"The Luckiest People in... the World"

So today I was trying to figure out what to write about and asked my dad to give me a suggestion. After about three failed suggestions (pfffft, who wants to read about Thelonious Monk (besides my survey of jazz teacher, who had to after I wrote a research paper about him)?), he suggested "musical theatre," which I decided was something I could write about.

Musical theatre is a magical thing. It can express everything that movie's can: be it tragedy, such as West Side Story; Comedy, such as Spamalot; Childrens' stories, such as The Lion King; or porn, such as Spring Awakening- musical theatre has it all.

And this brings me to my main point:

Musical theatre
Is something everyone loves
Despite what they say


That's right. It's impossible not to like musical theatre. You may say you don't, you may even think you don't, but no matter what you do like musical theatre. As I say above, it appeals to everyone. Just look at West Side Story, where all of the gang members dance. They're "cool" but they still sing and dance. The same thing goes for Grease.

The title of this post is from a Spamalot song called "You Won't Succeed on Broadway [if you don't have any Jews]."

The Taming of the Jew

So, after yesterday's post's mention of Shakespeare cred, I have taken it upon myself to earn some more. Yes, I know, it may be trivial to anyone else, but it means a lot to me! There are many people (scholars and such, you know) out there who already have plenty of Shakespeare cred. I know I will never reach their level, but I can at least try to get up there a little. One thing that is common among people with "street cred" is to "bash" or "hate on" others street cred saying that it's not "hip" or "rad" enough. So on that note, I have decided to target someone with plenty of Shakespeare cred: Harold Bloom. If you don't know who he is, he's a Shakespeare scholar who has devoted his entire life to living in his mother's basement and writing about sexual innuendos (ooooooh, snap! This is an over-generalization, but nonetheless a good insult in my humble opinion). That being said, here it comes, my two part take-down of Mr. Yale:

One must be blind, deaf
And dumb not to deem Harold
Bloom as arrogant.


Ok, that may be a little mean, I'm sorry. But one has to be cruel to gain Shakespeare cred. Get used to it (well not really, since I probably won't be making too many efforts to take down Shakespeare scholars).

And yes, he used that exact phrase "one must be blind, dead and dumb" in an essay about Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice," calling it anti-Semitic. So now here's my rebuttal to that (I am getting mad cred today):

Merchant of Venice
Is as anti-Semitic
As bagels with lox


That's right, I said it. Harold Bloom called Shakespeare anti-Semitic, and I refuted that statement (bagels with lox are not anti-Semitic, in case you didn't make that connection). On the other hand, "The Merchant of Venice" (also known as "The Taming of the Jew") is far from anti-Semitic, raising awareness for Jewish plight by leading the viewer/reader to sympathize with Shylock (and blah blah blah, if you want to hear about it I can send you my junior year Shakespeare essay).

I would say that this post alone got me 3 Shakespeare cred. Not only did I defend Shakespeare from Bloom, but I also countered him (each of those nets me 1 cred, and doing both at once makes it 3). This brings my Shakespeare cred to 5, for those counting. And if you have noticed, I have added a rating system at the bottom of each post. For each post you have the choice of giving me a "Shakespeare cred" rating or a "Marlowe cred." Contrary to what it may suggest, if you choose the "Shakespeare cred" option, it will not increase my actual cred, but it is meant to show that you reacted positively to the post. "Marlowe cred," on the other hand means that you are ready to be killed in a bar fight after reading the post. So I guess what I'm getting at is vote Shakespeare Cred if you liked the post and Marlowe Cred if you don't.

To be or not to be... that is not a question

Arguably, the most renowned play in existence is Shakespeare's Hamlet. The play is known for not only its merit (which is great), but also for a number of famous lines from it. The most famous perhaps is to be the subject of today's haiku:

To be or not to
Be would be more a question
With a question mark


There are several existing misconceptions about this scene, and please excuse me for rambling if I do so, but I get very irritated when people misinterpret texts that are over 400 years old (which rarely ever happens). First of all, "to be or not to be" is not a formal question. If you put a question mark at the end, making it "to be or not to be?" that would be a question. Seriously Shakespeare, learn English (Although it is a known fact that William would bomb his SATs.... "no, Collegeboard, I swear, that IS a word.. no I did not make it up.... well.... maybe a little."). Secondly, the "To be or not to be" monologue was NOT done with a skull. The skull was from a later scene (the "Alas, poor Yorick" one to be precise) and a different monologue. The skull being used in that scene originated in Mel Gibson's version (and we should all know by now that Gibson NEVER fabricates information for the purpose of a quality film...).

Thirdly is perhaps the greatest misconception, although it is really an argument rather than a misconception. There are two interpretations of Hamlet's line "to be or not to be." The first is the most widely accepted one which is "to live or to die." However Hamlet earlier states that he would never kill himself as it is an offense to God. The second is "to act or not to act." This one makes significantly more sense, considering that the issue Simba faces through the entire play is not whether to kill himself, but rather whether or not to kill Scar... I mean Claudius.

Wow I'm rambling... I did warn you though... This post does not pass for being funny enough. I shall give you one more haiku to compensate, and promise you that tomorrow's post will be back to the same old hilarities.

Shakespeare alteréd
Words t'adjust syllables for
His own needs. Me too.
(pretend that the accent up there is backwards)