Excuses, excuses.

Wow, I've been terrible at updating. But trust me, I have multiple good excuses. 

One: I have tons of work. Even more than usual.

Two: I do make time for myself, but it comes in different forms. First off, I've been writing a fantasy novel. Can you believe it? I certainly can't, but I have almost 11 pages in word now! This is where most of my free time goes.

Okay, so there were just two excuses, but technically, two is more than one, and therefore qualifies as "multiple" excuses.

Last week, I saw The Capitol Steps live. They were awesome. If you don't know who they are, look them up. They're a political satire troupe, and are astounding. They write songs mocking politicians to the tune of popular classic songs. For instance, I saw them perform "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Korea?" (to the tune of "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria, from The Sound of Music as well as "The Lie of the Tiger," and many others.

For this post, rather than giving you a haiku as usual, I have decided to share with you a song in their tradition that I have written.

First, you must know what it's based on. So get Old Time Rock and Roll stuck in your head before listening to this.

Now, imagine someone impersonating Glen Beck as the singer.

Just take your phone, get ready to call

I’ve got solutions for problems big and small

Buy whatever coinage you are told

I like that Gold Line collector’s gold.

If you want your problems to grow gray and old

Just call the number you see on the screen

You’ll have gold fit for a queen

I like that Gold Line collector’s gold

Still like that Gold Line collector’s gold

The kind of riches that sooth the soul

Antique coins are a sight to behold

With that Gold Line collector’s gold.

Don’t let the government take yours away

With FDR’s mandate they very well may

If you don’t want to lose all you’re sold

Start buying Gold Line Collector’s gold

Don’t you dare get those bullion, no!

Numismatic are the way to go

They’re mostly worthless, but you don’t know

So buy that Gold Line collector’s gold

Th-th-that's all folks! Until next time.

Pew pew pew

You know, if you haven't noticed, it's been over a week since my last blogpost. I feel like such a terrible human being. If you haven't been, make sure to check out my Twitter accounts (really, please do. Some of the stuff I say is actually funny. I promise), which are a bit easier to update every day (I give links in the previous post).

This coming month is a busy month. We're having lots of concerts and people coming: M.I.A., Phoenix, Donald Glover, Wynton Marsalis, Frank Warren (creator of http://www.postsecret.com/), and Louis C.K. (a comedian from Boston with his own show).

Between all of this, I will be incredibly busy working shows (pretty much one every single week). That being said, I know everyone generally has similar things on their schedule, be it a cappella, a job, or chess club (seriously, that stuff's addicting). And, though I know that this may sound cliche, I'm going to say it anyways:

Between homework, jobs,
And other things, make sure to
Make time for yourself

I know it's hard, but just an hour a day of taking some time for yourself (be it reading, watching TV, or playing video games) is invaluable in keeping your sanity.  I know that if I didn't get my proper number of bad-guy-kills per day, I'd probably explode from stress with little metaphorical bits and pieces of me coating the wall like the blood of my enemies (I am sane, I promise).

The title of this post is dedicated to the sound my imaginary laser gun makes when I shoot it.

Labor Day indeed

I am a horrible person.

Well, not really- but I have neglected to properly keep up my blog. My plan had been to post when I actually had something to say, rather than forcing myself to say something. So far that hasn't exactly worked, as I've found myself rarely having anything to say. I would reassure you that I'm trying to change this, but I can make no promises.

You see, I'm super busy this semester. I have my usual clubs and extracurriculars, but my classes are far more rigorous than they were last semester. Also, I have been trying to do more work on my songs. I have about 5 mostly completed ones at this point, though I will not be posting them online until they are in a presentable state (aka when they have good singing). I am quite proud of them though.

Yesterday was Labor Day, and, in a history-making choice, we had a significant holiday off! As a result though, irony was unavoidable, since it was a three day weekend. Allow me to elaborate in a poetic haiku (bet you didn't see that coming):

There's nothing quite like
Observing Labor Day by
Spending it working.

Yep, the entire day was spent doing homework. A holiday well spent.

In other news, this in my blog's 1 year anniversary.

I shall try to bring updates more often. But actually. Really. Sorry. Fin.

Oh, and also- if you happen to miss me between posts- check out my Twitter accounts:

http://twitter.com/Teowulf  (my normal account)

http://twitter.com/FictFacts (where I make up fun facts)

Feminism

Well, I've had 2 days of classes thus far. I've got to say, they look like they'll be good, though I'm sure I will have my work cut out for me (lots of readings and such).

All of the classes are very interesting so far, though I have noticed something about all of them- the male:female ratio is not quite representative of the school's ratio. In every single one of my classes (that I've been to so far), the male:female ratio is somewhere between 1:4 and 1:6. Now, I'm not saying that this is a bad thing, though for someone in a relationship (myself included), there are not especially any benefits of having a class full of girls.

Now, I would recommend the classes for single guys as a way to meet girls, except there's one important caveat: most of the classes are in the Feminist and Gender Studies department. Here's what this means

If you're looking to
"Meet girls" like at parties
Avoid feminists

I don't mean for this to sound sexist, but what I'm trying to say is that guys who are set on picking up girls for one night stands would better spend their time on people not in feminist classes. Something tells me that they will not so readily succumb to advances as, say, an econ major (no offense to any econ majors out there). So I guess what I'm saying is don't join my class unless you have serious romantic intentions. Or if you like the subject, I guess.

Sheriously.

If you haven't been paying attention to my Facebook or Twitter, then this will be news to you. If you have, you can skip to the next paragraph (you won't though, will you?). The other week, I was accepted into the College Scholar Program at Cornell. Essentially, it means I can write my own ticket/major. In my proposal, I focused on humor. So yes, that does essentially mean that I will be majoring in humor.

While this may seem incredibly awesome (which it is), it will also be alot of work, considering that I'll be writing some sort of epic thesis that somehow incorporates everything I will have learned in my years at college. However, I have a while to think about that, so I'd prefer not to worry at the moment. I'm sure the topic will come to me. Eventually.

Now, if you were to assume that because I'm majoring in humor I'm gonna be funnier, that's a complete misconception.

Having a good sense
Of humor does not equate
To being funny

That's right. Just because I'm going to be studying funny people and memorizing countless quotes and quips does not mean that I myself will be any funnier. And, since I'll be studying humor seriously, I expect that I shall be taking it seriously, and whenever I say something funny, you'll have to stop and think about it from a scholarly point of view without any hint of laughter. Or else.

A Triumphant Return

Wow. Sorry for saying that I'd try to update my blog over the summer, and then failing miserably to do so. I've just been busy, and, to be honest- there wasn't much to talk about. Home is not college, and anyone can sit on their butts at home observing what goes on- that's what Twitter's for. It takes a real pro to observe college from a real subjective, poetic viewpoint. I have a New College) Year resolution, which is to actually keep my posts a reasonably length. It'll be challenging, but I think I can do it.

Now, the question I'm sure all 2 of you are asking is whether I can just pick up my blog again and be as good as before. I'm not gonna make any promises, but I can guarantee you that I will try as hard as I can possibly attempt to try maybe.

And the moment you've all been waiting for:

Haikus are quite hard
To come back to after a
While. Obviously.

If you're wondering what I've been doing that's had me so busy, it's a variety of things. One such thing is my songwriting. I have been doing much songwriting. It's not funny writing, it's actually rap believe it or not. However, as my paper from my summer course argues, much of rap music is incredibly witty. And I'd like to think some of my work falls into that category. So I thought I would occasionally take the opportunity to share various rhymes with you. This will not be one of those occasions.

Ghosts

I'm DONE! Well, done with my freshman year that is. Finally turned in my College Scholar proposal which marks the end of school work for my first year! Doesn't feel especially different though... maybe because I'm taking a summer course which starts a month from now.

It is awfully weird though. For the past however-many months, I've been living in this fantastical college world, and now here I am in the real world. Still unemployed.

The other day I learned something interesting: Apparently record companies give songwriting contracts. New dream career path? I think so. And call me strange if you'd like for not wanting to be a real musician (slash performer), but if I could make money off of writing pop songs, I would never have to work a day in my life (hooray for cliches!). I suppose I'm just different:

It's not everyday
That someone aspires to
Have a ghost career

Recently, I've realized that almost all of the jobs I would be interested in life are "ghost" jobs. Writing for a television show, writing songs, writing speeches, writing almost anything aside from books, really. Really though, I don't want to be famous, and if I can make money just riding the curtails of fame. Think about it, if I got a song-writing contract, I could be doing exactly what I'm doing right now in my free-time, only making money from it. That's a BIG "if" though.