My 100th Post!

And here it is, the post you've been waiting for (or not). I realize that these videos are extremely long, so please just watch the second if you can. I am also posting another vlog post that will be shorter and explaining my failings with this entry.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsPko4ArDWo


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7uXXwf7n98


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9jXRTeqmrA

Christopher Robin Loses A Grand

Well, my early event was canceled due to rain. It's been predicted to be rainy and ugly all day. Strangely enough, it's sunny right now with barely a cloud in the sky. Gotta love meteorologists.

Know what I just realized? I haven't posted about meteorologists yet. Which is strange, because they're such an easy target for ridicule. Maybe that's why. Maybe they're just too easy for me... Oh well, I'm going to make fun of them anyways (Sorry for getting your hopes up if you're a meteorologist).

Let's see, where to start, where to start. So many things to talk about and only so long I can talk before losing your interest (and if you're reading this part, I'll assume I haven't lost your interest yet). I think I'll start with a haiku.

If people gambled
On weather, the odds would be
Against weathermen


What I'm trying to say here is that if meteorology was a professional gambling sport, so many people would bet against meteorologists that betting for them could net you a lot of money (on that occasion that they're right). They probably aren't paid too much, so that may actually be a good way to make money on the side. Black market weather gambling. Sounds so illicit when I say it. It'd play out something like this:

"What are the odds of Precipitation today?"
"Well, sir, official weather reports place her at 75%, and so odds right now are 3:1 against."
"Hmmm, I'll put a grand on Precipitation by 2 PM today!"
"Alright, it's your money after all"
"Damn right it is"
(2 hours later)...
"Damnit."

The title is in reference to Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin's "Tut, tut, it looks like rain" quote.

Also, stay tuned because I'm going to be posting mah surprise later this afternoon and/or early tonight. And I'm removing the rating system for now because it simply diminishes my glory.

"Thank You, Come Again"

If you'll notice, I am posting this late Friday night. You may be asking why on earth I am posting a blog entry so late on a Friday night, and truth be told, I am doing what I normally do when I post: Procrastinating. I should be working on my essay due Monday or my 6-8 page research paper due Friday, but instead I come to you here to spread joy and procrastination. Just think of me as Santa Claus. Except with procrastination instead of presents. And much less diligent. So more like the Easter bunny.

Now what to talk about. I just saw a new episode of Monk (which happens to be one of my favorite shows), and the premier of a new show, White Collar, which I thoroughly enjoyed. USA network is just plain amazing. Although I suppose "plain amazing" sort of negates the effectiveness of the saying. But you get the point.

In other news, my rocking chair has developed an annoying problem. The friction on the right side is somehow far greater than the friction on the left, which makes it incredibly difficult to pull in and out (you better not have giggled at that). While this might not seem like too severe an issue, it is really a problem for me since I use my desk an awful lot, between work, procrastination, and music. Those end up getting all mixed up though.

Still no idea as to what to talk about. And now I'm just rambling. Hmmm. What to say, what to say.

Here's something that I've noticed recently:

Twenty-four hour
Food places do not worry
About quality


By 24 hour places, I don't just mean those, but most places open late. Almost any place you go to this late at night will serve complete crap, but people won't care, for one of two reasons: They're lazy, or they're drunk (people get drunk in college?! No way!). In either case, they accept the bad food (unless they're a bit too drunk). I was pondering the merits of opening a quality food establishment open 24/7 (for which Green Cafe does not come near qualifying for). Then I came to the aforementioned realization, and decided that it would flop rather quickly. Unless located in the lobby of a fancy condo building. Which don't exist in Ithaca.

If you don't recognize the title quote, you have not lived. Or have not watched The Simpsons. Eh, same thing.

Also, I'm busy early tomorrow, so don't expect a morning post. You'll see an afternoon post though, and then the surprise will be tomorrow night.

The (Storefront Decoration) Nightmare Before Christmas

Well, it's the afternoon now. And I have an important public service announcement: IT'S FRIDAY! Yes, it is finally Friday. Although if you are reading this on a day other than when I'm writing it then it might not be Friday, unless you are a week late to read it. But in any case, it's Friday now! After a long and grueling week, I finally have a little bit of time to relax.

So I was having trouble thinking of what to write about, and the Cornell chimes just inspired me. As I was walking to class, "Jingle Bells" started playing. For all of you under-rock dwellers, Jingle Bells is a Christmas carol. And for all of you month-ly challenged people, we are in October, and Christmas is over two months away. Which brings me to my haiku:

Constitutional
Amendments are needed for
Holiday store ads


Seriously. Seriously. Halloween has not even passed, and Christmas trees can already be found erected (get your mind out of the gutter) in your local stores. What I propose is a constitutional amendment saying that holiday decorations can't be put up until the passing of the holiday that comes before it, which is how it should be. So Halloween decorations can't go up until after Labor day (or Columbus day even), Thanksgiving until after Halloween, Christmas until after Thanksgiving, St. Valentines until a bit after New Years, and so on. Right now it's just ridiculous. When I go shopping for discount swimsuits at the end of the summer, I should by no means be encouraged to start shopping for Christmas tree ornaments.

The Fear List

Well today is an incredibly ugly day, and it appears to have rained last night. Don't worry, this post will not be about the weather. Let's see... on a positive note, I took a hot shower this morning. I also saw St. Vincent last night, which was amazing. On a negative note... I don't really have anything. Except for the weather. Oh, and I have a quiz this morning for Survey of Jazz as well as a presentation. I suppose that now would be an opportune time to discuss public speaking.

Hmm, now what to say. I am no stranger to public speaking, although I still despise it. Well, despise is such a bad word. Maybe hate would be better? I don't really hate it though, I just struggle with it. I don't even struggle with it really, it's just annoying. Yeh, I have really no idea.

Surveys show that public speaking comes before death on a list of fears. This result is peculiar, considering that death is usually considered to be the ultimate unconquerable fear, while public speaking is something that can be remedied with a couple of night classes at your local community college (or if you're in college, a speech class). This brings me to my haiku, which I have yet to even think of an idea for.

If public speaking's
Feared more than death, why's it not
Used as a threat more?


Do you see what I'm saying? I mean, people always threaten others with death to get them to do their bidding. Why don't they do that with public speaking? Like instead of holding a gun to someone's head, why don't they hold a mic to someone's face and make them speak if they don't do their bidding? Why do people say "do this or die" when they could say "do this or speak"? I think if this was the case, the world would be a much better place overall, and people could finally overcome their fear of public speaking. Although then I guess guns would come back in to play. So it really wouldn't be a long-lasting solution. Oh well, still a good idea I'd like to think. I also wonder if they've done anything with public speaking on Fear Factor... probably not, unless the person was in a tank full of leaches whilst speaking....

Three more posts until your surprise!

The XXL White Undershirt of Surrender

Ok, after this morning's horrendous post (yes, I admit it), I plan to redeem myself by giving you a good post. The question is what this post should be about...

Well, I decided to take a look at the front page of The Daily Sun for inspiration, and I came across this article: "Dairy Bar to Move to Trillium As Stocking Hall Is Renovated." For those who might be uninformed, Cornell's dairy bar has absolutely amazing ice cream, designed by students themselves in an ice cream making class. The ice cream is cheap, delicious, and the serving sizes are HUGE. For not much more than a dollar, you can get a small cup about as big as Ben and Jerry's larges, which cost about 5 dollars and don't taste nearly as good. That being said, Trillium is significantly more convenient for people to get to than the Stocking Hall. In fact, many people eat lunch on a daily basis at Trillium. Which brings me to my haiku:

Cornell's Dairy Bar
Is inconveniently placed
For a good reason


Yes, I know the real reason is that the Stocking Hall is more convenient, but let's face it: Having the Dairy Bar there means that a small portion of the calories are burnt off just walking to the Bar (unless you take the bus, in which case you are waving the XXL white undershirt of surrender to the Freshman 15). Now that the Dairy Bar will be in a convenient place, it will mean that it gets much more business. Once it starts getting more business, it may decide to stay there. And suddenly we'll have fat Cornellians everywhere. And by Cornellians, I mean non-Humanities people, since we all eat at places more convenient to us. So I could really care less. Although I will likely go there more often. This post really isn't that funny. Maybe I'll post another incomprehensible silly post like I did that one time with "In Today's News...". Who knows. And only a few more posts till my 100th post surprise! Oh boy, the anticipation is killing me!

(Un)Creative Writing

This morning, upon waking to some static-laden country music from my radio, I sprinted down the hall to the bathroom. Inside, I found more people than I had ever seen in there. I looked around eagerly, and locked eyes with one of my hall-mates. He gave me an approving nod, knowing full well my frame of my mind without needing verbal communication (as my sociology professor would say, we had no issues with our interpretive screens). I ran back to my room, grabbed my towel, and showered. In warm water.

That's right. The water was warm, and as I said, I needed to take advantage of that. And I did. Now what to say, what to say.

Last night, I attended a poetry and rhythm event, in which three different professors (two from Cornell and one from GWU) shared songs, short stories, novel excerpts, and poems set to music. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and it inspired me to take creative writing next semester. Which brings me to my topic: creative writing. Lots of people take creative writing. So many in fact that there are about 10 sections of it. Of these people, some can write creatively, and go on to do great things (Toni Morrison anyone? Although I'm sure the graduate level creative writing is different); others are not so talented and the only aspect of the course that they are taking advantage of is the "writing" part. Speaking of which, what on Earth am I talking about? This post is failing, I need to think of something better to say, wouldn't want too much exposition.

Creative writing:
What does it become when one
Is not creative?

I suppose that works. But it's not especially silly now, is it? Maybe if I gave it a funny hat... or a shirt with something funny on it. I wonder if anyone has done that in creative writing... by which I mean having a bad assignment and prettying it up with something silly. Although I suppose making it pink and girly would be the equivalent. Though that would be creative... but I guess that's the point if they're trying to cancel out the blandness of the writing.

Bleh, this post is a failure. I can't think right now, it's about 100 degrees here for some odd reason. Which is rather ironic because now of all days is when the hot water was working. Damn you irony, always out to get me. And I suppose this entire post is ironic if you think about it. Since it's not creative but it's about creative writing. Oh irony.

Plucked and Beheaded

So, if you'll recall my post from earlier, the water was freezing when I took my shower. Well, to follow-up, as one might expect the water was warm as soon as I came back to brush my teeth. Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. And with that sentence I just thought of my topic! 10 points to spontaneity! Or Gryffindor. Whichever you prefer.

You probably already figured what I'm going to post, but nonetheless, here I go.

The saying "that's the way the the cookie crumbles" is a strange saying. Who thought of using cookies as a metaphor for life? And what type of cookies? In any case, who ever thought of it was likely eating a cookie at the time. I'm still not sure how the saying came to being, and why it's not some other food like "that's the way the pizza's sliced" or "that's the way the chicken's plucked and beheaded" I am also unsure as to how the saying grew a negative connotation. Last I checked, you can still eat a crumbled cookie and it will taste the same. Well, that's how I've been raised at least. However, I am sure of this:

Murphy's law seems to
Be not unlike the way that
The cookie crumbles


Have you noticed that? Whenever something bad happens to someone they say "that's the way the cookie crumbles" as in one can expect bad things in life. It's just so pessimistic. Here's what I suggest: Take back the cookie! Bring it back as a positive reinforcement of good behavior! If something good happens to someone, say "that's the way the cookie crumbles into delicious melted chocolaty bits of goodness!" The end. I will now eat a cookie which I conveniently keep in my backpack.

Also, on another note, my 100th post is quickly approaching and I will be presenting you with a surprise for it.

Is this Water COLD COLD COLD? Or hot? (it's the first one, trust me)

So for the past few days, we've had a recurring issue here in Dickson: There is no hot water. Now, this issue seems to be erratic. Occasionally there will be hot water, other times, there will be none and the water will be absolutely freezing. This morning is one such time. I just took the COLDEST (and probably shortest) shower of my entire life. Yes, I could have gone to a different floor's shower, but that would have taken far too long, and there would be no guarantee of their having hot water. So pretty much whenever there is hot water, you need to take advantage of it. For example, last night when I was getting ready for bed I should have taken a shower. If you get back just to grab a book and go to the bathroom in the middle of the afternoon and the water is warm: take a shower. If you wake up in the middle of the night and need to pee, and the water is warm: take a shower. Get the picture?

Now, our dorm is really the only one with this problem, seeing as it is older than Anthony Hopkins and considering that it is the biggest dorm in the Ivies. However, we don't face other problems:

At Cornell one must
Choose between paper thin walls
And ice cold water

Yep, you can have the new dorms, and be able to hear your suit-mate sneeze in the next room over, or you can have my problem. Or you can be in another dorm, but they just suck. Well, it depends. But riot-proof dorms really aren't great when you're in a rush (woooo 100 feet per minute elevators). And most of the others are butt-ugly. Except Balch. But I can't be in Balch. If only...

Finale Needs To See Its Finale

So you may have noticed that I only had one post up yesterday. That is because I have decided to start using Finale to arrange music. And let me tell you, it's a pain. Here's my verdict on Finale:

If Finale could
Be simple like Garageband
I'd stop killing trees


But sadly, Finale is a pain in the ass to start out with, a pain in the ass to get used to, and a pain in the ass once you're used to it. If it could do everything you can simply do with a piece of paper, it would be amazing. But it can't, and you're stuck spending an hour trying to get it to show what you could do in 10 seconds on paper. I'd be using paper if my printer's cable wasn't broken (piece of crap got bent). I will have a longer post later to compensate for this venting.

Severed Arm Robbery

Well, today's another day. I suppose that's a stupid thing to say, since each and every day will be another day. Unless you invent a time machine. But that's pretty unrealistic. But anyways.

The other day, an email was sent out to Cornell students using the "crime alert" system we have here, meant to keep people up to date on crime happenings in the neighborhood. This specific email was regarding a "strong-arm robbery" that occurred in collegetown Sunday night. You may be wondering what exactly is a strong-arm robbery? I was wondering the same thing. Is it something where somebody is carrying heavy arms, like a machine gun? Or someone just strongly holds a pistol? Or they use a steel-reinforced severed arm, knock a person out, and stole their purse? Luckily, it is not any of those (I know some of you may have been hoping for that last one). Nope, a strong-arm robbery is simple when someone strongly grabs another person's arm and then takes their purse. I think. In any case, here's my haiku, which will likely be another failed analogy:

Cornell crime alert
Is to hyperbole as
Squirrels are to air


By this, I mean that each uses their respective thing (hyperbole or air) all the time. I don't know why squirrels came to mind. I'm weird like that. But anywho, Cornell crime alert will greatly exaggerate. They won't do so in their report, but rather with their names. They say "strong-arm robbery" and guns and such come to mind, as in an "armed robbery." Earlier this year they had "forcible touching" which sounds like sexual molestation and such, but is actually just someone grabbing and shaking somebody else. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like "sexual aggressions and forcible sexual assault" in reference to a drunk accidentally giving a woman squeeze. But in any case, they help keep us alert and for that we should be thankful. However try to remember, they're like condoms: their effectiveness is greatly reduced if you forget about them.

The Study of Escalators

So far, today has been good to me. I think I did decently on my prelim, did well on my medieval studies paper (which I turned into a creative writing parodying medieval romances... I may post it once I edit it), received a good grade on my survey of jazz paper, and am satisfied with the other paper I'm turning in today. It also helps that it is absolutely beautiful outside today.

So today in medieval studies, my professor for some reason began talking about the end of the world (he goes on tangents) and came to something called "eschatology" (don't look it up yet, I'll explain). I immediately assumed what you too are probably assuming, but here's the deal:

Eschatology
Is sadly not the study
Of escalators


I was really hoping that somehow our professor was going to talk about escalators, considering their awesomeness and all (speaking of which, we need one for Libe slope), but that's not the case. Eschatology, is in fact, a study (Well, not really a study... more like a concept) relating to the end of the world. Experts in the field include R.E.M. and the Mayans.

Preliminaries: Last Student Standing

So today I have another exam (or prelim, as we call it) and have a paper due. The exam is for sociology, and I pretty much failed my previous one, so I've been doing alot of studying (by pretty much fail, I mean I got a B-, which though not too bad is horrible in comparison to the rest of the class and to the quality of work I should be doing). I hope to do a bit better on this one.

This brings me to the primary topic for this post: Exams. I am incredibly lucky with my exams. While most my friends and acquaintances have weeks in which they have anywhere from 1-4 exams, I have them once in a while. This is due to the fact that only one of my classes is regular with exams, whereas all of my other classes either have periodic quizzes or no exams. But still, I manage to have them often enough, when combined with the large number of papers I have. Why am I still talking about myself, no one cares. Oh well, my haiku:

You know that you're at
Cornell when exams are called
Preliminaries


The idea of a preliminary is most commonly found in sports. It refers to the rounds prior to finals and such which you will make it to- if you survive preliminaries. If you apply this model to the Cornell exam schedule, you get a rather bleak outlook: You take these exams, and if you don't survive, you don't make it to finals. Whether this survival refers to staying in a class or staying alive is up in the air. But in any case, the origin of the name is not something to think about.

"I Want to Ride my Bicycle"

Well, I slept about 11 hours last night. Very nice, but a little unnecessary probably. It's a beautiful sunny day outside now, but is likely freezing nonetheless (my weather widget informs me that it is 47.1 degrees). Now what to write about...

Something I've noticed around campus is the large number of bicycles. Outside of every building you can find bikes tied up to anything from a bike rack to a large dog (I have yet to see the latter). Bikes can be incredibly convenient, as they allow you to quickly get from point A to point B without waiting for the bus, hurting your feet, or accepting quartercards (those cards handed out by people to advertise). You do have to find a bike rack or column to tie it up to, but that's not too much of an issue considering that bike racks are more common than trash cans here (we have about 2 trashcans on campus... or so it seems whenever you have to throw something away). But this brings me to my haiku:

Why bring bicycles
When they're only safe to use
For a month or two


So you go through all of the trouble of bringing your bike, and then you're all like "yay! I'm lazy and can quickly and antisocially get from class to class!" Then a month later it snows and you're all like "damnit" and have to walk like a normal person or take the bus like a normal lazy person. And so now you're stuck with a hunk of metal and need to keep it in your dorm room so that it doesn't rust and people will come into your dorm room and be like "pfft, nice bike, dork" and you'll be like "shut up jerk" and you'll regret having your bike. Also, something worth noticing is that the number of bikes on north campus (aka freshmen land) is greater than the number around any other part of campus. What does this tell us? Maybe that bikes are something freshmen bring and then realize that it's a silly and unnecessary commodity (no way!)?

Title is from the Queen song "Bicycle."