storm is "racing North." Source. The problem is what to say. Snow isn't exactly something you can easily talk about. See, you could start writing- but then you see the snow and you just have to run outside. Well, adults might not have that problem- but I do. It's also sort of surreal-ish, and hard to contain in words, or in the palm of your hand. It melts from your grasp. I am so poetic.
If kids could control
The fall of snow there would be
No snow days, ever
See, you're probably thinking that if students could control the fall of snow, it would happen pretty much every day in order to create snow days. And if that happened, I'm sure our society would have gotten used to it by now, and created technology to adapt. Or maybe we just wouldn't care anymore. It's like Alaska- I'm sure they don't have snow days all that often. And if it snowed too much they'd probably just take sled dogs to school. Which would be epic.
In the news, it is not snowing here. And it should be. It's snowing pretty much everywhere else, from what I've heard. My high school friends don't want the snow to come till the week starts so that they could get a snow day, and I just laughed when they told me that. Apparently it's snowing in DC, which is just unfair. They need to learn to share with the rest of the country. Damned elitist politicians.
I could talk about snow, but it's not snowing- so that would be improper, inaccurate, and incognito (that last one didn't make sense, but I was on a role). Actually, on second thought, I think I may talk about snow, since, according to the NYTimes, the storm is "racing North." Source. The problem is what to say. Snow isn't exactly something you can easily talk about. See, you could start writing- but then you see the snow and you just have to run outside. Well, adults might not have that problem- but I do. It's also sort of surreal-ish, and hard to contain in words, or in the palm of your hand. It melts from your grasp. I am so poetic.
If kids could control
The fall of snow there would be
No snow days, ever
See, you're probably thinking that if students could control the fall of snow, it would happen pretty much every day in order to create snow days. And if that happened, I'm sure our society would have gotten used to it by now, and created technology to adapt. Or maybe we just wouldn't care anymore. It's like Alaska- I'm sure they don't have snow days all that often. And if it snowed too much they'd probably just take sled dogs to school. Which would be epic.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Stalking is the Best Form of Flattery
Well, apparently today is Friday. Which means that yesterday's post was horribly inaccurate. You see, I stated that it was Wednesday, when, in fact, it was Thursday. What a hilarious misunderstanding (props to you if you caught that reference). I wonder if someone who lied about the date in court could be charged for perjury.
The days of the week are even more of a blur when I'm at home. For instance, a good question that I could ask is "what on earth happened to Thursday, and why does my shirt smell like apples?" Unfortunately for me, my shirt does not smell of apples, which is sad considering that apples smell delectable.
In any case, I am at home, it is Friday, and my clothing does not smell of delicious fruits. And, if you cannot tell, I am at a lack of words. Well, not actually- but you know what I mean... flowing, pointed, well-crafted words.
Since I am in a rather random mood, it would seem- I shall post a rather random haiku, that I shall select from my large list of haikus that I wrote one day when I was bored.
J.R.R. Tolkien
Would be so disappointed
In Elvish Speakers
I know that they try to show their love of his work by learning the very languages that it's based on, but really? The level of obsession some fans take their hobbies to is absolutely ridiculous. Speaking Elvish, getting ear alterations, learning Klingon (which my spellcheck accepts as a word), running into the wall between Platforms 9 and 10, the list goes on and on. The authors (or whoever can claim responsibility for the work), could have a couple of possible reactions. They could be flattered, for one- since people are showing such love for the work; they could be disappointed, as in "it's just a story... get a life"; or they could be greatly disgusted, as in "ewwwww, obsessed fans." I would expect the 2nd or 3rd. Come to think of it, the whole situation is similar to being stalked- you may be flattered that someone chooses to stalk you, but in the end they're probably not going to end up in your good graces.
Now, if you'll excuse me- I need to get back to rereading The Silmarillion for the 100th time.
The days of the week are even more of a blur when I'm at home. For instance, a good question that I could ask is "what on earth happened to Thursday, and why does my shirt smell like apples?" Unfortunately for me, my shirt does not smell of apples, which is sad considering that apples smell delectable.
In any case, I am at home, it is Friday, and my clothing does not smell of delicious fruits. And, if you cannot tell, I am at a lack of words. Well, not actually- but you know what I mean... flowing, pointed, well-crafted words.
Since I am in a rather random mood, it would seem- I shall post a rather random haiku, that I shall select from my large list of haikus that I wrote one day when I was bored.
J.R.R. Tolkien
Would be so disappointed
In Elvish Speakers
I know that they try to show their love of his work by learning the very languages that it's based on, but really? The level of obsession some fans take their hobbies to is absolutely ridiculous. Speaking Elvish, getting ear alterations, learning Klingon (which my spellcheck accepts as a word), running into the wall between Platforms 9 and 10, the list goes on and on. The authors (or whoever can claim responsibility for the work), could have a couple of possible reactions. They could be flattered, for one- since people are showing such love for the work; they could be disappointed, as in "it's just a story... get a life"; or they could be greatly disgusted, as in "ewwwww, obsessed fans." I would expect the 2nd or 3rd. Come to think of it, the whole situation is similar to being stalked- you may be flattered that someone chooses to stalk you, but in the end they're probably not going to end up in your good graces.
Now, if you'll excuse me- I need to get back to rereading The Silmarillion for the 100th time.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Om nom food.
It's Wednesday. And something appears to be missing... if you guessed pancakes, you're wrong. For today is the end (for now) of Waffle Wednesdays, for, without waffles, it is impossible to have Waffle Wednesday. I know, you might be saying "but the holiday is about the spirit, right? Not the waffles?" Wrong. It's all about the waffles. It's like any other holiday: you can't have Christmas without the "Christ," can you? Or Hanukkah without the "New"? Memorial Day without the "Day"? Labor Day without the "Labor"? The list goes on and on.
But in the spirit of Waffle Wednesday I have decided to devote this post to food. Namely the reason for my lack of waffles. I am not having waffles, because Eggo just don't cut it. I need good old fashioned Belgium waffles. What can I say, I'm classy.
Most people think that the all of the good food at Cornell spoils us. This just isn't true. The food at Cornell's average- everything in the outside world just sucks. However, just because the food is alright does not mean we get fat (yes, I've heard about the Freshman 15). In fact, I'm certain that life outside of college gives is worse for us.
The Freshman 15
Is worse outside of college
Than it is when there
Really. At college, I have a fresh salad and fruit every single day, and walk everywhere. I just don't do that here. Sure, call me lazy- but I'm not going to take the effort to make a whole salad from scratch every single day. Cutting tomatoes is hard work. And it's very difficult to locate quality croutons. People always seem to think that college life revolves around EasyMac and Ramen. However, I really think that my life at home is more like that. At college, I can have a grilled chicken sandwich or turkey burger whenever the heck I want. At home, if I want that- I need to make it. There's tooooo much effort involved.
But in the spirit of Waffle Wednesday I have decided to devote this post to food. Namely the reason for my lack of waffles. I am not having waffles, because Eggo just don't cut it. I need good old fashioned Belgium waffles. What can I say, I'm classy.
Most people think that the all of the good food at Cornell spoils us. This just isn't true. The food at Cornell's average- everything in the outside world just sucks. However, just because the food is alright does not mean we get fat (yes, I've heard about the Freshman 15). In fact, I'm certain that life outside of college gives is worse for us.
The Freshman 15
Is worse outside of college
Than it is when there
Really. At college, I have a fresh salad and fruit every single day, and walk everywhere. I just don't do that here. Sure, call me lazy- but I'm not going to take the effort to make a whole salad from scratch every single day. Cutting tomatoes is hard work. And it's very difficult to locate quality croutons. People always seem to think that college life revolves around EasyMac and Ramen. However, I really think that my life at home is more like that. At college, I can have a grilled chicken sandwich or turkey burger whenever the heck I want. At home, if I want that- I need to make it. There's tooooo much effort involved.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
"Chase You Down Until You Love Me"
Well, I have finally returned to my home. It's not quite as... dirty as I remember it being. Wonder why that could be.
If you'll recall, yesterday I talked a little about lobbying, which is the legal version of bribery. Today I will talk about a similar scenario.
I just read an article about a man who was arrested for stalking Jennifer Garner. He had allegedly been stalking her since 2002, and she took a restraining order out on him last year. Not only does he clearly have no life, but he also isn't very smart. Stalking charges are rather easy to work around: join the news corps.
The paparazzi
Are nothing but stalkers who
Are called official
I mean, really- they do the exact same thing as stalkers. They follow the celebrities' every move, and then they even go further- they use photographs and such to make money. It would make much more sense if it were the other way around, wouldn't it? I mean, stalkers are the true devotees- who do what they do for a hobby. Jennifer Garner really should be flattered, that someone would put so much time into something that does not garner profits (see what I did there?). It really shows that he is passionate about what he does. Paparazzi on the other hand, do it to make a living. If Burky (the stalker) were smart, he would have become a reporter. It sure would have made life much simpler for him.
The title is from Lady Gaga's song "Paparazzi."
If you'll recall, yesterday I talked a little about lobbying, which is the legal version of bribery. Today I will talk about a similar scenario.
I just read an article about a man who was arrested for stalking Jennifer Garner. He had allegedly been stalking her since 2002, and she took a restraining order out on him last year. Not only does he clearly have no life, but he also isn't very smart. Stalking charges are rather easy to work around: join the news corps.
The paparazzi
Are nothing but stalkers who
Are called official
I mean, really- they do the exact same thing as stalkers. They follow the celebrities' every move, and then they even go further- they use photographs and such to make money. It would make much more sense if it were the other way around, wouldn't it? I mean, stalkers are the true devotees- who do what they do for a hobby. Jennifer Garner really should be flattered, that someone would put so much time into something that does not garner profits (see what I did there?). It really shows that he is passionate about what he does. Paparazzi on the other hand, do it to make a living. If Burky (the stalker) were smart, he would have become a reporter. It sure would have made life much simpler for him.
The title is from Lady Gaga's song "Paparazzi."
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The Talk of the Town (And no, it's not Tiger Woods)
Well, I am officially finished with my first semester of college. Today, I shall be on route to home, once again. My dad is taking the time out of his Monday and Tuesday to drive the 6 hours here to pick me up. So again, I have a fun car ride in store for me.
In the news, the healthcare reform bill is still the talk of the town. And by talk of the town, I mean the filler between Tiger Woods stories.
The most recent update, from what I have heard, is that Public Option and Medicare Buy-In are no longer in the bill. This action was taken in an attempt to allow the bill's passing (Which seemed otherwise impossible), by gaining support from such skeptics as Joe Lieberman and Olympia Snowe. If you have been living in a hole (result of not watching CSPAN or browsing news websites for the non-celebrity or ukulele kid stories), public option is a federally supported option for health insurance. Many people opposed it, and so in order to have any chance of passing, this change was made.
However, I still have little hope. Why?
Joe Lieberman will
Always find some way to prove
His douchebaggery
Seriously, he's a democrat, he's an independent, he's a democrat- he needs to make up his damn mind. He's hated by democrats, and loved by republicans. He was even encouraged to join the republican party but chose not to (even though he lost the Democratic primary for a senate seat in '06). He ran with Gore in 2000, but went on to support McCain in 2008. He was in that group of people who supported the war, and then was too old and stubborn to admit that he was wrong (much like McCain). His reason for not wanting public option is that it would allow people as young as 55 to get Medicare. I think that the phrase he used was "get off my lawn you young wippersnappers!" Except Lieberman, believe it or not, is rather progressive. He supports gay rights, abortion rights, and other such issues. So why exactly does he insist on trying his best to go against the democratic party? I blame douchebaggery.
I have a more concrete theory though. If I were to guess, bribing... I mean lobbying might somehow be involved. Healthcare lobbyists spend millions of dollars to try to save themselves from any sort of government regulation. According to one article I read, they averaged 1.4 million dollars in spending per day earlier this year. Now, I'm no econ major (though I'm probably better at math than many of the athletes- I mean econ majors here), but that seems like an awful lot of money. Maybe if some of that money went to health care instead of lobbying, we might not need reform?
If you're interested in more, here's a good read about Joe Lieberman from a like-minded, and more educated-on-the-issue individual.
In the news, the healthcare reform bill is still the talk of the town. And by talk of the town, I mean the filler between Tiger Woods stories.
The most recent update, from what I have heard, is that Public Option and Medicare Buy-In are no longer in the bill. This action was taken in an attempt to allow the bill's passing (Which seemed otherwise impossible), by gaining support from such skeptics as Joe Lieberman and Olympia Snowe. If you have been living in a hole (result of not watching CSPAN or browsing news websites for the non-celebrity or ukulele kid stories), public option is a federally supported option for health insurance. Many people opposed it, and so in order to have any chance of passing, this change was made.
However, I still have little hope. Why?
Joe Lieberman will
Always find some way to prove
His douchebaggery
Seriously, he's a democrat, he's an independent, he's a democrat- he needs to make up his damn mind. He's hated by democrats, and loved by republicans. He was even encouraged to join the republican party but chose not to (even though he lost the Democratic primary for a senate seat in '06). He ran with Gore in 2000, but went on to support McCain in 2008. He was in that group of people who supported the war, and then was too old and stubborn to admit that he was wrong (much like McCain). His reason for not wanting public option is that it would allow people as young as 55 to get Medicare. I think that the phrase he used was "get off my lawn you young wippersnappers!" Except Lieberman, believe it or not, is rather progressive. He supports gay rights, abortion rights, and other such issues. So why exactly does he insist on trying his best to go against the democratic party? I blame douchebaggery.
I have a more concrete theory though. If I were to guess, bribing... I mean lobbying might somehow be involved. Healthcare lobbyists spend millions of dollars to try to save themselves from any sort of government regulation. According to one article I read, they averaged 1.4 million dollars in spending per day earlier this year. Now, I'm no econ major (though I'm probably better at math than many of the athletes- I mean econ majors here), but that seems like an awful lot of money. Maybe if some of that money went to health care instead of lobbying, we might not need reform?
If you're interested in more, here's a good read about Joe Lieberman from a like-minded, and more educated-on-the-issue individual.
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Rise of the Shadow King
Well today is my final final. After this non-cumulative sociology test, I shall be almost set to go home. And then Tuesday I will be on my way home! Oh happy days.
Last night, I came across another interesting article. I'm pretty good at finding these.
This article is about how Queen Elizabeth II (who, according to the article is only ever referred to as "The Queen," since the article never gives her name (I guess they assume it will only be read by British people)) is planning on making her grandson, Prince William, the "Shadow King." And no, that is not in reference to the infamous Shadow King of that video game (you know, that one?), or of the X-Men universe. By Shadow King, the article means a sort of "Ghost King." And not the Hamlet's Dad type of ghost- the "ghost author" type. He will be ruling in her place, while she acts as a figurehead, in order to, as the article states "ease the strain" on her. Responsibilities will include intending afternoon tea and crumpets, shaking the hand of Miley Cyrus, and not being involved in scandal after scandal (if you wonder, he has been involved in various scandals, Google it. And it's not on Wikipedia, which likely means that someone is working to make sure it stays that way). Which brings me to my haiku:
Constitutional
monarchy: The George "Dubya"
Bush of monarchies
As you probably don't know (or care), England is a constitutional monarchy. You might wonder what this means exactly. Well, pretty much, as I insinuate in my haiku, it means that they get to be George W. Bush. Except they're restricted by a constitution.
By being George Dubya, I mean that they get to go around and do whatever the hell they want, without worrying about consequences (though, unlike Bush, they are smart enough to avoid any consequences). And so now, though he will be Shadow King, he will continue to frolic around as he pleases, attending tea time and elevenses to his heart's content. If he's lucky though, his grandmother will still take part in the most daunting of the foreign meetings, saving him from a confrontation with Hillary Clinton for as long as possible.
The title is intended to sound like another one of those B movies.
Last night, I came across another interesting article. I'm pretty good at finding these.
This article is about how Queen Elizabeth II (who, according to the article is only ever referred to as "The Queen," since the article never gives her name (I guess they assume it will only be read by British people)) is planning on making her grandson, Prince William, the "Shadow King." And no, that is not in reference to the infamous Shadow King of that video game (you know, that one?), or of the X-Men universe. By Shadow King, the article means a sort of "Ghost King." And not the Hamlet's Dad type of ghost- the "ghost author" type. He will be ruling in her place, while she acts as a figurehead, in order to, as the article states "ease the strain" on her. Responsibilities will include intending afternoon tea and crumpets, shaking the hand of Miley Cyrus, and not being involved in scandal after scandal (if you wonder, he has been involved in various scandals, Google it. And it's not on Wikipedia, which likely means that someone is working to make sure it stays that way). Which brings me to my haiku:
Constitutional
monarchy: The George "Dubya"
Bush of monarchies
As you probably don't know (or care), England is a constitutional monarchy. You might wonder what this means exactly. Well, pretty much, as I insinuate in my haiku, it means that they get to be George W. Bush. Except they're restricted by a constitution.
By being George Dubya, I mean that they get to go around and do whatever the hell they want, without worrying about consequences (though, unlike Bush, they are smart enough to avoid any consequences). And so now, though he will be Shadow King, he will continue to frolic around as he pleases, attending tea time and elevenses to his heart's content. If he's lucky though, his grandmother will still take part in the most daunting of the foreign meetings, saving him from a confrontation with Hillary Clinton for as long as possible.
The title is intended to sound like another one of those B movies.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Fly me to the Moon
Well, it's Sunday. Not that it matters, though I do have a final tomorrow.
It's a hideous day out. It's not often that I wish it were colder here in Ithaca (it's usually plenty cold enough), but today I would really like if it were 2 or 3 degrees lower? Why? Because it's 33 degrees, and as a result it's raining. If it were colder, it would be snowing, which is infinitely better than the wetter, grosser alternative.
As I said before, I have a final tomorrow. I'm not really worried about it though. Why? Because my professor understands the world, and the exam is not cumulative (a stupid practice, as I described in Thursday's post).
So yesterday, as most of you probably knew, it was my birthday. I had an epic cookie pizza, which is pretty much a full sized pizza, except it's a cookie. With peanut butter cups on it. Deliciousness. Also, as part of the celebration, my girlfriend and I turned my entire room into a fort, and proceeded to watch Spaceballs: The Movie in it (sadly, I did not have any "Spaceballs: The Sheet" sheets to use for it (that was a movie reference)). In any case, the fort was absolutely epic, I can assure you. Actually, I can do more than assure you- I can give you actual photo documentation:
Is was absolutely amazing. And I know I use that phrase a lot, but in this scenario it is 'specially relevant (I felt like putting an apostrophe in place of the "e" in "especially." Sue me). Now for my haiku:
One never outgrows
A fort or cardboard box with
Age, only with size
When I am 60, I would not be the least bit surprised if I made a fort. I will always be young enough at heart to make epic sheet forts or turn a cardboard box into a spaceship. It's just a question of whether or not I will be too big to fit into them. I could see myself buying a refrigerator in the future based on whether or not the box will be spacious enough for me to use as I wish.
The title is in reference to the classic song, but also to the fact that flying to the moon is precisely what I do in cardboard boxed. Or something along those lines.
It's a hideous day out. It's not often that I wish it were colder here in Ithaca (it's usually plenty cold enough), but today I would really like if it were 2 or 3 degrees lower? Why? Because it's 33 degrees, and as a result it's raining. If it were colder, it would be snowing, which is infinitely better than the wetter, grosser alternative.
As I said before, I have a final tomorrow. I'm not really worried about it though. Why? Because my professor understands the world, and the exam is not cumulative (a stupid practice, as I described in Thursday's post).
So yesterday, as most of you probably knew, it was my birthday. I had an epic cookie pizza, which is pretty much a full sized pizza, except it's a cookie. With peanut butter cups on it. Deliciousness. Also, as part of the celebration, my girlfriend and I turned my entire room into a fort, and proceeded to watch Spaceballs: The Movie in it (sadly, I did not have any "Spaceballs: The Sheet" sheets to use for it (that was a movie reference)). In any case, the fort was absolutely epic, I can assure you. Actually, I can do more than assure you- I can give you actual photo documentation:
Is was absolutely amazing. And I know I use that phrase a lot, but in this scenario it is 'specially relevant (I felt like putting an apostrophe in place of the "e" in "especially." Sue me). Now for my haiku:
One never outgrows
A fort or cardboard box with
Age, only with size
When I am 60, I would not be the least bit surprised if I made a fort. I will always be young enough at heart to make epic sheet forts or turn a cardboard box into a spaceship. It's just a question of whether or not I will be too big to fit into them. I could see myself buying a refrigerator in the future based on whether or not the box will be spacious enough for me to use as I wish.
The title is in reference to the classic song, but also to the fact that flying to the moon is precisely what I do in cardboard boxed. Or something along those lines.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
The Apple of My Eye....Phone
The other day, I read a rather interesting article. It is about Abilene Christian University in Texas, where they are using iPhones for just about everything in their classrooms. Here, I'll let an out-of-context quote sum it up for you:
Who needs computers
When you can solely count on
an Apple iPhone?
I understand that the point of the iPhone for this campus is to revolutionize the college experience, but seriously- it is no replacement for a computer. You still need to write essays on a computer, and overall a computer is simply much more practical. While the iPhone might bring some degree of convenience, people are still going to be lugging laptops around with them to do their work. If they have a laptop, they can do all of that stuff the iPhone does, only with greater efficiency. All the iPhone does is bring novelty and slight degree of convenience to the students. And at what cost?
I am now going to ask another question about this plan, the question that most people avoid asking. What happens if you lose it? What happens if you misplace this wallet-sized device on which your entire education depends? If absolutely everyone has an iPhone and the classroom revolves around it, you're going to be needing it at all times. What happens if you drop it in the toilet? Hmm? Do you fish it out from your own excrement and talk on the phone knowing that its been in a toilet? Or do you just flush your college education down the toilet? It happens, believe me. And it's not pleasant.
So, for the time being, my stance is that ACU is not revolutionizing or streamlining the classroom experience, just making it smaller and easier to drop in your own shit.
The title has no real bearing. I just couldn't resist making the pun.
"The initiative’s goal was to explore how the always-connected iPhone might revolutionize the classroom experience with a dash of digital interactivity. Think web apps to turn in homework, look up campus maps, watch lecture podcasts and check class schedules and grades. For classroom participation, there’s even polling software for Abilene students to digitally raise their hand."So let's see: you can turn in homework in and look at maps on your iPhone, you can watch lectures on your iPhone so you don't have to get up early, and you can raise your hand with your iPhone. That certainly sounds like it will "revolutionize the classroom experience" as the article phrases it. Only thing is, can't we already do all of that on computers? And with much greater ease and practicality? And raising your hand is not the most revolutionary concept I've heard this week. As for the polling technology, that can be handled by a device called the iClicker, which costs a mere 20 bucks. Sounds like all they're doing is making the classroom experience smaller. That's not my main concern though. My problem with it is as follows:
Who needs computers
When you can solely count on
an Apple iPhone?
I understand that the point of the iPhone for this campus is to revolutionize the college experience, but seriously- it is no replacement for a computer. You still need to write essays on a computer, and overall a computer is simply much more practical. While the iPhone might bring some degree of convenience, people are still going to be lugging laptops around with them to do their work. If they have a laptop, they can do all of that stuff the iPhone does, only with greater efficiency. All the iPhone does is bring novelty and slight degree of convenience to the students. And at what cost?
I am now going to ask another question about this plan, the question that most people avoid asking. What happens if you lose it? What happens if you misplace this wallet-sized device on which your entire education depends? If absolutely everyone has an iPhone and the classroom revolves around it, you're going to be needing it at all times. What happens if you drop it in the toilet? Hmm? Do you fish it out from your own excrement and talk on the phone knowing that its been in a toilet? Or do you just flush your college education down the toilet? It happens, believe me. And it's not pleasant.
So, for the time being, my stance is that ACU is not revolutionizing or streamlining the classroom experience, just making it smaller and easier to drop in your own shit.
The title has no real bearing. I just couldn't resist making the pun.
Friday, December 11, 2009
"Gold Man-Sacks"
Well, I had my first final exam yesterday! It went well, I think. I finished first, which isn't necessarily a good thing, but I'm relatively confident with it. If you take a look at my Twitter feed (lower right hand corner of the page), you can see some of my Tweets regarding it. Pretty much I owned the quote identification part, but was not expecting a definition portion. Needless to say, I used my extensive background in Latin to make up definitions (to clarify, the only Latin I know is from random sayings (illegitimi non carborundum anyone?) and from Harry Potter spells). My made-up definitions ranged from "a Greek delicacy" to "newer than Old English, but older than New English." I also identified some random guy I didn't know as "presumably a medieval scholar or author, who is important enough to be on this exam- which is quite the honor."
Now, to move onto more pressing issues. In the news, Goldman Sachs announced that they would be altering their bonus policy because they have gotten enough hate from the public (or to "quell uproar" as they might have you think). What do I have to say to this?
Finally, we know
The cause of the recession
Won't be too pampered
Am I right in thinking that? They're altering bonuses to be less ridiculous? Maybe?
Well, let's see what the article says:
Okay, great. Instead of money, they get "special stock." I suppose that's a reasonable substitute. Now what do they mean be "special"? Is it "special" like my mommy says I am or "special" like the special effects in movies? I personally would not mind the latter, if it entails explosives.
Well, the actual answer is that a "special stock" is one that cannot be sold for five years, and can be taken away if the executive is in need of a time-out. This is much better than a real stock, because it means that they can't instantly sell it (like they would normally). Instead, they need to invest it, something that they probably never do with their money. The horror. I suppose it's all just, though, right?
The second part is that the shareholders can decide the salaries. I think that may profit the company, in the end, what with all of the negative salaries the shareholders would demand. Oh, except the decisions are non-binding. In other words, it's like saying "we'll let you vote on the ice cream for our ice cream party, and we'll definitely take into consideration. However, in the end we are more than likely going to choose our favorite type of ice cream, even though we never, ever do things with our own profit in mind" I mean, come on- with a history like Goldman Sachs's you can't exactly trust them to listen to votes that might not satisfy them.
Well, that's enough rambling for now. Too-da-loo.
Credit for the title goes to Jon Stewart, who had that phrase on an episode of The Daily Show
Now, to move onto more pressing issues. In the news, Goldman Sachs announced that they would be altering their bonus policy because they have gotten enough hate from the public (or to "quell uproar" as they might have you think). What do I have to say to this?
Finally, we know
The cause of the recession
Won't be too pampered
Am I right in thinking that? They're altering bonuses to be less ridiculous? Maybe?
Well, let's see what the article says:
"With a resurgent Goldman set to award billions of dollars in bonuses... the bank said that its 30 most-senior executives would be paid in the form of a special stock, rather than in cash. Goldman said that it would also let its shareholders vote on its executives’ pay, although the decision would be nonbinding." Source
Okay, great. Instead of money, they get "special stock." I suppose that's a reasonable substitute. Now what do they mean be "special"? Is it "special" like my mommy says I am or "special" like the special effects in movies? I personally would not mind the latter, if it entails explosives.
Well, the actual answer is that a "special stock" is one that cannot be sold for five years, and can be taken away if the executive is in need of a time-out. This is much better than a real stock, because it means that they can't instantly sell it (like they would normally). Instead, they need to invest it, something that they probably never do with their money. The horror. I suppose it's all just, though, right?
The second part is that the shareholders can decide the salaries. I think that may profit the company, in the end, what with all of the negative salaries the shareholders would demand. Oh, except the decisions are non-binding. In other words, it's like saying "we'll let you vote on the ice cream for our ice cream party, and we'll definitely take into consideration. However, in the end we are more than likely going to choose our favorite type of ice cream, even though we never, ever do things with our own profit in mind" I mean, come on- with a history like Goldman Sachs's you can't exactly trust them to listen to votes that might not satisfy them.
Well, that's enough rambling for now. Too-da-loo.
Credit for the title goes to Jon Stewart, who had that phrase on an episode of The Daily Show
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Forgotten Knowledge
Well, my first final is today. I studied about four hours (without moving, mind you... well, moving from the chair, that is), so I'm not too worried.
This final is for my medieval romance class, and, though it's an English course which is mainly oriented around essays and discussions, I feel that the final is justified. There's no other way for our professor to test if we've been reading or not, as essays allow you to focus on just one book, rather than all of them. I would not be surprised if a number of students in our class aren't reading the books, since it hasn't been enforced at all, but I don't really know why considering that the books are all quite enjoyable (seriously. King Arthur, anyone?). In any case, I'm sure that I have much less studying to do than many of my classmates.
This brings me to my topic for the post: finals. With a final like this, I think it's perfectly suitable to have one. You know what I have never, ever understood though? Cumulative finals for classes that already have exams.
What is the point of
Re-testing knowledge that will
Soon be forgotten?
I just do not see the point. It's pretty much the teacher's way of saying "I want to make sure you've understood the class, even though all of the tests that we've taken so far are supposed to show that. I also want to make sure that you retain the knowledge, even though you will likely forget all of it the minute you finish exam, considering that you're reviewing a semester's worth of reading over the course of a couple of days." I mean really. If you've already been tested on it, there's no need to retest it. You clearly know it, and you're clearly going to forget it- so why bother? No one can give a good answer for that question. Finals just result in more work for the professor and more work for students. And less sleep for everyone.
This final is for my medieval romance class, and, though it's an English course which is mainly oriented around essays and discussions, I feel that the final is justified. There's no other way for our professor to test if we've been reading or not, as essays allow you to focus on just one book, rather than all of them. I would not be surprised if a number of students in our class aren't reading the books, since it hasn't been enforced at all, but I don't really know why considering that the books are all quite enjoyable (seriously. King Arthur, anyone?). In any case, I'm sure that I have much less studying to do than many of my classmates.
This brings me to my topic for the post: finals. With a final like this, I think it's perfectly suitable to have one. You know what I have never, ever understood though? Cumulative finals for classes that already have exams.
What is the point of
Re-testing knowledge that will
Soon be forgotten?
I just do not see the point. It's pretty much the teacher's way of saying "I want to make sure you've understood the class, even though all of the tests that we've taken so far are supposed to show that. I also want to make sure that you retain the knowledge, even though you will likely forget all of it the minute you finish exam, considering that you're reviewing a semester's worth of reading over the course of a couple of days." I mean really. If you've already been tested on it, there's no need to retest it. You clearly know it, and you're clearly going to forget it- so why bother? No one can give a good answer for that question. Finals just result in more work for the professor and more work for students. And less sleep for everyone.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Try and use good grammar
Alas! Today is Wednesday, and tomorrow I have my first (and second to last) final exam! This one is for my medieval romance class, which thus far has been all fun and games, by which I mean that all of the readings have been more or less enjoyable and the lectures have been nothing but entertaining (and that wasn't sarcastic). Now, however, I will be asked to identify twenty passages, saying where they're from, when they're from, what language they're in, what the context of the passage is within the book, and whether the author was a cat or dog person. (That last one was a joke... all of them were dog people). Luckily we get a review packet with 60 passages (the 20 will be chosen from these), and we only have about 7 books. But a difficult task nonetheless.
I'm not too worried about it though, I've already done a good two hours worth of studying. I'm more worried about all of my papers. And Christmas. But mainly my papers.
The other day, I discovered came across something rather interesting. I learned that the word "acronym" does not cover as much as I had though. There is another word, "initialism," which is what I had thought acronyms were. Acronyms are abbreviation types thingies where you are supposed to pronounce the name. For instance, NATO or CAT (Condescending A-Hole Terrestrial). Initialisms, on the other hand, include all acronyms, but also those things that you are not meant to pronounce, such as BBC or CCCLLLCTAA (Center for the Containment of Celebrities who have Lucrative, Lovely, Lives but who Cheat and Throw it All Away (Current Population: Tiger Woods)).
This is one of those little tidbits of information I will always need to correct people on now, something I never get tired of doing.
There are some things in
Our language that are just plain
Wrong. Work to right them.
I'm talking about all of those little grammatical errors, but not like "you're" and "your." I'm referencing the errors that have become so commonplace in our society that even some of the most avid grammar police don't think about them. My prime example of this is "try and." The sentence is "try to." To "try and" implies that you succeed, which defeats the purpose of the word "try" which has a sense of uncertainty. For instance, if you say "I'm gonna try and kill him tonight" it means that you are going to kill him tonight. And if you are going to kill him, why don't you just say that? You mean to say "I'm going to try to," which suggests that there is actually a chance of failure (even though you probably thought it all out and have that elaborate trap set up under his mattress and everything).
There are other little errors such as "who" vs "whom," but I shall not go into further rambling regarding this.
I'm not too worried about it though, I've already done a good two hours worth of studying. I'm more worried about all of my papers. And Christmas. But mainly my papers.
The other day, I discovered came across something rather interesting. I learned that the word "acronym" does not cover as much as I had though. There is another word, "initialism," which is what I had thought acronyms were. Acronyms are abbreviation types thingies where you are supposed to pronounce the name. For instance, NATO or CAT (Condescending A-Hole Terrestrial). Initialisms, on the other hand, include all acronyms, but also those things that you are not meant to pronounce, such as BBC or CCCLLLCTAA (Center for the Containment of Celebrities who have Lucrative, Lovely, Lives but who Cheat and Throw it All Away (Current Population: Tiger Woods)).
This is one of those little tidbits of information I will always need to correct people on now, something I never get tired of doing.
There are some things in
Our language that are just plain
Wrong. Work to right them.
I'm talking about all of those little grammatical errors, but not like "you're" and "your." I'm referencing the errors that have become so commonplace in our society that even some of the most avid grammar police don't think about them. My prime example of this is "try and." The sentence is "try to." To "try and" implies that you succeed, which defeats the purpose of the word "try" which has a sense of uncertainty. For instance, if you say "I'm gonna try and kill him tonight" it means that you are going to kill him tonight. And if you are going to kill him, why don't you just say that? You mean to say "I'm going to try to," which suggests that there is actually a chance of failure (even though you probably thought it all out and have that elaborate trap set up under his mattress and everything).
There are other little errors such as "who" vs "whom," but I shall not go into further rambling regarding this.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Pop Goes the Culture
Well, last night I partook (partook... that's a nice word. I shall make more frequent use of it) in a trivia contest on popular culture, which was raising money for "Prevent Child Abuse America." CUPB, a club I'm part of, created its own freshmen team for it, and- in case you haven't figured it out, I was on that team. Needless to say we failed, and were eliminated in the second lightning round.
We got the first three lightning questions right, and the proceeded to get 1 of the next 3 wrong, which apparently justified our elimination. And if you care, we knew the next three.
The questions ranged from topics like Sex and the City to various facts about actors. We ended up being eliminated for not knowing which Jackson 5 song Mariah Carey covered (in 1992, at that). This brings me to my topic for today's post: Popular culture.
Now, I know that this is quite the general topic, but I am hoping to grasp what exactly popular culture is. So that's my question for you- what is popular culture?
My answer:
Popular culture
Is the double-edged sword of
Our society
What I mean by the "double-edged sword," is that pop culture provides our society with great entertainment. Popular culture is that CD you listen to on repeat. Pop culture is the movie that you go to see with your significant other. It is the clothes you buy. It's the effort to save our planet. It's the campaign of millions to elect our nation's first Black president. There are so many good aspects of popular culture that really bring out the best in America, and show the world why we are what we are.
On the other hand, there are number of negative aspects that come from it. Popular culture is going to see New Moon. It is being trampled to death by people looking to save a couple of dollars on luxuries. It is spending hundreds of dollars on a new iPod, even though your old one works perfectly fine. It is having the entire world hear about your new boyfriend just because you were in some movie. It is Ugg boots. Popular culture is, in essence, the energy of our society. It keeps us running and makes us who we are, but at the same time results in an increased number of trips to the crapper. That really doesn't make sense. I'm sorry, I'm tired and in need of a booster.
And I'm sorry that this post wasn't very funny. I'm not very creative. And there's so much I could've done with this topic. Bleh.
We got the first three lightning questions right, and the proceeded to get 1 of the next 3 wrong, which apparently justified our elimination. And if you care, we knew the next three.
The questions ranged from topics like Sex and the City to various facts about actors. We ended up being eliminated for not knowing which Jackson 5 song Mariah Carey covered (in 1992, at that). This brings me to my topic for today's post: Popular culture.
Now, I know that this is quite the general topic, but I am hoping to grasp what exactly popular culture is. So that's my question for you- what is popular culture?
My answer:
Popular culture
Is the double-edged sword of
Our society
What I mean by the "double-edged sword," is that pop culture provides our society with great entertainment. Popular culture is that CD you listen to on repeat. Pop culture is the movie that you go to see with your significant other. It is the clothes you buy. It's the effort to save our planet. It's the campaign of millions to elect our nation's first Black president. There are so many good aspects of popular culture that really bring out the best in America, and show the world why we are what we are.
On the other hand, there are number of negative aspects that come from it. Popular culture is going to see New Moon. It is being trampled to death by people looking to save a couple of dollars on luxuries. It is spending hundreds of dollars on a new iPod, even though your old one works perfectly fine. It is having the entire world hear about your new boyfriend just because you were in some movie. It is Ugg boots. Popular culture is, in essence, the energy of our society. It keeps us running and makes us who we are, but at the same time results in an increased number of trips to the crapper. That really doesn't make sense. I'm sorry, I'm tired and in need of a booster.
And I'm sorry that this post wasn't very funny. I'm not very creative. And there's so much I could've done with this topic. Bleh.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Prophet FAIL
Well, it's another day. Feels the same as yesterday, even though it's a Monday. This was all explained in yesterday's post. I shall be spending today in the library, working on my essays due Friday, so as to clear up more time for studying for my Thursday final. Yep, it will be a fun-filled week.
I will try to keep posting, but I can't guarantee being able to update the blog every single day. But I will try... as I just said in the previous sentence.
Earlier today, I read quite the entertaining article. If you don't want to read it, it's about the top "15 Failed Predictions about the Future." It gives a number of different out-of-context predictions various people have made regarding the future. It makes the people look rather silly, and/or stupid either because they were proved wrong, or they could not have possibly been more wrong with their guess. Here's what I have to say all of this:
If there's any chance
Of something, don't act so sure
When predicting it
Seriously, if there is even the slightest offchance of something occurring in the future, don't say that it will never happen, because it just might happen, and you just might look like a moron. For instance, Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM in 1943 claimed that "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." Fantastic premonition. He's practically a prophet. And it's good to know that Watson had high hopes for his company.
Another prediction was made by a non-famous person, but it's funny nonetheless. A random Boeing engineer said "There will never be a bigger plane built" in reference to a 10-seat plane. If there's one thing I know about predictions, it's that you never, ever say "there will never be" in reference to a record, because there will almost always be. For instance, If I said something like "there will never be a 5G network." This is on par with that other statement, because, like the number of seats in a plane constantly increases, the generation of phone networks does.
Now, I will make a couple of predictions of my own regarding the future, which are sure to be right.
There will never be a female president.
There will never be a Jewish president.
There will never be a dragon-man president.
There will never be another you (this is the name of a jazz standard, if you didn't get the reference).
Bob Woodward will never die (really, he's immortal)
By 2022 every man, woman, and dog (2025 for children) will have an iPhone. Even in Africa.
Soon enough, cell phones will have webcams, and no car accidents will ever result from them.
There you have it. Keep all of those predictions in mind in the upcoming years, and when all of them come true (even though saying something such as that has no expiration date on it, and as such can never come true), I can say "I told you so." And of course, they definitely won't be wrong.
I will try to keep posting, but I can't guarantee being able to update the blog every single day. But I will try... as I just said in the previous sentence.
Earlier today, I read quite the entertaining article. If you don't want to read it, it's about the top "15 Failed Predictions about the Future." It gives a number of different out-of-context predictions various people have made regarding the future. It makes the people look rather silly, and/or stupid either because they were proved wrong, or they could not have possibly been more wrong with their guess. Here's what I have to say all of this:
If there's any chance
Of something, don't act so sure
When predicting it
Seriously, if there is even the slightest offchance of something occurring in the future, don't say that it will never happen, because it just might happen, and you just might look like a moron. For instance, Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM in 1943 claimed that "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." Fantastic premonition. He's practically a prophet. And it's good to know that Watson had high hopes for his company.
Another prediction was made by a non-famous person, but it's funny nonetheless. A random Boeing engineer said "There will never be a bigger plane built" in reference to a 10-seat plane. If there's one thing I know about predictions, it's that you never, ever say "there will never be" in reference to a record, because there will almost always be. For instance, If I said something like "there will never be a 5G network." This is on par with that other statement, because, like the number of seats in a plane constantly increases, the generation of phone networks does.
Now, I will make a couple of predictions of my own regarding the future, which are sure to be right.
There will never be a female president.
There will never be a Jewish president.
There will never be a dragon-man president.
There will never be another you (this is the name of a jazz standard, if you didn't get the reference).
Bob Woodward will never die (really, he's immortal)
By 2022 every man, woman, and dog (2025 for children) will have an iPhone. Even in Africa.
Soon enough, cell phones will have webcams, and no car accidents will ever result from them.
There you have it. Keep all of those predictions in mind in the upcoming years, and when all of them come true (even though saying something such as that has no expiration date on it, and as such can never come true), I can say "I told you so." And of course, they definitely won't be wrong.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
This is the start of something new...
Alas, 'tis Sunday, but I am afeared not. For, now that studies have ceased, a Sunday by any other name remains a day, and no day holds greater precedence over another.
If you were unable to read that, what I was trying to convey is that a weekend during finals means absolutely nothing. Quiet hours remain ridiculous on weekends (22 hours a day... only at Cornell would there be quiet hours at 3PM in the afternoon), dining hall hours are mostly the same, and finals are even given on weekends (preposterous as it is).
On that note, I think I will dedicate this post to finals week(s). Not finals themselves, that will come later. Maybe when I actually have a final.
Finals weeks could be
Great, were it not for those which
Take place during them
I know I'm a bit ambiguous, but I did that on purpose... mainly to fit the syllable requirements, but also for effect. By "them" I'm referring to "finals weeks," and "those" refers to finals. Yes, finals weeks would be amazingly awesome without finals. Although I probably don't need to tell you that. Two weeks, no classes? It's just like orientation week, only you already know people. Imagine, if we didn't have to spend the whole two weeks studying, we could spend the whole two weeks doing fun stuff, such as watching all three The Lord of the Rings movies in a row, playing Life in the lobby at 2AM, or make an epic hopskotch game across the whole arts quad (please note, all 3 are things I've either wanted to do and/or seen people doing). Instead, however, we are expected to spend all of our time studying for finals. Sad days.
If you were unable to read that, what I was trying to convey is that a weekend during finals means absolutely nothing. Quiet hours remain ridiculous on weekends (22 hours a day... only at Cornell would there be quiet hours at 3PM in the afternoon), dining hall hours are mostly the same, and finals are even given on weekends (preposterous as it is).
On that note, I think I will dedicate this post to finals week(s). Not finals themselves, that will come later. Maybe when I actually have a final.
Finals weeks could be
Great, were it not for those which
Take place during them
I know I'm a bit ambiguous, but I did that on purpose... mainly to fit the syllable requirements, but also for effect. By "them" I'm referring to "finals weeks," and "those" refers to finals. Yes, finals weeks would be amazingly awesome without finals. Although I probably don't need to tell you that. Two weeks, no classes? It's just like orientation week, only you already know people. Imagine, if we didn't have to spend the whole two weeks studying, we could spend the whole two weeks doing fun stuff, such as watching all three The Lord of the Rings movies in a row, playing Life in the lobby at 2AM, or make an epic hopskotch game across the whole arts quad (please note, all 3 are things I've either wanted to do and/or seen people doing). Instead, however, we are expected to spend all of our time studying for finals. Sad days.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Indecent Exposure
Well, it's Saturday. Again. Get some originality December- it's been done. And it's snowing! Finally.
No more classes! If you read my post yesterday, I already mentioned it, but it's worth another mention, methinks.
What with classes being done and such I lack inspiration for my posts... even though I, admittedly, rarely base posts on classes.
Since I can't think of anything clever to discuss, I shall revert to another limerick, which are never clever.
There once was a girl named Marie
And she felt the urge to party.
Though underage,
She went on stage,
And was fined for indecency
This is only slightly based on a true story. By which I mean none at all. Maybe. But in all seriousness, no one drinks at Cornell. At all. Not one alcoholic beverage on campus. That I know of. And only occasionally will I hear ambulances coming to pick up people for alcohol poisoning (only like ever 20 minutes, at least). Disregard anything I may have said in that vlog post.
And that "underage" "stage" rhyme may have been inspired by the Freezypop song "Sprode."
No more classes! If you read my post yesterday, I already mentioned it, but it's worth another mention, methinks.
What with classes being done and such I lack inspiration for my posts... even though I, admittedly, rarely base posts on classes.
Since I can't think of anything clever to discuss, I shall revert to another limerick, which are never clever.
There once was a girl named Marie
And she felt the urge to party.
Though underage,
She went on stage,
And was fined for indecency
This is only slightly based on a true story. By which I mean none at all. Maybe. But in all seriousness, no one drinks at Cornell. At all. Not one alcoholic beverage on campus. That I know of. And only occasionally will I hear ambulances coming to pick up people for alcohol poisoning (only like ever 20 minutes, at least). Disregard anything I may have said in that vlog post.
And that "underage" "stage" rhyme may have been inspired by the Freezypop song "Sprode."
Friday, December 4, 2009
Pride of Laziness
Well, the day is finally upon us. Today is.... the final day of classes! No more lectures for almost two months! Of course, there are still finals, final papers, final labs, final fantasies, and last suppers. I feel as though I'm much less excited than I should be. Oh well.
In the news, Cornell has received an(other) award from the City of Ithaca. What do I have to say about the award (before you know anything about it)? My haiku:
Laziness is a
Merit that has once again
Proved to be useful
This award is called the "Pride of Ownership" award (should be "Pride of Laziness"), and it was presented to Cornell for its fantastic landscape (or lack thereof) architecture on Libe Slope. Right now, it is overgrown, which apparently creates:
Yes, this is a prime example of the payoff that laziness provides. You too can get far in life and earn rewards for doing absolutely nothing! That is what you come to Cornell to learn. Although if you do nothing chances are you'll be kicked out (unless you play hockey). Rather ironic, don't you think? If I stop doing work, I don't think I'll get any sort of award for creating a "beautifully textured counterpoint" to other students who do work. Hypocrisy.
I've thought of a couple of other award we could get in other departments for laziness:
Construction: I'm surprised we haven't gotten anything for this yet, but we should get something for our construction by Rand, which "creates a hideous counterpart to the architecture building, where the students are learning to design buildings that are supposed to be artistic"
Winter Maintenance: I'm sure you've seen the signs saying "No Winter Maintenance." Well, I think we should get a reward for the leaves on the grass creating a "beautifully textured counterpoint" to the grass.
The Food In Okenshield's: You've all likely been victim to it, but have you thought about its award potential? It could be for creating a "textured counterpoint" to the food in any other dining hall. That is, the food is textured. And gross. Which is a counterpoint to the rest of the food on campus!
In the news, Cornell has received an(other) award from the City of Ithaca. What do I have to say about the award (before you know anything about it)? My haiku:
Laziness is a
Merit that has once again
Proved to be useful
This award is called the "Pride of Ownership" award (should be "Pride of Laziness"), and it was presented to Cornell for its fantastic landscape (or lack thereof) architecture on Libe Slope. Right now, it is overgrown, which apparently creates:
"A beautifully textured counterpoint to the areas currently mown more frequently and a stunning setting for I.M. Pei's Johnson Museum of Art."It's reminiscent of how my cat doesn't clean his back, which I would say creates a "textured counterpoint." I can't exactly vouch for its beauty.
Yes, this is a prime example of the payoff that laziness provides. You too can get far in life and earn rewards for doing absolutely nothing! That is what you come to Cornell to learn. Although if you do nothing chances are you'll be kicked out (unless you play hockey). Rather ironic, don't you think? If I stop doing work, I don't think I'll get any sort of award for creating a "beautifully textured counterpoint" to other students who do work. Hypocrisy.
I've thought of a couple of other award we could get in other departments for laziness:
Construction: I'm surprised we haven't gotten anything for this yet, but we should get something for our construction by Rand, which "creates a hideous counterpart to the architecture building, where the students are learning to design buildings that are supposed to be artistic"
Winter Maintenance: I'm sure you've seen the signs saying "No Winter Maintenance." Well, I think we should get a reward for the leaves on the grass creating a "beautifully textured counterpoint" to the grass.
The Food In Okenshield's: You've all likely been victim to it, but have you thought about its award potential? It could be for creating a "textured counterpoint" to the food in any other dining hall. That is, the food is textured. And gross. Which is a counterpoint to the rest of the food on campus!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
SONG: Finders Keepers
New song is up! It's based on Regina Spektor's song "Wallet," but with more questionable morals. Which really aren't that questionable- I'm sure you would do the same.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX-6PMJh-Yw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX-6PMJh-Yw
Every Day is a Holiday!
Well, it's my second-to-last day of classes. And I'm not nearly as excited as I probably should be. It may have something to do with the huge number of papers and exams I have this coming week.
The other day I was on Facebook, and I came across something rather entertaining. It is a group warning people that Obama is trying to move Christmas. Now, I probably shouldn't need to tell you that this notion is absolutely preposterous and has not been posted anywhere but Facebook (which is surely a reputable source of information). The group was most definitely formed as a parody, to anyone dumb enough to join, but in any case- no one has the power to change the date of Christmas. Well, maybe the Pope. Or Jesus.
But I am writing this post thinking about the possibility of it.
Imagine if the
Government could control all
Of the holidays
Now, I know that they have some power over declaring various holidays, such as "Veteran's Day," "Memorial Day," or "National Seat Belt Safety Recognition Day." However, this power, for rather obvious reasons does not reach to religious holidays, namely because any person who did propose such a thing would never get reelected. But think about what could happen if we could change the dates of holidays. One thing is that we could have Christmas twice a year! Or we could put all of the holidays into one EPIC week of awesomeness. Although then the rest of the year would suck. So maybe they should change the time in a year along with Earth's revolution speed around the Earth. Instead of 365 days per year, why not have 12 days per year! Which happen to be the twelve days of Christmas, but also with another holiday on each day. Of course, the other religions would need some lovin' so maybe we'd rotate each year. Although then people would even more frequently call Obama a muslin. Also Obama's terms would be really short, so that's just unrealistic to expect him to do that...
The other day I was on Facebook, and I came across something rather entertaining. It is a group warning people that Obama is trying to move Christmas. Now, I probably shouldn't need to tell you that this notion is absolutely preposterous and has not been posted anywhere but Facebook (which is surely a reputable source of information). The group was most definitely formed as a parody, to anyone dumb enough to join, but in any case- no one has the power to change the date of Christmas. Well, maybe the Pope. Or Jesus.
But I am writing this post thinking about the possibility of it.
Imagine if the
Government could control all
Of the holidays
Now, I know that they have some power over declaring various holidays, such as "Veteran's Day," "Memorial Day," or "National Seat Belt Safety Recognition Day." However, this power, for rather obvious reasons does not reach to religious holidays, namely because any person who did propose such a thing would never get reelected. But think about what could happen if we could change the dates of holidays. One thing is that we could have Christmas twice a year! Or we could put all of the holidays into one EPIC week of awesomeness. Although then the rest of the year would suck. So maybe they should change the time in a year along with Earth's revolution speed around the Earth. Instead of 365 days per year, why not have 12 days per year! Which happen to be the twelve days of Christmas, but also with another holiday on each day. Of course, the other religions would need some lovin' so maybe we'd rotate each year. Although then people would even more frequently call Obama a muslin. Also Obama's terms would be really short, so that's just unrealistic to expect him to do that...
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
"Featuring Songs By The Most Obscure, Non-21st Century Artists!"
It's the middle of the week! And I have just three days left of classes! It's been a very busy week, and will continue to be, between final papers, final papers, and more final papers. Don't worry- exams aren't until next week.
The other day, I was thinking about Guitar Hero, and then thought about how cool it would be if they had "Piano Hero." Then I realized that it would probably be the same as a real piano. But I did figure something out about the franchise:
Put any music term
Before "hero," and you're sure
To have a good game
Really, take a look at the possibilities. So far we have "Guitar Hero," "Band Hero," "DJ Hero, "Guitar Hero [Insert any number you can count on one hand. Unless you have a 6 fingered hand. Or anything other than 5, really]. Now, imagine the possibility with games such as "Chamber Orchestra Hero," "Avant-Garde Jazz Quartet Hero," "Big Band Hero" (they would need like 20 controllers for this one), or "Gregorian Chants Hero." Any of these games would be a cult classic, I guarantee it. They may lose millions of dollars, but what it loses in popular appeal each would make up for in pure uniqueness. And it would be great for the Wii, which aims to attract a wider audience range- the "Chamber Orchestra Hero" would be great for any nursing home.
I hope Activision is reading this post, and maybe they'll become inspired. Maybe.
Title is a spin-off of what the case for "Band Hero" says on it.
The other day, I was thinking about Guitar Hero, and then thought about how cool it would be if they had "Piano Hero." Then I realized that it would probably be the same as a real piano. But I did figure something out about the franchise:
Put any music term
Before "hero," and you're sure
To have a good game
Really, take a look at the possibilities. So far we have "Guitar Hero," "Band Hero," "DJ Hero, "Guitar Hero [Insert any number you can count on one hand. Unless you have a 6 fingered hand. Or anything other than 5, really]. Now, imagine the possibility with games such as "Chamber Orchestra Hero," "Avant-Garde Jazz Quartet Hero," "Big Band Hero" (they would need like 20 controllers for this one), or "Gregorian Chants Hero." Any of these games would be a cult classic, I guarantee it. They may lose millions of dollars, but what it loses in popular appeal each would make up for in pure uniqueness. And it would be great for the Wii, which aims to attract a wider audience range- the "Chamber Orchestra Hero" would be great for any nursing home.
I hope Activision is reading this post, and maybe they'll become inspired. Maybe.
Title is a spin-off of what the case for "Band Hero" says on it.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Wanted: The Grinch, on 304 million counts of breaking and entering, theft, impersonating a government official, and unethical treatment of an endangered species
Well. It's the start of a new day. Tuesday, to be precise. I plan to lock myself in the library today and finish a paper or two. Chances are, this won't go exactly as planned, but I will try nonetheless. More than being the start of a new day, it's the start of something much, much greater- 31x greater to be precise: A new month. That number, however, is only quantitative. In terms of quality, the percent increase is much much higher. Why? Because it is December!
I can hear you asking now "Why do you care about December, Theo? It's just another month! And it's cold!" Well, the answer is that December is not just any month- it's a magical and joyous month. Between the holiday season, New Years (although I know this technically isn't December. Sort of), and my birthday- the month is great for everyone, unless you don't affiliate with a religion/don't celebrate holidays. Or hate happiness. Or both.
You see, in December- the best in people tends to come out. They enter into a month-long holiday spirit, and insist on giving and receiving gifts. And now you're saying "but it's about the spirit, right? Not the gifts? That's what my mommy always told me!" Well, first, you can't believe everything your mother says, can you? For instance, you're not special, Santa isn't real, and you're probably adopted. But second, the answer is: wrong.
The holiday season is all about the material objects. How on earth can you be in a happy mood if you didn't get that new Mercedes you asked for?
Without presents, the
Holiday season would be
Pointless. Oh, and suck.
Okay, I know that that haiku was rather lame, but think about it: without presents, the holiday season would not be a holiday season- no one would care about it except for the religious. Contrary to what Dr. Seuss may want you to believe, our society's Christmas would fail if the Grinch pulled the same stunt he did with Whoville. It would be like holding a dance party without any dancing. Or a pool party without the pool. Or a birthday party without the party. It would be a flop of a holiday. Any holiday that isn't highly commercialized simply fails to be cared for by society, for instance- any Jewish holiday.
I guess, in layman's terms- December would be nothing without all of the over-commercialized material bullshit that goes on. God forbid we have holidays that are about the spirit of them.
I can hear you asking now "Why do you care about December, Theo? It's just another month! And it's cold!" Well, the answer is that December is not just any month- it's a magical and joyous month. Between the holiday season, New Years (although I know this technically isn't December. Sort of), and my birthday- the month is great for everyone, unless you don't affiliate with a religion/don't celebrate holidays. Or hate happiness. Or both.
You see, in December- the best in people tends to come out. They enter into a month-long holiday spirit, and insist on giving and receiving gifts. And now you're saying "but it's about the spirit, right? Not the gifts? That's what my mommy always told me!" Well, first, you can't believe everything your mother says, can you? For instance, you're not special, Santa isn't real, and you're probably adopted. But second, the answer is: wrong.
The holiday season is all about the material objects. How on earth can you be in a happy mood if you didn't get that new Mercedes you asked for?
Without presents, the
Holiday season would be
Pointless. Oh, and suck.
Okay, I know that that haiku was rather lame, but think about it: without presents, the holiday season would not be a holiday season- no one would care about it except for the religious. Contrary to what Dr. Seuss may want you to believe, our society's Christmas would fail if the Grinch pulled the same stunt he did with Whoville. It would be like holding a dance party without any dancing. Or a pool party without the pool. Or a birthday party without the party. It would be a flop of a holiday. Any holiday that isn't highly commercialized simply fails to be cared for by society, for instance- any Jewish holiday.
I guess, in layman's terms- December would be nothing without all of the over-commercialized material bullshit that goes on. God forbid we have holidays that are about the spirit of them.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Hunting Wabbits
Well, I am finally back at Cornell. Starting up with classes and such again... fun fun fun. Luckily, there's only one week of classes left. Which is always nice. Except for finals.
The other day I read an interesting article about rabbits being used as fuel. Essentially what the article says is that rabbits are overpopulating in Europe (filthy little sex addicts), and when they kill the rabbits they send them to be burnt and used as electricity. In layman's terms- they're using actual bunnies as energizer bunnies.
Now, you might think this is a horrid effrontery to the circle of life- but it's not. This is how it's always been: Animal kills lesser animal, disposes of carcass in preposterous ways. Lesser animal keeps coming back endlessly, greater animal rises and repeats.
I think, however, there may be other benefits of this:
I'm pretty sure that bunny
Hunting correlates with the
Crime rate has gone down
Think about it. If people have loaded guns, and are itching to shoot something, what's more satisfying for relieving stress- shooting a human, or shooting a cute little bunny-rabbit? And then if you can sell those rabbits as electricity? Even better.
Let's just hope that the bunnies never come back as zombies. It would be like Monty Python's Holy Grail, but with millions of bunnies, and they're be undead. And would aim for brains with those massive hops. Just thinking about it makes me want to aid in the conversion to electricity.
Also, I find it rather innovative for them to destroy parts of the environment to save the environment. And to any of you who object- at least it's better than forcing all of the bunnies to run on wheels to produce power, and then burning them after they die of exhaustion. Not that anyone has every done that.
The other day I read an interesting article about rabbits being used as fuel. Essentially what the article says is that rabbits are overpopulating in Europe (filthy little sex addicts), and when they kill the rabbits they send them to be burnt and used as electricity. In layman's terms- they're using actual bunnies as energizer bunnies.
Now, you might think this is a horrid effrontery to the circle of life- but it's not. This is how it's always been: Animal kills lesser animal, disposes of carcass in preposterous ways. Lesser animal keeps coming back endlessly, greater animal rises and repeats.
I think, however, there may be other benefits of this:
I'm pretty sure that bunny
Hunting correlates with the
Crime rate has gone down
Think about it. If people have loaded guns, and are itching to shoot something, what's more satisfying for relieving stress- shooting a human, or shooting a cute little bunny-rabbit? And then if you can sell those rabbits as electricity? Even better.
Let's just hope that the bunnies never come back as zombies. It would be like Monty Python's Holy Grail, but with millions of bunnies, and they're be undead. And would aim for brains with those massive hops. Just thinking about it makes me want to aid in the conversion to electricity.
Also, I find it rather innovative for them to destroy parts of the environment to save the environment. And to any of you who object- at least it's better than forcing all of the bunnies to run on wheels to produce power, and then burning them after they die of exhaustion. Not that anyone has every done that.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The Elements of Style
Well, I am anon returned to Cornell. I am most sad to depart from my dwelling, along with my family and friends- however, I am contented by the fact that I shall not have long ere I come home again. I'm not sure why I'm talking as I have been.
There's not much to speak of today, other than my departure- since that is all I can really think about. So rather than make an entire lengthy post, I will leave you with a haiku and a short thought based off of that haiku.
Strunk and E.B. White
Are now rolling in their graves
Because of Twilight
Really, I pity them. That is the curse of The Elements of Style, which forever afflicts them with the disease of poor grammar. I really want to see some grammar-fanatic or grammar-cult start someday, which would enforce good grammar with an iron ruler. They could start by making sure that Stephanie Meyer writes no more books. I've already discussed this, but we need a government-funded grammar police. Really. And anyone who wants a phone would need to take a short quiz on when to use "your" versus "you're."
There's not much to speak of today, other than my departure- since that is all I can really think about. So rather than make an entire lengthy post, I will leave you with a haiku and a short thought based off of that haiku.
Strunk and E.B. White
Are now rolling in their graves
Because of Twilight
Really, I pity them. That is the curse of The Elements of Style, which forever afflicts them with the disease of poor grammar. I really want to see some grammar-fanatic or grammar-cult start someday, which would enforce good grammar with an iron ruler. They could start by making sure that Stephanie Meyer writes no more books. I've already discussed this, but we need a government-funded grammar police. Really. And anyone who wants a phone would need to take a short quiz on when to use "your" versus "you're."
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sacrifices for Sports
Well. Today is the last full day of my Thanksgiving break. Sad.
I will return on another 7 hour bus ride, which is always fun. It's quite alright though, because I will be returning to Boston in a little more than two weeks for my overly long winter break. There will be no song or vlog this weekend- sorry.
I don't have much to talk about now, so I will take a look at my Boston Globe here, and see what is on the front page.... "Northeastern calls an end to football."
This article is about how Northeastern is getting rid of football at the school because it lacks the money to "improve the team to meet the school's ambitions." You might wonder what the school's ambitions are exactly, that they'd cut such a huge college sport. Well, I would imagine that they are aiming for something above 3-8, which is where they stand now.
If all of the schools
With bad football teams cut them,
Picture the savings
Think about it. If every single college with a horrendous football team got rid of the team or cut funding for them, millions upon millions of dollars would saved every year. Students' tuitions would be less, dining hall food could be improved, people could get better education in general- all for the price of not going to a game that they know the results for in the first place. Besides, schools should focus on sports they're good at. For instance, at Cornell- everyone goes to the hockey games. Why? Because we're good at it. I don't think many people would notice if they got rid of our basketball team. Wait, no- we have a good b-ball team. Baseball, there we go- no one would care if we lost our baseball team.
I will return on another 7 hour bus ride, which is always fun. It's quite alright though, because I will be returning to Boston in a little more than two weeks for my overly long winter break. There will be no song or vlog this weekend- sorry.
I don't have much to talk about now, so I will take a look at my Boston Globe here, and see what is on the front page.... "Northeastern calls an end to football."
This article is about how Northeastern is getting rid of football at the school because it lacks the money to "improve the team to meet the school's ambitions." You might wonder what the school's ambitions are exactly, that they'd cut such a huge college sport. Well, I would imagine that they are aiming for something above 3-8, which is where they stand now.
If all of the schools
With bad football teams cut them,
Picture the savings
Think about it. If every single college with a horrendous football team got rid of the team or cut funding for them, millions upon millions of dollars would saved every year. Students' tuitions would be less, dining hall food could be improved, people could get better education in general- all for the price of not going to a game that they know the results for in the first place. Besides, schools should focus on sports they're good at. For instance, at Cornell- everyone goes to the hockey games. Why? Because we're good at it. I don't think many people would notice if they got rid of our basketball team. Wait, no- we have a good b-ball team. Baseball, there we go- no one would care if we lost our baseball team.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Black Stands For Death. Friday Stands for Friday.
Well, that day we've been prepping for since yesterday is finally here. Black Friday! It's just like Christmas eve, but with no real bearing as a holiday. And yet, it's probably one of the most celebrated holidays in the United States. I went to McDonald's at around 12 last night, and there was already line of maybe 10 people outside of Target AND about a 12 person line at the McDonald's drivethru. C'mon people, it's McDonald's!
One question that's probably on most people's minds is "why exactly is it called Black Friday?"
Well, the answer is simple.
It's called Black Friday
Because it's supposed to be
A day of mourning
I bet you're thinking "why on Earth should we be mourning, when we have the opportunity to take advantage of some of greatest deals of the year!?" Well, the answer to that question is also rather simple: It is for mourning the death of dignity and reason, and for the rise of the further predominance of material-society. I can understand camping out to buy movie tickets or sports event tickets, camping out for a Boy Scout trip, or camping out to stalk someone- but camping out to save 50$ on that George Foreman Grill is just sad. Where is your dignity? Our culture has become far too object-oriented. Also, it becomes even more sad when you find out about all of the casualties. Imagine having a policeman knock on your door and be like "I'm so sorry, but your husband died after being trampled by a mob making their way to the computer aisle at Best Buy."
By now you're probably in tears, so I will stop depressing you. And have a happy Black Friday.
One question that's probably on most people's minds is "why exactly is it called Black Friday?"
Well, the answer is simple.
It's called Black Friday
Because it's supposed to be
A day of mourning
I bet you're thinking "why on Earth should we be mourning, when we have the opportunity to take advantage of some of greatest deals of the year!?" Well, the answer to that question is also rather simple: It is for mourning the death of dignity and reason, and for the rise of the further predominance of material-society. I can understand camping out to buy movie tickets or sports event tickets, camping out for a Boy Scout trip, or camping out to stalk someone- but camping out to save 50$ on that George Foreman Grill is just sad. Where is your dignity? Our culture has become far too object-oriented. Also, it becomes even more sad when you find out about all of the casualties. Imagine having a policeman knock on your door and be like "I'm so sorry, but your husband died after being trampled by a mob making their way to the computer aisle at Best Buy."
By now you're probably in tears, so I will stop depressing you. And have a happy Black Friday.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Giving Thanks For What's Important
Well, the day that we have all been waiting to arrive for years is upon us. Thanksgiving.
Now, the idea behind the Thanksgiving holiday is straightforward: You eat as much as you can, while giving thanks that you have the money to afford such an unconventional meal while people around the world would kill to have a fraction of the stuffing off of your plate. And then you can live the rest of your year not thanking people for anything.
This raises the question though: what exactly are we supposed to be thankful for? That we have everything we have? That we're still alive? That our cat got better at grooming himself and no longer has a disgusting back? Everyone has something different.
I think that people's
Thanksgiving thanks is a good
Measure of real age
For instance, if someone says that they're thankful for having their whole family alive and well, that their grandmother lived another year, or that they have enough support to stay at college- you can guess that they're mature and/or down-to-Earth. However, if they say that they're thankful for their 60-inch plasma TV, that they still have a lease on their Mercedes, or that they got what they wanted for their birthday- chances are they are five and/or have yet to realize what's important in life. And sometimes, a five-year-old might have more insight into this than a full-grown man.
Now, the idea behind the Thanksgiving holiday is straightforward: You eat as much as you can, while giving thanks that you have the money to afford such an unconventional meal while people around the world would kill to have a fraction of the stuffing off of your plate. And then you can live the rest of your year not thanking people for anything.
This raises the question though: what exactly are we supposed to be thankful for? That we have everything we have? That we're still alive? That our cat got better at grooming himself and no longer has a disgusting back? Everyone has something different.
I think that people's
Thanksgiving thanks is a good
Measure of real age
For instance, if someone says that they're thankful for having their whole family alive and well, that their grandmother lived another year, or that they have enough support to stay at college- you can guess that they're mature and/or down-to-Earth. However, if they say that they're thankful for their 60-inch plasma TV, that they still have a lease on their Mercedes, or that they got what they wanted for their birthday- chances are they are five and/or have yet to realize what's important in life. And sometimes, a five-year-old might have more insight into this than a full-grown man.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
College Life
Well, after an incredibly long car-ride yesterday, I finally arrived home. I was greeted by two incredibly excited dogs, an excited mom, and a clean room. Needless to say, that room will devolve to its former state soon enough. I can't help it, it's an affliction that follows me everywhere.
Now that I'm home and not at college, I have even less to talk about. I'd tell you about my house, but I try my best not to bore you too much, while at the same time preventing a crazy stalker from coming after me.
I will be going into my high school today and visiting some of my old teachers. You might wonder "why on earth would you want to relive those years?" And the truth is- I don't. But I do miss some of my teachers. Trust me, I would never go back for another year, but visiting for a day is not too bad at all.
I'd write about high school, but I feel as though that topic has been done and overdone and undone. And by now, between Twilight, Glee, and High School Musical, it's just far too easy to mock. But I'll do it anyways.
High school is just like
College, but minus the fun
And independence
Yes, believe it or not the two are very similar. Except at college, you (hopefully) aren't completely controlled by your parents, there is so much to do, and you can finally be free. On the other hand, you have much more work and... it costs an arm and a leg. But that's it for the cons. Other than that it's all pros. Yes, high schoolers- look forward to college. Unless you plan to go into engineering. Or premed.
Now that I'm home and not at college, I have even less to talk about. I'd tell you about my house, but I try my best not to bore you too much, while at the same time preventing a crazy stalker from coming after me.
I will be going into my high school today and visiting some of my old teachers. You might wonder "why on earth would you want to relive those years?" And the truth is- I don't. But I do miss some of my teachers. Trust me, I would never go back for another year, but visiting for a day is not too bad at all.
I'd write about high school, but I feel as though that topic has been done and overdone and undone. And by now, between Twilight, Glee, and High School Musical, it's just far too easy to mock. But I'll do it anyways.
High school is just like
College, but minus the fun
And independence
Yes, believe it or not the two are very similar. Except at college, you (hopefully) aren't completely controlled by your parents, there is so much to do, and you can finally be free. On the other hand, you have much more work and... it costs an arm and a leg. But that's it for the cons. Other than that it's all pros. Yes, high schoolers- look forward to college. Unless you plan to go into engineering. Or premed.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Socioliloligy
Well, it's a beautiful Tuesday morning. Namely because I'm going home. I couldn't care less about the weather. I have a six-plus hour drive in front of me, which I expect to be tons of fun (I take any opportunity I can to make my legs fall asleep).
Yesterday, in the midst of my sociology lecture, I realized something: I have used the "add word" function in Microsoft Word during those lectures more than in any other context. Because of that, I realized the following:
Sociology
Is the science of making
Up words when you must
Seriously, sociologists will take any word- be it verb, adjective, noun, or adverb- and warp it to their needs. Some examples: homophily, deindividuation, derationalization, interactionism, or affectual. All of these words stem from already existing words, but are altered for the sake of the sociologist.
Here are some words that, if I were a sociologist, would coin: amazingness, awesomization, epication, disintelligentation, and idiotism. Maybe that's where a degree in sociology would come in handy...
Some of you are probably reading these words and asking the same question I thought of in lecture today: Was George W. Bush a sociologist? The answer is no, he was a bullshitologist. The two are relatively similar, except that the latter is not acquired with a four-year education, you're born with it. But it has many advantages, just look at these masterpieces of words: misunderestimate, subliminable, insticated, or ingrinable. All about as legitimate as the sociologists'.
Yesterday, in the midst of my sociology lecture, I realized something: I have used the "add word" function in Microsoft Word during those lectures more than in any other context. Because of that, I realized the following:
Sociology
Is the science of making
Up words when you must
Seriously, sociologists will take any word- be it verb, adjective, noun, or adverb- and warp it to their needs. Some examples: homophily, deindividuation, derationalization, interactionism, or affectual. All of these words stem from already existing words, but are altered for the sake of the sociologist.
Here are some words that, if I were a sociologist, would coin: amazingness, awesomization, epication, disintelligentation, and idiotism. Maybe that's where a degree in sociology would come in handy...
Some of you are probably reading these words and asking the same question I thought of in lecture today: Was George W. Bush a sociologist? The answer is no, he was a bullshitologist. The two are relatively similar, except that the latter is not acquired with a four-year education, you're born with it. But it has many advantages, just look at these masterpieces of words: misunderestimate, subliminable, insticated, or ingrinable. All about as legitimate as the sociologists'.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Something to Talk About
Well, it's Monday again! This would be a bad thing, as usual, except for the fact that I am leaving for Thanksgiving break tomorrow! Also, I have a jazz concert tonight, 8 PM at the Carriage House. Be there. It should be good, and the Carriage House makes a damn good espresso (not that I would know- I don't drink coffee, but it sounds classier than "a damn good hot chocolate").
You know what I've realized? I have become significantly much less creative over the past month. And it thoroughly disappoints me. The truth is, I'm just running out of things to ridicule. And resorting to making fun of the news should only be done once every so often- or else I'd end up making every single post about Health Care reform, which, as interesting as it may be to some, is not necessarily the most appealing subject to most. It's rather sad.
Maybe I'm just forcing it or something. Who knows. In any case, it's becoming increasingly difficult to choose topics.
For this post, at least, I'll write about an experience.
I was at a Thanksgiving dinner last night (an early one that a frat had). After the dinner (which was scrumptious), there were a number of classic post-dinner party activities going on. One of which was, of course, Halo. And as I sat there, engulfed in the couch and immersed in the game, I realized something:
Nothing can make a
Room full of grown men scream as
Well as Halo can.
Really. People were yelling at the screen, yelling at each other, yelling at the Xbox, yelling at unnamed forces, and yelling at their own on-screen characters. It was actually thoroughly entertaining. Especially when everyone started killing their teammates. While we lost miserably to the other team, I'm pretty sure that we had far more fun.
The title is the name of some song I know.
You know what I've realized? I have become significantly much less creative over the past month. And it thoroughly disappoints me. The truth is, I'm just running out of things to ridicule. And resorting to making fun of the news should only be done once every so often- or else I'd end up making every single post about Health Care reform, which, as interesting as it may be to some, is not necessarily the most appealing subject to most. It's rather sad.
Maybe I'm just forcing it or something. Who knows. In any case, it's becoming increasingly difficult to choose topics.
For this post, at least, I'll write about an experience.
I was at a Thanksgiving dinner last night (an early one that a frat had). After the dinner (which was scrumptious), there were a number of classic post-dinner party activities going on. One of which was, of course, Halo. And as I sat there, engulfed in the couch and immersed in the game, I realized something:
Nothing can make a
Room full of grown men scream as
Well as Halo can.
Really. People were yelling at the screen, yelling at each other, yelling at the Xbox, yelling at unnamed forces, and yelling at their own on-screen characters. It was actually thoroughly entertaining. Especially when everyone started killing their teammates. While we lost miserably to the other team, I'm pretty sure that we had far more fun.
The title is the name of some song I know.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Vlog Post 5: Freshmen
Fifth vlog entry is up! It's all about freshmen, alcohol, and ambulances. Use your imagination.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLM-IH3u2f8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLM-IH3u2f8
Would You Like Some Cheese With Your Whine?
Well, it's another Sunday. And Thanksgiving break is just a couple of days away. I must say, I'm probably a bit more excited for the break than for Thanksgiving- I've become used to stuffing myself.
But there will be plenty of time to post about Thanksgiving when it comes 'round.
I was just on CNN.com, and I saw an interesting video.
It's short, but it's more-or-less Mitch McConnell, the GOP Senate Leader (aka minority leader) calling Democrats arrogant for wanting to pass health care reform bill while "ignoring the wishes of the American people." I find this a rather funny statement. Why?
The minority
Is rebuking democrats
About listening
McConnell is telling us to listen to the American people and what they want. However, something tells me that perhaps the majority would be a better representation of what the American people want, considering that they are the ones who elect the Senators. To listen to "the wishes of the American people" is simply to listen to the loudest voices. However, even the loudest voice has the same vote as the mute. And I think that if the actual wish of the American people was to not have a reform such as this pass, McCain would be president, and there would be a republican house and senate majority.
But there will be plenty of time to post about Thanksgiving when it comes 'round.
I was just on CNN.com, and I saw an interesting video.
It's short, but it's more-or-less Mitch McConnell, the GOP Senate Leader (aka minority leader) calling Democrats arrogant for wanting to pass health care reform bill while "ignoring the wishes of the American people." I find this a rather funny statement. Why?
The minority
Is rebuking democrats
About listening
McConnell is telling us to listen to the American people and what they want. However, something tells me that perhaps the majority would be a better representation of what the American people want, considering that they are the ones who elect the Senators. To listen to "the wishes of the American people" is simply to listen to the loudest voices. However, even the loudest voice has the same vote as the mute. And I think that if the actual wish of the American people was to not have a reform such as this pass, McCain would be president, and there would be a republican house and senate majority.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Twilight: Irrestible Evocation of Inedible Synonyms, With 33% More Angst Per Chapter!
Well, I promised, so here it is.
Twilight.... Twilight... where to start. So many things to make fun of, so little time. And most of it has been done. Actually, all of it has probably been done.
But I'll try to be as original as I can, not knowing any of the parodies.
Twilight is really just your standard boy meets girl story. Except it's more like: boy stalks girl and watches her sleep, boy saves girl's life, girl falls in love with boy completely superficially, girl and boy angst, boy and girl angst some more, boy saves girl's life again, boy want to kill girl, boy sucks girls blood, etc, etc, etc, you know the rest. And it's not necessarily in that order.
Now, it's not just that the plot is ridiculous and cliche- it's that the book is horribly written. For numerous reasons. The first, and perhaps most obvious, is this fact:
Twilight could not be
Without the synonym thing
In Microsoft Word
If you read the book, you could get that idea within a couple of minutes. Allow me to provide an example:
Now, I will provide you with some lines from Twilight, and you can guess if Stephanie Meyer wrote them, or if I did.
If you guessed that I wrote any of those- you're dead wrong. All of those were written by Stephanie Meyer. Such prose, am I right? Although that last one is actually quite poetic, if I do say so myself.
Twilight.... Twilight... where to start. So many things to make fun of, so little time. And most of it has been done. Actually, all of it has probably been done.
But I'll try to be as original as I can, not knowing any of the parodies.
Twilight is really just your standard boy meets girl story. Except it's more like: boy stalks girl and watches her sleep, boy saves girl's life, girl falls in love with boy completely superficially, girl and boy angst, boy and girl angst some more, boy saves girl's life again, boy want to kill girl, boy sucks girls blood, etc, etc, etc, you know the rest. And it's not necessarily in that order.
Now, it's not just that the plot is ridiculous and cliche- it's that the book is horribly written. For numerous reasons. The first, and perhaps most obvious, is this fact:
Twilight could not be
Without the synonym thing
In Microsoft Word
If you read the book, you could get that idea within a couple of minutes. Allow me to provide an example:
With his porcelain skin, golden eyes, mesmerizing voice, and supernatural gifts, Edward is both irresistible and impenetrableNow, let's see what that actually means when we un-synonym-ize it:
With his ceramic skin, golden eyes, interesting voice, and weird gifts, Edward is both tempting and denseI no longer blame her for using that button.
Now, I will provide you with some lines from Twilight, and you can guess if Stephanie Meyer wrote them, or if I did.
"I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night."
"This kiss frightened me. There was too much tension"
"If I could dream at all it would be about you, and I'm not ashamed of it."
"Yes, I know that I'm an angsty, moody douchebag who hasn't showered in a hundred years- but you're an angst-ridden, temperamental, ungrateful bitch, and I want to be with you. More than that, I want to be angsty with you, and have angsty sex, but not until after marriage so we can subliminally create Mormon undertones."
If you guessed that I wrote any of those- you're dead wrong. All of those were written by Stephanie Meyer. Such prose, am I right? Although that last one is actually quite poetic, if I do say so myself.
Judging a Cornell Student By Its Cover
Well, the weekend is upon us. And I cannot express how happy I am. I can finally sit back and relax. Until I have to write my two essays for Monday.
Yesterday, in spite of the freezing cold, I spent about an hour outside people watching. And I realized something:
You can always tell
Where someone's from based on their
Clothing in winter.
Here's a quick guide:
Hoodie + jeans = Northeast
Jacket + jeans = Midwest
Coat + jeans = South, or well-prepared person
Hoodie + jeans + shivering = Freshman from the South
Shorts + anything = crazy, or from the arctic
No pants (tights) + anything = sorority girl
Greek letters on hoodie = Frat boy, or someone actually from Greece.
Person in a Harvard shirt = "I applied early to Harvard, assumed I was getting in, was rejected, and had to settle with Cornell"
Person with [insert state school here] shirt = "My sibling is going to this school. I'm going to Cornell to show that I'm better than him/her"
This was a rather barren and sad post. I will be posting later about everybody's favorite trend: "That Time in the Evening When it Starts to Get Dark." Also known as "Twilight."
Yesterday, in spite of the freezing cold, I spent about an hour outside people watching. And I realized something:
You can always tell
Where someone's from based on their
Clothing in winter.
Here's a quick guide:
Hoodie + jeans = Northeast
Jacket + jeans = Midwest
Coat + jeans = South, or well-prepared person
Hoodie + jeans + shivering = Freshman from the South
Shorts + anything = crazy, or from the arctic
No pants (tights) + anything = sorority girl
Greek letters on hoodie = Frat boy, or someone actually from Greece.
Person in a Harvard shirt = "I applied early to Harvard, assumed I was getting in, was rejected, and had to settle with Cornell"
Person with [insert state school here] shirt = "My sibling is going to this school. I'm going to Cornell to show that I'm better than him/her"
This was a rather barren and sad post. I will be posting later about everybody's favorite trend: "That Time in the Evening When it Starts to Get Dark." Also known as "Twilight."
Friday, November 20, 2009
Return to Sender
Readers, I have some bad news. Santa Claus has been murdered. You might ask, how can an imaginary being be murdered? Well, the fact of the matter is that he was quite real to all of the little kids writing their dreams and wishes to him. And now, he's dead. The culprit? The United States Postal Service.
You probably always thought that waiting in those lines at the post office were harmless, unless you had a bladder problem. However, today, the postal service has proved itself much deadlier than anyone had thought.
Here is my source: An NPR Article all about it.
A random out-of-context quote from it:
My haiku:
What kind of monster
Would steal Santa Claus from our
Great nation's children?
The answer, as explained in the article: A registered sex offender was found to be working as one of Santa's helpers. Really? One sex offender among a community of hundreds? Seems a little fishy to me. Especially considering the already thin line between Santa and sex offenders (considering that he does see you when you're sleeping, which is just plain creepy). No, I blame the Grinch. Who is apparently in cahoots with the USPS.
Just to clarify, the present delivering services will still be active. However, the temporary positions regarding letter-replying services have been eliminated due to the economic conditions.
You probably always thought that waiting in those lines at the post office were harmless, unless you had a bladder problem. However, today, the postal service has proved itself much deadlier than anyone had thought.
Here is my source: An NPR Article all about it.
A random out-of-context quote from it:
"Those [letters addressed to Santa Claus] intercepted by the Postal Service will probably eventually be shredded."
My haiku:
What kind of monster
Would steal Santa Claus from our
Great nation's children?
The answer, as explained in the article: A registered sex offender was found to be working as one of Santa's helpers. Really? One sex offender among a community of hundreds? Seems a little fishy to me. Especially considering the already thin line between Santa and sex offenders (considering that he does see you when you're sleeping, which is just plain creepy). No, I blame the Grinch. Who is apparently in cahoots with the USPS.
Just to clarify, the present delivering services will still be active. However, the temporary positions regarding letter-replying services have been eliminated due to the economic conditions.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
SONG: Break-Up Text
My new song is up!
It's about a break-up text (don't worry, the speaker is a hypothetical character that is definitely not me), and may or may not be slightly mocking the number of similes used in popular music. Hopefully you'll get all of the jokes. A couple of them might be a little obscure.
Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Q5bGWumK8
Look for a vlog post this weekend. Or don't. Although if you check the site I suppose you don't really need to look for it.
Follow me on Twitter! http://www.twitter.com/Teowulf
It's about a break-up text (don't worry, the speaker is a hypothetical character that is definitely not me), and may or may not be slightly mocking the number of similes used in popular music. Hopefully you'll get all of the jokes. A couple of them might be a little obscure.
Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Q5bGWumK8
Look for a vlog post this weekend. Or don't. Although if you check the site I suppose you don't really need to look for it.
Follow me on Twitter! http://www.twitter.com/Teowulf
"How To Make Millions And Become Famous" For Dummies
You're probably wondering why I have yet to post about Sarah Palin's Going Rogue (not her going rogue, her book). Well, it is mainly because I have not had the chance to read it. I've changed that now, and will be making this post almost completely uninformed about the book.
Get rich quick: Run for
VP, get hated by all,
And then write a book.
That's right, it's a perfect scheme. First, you become governor of a state with 2 occupants, and either bribe them with moose pelts (if they're in to that) or threaten them with a rifle (don't shoot them though: you can't do that until you actually are VP). If you want some advice, run as a republican, and make your platform saying that you are an "average Joe" (not necessarily a plumber though... and not necessarily with a six-pack of beer). The rest is simple, and will fit on a notecard. Here are some actual notes from Sarah Palin:
Issues:
Abortion: Bad
Gay people: Bad
Democrats: Evil. Elitist.
Religion: Good
Environment: Bad, but iffy. Save the moose (mooses? meese?) so you can shoot them.
Drilling: God's gift to man
So now, all you need is connections. Or to sleep with the right people. Or both, potentially. Just make sure you don't mix those two too much, else it could end up awkward.
Next, make sure that when you're elected governor, those people stay in line. Then, use your connections to end up on the presidential candidate's desk (or break in and place them there, replacing all of the other potential candidates with pets and Sesame Street characters... just make sure to botch their resumes, or else they may be chosen).
Something else worth noting is to have a sitcom-worthy family. And naming a kid after a part of a gun may help please the NRA. I would recommend Magazine (Mag for short), Muzzle, Hammer (they could also be a superhero), or Bullet. Trig has been taken.
Once you're chosen (presuming you have carried out these previous items successfully), become revered by conservatives and written off as idiotic by liberals (these two usually go hand-in-hand).
Then, when you lose: Write a book about it. Everyone will know your name, and democrats and republicans alike will buy it. Pictures help.
On the off-chance that you win: Get involved in a scandal of some sort as quickly as you can (try to be original. Some untouched territories: polygamy, bestiality, necrophilia, or sell yourself as a prostitute. Everything else has been done). Issue a public apology, resign, and then write a book about it.
With either of these methods, you will end up being rich. I guarantee it. And then you can finally buy that ski resort you've always wanted, and never have to deal with politics again.
Get rich quick: Run for
VP, get hated by all,
And then write a book.
That's right, it's a perfect scheme. First, you become governor of a state with 2 occupants, and either bribe them with moose pelts (if they're in to that) or threaten them with a rifle (don't shoot them though: you can't do that until you actually are VP). If you want some advice, run as a republican, and make your platform saying that you are an "average Joe" (not necessarily a plumber though... and not necessarily with a six-pack of beer). The rest is simple, and will fit on a notecard. Here are some actual notes from Sarah Palin:
Issues:
Abortion: Bad
Gay people: Bad
Democrats: Evil. Elitist.
Religion: Good
Environment: Bad, but iffy. Save the moose (mooses? meese?) so you can shoot them.
Drilling: God's gift to man
So now, all you need is connections. Or to sleep with the right people. Or both, potentially. Just make sure you don't mix those two too much, else it could end up awkward.
Next, make sure that when you're elected governor, those people stay in line. Then, use your connections to end up on the presidential candidate's desk (or break in and place them there, replacing all of the other potential candidates with pets and Sesame Street characters... just make sure to botch their resumes, or else they may be chosen).
Something else worth noting is to have a sitcom-worthy family. And naming a kid after a part of a gun may help please the NRA. I would recommend Magazine (Mag for short), Muzzle, Hammer (they could also be a superhero), or Bullet. Trig has been taken.
Once you're chosen (presuming you have carried out these previous items successfully), become revered by conservatives and written off as idiotic by liberals (these two usually go hand-in-hand).
Then, when you lose: Write a book about it. Everyone will know your name, and democrats and republicans alike will buy it. Pictures help.
On the off-chance that you win: Get involved in a scandal of some sort as quickly as you can (try to be original. Some untouched territories: polygamy, bestiality, necrophilia, or sell yourself as a prostitute. Everything else has been done). Issue a public apology, resign, and then write a book about it.
With either of these methods, you will end up being rich. I guarantee it. And then you can finally buy that ski resort you've always wanted, and never have to deal with politics again.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
A Hard Point To Get Across
Well, Wednesday, we meet again. It seems as if we cross ways on a regular weekly basis. Almost too regular, if you ask me. It seems as if you come around every 144 hours on the button. I don't mind though: More waffles for me.
Last night was a 50s diner themed dinner at one of the West Campus dining halls. I had a chocolate-chip pancake with strawberries on top, and it was amazing. And I re-realized something. I, personally, would have loved the 50s. Between the jazz clubs, greasy diners, awesome cars, and Marty McFly's sudden appearance, it would have been a great time to live. I would imagine. And then after 10 minutes I would probably get bored and feel the need to check my Facebook. How on earth did they live without the internet. Strange people.
The other night was also the meteor shower. I say "the other night" as opposed to "last night," because it was, in fact, Monday night. Something ironic I found about it? The Astronomy 101 exam was the following day. I feel that not many future-astronomers had the opportunity to see the meteor shower.
Now, for a haiku:
The innuendo
Is a strong tool to insert
Into any work
Now, the only reason that I bring this up is because I wrote a paper about the sexual innuendo as found within song lyrics. It was a hard topic to stay atop. Not because I would crack up whenever I read them (though this was true), it was mainly because I tried to insert into the whole of the paper as many innuendos as possible. And I'm certainly not trying to do that right now into this paragraph. Of course not. And if there are any, those are purely coincidental, and you have your mind in the gutter.
Last night was a 50s diner themed dinner at one of the West Campus dining halls. I had a chocolate-chip pancake with strawberries on top, and it was amazing. And I re-realized something. I, personally, would have loved the 50s. Between the jazz clubs, greasy diners, awesome cars, and Marty McFly's sudden appearance, it would have been a great time to live. I would imagine. And then after 10 minutes I would probably get bored and feel the need to check my Facebook. How on earth did they live without the internet. Strange people.
The other night was also the meteor shower. I say "the other night" as opposed to "last night," because it was, in fact, Monday night. Something ironic I found about it? The Astronomy 101 exam was the following day. I feel that not many future-astronomers had the opportunity to see the meteor shower.
Now, for a haiku:
The innuendo
Is a strong tool to insert
Into any work
Now, the only reason that I bring this up is because I wrote a paper about the sexual innuendo as found within song lyrics. It was a hard topic to stay atop. Not because I would crack up whenever I read them (though this was true), it was mainly because I tried to insert into the whole of the paper as many innuendos as possible. And I'm certainly not trying to do that right now into this paragraph. Of course not. And if there are any, those are purely coincidental, and you have your mind in the gutter.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Worst Phone OF ALL TIME
Well, I completed my first-ever-completed-single-handedly NYTimes Crossword puzzle yesterday. It was a Monday, but nonetheless, I think it is quite an accomplishment. Mainly the fact that I didn't give up halfway through like I do with 3/4 of crosswords I try (and I feel that most people do the same thing).
Now. It's a Tuesday, and I haven't seen Monday's Daily Show yet, so I can't really talk about current events at the moment. I can, however, make fun of people. That's always an option.
Now, let me spin my wheel of various things to ridicule..... ooh, the iPhone. Hmm, what to say about the iPhone. People know it as perhaps the greatest mobile computer available today. However, most people don't realize that it is perhaps one of the worst mobile phones on the market today. I know, I know, you're probably all on the other end stroking your iPhones, muttering "my precious," and demanding an explanation. Well here's the explanation:
The iPhone fails in a number of departments that a 20$ cell phone can deliver in. It has a horrendous battery life, which makes sense considering that people use it for music, browsing the interwebs, watching videos, and playing games. However, you'd think a mobile computer capable of all of that would be equipped with a more powerful battery life (a trade-off from its deli-meat thinness and ability to fit in any sorority girl's skinny jeans). Another drawback is that it has a huge screen. While this may mean more meandering room, it also results in a larger surface area while the phone is up against your face, which leads to the phone getting hot, and consequentially, your face getting hot. This, in turn, causes people to use headphones which have built in hands-free mics. Which brings me to my haiku:
You look stupid when
Talking into headphones, if
There's a mic or not
You'll see them around campus. People wearing iPod headphones and talking, to seemingly no one in particular. That is because they are talking into the mic attached to the headphones. Yes, you are not the only one who thinks that they look like complete idiots. Using a Bluetooth is bad enough, but iPod headphones makes you look just plain crazed-in-the-head.
Wow this is much more ramble-y than I intended it to be.
One of my inspirations for this post. That, and seeing all of the crazy people walking around talking to no one while listening to music.
Now. It's a Tuesday, and I haven't seen Monday's Daily Show yet, so I can't really talk about current events at the moment. I can, however, make fun of people. That's always an option.
Now, let me spin my wheel of various things to ridicule..... ooh, the iPhone. Hmm, what to say about the iPhone. People know it as perhaps the greatest mobile computer available today. However, most people don't realize that it is perhaps one of the worst mobile phones on the market today. I know, I know, you're probably all on the other end stroking your iPhones, muttering "my precious," and demanding an explanation. Well here's the explanation:
The iPhone fails in a number of departments that a 20$ cell phone can deliver in. It has a horrendous battery life, which makes sense considering that people use it for music, browsing the interwebs, watching videos, and playing games. However, you'd think a mobile computer capable of all of that would be equipped with a more powerful battery life (a trade-off from its deli-meat thinness and ability to fit in any sorority girl's skinny jeans). Another drawback is that it has a huge screen. While this may mean more meandering room, it also results in a larger surface area while the phone is up against your face, which leads to the phone getting hot, and consequentially, your face getting hot. This, in turn, causes people to use headphones which have built in hands-free mics. Which brings me to my haiku:
You look stupid when
Talking into headphones, if
There's a mic or not
You'll see them around campus. People wearing iPod headphones and talking, to seemingly no one in particular. That is because they are talking into the mic attached to the headphones. Yes, you are not the only one who thinks that they look like complete idiots. Using a Bluetooth is bad enough, but iPod headphones makes you look just plain crazed-in-the-head.
Wow this is much more ramble-y than I intended it to be.
One of my inspirations for this post. That, and seeing all of the crazy people walking around talking to no one while listening to music.
Monday, November 16, 2009
So Evil, and yet so Innocent
Well, it's another Monday. In order to stay positive, I will now discuss something that incredibly positive. Girl Scout Cookies!
Now is that time of year. Little girls are out on Ho Plaza, selling their cookies to college students while students quarter-card and yell "Come to The Hangovers Fall Tonic XXX!" Needless to say, I expect that some of those little girls had part of their innocence taken away when they asked "what's a hangover?"
So here all of these adorable scouts are, selling boxes upon boxes of delicious cookies. How can you say no? Well, for me, it's easy. I live by this simple haiku:
If they can't pronounce
The ingredients in their
Products, don't buy them.
Seriously, have you looked at the packaging on the boxes? I doubt any health-concerned parent or scoutmaster would let these children eat the cookies. So why exactly are they allowed to sell them?
Here are the first four ingredients in "Samoas," one of the most popular cookie varieties:
A rather long list, for just four ingredients, if I'm not mistaken. Especially considering that half of those ingredients are sugar, and the sugar content is greater than the flour, which is generally considered to be the backbone of any pastry. Also, notice the fact that the second ingredient is "partially hydrogenated," meaning that it contains trans fat- an ingredient linked to cancer, coronary heart disease, infertility, diabetes, Alzheimer's, liver dysfunction, and many many other fun-filled diseases. And yet they market the cookies as being "trans fat free!" I think they may have forgotten the comma that makes it "trans fat, free!" which would still be false advertising, because they are not, in fact, free.
How is that then? Well it's simple- they reduced the size of cookies and the serving size so as to bring the amount of trans fat per serving under 0.5 grams, and therefore are not required to list it on the boxes.
At the same time, there is plenty of other fat and sugar to be worried about. Oh, and preservatives. And all of the greed and corrupt thought that goes into them, but they don't advertise that.
So here's my question for the Girl Scout organization: Why do you let innocent little girls sell such devilish food? Because it makes money? Because it's a longstanding tradition that's been around since 1917 (and I'm sure they had all of these ingredients in it back then)?
Well let me just say: These girls would be better employed selling "natural" or "organic" cookies for more money, or even quarter-carding for The Hangovers. How could someone ever resist coming to a great acappella concert when it's advertised by a little girl? And one that is unlikely to have any adverse effects on their health, at that.
Now is that time of year. Little girls are out on Ho Plaza, selling their cookies to college students while students quarter-card and yell "Come to The Hangovers Fall Tonic XXX!" Needless to say, I expect that some of those little girls had part of their innocence taken away when they asked "what's a hangover?"
So here all of these adorable scouts are, selling boxes upon boxes of delicious cookies. How can you say no? Well, for me, it's easy. I live by this simple haiku:
If they can't pronounce
The ingredients in their
Products, don't buy them.
Seriously, have you looked at the packaging on the boxes? I doubt any health-concerned parent or scoutmaster would let these children eat the cookies. So why exactly are they allowed to sell them?
Here are the first four ingredients in "Samoas," one of the most popular cookie varieties:
Sugar, vegetable oil (palm, partially hydrogenated palm kernel, soybean and/or cottonseed with TBHQ to preserve freshness), enriched flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate [vitamin B1], riboflavin [vitamin B2], folic acid), corn syrup
A rather long list, for just four ingredients, if I'm not mistaken. Especially considering that half of those ingredients are sugar, and the sugar content is greater than the flour, which is generally considered to be the backbone of any pastry. Also, notice the fact that the second ingredient is "partially hydrogenated," meaning that it contains trans fat- an ingredient linked to cancer, coronary heart disease, infertility, diabetes, Alzheimer's, liver dysfunction, and many many other fun-filled diseases. And yet they market the cookies as being "trans fat free!" I think they may have forgotten the comma that makes it "trans fat, free!" which would still be false advertising, because they are not, in fact, free.
How is that then? Well it's simple- they reduced the size of cookies and the serving size so as to bring the amount of trans fat per serving under 0.5 grams, and therefore are not required to list it on the boxes.
At the same time, there is plenty of other fat and sugar to be worried about. Oh, and preservatives. And all of the greed and corrupt thought that goes into them, but they don't advertise that.
So here's my question for the Girl Scout organization: Why do you let innocent little girls sell such devilish food? Because it makes money? Because it's a longstanding tradition that's been around since 1917 (and I'm sure they had all of these ingredients in it back then)?
Well let me just say: These girls would be better employed selling "natural" or "organic" cookies for more money, or even quarter-carding for The Hangovers. How could someone ever resist coming to a great acappella concert when it's advertised by a little girl? And one that is unlikely to have any adverse effects on their health, at that.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Christian Science Medicine
You know what I find rather annoying? The medical system here at Cornell.
It seems that Cornell
Does everything it can to
Say "just don't get sick"
If you feel sick, you can go to Gannett, the health center on campus. Except if you go to Gannett, chances are you will get more sick, since that's where they keep all of the diseased pigs (not literally). Oh, and anything you do will take forever, since it's still a medical facility and that's a given. And did I mention that it's only open during work hours, and is not open on weekends? So to make up for that fact, they have a 24 hour on-call nurse, who will call you back within 30 minutes after you call them. She will then proceed to go through the list of questions that you could find almost verbatim on webmd.com, and will tell you everything that results from that query, minus the diagnosis.
Yesterday, I was feeling sick with chest pains, so I called. The entire time, it was as though I was being interrogated.
Nurse: "Is it a pressure-pain or a stabbing pain?"
Me: "I swear, I don't know! I don't know!"
Nurse: "That's not an acceptable answer. Answer the question damnit!"
In the end, she suggested that I call an ambulance. The problem with calling an ambulance? Well, first of all, it means calling 911 for something that might just be something do with gas or whatnot. And then you have to go to the Cayuga Medical Center. Which is about 40 minutes away from here and in the absolute middle of nowhere. And you have to go to the ER. So to do that makes it an all-day (or all-night) excursion, something that a student here really can't handle.
So all-in-all, between Gannett's fail of service, and Cayuga Medical Center's fail of convenience, Cornell fails at providing medical assistance to the 14,000 students here. And they wonder why swine flu was such a big deal. In any case, if you're sick here, unless you're ready to waste an entire day on hospital trips, you'll feel like a Christian Scientist with appendicitis- helpless.
It seems that Cornell
Does everything it can to
Say "just don't get sick"
If you feel sick, you can go to Gannett, the health center on campus. Except if you go to Gannett, chances are you will get more sick, since that's where they keep all of the diseased pigs (not literally). Oh, and anything you do will take forever, since it's still a medical facility and that's a given. And did I mention that it's only open during work hours, and is not open on weekends? So to make up for that fact, they have a 24 hour on-call nurse, who will call you back within 30 minutes after you call them. She will then proceed to go through the list of questions that you could find almost verbatim on webmd.com, and will tell you everything that results from that query, minus the diagnosis.
Yesterday, I was feeling sick with chest pains, so I called. The entire time, it was as though I was being interrogated.
Nurse: "Is it a pressure-pain or a stabbing pain?"
Me: "I swear, I don't know! I don't know!"
Nurse: "That's not an acceptable answer. Answer the question damnit!"
In the end, she suggested that I call an ambulance. The problem with calling an ambulance? Well, first of all, it means calling 911 for something that might just be something do with gas or whatnot. And then you have to go to the Cayuga Medical Center. Which is about 40 minutes away from here and in the absolute middle of nowhere. And you have to go to the ER. So to do that makes it an all-day (or all-night) excursion, something that a student here really can't handle.
So all-in-all, between Gannett's fail of service, and Cayuga Medical Center's fail of convenience, Cornell fails at providing medical assistance to the 14,000 students here. And they wonder why swine flu was such a big deal. In any case, if you're sick here, unless you're ready to waste an entire day on hospital trips, you'll feel like a Christian Scientist with appendicitis- helpless.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Vlog Entry 4! Stupak and Moon-water
New vlog post is up! This one covers some current events, and my point of view is a little objective- so please don't watch if you might be offended by a pro-choice view or by anything relating to moon-water.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQ-AFfuQNEI
Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQ-AFfuQNEI
Enjoy.
Sexual-Story-Saturday Sequel!
It's Saturday! And you know what that means!
Limerick!
There once was a gal from Manhattan
But traveling was her one passion
She went everywhere
On planes in the air
And legs in a similar fashion
Hopefully you get it. It's pretty blatant.
Today is another gorgeous fall day, and more than anything else: It's the weekend! At long last. Although I know I said pretty much the same thing yesterday.
Lucky for me, I got most of my work out of the way last week, so my only real work now is my essay for my seminar. And my essay for my medieval studies class. And my two research paper peer edits for Survey of Jazz. And all of the reading I need to do. So yeh, not much at all.
Today will be pretty chill, I predict. Procrastination!
Expect a vlog post at some point or another this weekend.
Limerick!
There once was a gal from Manhattan
But traveling was her one passion
She went everywhere
On planes in the air
And legs in a similar fashion
Hopefully you get it. It's pretty blatant.
Today is another gorgeous fall day, and more than anything else: It's the weekend! At long last. Although I know I said pretty much the same thing yesterday.
Lucky for me, I got most of my work out of the way last week, so my only real work now is my essay for my seminar. And my essay for my medieval studies class. And my two research paper peer edits for Survey of Jazz. And all of the reading I need to do. So yeh, not much at all.
Today will be pretty chill, I predict. Procrastination!
Expect a vlog post at some point or another this weekend.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Euro-peons
Well, today is finally, at long last, Friday. But it's not just any Friday. For those of you date-ly impaired people, today is Friday the 13th. And you know what that means...
A week and six days until Thanksgiving!
And lucky for us, our central campus dining hall, "Okenshields," is kind enough to remind us of that fact... with Christmas decorations? That's right, all of their decorations are already up: hanging ornaments, Santa Clause hats, crucifixes, the whole shebang. I won't talk about this dilemna though, since I already ranted about it in my post "The (Storefront Decoration) Nightmare Before Christmas" back a month ago when I first noticed Christmas decorations here and there, and the sound of Christmas in the air (the chimes playing Christmas carols...).
Now onto other previously-not-talking-about topics.
Remember my post yesterday in which I talked about those musicians? Well I discovered another musician who is absolutely amazing. His name is Jamie Cullum, and he has a fantastic jazz cover of Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music." All of you probably haven't heard of him. The reason? He's European (I can hear all of you going like "ohhhh, that explains it" on the other side of the interwebs). You know who else is European? Melody Gardot (I was tempted to say Hitler, and I'm sure some of you expected that), the lady I linked to the other day. Mika, who I linked to a while ago, is also European. So why is it that all of these fantastic musicians that are huge in Europe are mostly unknown here (well, not Mika, but the other two)?
The answer is today's haiku:
I have no idea
Why on earth Europeans
Have such great music
Were you expecting a straight answer? I considered something making fun of them, but then I realized that a tactic such as that would not really help my case and point. Although they still are great fun to mock.
One reason I suppose may be that Europeans' culture does not promote vanity as much as Hollywood does. Why is this relevant? Well, Jamie Cullum, who has all the makings of a pop star, looks like a cross between Dwight from The Office and Elijah Wood. And as a result, girls do not fall head over heels in love with him, something required for popularity in America. Talent is not nearly as important as being dreamy, case and point: The Jonas Brothers. If looks were not an issue, I think the popular music in America would be closer to being on-par with Europe's.
Sorry for the bad joke in the title, but I couldn't help it.
A week and six days until Thanksgiving!
And lucky for us, our central campus dining hall, "Okenshields," is kind enough to remind us of that fact... with Christmas decorations? That's right, all of their decorations are already up: hanging ornaments, Santa Clause hats, crucifixes, the whole shebang. I won't talk about this dilemna though, since I already ranted about it in my post "The (Storefront Decoration) Nightmare Before Christmas" back a month ago when I first noticed Christmas decorations here and there, and the sound of Christmas in the air (the chimes playing Christmas carols...).
Now onto other previously-not-talking-about topics.
Remember my post yesterday in which I talked about those musicians? Well I discovered another musician who is absolutely amazing. His name is Jamie Cullum, and he has a fantastic jazz cover of Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music." All of you probably haven't heard of him. The reason? He's European (I can hear all of you going like "ohhhh, that explains it" on the other side of the interwebs). You know who else is European? Melody Gardot (I was tempted to say Hitler, and I'm sure some of you expected that), the lady I linked to the other day. Mika, who I linked to a while ago, is also European. So why is it that all of these fantastic musicians that are huge in Europe are mostly unknown here (well, not Mika, but the other two)?
The answer is today's haiku:
I have no idea
Why on earth Europeans
Have such great music
Were you expecting a straight answer? I considered something making fun of them, but then I realized that a tactic such as that would not really help my case and point. Although they still are great fun to mock.
One reason I suppose may be that Europeans' culture does not promote vanity as much as Hollywood does. Why is this relevant? Well, Jamie Cullum, who has all the makings of a pop star, looks like a cross between Dwight from The Office and Elijah Wood. And as a result, girls do not fall head over heels in love with him, something required for popularity in America. Talent is not nearly as important as being dreamy, case and point: The Jonas Brothers. If looks were not an issue, I think the popular music in America would be closer to being on-par with Europe's.
Sorry for the bad joke in the title, but I couldn't help it.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
SONG: [Insert Cliche Here]
New song is up! Tell your friends. Or don't. I don't really care. Well, maybe I do. But only a little. Kind of.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvRySYyTqeU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvRySYyTqeU
Turning Every Holiday Into Canadian Thanksgiving!
Well, apparently yesterday was Veteran's Day. And I didn't realize it until somebody told me at around 2 o'clock. Why is this, you may ask, that I have such blatant disregard for our country and all of its rituals? Well, it's simple
The Cornell does not
Believe in holidays or
Patriotism
That's right. Holidays to Cornell are about as real as the Tooth Fairy or separation of church and state (sorry for the spoilers). Labor day? Veteran's Day? Professing your love for America? Unimportant. Yom Kippur? Rosh Hashana? Being Jewish? Nope, not legitimate excuses for holidays. Diwali? Nope. Canadian Thanksgiving? No, although it doesn't really count as a holiday to anyone, does it? In any of these cases (well, most of them), the holidays that are generally accepted by our country as legitimate excuses for days off are not accepted by Cornell. We do get Columbus day, but they pull a cheap shot and make it the same weekend as our "fall vacation" so they really only give us one real day for that break.
On the bright side, next year Labor Day will be given to us as a real day off. However, classes will start a day earlier to compensate.
In other news, our Winter break will still remain ridiculously long so that you do end up stranded at home weeks after all of your friends have left.
The Cornell does not
Believe in holidays or
Patriotism
That's right. Holidays to Cornell are about as real as the Tooth Fairy or separation of church and state (sorry for the spoilers). Labor day? Veteran's Day? Professing your love for America? Unimportant. Yom Kippur? Rosh Hashana? Being Jewish? Nope, not legitimate excuses for holidays. Diwali? Nope. Canadian Thanksgiving? No, although it doesn't really count as a holiday to anyone, does it? In any of these cases (well, most of them), the holidays that are generally accepted by our country as legitimate excuses for days off are not accepted by Cornell. We do get Columbus day, but they pull a cheap shot and make it the same weekend as our "fall vacation" so they really only give us one real day for that break.
On the bright side, next year Labor Day will be given to us as a real day off. However, classes will start a day earlier to compensate.
In other news, our Winter break will still remain ridiculously long so that you do end up stranded at home weeks after all of your friends have left.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Squirrels? More Like Churls
Well, today is waffle Wednesday. Again. I suppose it's my way of coping with the horribly long Wednesdays I always endure.
Recently I've taken to discovering new musical artists. Don't ask why, it just sort of happens when I research for my Survey of Jazz papers. Two such artists, who I highly recommend are Melody Gardot and Kesang Marstrand. I already have both of Melody's CDs, and will likely order Kesang's soon (you can buy the physical CDs online, and for an average fee have her sign them).
Now, on to more serious business. Squirrels.
Recently, I've noticed that a lot of the squirrels here are becoming fat. Well, more fat than usual. This might be due to their storing up food for the winter, OR, maybe it's all a conspiracy.
Squirrels may seem dumb,
But that is precisely what
They want us to think.
That's right, I can tell. These creatures are actually fiendishly smart, and are plotting against us. You ever notice how squirrel-y the squirrels here are? I'll tell you: too squirrel-y. Looking so smug and happy with their acorns and tree climbing, hoping we'll never suspect. They're up to something, I'm telling you. The other day, as I walked to my dorm, their was a squirrel walking in the same direction, maybe 20 feet to my left. Every time I would stop, he would stop. When I continued, he would continue. I swear, he was mocking me. Squirrels? More like churls. These guys are fiendish beasts. They are definitely planning something. Now to figure out what....
In the meantime, I propose that more and more people get squirrel-proof bird feeders. It seems to be the one problem that the squirrels can't solve, and is highly entertaining as a result. It's like watching a drunk person try to solve a basic problem: hilarious, but if they knew that you were watching them they would not hesitate to end you.
Recently I've taken to discovering new musical artists. Don't ask why, it just sort of happens when I research for my Survey of Jazz papers. Two such artists, who I highly recommend are Melody Gardot and Kesang Marstrand. I already have both of Melody's CDs, and will likely order Kesang's soon (you can buy the physical CDs online, and for an average fee have her sign them).
Now, on to more serious business. Squirrels.
Recently, I've noticed that a lot of the squirrels here are becoming fat. Well, more fat than usual. This might be due to their storing up food for the winter, OR, maybe it's all a conspiracy.
Squirrels may seem dumb,
But that is precisely what
They want us to think.
That's right, I can tell. These creatures are actually fiendishly smart, and are plotting against us. You ever notice how squirrel-y the squirrels here are? I'll tell you: too squirrel-y. Looking so smug and happy with their acorns and tree climbing, hoping we'll never suspect. They're up to something, I'm telling you. The other day, as I walked to my dorm, their was a squirrel walking in the same direction, maybe 20 feet to my left. Every time I would stop, he would stop. When I continued, he would continue. I swear, he was mocking me. Squirrels? More like churls. These guys are fiendish beasts. They are definitely planning something. Now to figure out what....
In the meantime, I propose that more and more people get squirrel-proof bird feeders. It seems to be the one problem that the squirrels can't solve, and is highly entertaining as a result. It's like watching a drunk person try to solve a basic problem: hilarious, but if they knew that you were watching them they would not hesitate to end you.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Writer's (Butcher) Block
You know what I hate? When there's something you know that you need to do, but for the life of you can't remember. Last night I set my alarm for about 30 minutes early so that I could do something, but now that I'm awake, I have absolutely no idea as to what that something was. I think it may have been laundry, in which case I'm all set since I just put it in, but I'm still not positive. Oh well, hopefully it wasn't anything too important.
Remember how earlier I talked about how summer in Ithaca goes straight to winter? That may have been a bit of a hyperbole. Right now is what I would refer to as autumn. It is, and has been (minus yesterday's outlandish weather) around 50 degrees, which is prime fall temperature. And it only snowed once in October. Normally we'd be walking to class in the snow by now. I blame global warming.
I hate writer's block. And because I can't think of anything to talk about, I think that is precisely what I will focus my post on.
Writer's block is an
Issue for all real writers.
Unless they're seven.
You ever think about that? I remember being a little kid and writing about absolutely anything, be it dinosaurs, dinosaurs fighting ninjas, dinosaurs with jetpacks, robot dinosaurs, dinosaurs debating healthcare reform, dinosaurs making sandwiches (which is especially hard for t-rexes), or dinosaurs building a rocket ship to save their species. I just never ran out of ideas, and could write for hours upon hours. Now a days I struggle to come up with an idea for the simplest blog post. I often wish I could go back to those good ol' days. It's like all of those avant-garde artists who try to seem like kids: By which I mean people such as William Faulkner, who, like a kid could not string two sentences together; Ornette Coleman, whose "Free Jazz" sounds like a 5 year old on a piano; or Jackson Pollack, whose art looks like a 3 year old who had a little too much fun with a paint brush. Of course, this is precisely what the artists intended, and why people like them (and yes, I do like them... 1 of the 3 at least).
Back to my point: I feel like if I had my writing abilities that I do now and my ability to come up with endless ideas when I was a kid, I would be the juggernaut of blog writing. It would be like if McCain and Palin combined to form the ultimate presidential ticket, with experience and good ol' Alaskan know-how. Wait....
Remember how earlier I talked about how summer in Ithaca goes straight to winter? That may have been a bit of a hyperbole. Right now is what I would refer to as autumn. It is, and has been (minus yesterday's outlandish weather) around 50 degrees, which is prime fall temperature. And it only snowed once in October. Normally we'd be walking to class in the snow by now. I blame global warming.
I hate writer's block. And because I can't think of anything to talk about, I think that is precisely what I will focus my post on.
Writer's block is an
Issue for all real writers.
Unless they're seven.
You ever think about that? I remember being a little kid and writing about absolutely anything, be it dinosaurs, dinosaurs fighting ninjas, dinosaurs with jetpacks, robot dinosaurs, dinosaurs debating healthcare reform, dinosaurs making sandwiches (which is especially hard for t-rexes), or dinosaurs building a rocket ship to save their species. I just never ran out of ideas, and could write for hours upon hours. Now a days I struggle to come up with an idea for the simplest blog post. I often wish I could go back to those good ol' days. It's like all of those avant-garde artists who try to seem like kids: By which I mean people such as William Faulkner, who, like a kid could not string two sentences together; Ornette Coleman, whose "Free Jazz" sounds like a 5 year old on a piano; or Jackson Pollack, whose art looks like a 3 year old who had a little too much fun with a paint brush. Of course, this is precisely what the artists intended, and why people like them (and yes, I do like them... 1 of the 3 at least).
Back to my point: I feel like if I had my writing abilities that I do now and my ability to come up with endless ideas when I was a kid, I would be the juggernaut of blog writing. It would be like if McCain and Palin combined to form the ultimate presidential ticket, with experience and good ol' Alaskan know-how. Wait....
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Future of the Complicated Series of Tubes We know as the Internet
I have something to say. Something specific! Without stopping to think of a topic!
In the news, I came across this article.
It's about Rupert Murdoch, and his plans for the future of the internet we all know and love.
Here's a sentence from the article which pretty much sums it up:
So now on to my haiku:
Murdoch's use of
The internet really must
Not be extensive
First of all, take a look a the handsome feller here:
It's a good think that the NYTimes has a monopoly on online news, or else they would just completely fall into oblivion. Wait a minute? What's that you say? There are other places to get news? Google? Wikipedia? CNN? Yahoo? AOL? BBC? MSN? ABC? FOX? NBC? Bing? Ask.com? Twitter? Facebook? MySpace? Boston Globe? LATimes? Chicago Tribute? Or almost any site one could find with a quick Google search (or already set as one's homepage)? Wow, who knew.
So, let's think about this for a minute. Murdoch's strategy for one of a thousand different free news sites (which, might I add, is not even one of the most popular) is to make its users PAY for content they can find anywhere else for free? Which begs my earlier question:
Has Rupert Murdoch used the internet before?
In the news, I came across this article.
It's about Rupert Murdoch, and his plans for the future of the internet we all know and love.
Here's a sentence from the article which pretty much sums it up:
"He is planning to make newspapers like The Times and Sunday Times chargeable online."
So now on to my haiku:
Murdoch's use of
The internet really must
Not be extensive
First of all, take a look a the handsome feller here:
http://lanceturner.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/rupert_murdoch.jpg
There you go. Now with that image in mind, here he is, planning to make the New York Times Online and such chargeable (to clarify, he does not own the NYTimes, so he's merely speaking about his plans for world domination starting with the highly successful newspaper industry). Let me think of what this reminds me of... perhaps actual newspapers today? Well, those are doing absolutely great, right? I can imagine that applying the principles that are causing physical newspapers' downfalls will do wonders for the online market... in opposite land.
It's a good think that the NYTimes has a monopoly on online news, or else they would just completely fall into oblivion. Wait a minute? What's that you say? There are other places to get news? Google? Wikipedia? CNN? Yahoo? AOL? BBC? MSN? ABC? FOX? NBC? Bing? Ask.com? Twitter? Facebook? MySpace? Boston Globe? LATimes? Chicago Tribute? Or almost any site one could find with a quick Google search (or already set as one's homepage)? Wow, who knew.
So, let's think about this for a minute. Murdoch's strategy for one of a thousand different free news sites (which, might I add, is not even one of the most popular) is to make its users PAY for content they can find anywhere else for free? Which begs my earlier question:
Has Rupert Murdoch used the internet before?
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