Music to my ears

Well, apparently Ithaca decided that it's summer now, judging by the weather. Understandable, since it's May now. Hard to believe.

Today, I am reflecting on a popular mantra I heard one of my teacher's mention in a lecture the other day.

Whoever first said
"Music to my ears" never
Heard awful music

Really, just because something's a relief to hear does not make it music to the ears. Personally, I think that the saying just isn't specific enough. They need to narrow down the term "music." For instance, if you hear something nice, you can say that it's "Simon and Garfunkel to my ears." But if you hear some horrible news, you could say that it's "Nickelback to my ears" or "Miley Cyrus to my ears." Really, just because it's music does not mean it's pleasant. And trust me, the Nickelback blasting for suspected terrorists in Guantanamo is probably not music to their ears.

Short post today. It's Sunday.

Plucked and Beheaded

So, if you'll recall my post from earlier, the water was freezing when I took my shower. Well, to follow-up, as one might expect the water was warm as soon as I came back to brush my teeth. Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. And with that sentence I just thought of my topic! 10 points to spontaneity! Or Gryffindor. Whichever you prefer.

You probably already figured what I'm going to post, but nonetheless, here I go.

The saying "that's the way the the cookie crumbles" is a strange saying. Who thought of using cookies as a metaphor for life? And what type of cookies? In any case, who ever thought of it was likely eating a cookie at the time. I'm still not sure how the saying came to being, and why it's not some other food like "that's the way the pizza's sliced" or "that's the way the chicken's plucked and beheaded" I am also unsure as to how the saying grew a negative connotation. Last I checked, you can still eat a crumbled cookie and it will taste the same. Well, that's how I've been raised at least. However, I am sure of this:

Murphy's law seems to
Be not unlike the way that
The cookie crumbles


Have you noticed that? Whenever something bad happens to someone they say "that's the way the cookie crumbles" as in one can expect bad things in life. It's just so pessimistic. Here's what I suggest: Take back the cookie! Bring it back as a positive reinforcement of good behavior! If something good happens to someone, say "that's the way the cookie crumbles into delicious melted chocolaty bits of goodness!" The end. I will now eat a cookie which I conveniently keep in my backpack.

Also, on another note, my 100th post is quickly approaching and I will be presenting you with a surprise for it.

Take a Medication for your Uptight-ness

The other day as I was walking, I heard someone say "take a chill pill." This got me thinking: What exactly is a chill pill? I mean, would it be something like Ritalin? Or would it be more like an antihistamine? Regardless of the answer though, the question brought me to this conclusion:

"Dude, take a chill pill"
Should not be taken to mean
Flunitrazipam


If someone were to misinterpret that, who knows where they would end up. They could pass out at their desk and wake up with their face super glued to the desk, clear nail polish on their fingernails that will turn pink when exposed to sunlight, and no pants (not that this has ever happened to anyone). Or it could be worse, though I won't go into that. In any case, I would not recommend rufy-ing your own coffee in the morning if someone tells you to take a chill pill. Even if you're somehow into those consequences I mentioned.

2 Cheeks Hurting < 1 Cheek Hurting?

Ok, I just finished my work and am heading to a CCC meeting shortly, so I will give you a brief post (yes, I know, I am so kind).

I am sorry to target another saying, but they are easy prey. So here goes:

Turn the other cheek
Is a bad philosophy
For a boxing match


Ever think about that? If you live by a turn the other cheek way of life, and someone punches you in the face, you are just setting yourself up for defeat. Other situations in which this philosophy may not work well: The Revolutionary War, having a sword stuck through your face so as to puncture both cheeks, Russian Roulette, a missed high-five and some more.

Now I'm not about doing the opposite. Here are some situations in which it may work well: Botox injections.

Look forward to my epic post tomorrow. A continuation of sorts of my earlier post from today.

The Cake is a Lie

This evening, I did something that completely goes against a classic American saying. Yes, I know, I'm a rebel.

Today, not only
Did I have my cake. No,
I also ate it.


Seriously, who thought of this saying? It is a bit ridiculous. If I have my cake, of course I'm going to eat it. Does the saying mean that you can have a cake but someone else will steal it from you? Or you can't have a cake but you can steal someone else's? That's such a cynical view of life. You can work so hard in life, and spend all of this time to get your cake, but never get a chance to eat it, always just an inch away from it?! Or, you can take the evil path of cake thievery, and steal what other people have worked so hard to accomplish? Damn these cake philosophers!

In other news, today is the 40th anniversary of the founding of the Pythons. No, not some band based on serpentes antics, but rather the comedy troupe of the Monty Pythons, those witty British people talked of in some of my posts and frequently quoted.

This is silliness!

You may have noticed that my second post yesterday did not come until later (around 21:00... for those who can not read military time, it means around 9 pm (it's simple really, just subtract 12 from the time given and you get the real time (unless it's under 12, then you already have it (wow there are a lot of parentheses in this sentence)))). The reason for this is because I was songwriting. By which I mean fiddling with garageband and hoping something comes out of it. I actually did produce a song I am fairly satisfied with. Maybe I'll post it once it's finished.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that I sadly have not had a haiku-writing creative mood of late. I have still managed to create a good number of haikus, but I have been unable to dish out them en masse (why do people use that phrase... it's not even English). My creative moods have rather been song-writing ones. That being said, I have decided to cut down my posts to 1-1.5 posts per day (by .5 I mean 2 every other day, or maybe a really short post (like the ones I had at the beginning that I have since aspired to return to)). I am sorry to any of my faithful readership who are greatly upset by it. Here's a smiley face to make you feel better: :)

Now to get down to business. HAIKU!

It's truly seldom
Suitable for someone to
Yell "This IS SPARTA!"


That's right, even in reply to "this is madness," "this is silliness," or "this is the Daily Show with Jon Stewart" it is still unsuitable. Especially when accompanied by a kick. Funny, yes, but suitable no. Imagine if Obama was giving a speech and suddenly was like "This... is.... WEDNESDAY!" and then kicked over his podium. Well, actually that would be pretty boss, so bad example. But you get the idea.

Beauty before Men

So today I figured that it would be fun to share a humorous life story (I know, right? So rare for me). And yes, I can't think of anything else to post, why? And don't worry, I promise that it will lead to a haiku.

So in my medieval romance class yesterday, we were discussing the story of Erec and Enide (By Chretien de Troyes, an interesting story, if you so desire to look it up). Our professor asked up to give our opinions on the character of Erec, so I raise my hand and say that I think that he is a "chauvinistic douchebag." Then, for the rest of the class, people discussed Erec and whether or not he was in fact a douchebag (the chauvinistic part was a given). My professor then proceeded to say that a question on our final will be "is Erec a douchebag?" I am not sure if he was kidding.

But I promised that it would lead to a haiku, so speaking of chauvanism:

The saying "ladies
First" simply exists so that
Men can watch girls' butts


I don't mean to sound cynical of the male gender, or the gentleness that may or may not be expected to be intrinsic of men in American society, but would the phrase "ladies first" be uttered by as many men if women did not have butts? Think about it.

A Dish Best Served Ithaca

Well, fall is upon us here in Ithaca. Today, the temperature: cold degrees, which is the average temperature here throughout the year. In fact, "Ithaca" is synonymous with "cold" (as suggested in the title). Before it gets too cold, however, I felt it proper to post about a summer subject, in the hopes of maybe bringing back some warm memories.

Chocolate milkshakes
Are much better than revenge
When they are served cold


Now, this doesn't exactly make much sense, and that is intentional. The haiku stems from the saying "revenge is a dish best served cold." I guess the point I'm trying to make is that if you have a desire for revenge (for whatever reason), rather than enacting it, why not drive to your local McDonalds, spend that $2.19, and treat yourself to a medium chocolate milkshake. In the end, it's a much better feeling than having to wash blood from your hands. Plus they say that when you seek revenge you dig two graves (one for the other person and one for yourself). When you seek a milkshake, the only digging you have to do is into your pocket for spare change. I could really go for a milkshake right now, as a matter of fact, in spite of the freezing conditions here.

When in Rome...

So today I have once again decided to comment on the arbitrariness of another figure of speech (yes, I am out of ideas... why do you ask?).

They say that Rome was
Not built in a day. They're right.
It took at least 2.


With this saying, it's not so much about the validity of the statement, but more about the randomness of it. So Rome was not built in a day. Well guess what? Neither was New York. Or Massachusetts. Or England. Or Canada... come to think of it... I can't think of a single empire or place that was built in one day (with the exception of the Soviet Evil Empire, which became an empire when Reagan dubbed it as such). So the question is, why Rome? Sure, it was a great and mighty empire that took a while to gain its power, but so were all of the aforementioned places (with the exception of Canada, which still does not have power).

However, the best part about this saying is that Rome fell after it was built up. Imagine, if you will, that your friend is trying to lose weight and is ready to give up after a week, and you say "hey, Rome wasn't built in a day." If they think about it, their reaction may be "so you're saying that I'm going to spend all of this losing weight, only to gain it all back thanks to attacks from barbarians, lead poisoning, and a poor economy? Thanks for the support...

Straight From the Horse's Ass

Contrary to what the title may suggest, this post is far from BS. I am currently writing this almost 2 hours before posting it! The title is actually meant to suggest the arbitrariness (who would've thought that word would pass with spellcheck) of many age-old sayings (sort of like the Hey, Where's the Cream Filling? post or the When Pigs Fly post, only not at all). So here goes:

What is it with the
Obsession sayings have with
Horse orthodontics


I mean, between "straight from the horse's mouth" and "don't look a gift horse in the mouth," it seems like overkill overall. It would be like taking all sorts of various sayings and making more sayings with that subject (for instance "don't take a sledgehammer to thin ice you happen to be standing on" or "make sure the stove is on before you try to watch the pot boil"). It seems silly. Especially since it's so old that the source is pretty much irrelevant. It would be like saying "Beware the Greeks bearing gifts." Now that saying would just come off as racist. And yes, that was once a saying.

You can really say "beggars can't be choosers" instead of the gift horse one now... for the other one though, nowadays coming straight from the horse's mouth is about as significant as coming from the horse's ass...

Hey, Where's the Cream Filling?

They say that when there's a cloud you should always look for the silver lining. I, however, like to think outside of the box.

Forget the silver
Lining- look for the cloud with
Hostess cream filling

Clouds with silver lining are sooo romanticism (around the19th century for those of you not up to date on your art history). We are in a new era, and a different train of thought is required. I mean, if you look for the cloud with the silver lining, what are you gonna do with it once you find it? Try to sell it? You'd look absolutely ridiculous walking around trying to sell the silver lining of a cumulonimbus. If, however, you find the cloud with the cream filling, you will, of course, eat it. And it's much more difficult for a parent to tell their kids to "look for the silver lining" and then explain the concept than it is to just ask them "where's the cream filling?" - a much easier concept to explain to a child. Just don't tell them this if they're lactose intolerant or vegan (where's the soy filling?).