It's Friday! And you know what this weekend is?! If you guessed Valentine's Day, you're right. But if you guessed the Furthur concert, you're more right! This Sunday is the Grateful Dead's return to Barton Hall, and it will be epic. The show is sold out, and 75% of the tickets went to the general public. If you're not great at math, that means we can expect a few thousand deadhead hippies, at least.
Apparently, the amount of police officers and security personnel at this concert will be more than pretty much ever. They're really worried about it.
It's funny how more
Security is needed
For older people
Really. Most of these people are probably going to be in their 50s and 60s. And so, of course, this means that the cops need to step up their game. They will be patrolling parking lots to stop old hippies from dealing any arthritis medications or other illicit substances. They will be in front of the stage, to make sure none of the deadheads get hernias while trying to jump the stage. They will be at the door, to make sure that all of the guests are fully clothed upon entering. And they will make sure that no one does anything remarkably stupid and/or reminiscent of the '77 Grateful Dead concert here (which resulted in the maximum capacity of Barton Hall being cut in half from 10,000 to 5,000). In any case, these middle-aged hooligans are a major threat, and the campus police are taking them very serious with multiple safety warnings and making sure they have enough officers on the job.
Showing posts with label Crime. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crime. Show all posts
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Litterererers
Last night as I picked up someone else's litter, I realized something.
Imagine if the
Police had enough funding
To charge all rebels.
And by rebels I mean law-breakers. Think about it. Rather than just doing all of the big things, what if they had a homicide-level force for everything?
"Look, litter! Quick, let's dust it for fingerprints and track down our perpetrator"
There could be a whole "CSI: New York Litterers" show. Think about how clean and shiny the world would be if that were the case. Perhaps my favorite situation would be:
"Excuse me sir, my measurements tell me that you are 22 feet away from the building. The sign says 25. I'm going to have to write you a ticket and take you down to the station for questioning."
Although, I suppose it if the police force had this type of funding, it would be a bit ridiculous.
"You there, did you drop this bottle?"
"No officer, I didn't"
"OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE. You're under arrest"
They could easily abuse their power. Also, they could just sit by crosswalks and ticket every car that doesn't give the pedestrian the right of way, since it is technically an offense.
This post has weird spacing. The next one won't be so strange.
Imagine if the
Police had enough funding
To charge all rebels.
And by rebels I mean law-breakers. Think about it. Rather than just doing all of the big things, what if they had a homicide-level force for everything?
"Look, litter! Quick, let's dust it for fingerprints and track down our perpetrator"
There could be a whole "CSI: New York Litterers" show. Think about how clean and shiny the world would be if that were the case. Perhaps my favorite situation would be:
"Excuse me sir, my measurements tell me that you are 22 feet away from the building. The sign says 25. I'm going to have to write you a ticket and take you down to the station for questioning."
Although, I suppose it if the police force had this type of funding, it would be a bit ridiculous.
"You there, did you drop this bottle?"
"No officer, I didn't"
"OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE. You're under arrest"
They could easily abuse their power. Also, they could just sit by crosswalks and ticket every car that doesn't give the pedestrian the right of way, since it is technically an offense.
This post has weird spacing. The next one won't be so strange.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Wanted: The Grinch, on 304 million counts of breaking and entering, theft, impersonating a government official, and unethical treatment of an endangered species
Well. It's the start of a new day. Tuesday, to be precise. I plan to lock myself in the library today and finish a paper or two. Chances are, this won't go exactly as planned, but I will try nonetheless. More than being the start of a new day, it's the start of something much, much greater- 31x greater to be precise: A new month. That number, however, is only quantitative. In terms of quality, the percent increase is much much higher. Why? Because it is December!
I can hear you asking now "Why do you care about December, Theo? It's just another month! And it's cold!" Well, the answer is that December is not just any month- it's a magical and joyous month. Between the holiday season, New Years (although I know this technically isn't December. Sort of), and my birthday- the month is great for everyone, unless you don't affiliate with a religion/don't celebrate holidays. Or hate happiness. Or both.
You see, in December- the best in people tends to come out. They enter into a month-long holiday spirit, and insist on giving and receiving gifts. And now you're saying "but it's about the spirit, right? Not the gifts? That's what my mommy always told me!" Well, first, you can't believe everything your mother says, can you? For instance, you're not special, Santa isn't real, and you're probably adopted. But second, the answer is: wrong.
The holiday season is all about the material objects. How on earth can you be in a happy mood if you didn't get that new Mercedes you asked for?
Without presents, the
Holiday season would be
Pointless. Oh, and suck.
Okay, I know that that haiku was rather lame, but think about it: without presents, the holiday season would not be a holiday season- no one would care about it except for the religious. Contrary to what Dr. Seuss may want you to believe, our society's Christmas would fail if the Grinch pulled the same stunt he did with Whoville. It would be like holding a dance party without any dancing. Or a pool party without the pool. Or a birthday party without the party. It would be a flop of a holiday. Any holiday that isn't highly commercialized simply fails to be cared for by society, for instance- any Jewish holiday.
I guess, in layman's terms- December would be nothing without all of the over-commercialized material bullshit that goes on. God forbid we have holidays that are about the spirit of them.
I can hear you asking now "Why do you care about December, Theo? It's just another month! And it's cold!" Well, the answer is that December is not just any month- it's a magical and joyous month. Between the holiday season, New Years (although I know this technically isn't December. Sort of), and my birthday- the month is great for everyone, unless you don't affiliate with a religion/don't celebrate holidays. Or hate happiness. Or both.
You see, in December- the best in people tends to come out. They enter into a month-long holiday spirit, and insist on giving and receiving gifts. And now you're saying "but it's about the spirit, right? Not the gifts? That's what my mommy always told me!" Well, first, you can't believe everything your mother says, can you? For instance, you're not special, Santa isn't real, and you're probably adopted. But second, the answer is: wrong.
The holiday season is all about the material objects. How on earth can you be in a happy mood if you didn't get that new Mercedes you asked for?
Without presents, the
Holiday season would be
Pointless. Oh, and suck.
Okay, I know that that haiku was rather lame, but think about it: without presents, the holiday season would not be a holiday season- no one would care about it except for the religious. Contrary to what Dr. Seuss may want you to believe, our society's Christmas would fail if the Grinch pulled the same stunt he did with Whoville. It would be like holding a dance party without any dancing. Or a pool party without the pool. Or a birthday party without the party. It would be a flop of a holiday. Any holiday that isn't highly commercialized simply fails to be cared for by society, for instance- any Jewish holiday.
I guess, in layman's terms- December would be nothing without all of the over-commercialized material bullshit that goes on. God forbid we have holidays that are about the spirit of them.
Friday, October 23, 2009
The Fear List
Well today is an incredibly ugly day, and it appears to have rained last night. Don't worry, this post will not be about the weather. Let's see... on a positive note, I took a hot shower this morning. I also saw St. Vincent last night, which was amazing. On a negative note... I don't really have anything. Except for the weather. Oh, and I have a quiz this morning for Survey of Jazz as well as a presentation. I suppose that now would be an opportune time to discuss public speaking.
Hmm, now what to say. I am no stranger to public speaking, although I still despise it. Well, despise is such a bad word. Maybe hate would be better? I don't really hate it though, I just struggle with it. I don't even struggle with it really, it's just annoying. Yeh, I have really no idea.
Surveys show that public speaking comes before death on a list of fears. This result is peculiar, considering that death is usually considered to be the ultimate unconquerable fear, while public speaking is something that can be remedied with a couple of night classes at your local community college (or if you're in college, a speech class). This brings me to my haiku, which I have yet to even think of an idea for.
If public speaking's
Feared more than death, why's it not
Used as a threat more?
Do you see what I'm saying? I mean, people always threaten others with death to get them to do their bidding. Why don't they do that with public speaking? Like instead of holding a gun to someone's head, why don't they hold a mic to someone's face and make them speak if they don't do their bidding? Why do people say "do this or die" when they could say "do this or speak"? I think if this was the case, the world would be a much better place overall, and people could finally overcome their fear of public speaking. Although then I guess guns would come back in to play. So it really wouldn't be a long-lasting solution. Oh well, still a good idea I'd like to think. I also wonder if they've done anything with public speaking on Fear Factor... probably not, unless the person was in a tank full of leaches whilst speaking....
Three more posts until your surprise!
Hmm, now what to say. I am no stranger to public speaking, although I still despise it. Well, despise is such a bad word. Maybe hate would be better? I don't really hate it though, I just struggle with it. I don't even struggle with it really, it's just annoying. Yeh, I have really no idea.
Surveys show that public speaking comes before death on a list of fears. This result is peculiar, considering that death is usually considered to be the ultimate unconquerable fear, while public speaking is something that can be remedied with a couple of night classes at your local community college (or if you're in college, a speech class). This brings me to my haiku, which I have yet to even think of an idea for.
If public speaking's
Feared more than death, why's it not
Used as a threat more?
Do you see what I'm saying? I mean, people always threaten others with death to get them to do their bidding. Why don't they do that with public speaking? Like instead of holding a gun to someone's head, why don't they hold a mic to someone's face and make them speak if they don't do their bidding? Why do people say "do this or die" when they could say "do this or speak"? I think if this was the case, the world would be a much better place overall, and people could finally overcome their fear of public speaking. Although then I guess guns would come back in to play. So it really wouldn't be a long-lasting solution. Oh well, still a good idea I'd like to think. I also wonder if they've done anything with public speaking on Fear Factor... probably not, unless the person was in a tank full of leaches whilst speaking....
Three more posts until your surprise!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Severed Arm Robbery
Well, today's another day. I suppose that's a stupid thing to say, since each and every day will be another day. Unless you invent a time machine. But that's pretty unrealistic. But anyways.
The other day, an email was sent out to Cornell students using the "crime alert" system we have here, meant to keep people up to date on crime happenings in the neighborhood. This specific email was regarding a "strong-arm robbery" that occurred in collegetown Sunday night. You may be wondering what exactly is a strong-arm robbery? I was wondering the same thing. Is it something where somebody is carrying heavy arms, like a machine gun? Or someone just strongly holds a pistol? Or they use a steel-reinforced severed arm, knock a person out, and stole their purse? Luckily, it is not any of those (I know some of you may have been hoping for that last one). Nope, a strong-arm robbery is simple when someone strongly grabs another person's arm and then takes their purse. I think. In any case, here's my haiku, which will likely be another failed analogy:
Cornell crime alert
Is to hyperbole as
Squirrels are to air
By this, I mean that each uses their respective thing (hyperbole or air) all the time. I don't know why squirrels came to mind. I'm weird like that. But anywho, Cornell crime alert will greatly exaggerate. They won't do so in their report, but rather with their names. They say "strong-arm robbery" and guns and such come to mind, as in an "armed robbery." Earlier this year they had "forcible touching" which sounds like sexual molestation and such, but is actually just someone grabbing and shaking somebody else. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like "sexual aggressions and forcible sexual assault" in reference to a drunk accidentally giving a woman squeeze. But in any case, they help keep us alert and for that we should be thankful. However try to remember, they're like condoms: their effectiveness is greatly reduced if you forget about them.
The other day, an email was sent out to Cornell students using the "crime alert" system we have here, meant to keep people up to date on crime happenings in the neighborhood. This specific email was regarding a "strong-arm robbery" that occurred in collegetown Sunday night. You may be wondering what exactly is a strong-arm robbery? I was wondering the same thing. Is it something where somebody is carrying heavy arms, like a machine gun? Or someone just strongly holds a pistol? Or they use a steel-reinforced severed arm, knock a person out, and stole their purse? Luckily, it is not any of those (I know some of you may have been hoping for that last one). Nope, a strong-arm robbery is simple when someone strongly grabs another person's arm and then takes their purse. I think. In any case, here's my haiku, which will likely be another failed analogy:
Cornell crime alert
Is to hyperbole as
Squirrels are to air
By this, I mean that each uses their respective thing (hyperbole or air) all the time. I don't know why squirrels came to mind. I'm weird like that. But anywho, Cornell crime alert will greatly exaggerate. They won't do so in their report, but rather with their names. They say "strong-arm robbery" and guns and such come to mind, as in an "armed robbery." Earlier this year they had "forcible touching" which sounds like sexual molestation and such, but is actually just someone grabbing and shaking somebody else. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like "sexual aggressions and forcible sexual assault" in reference to a drunk accidentally giving a woman squeeze. But in any case, they help keep us alert and for that we should be thankful. However try to remember, they're like condoms: their effectiveness is greatly reduced if you forget about them.
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