Wanted: The Grinch, on 304 million counts of breaking and entering, theft, impersonating a government official, and unethical treatment of an endangered species

Well. It's the start of a new day. Tuesday, to be precise. I plan to lock myself in the library today and finish a paper or two. Chances are, this won't go exactly as planned, but I will try nonetheless. More than being the start of a new day, it's the start of something much, much greater- 31x greater to be precise: A new month. That number, however, is only quantitative. In terms of quality, the percent increase is much much higher. Why? Because it is December!

I can hear you asking now "Why do you care about December, Theo? It's just another month! And it's cold!" Well, the answer is that December is not just any month- it's a magical and joyous month. Between the holiday season, New Years (although I know this technically isn't December. Sort of), and my birthday- the month is great for everyone, unless you don't affiliate with a religion/don't celebrate holidays. Or hate happiness. Or both.

You see, in December- the best in people tends to come out. They enter into a month-long holiday spirit, and insist on giving and receiving gifts. And now you're saying "but it's about the spirit, right? Not the gifts? That's what my mommy always told me!" Well, first, you can't believe everything your mother says, can you? For instance, you're not special, Santa isn't real, and you're probably adopted. But second, the answer is: wrong.

The holiday season is all about the material objects. How on earth can you be in a happy mood if you didn't get that new Mercedes you asked for?

Without presents, the
Holiday season would be
Pointless. Oh, and suck.


Okay, I know that that haiku was rather lame, but think about it: without presents, the holiday season would not be a holiday season- no one would care about it except for the religious. Contrary to what Dr. Seuss may want you to believe, our society's Christmas would fail if the Grinch pulled the same stunt he did with Whoville. It would be like holding a dance party without any dancing. Or a pool party without the pool. Or a birthday party without the party. It would be a flop of a holiday. Any holiday that isn't highly commercialized simply fails to be cared for by society, for instance- any Jewish holiday.

I guess, in layman's terms- December would be nothing without all of the over-commercialized material bullshit that goes on. God forbid we have holidays that are about the spirit of them.