The ultimate gift

It's a very special day today. No, it's not National Water Bottle Appreciation day, or Warren G. Harding's birthday. It's not some obscure Jewish or Canadian holiday. It's not Memorial Day or Veteran's Day. Still don't know what today is? Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, you might want to run to the store. Today is Mother's Day! That's right, once again you need to buy your mom presents, and yes- we all now it's unfair because they get three holidays for presents a year and you only get two. But honestly, your present is where you are now, because without them you wouldn't be there. Unless you're living in a cardboard box, which is a pretty bad present.

Mother's Day is the day to show appreciation for all that your mom has done for you. And that means getting her flowers and a nice card. Why's that? Well, it's quite simple really:

Nothing says "thanks for
The past nineteen years full of
Support" like flowers

Really, it's true. In spite of the thousands of dollars she spends on you for food and college and presents and things and clothing and shelter- getting her the ultimate gift of a $6 bouquet of flowers and a $1 Far Side card really says thank you like nothing else. And if you don't even go that far to thank her, you're a disgrace to sons and daughters everywhere. Jerk.