Severed Arm Robbery

Well, today's another day. I suppose that's a stupid thing to say, since each and every day will be another day. Unless you invent a time machine. But that's pretty unrealistic. But anyways.

The other day, an email was sent out to Cornell students using the "crime alert" system we have here, meant to keep people up to date on crime happenings in the neighborhood. This specific email was regarding a "strong-arm robbery" that occurred in collegetown Sunday night. You may be wondering what exactly is a strong-arm robbery? I was wondering the same thing. Is it something where somebody is carrying heavy arms, like a machine gun? Or someone just strongly holds a pistol? Or they use a steel-reinforced severed arm, knock a person out, and stole their purse? Luckily, it is not any of those (I know some of you may have been hoping for that last one). Nope, a strong-arm robbery is simple when someone strongly grabs another person's arm and then takes their purse. I think. In any case, here's my haiku, which will likely be another failed analogy:

Cornell crime alert
Is to hyperbole as
Squirrels are to air


By this, I mean that each uses their respective thing (hyperbole or air) all the time. I don't know why squirrels came to mind. I'm weird like that. But anywho, Cornell crime alert will greatly exaggerate. They won't do so in their report, but rather with their names. They say "strong-arm robbery" and guns and such come to mind, as in an "armed robbery." Earlier this year they had "forcible touching" which sounds like sexual molestation and such, but is actually just someone grabbing and shaking somebody else. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like "sexual aggressions and forcible sexual assault" in reference to a drunk accidentally giving a woman squeeze. But in any case, they help keep us alert and for that we should be thankful. However try to remember, they're like condoms: their effectiveness is greatly reduced if you forget about them.