When you wish upon a star...

It's an ugly day. I wish it would be nice again.

And speaking of wishes (see what I did there?), there are a lot of ways to make wishes. You can see a shooting star, see the first star of the night, blow an eyelash off of your finger, blow the candles out on a birthday cake, throw a penny into a fountain, throw a penny into a well, break a wishbone, and many, many more things. However, according to common wish-law, if you tell someone what your wish was it won't come true (which is why newly 13 year old boys don't share their embarrassing birthday wishes involving Jessica Alba). However, I find that this age-old wish-law has a problem:

Any clever child
Can find the loophole with the
"it won't come true" law.


Seriously, think about it. If you tell someone, your wish won't come true. So all you need to do is wish in the negative. For instance, if you want a unicorn, rather than wishing for a unicorn, you need to wish that a unicorn won't magically appear out of nowhere. Then, when you tell someone and the wish doesn't come true, a unicorn will appear out of nowhere! It's as simple as that. Now hopefully this knowledge will not fall into the wrong hands and result in pre-teen boys getting their giant killer robots. That could be bad. Unless we had enough wizards and dragons to counter them. That would actually be pretty awesome.

World of War

Another beautiful day, I don't believe it. Enjoy it while you can, it's only a matter of time before nonstop rain.

The other day, I was looking at an article about Nobel Peace Prize nominees, and I stumbled across one, which I found rather odd. On the list of nominees, beside 236 others, is "the internet." That's right: that complicated series of tubes known as the internet we know and love has been nominated for quite the distinction. My thoughts?

The web is a great
Pacifier: Users turn
Thirteen years-old


Really, think about it. When it comes to the internet, there are no real wars- only flame wars. Why? Because everyone using it regresses to the maturity of a thirteen year-old. It's perfect for keeping peace. No pre-teens are going to go about starting wars (well, most of them, at least), at least not bad ones. And, if all goes according to plan, all our world leaders will start playing World of Warcraft, and become too addicted to bother with real war. Or maybe wars could just be settled without casualties and over WoW. Who knows. Consider this post to be my endorsement for the internet's nomination.

Prophet FAIL

Well, it's another day. Feels the same as yesterday, even though it's a Monday. This was all explained in yesterday's post. I shall be spending today in the library, working on my essays due Friday, so as to clear up more time for studying for my Thursday final. Yep, it will be a fun-filled week.

I will try to keep posting, but I can't guarantee being able to update the blog every single day. But I will try... as I just said in the previous sentence.

Earlier today, I read quite the entertaining article. If you don't want to read it, it's about the top "15 Failed Predictions about the Future." It gives a number of different out-of-context predictions various people have made regarding the future. It makes the people look rather silly, and/or stupid either because they were proved wrong, or they could not have possibly been more wrong with their guess. Here's what I have to say all of this:

If there's any chance
Of something, don't act so sure
When predicting it


Seriously, if there is even the slightest offchance of something occurring in the future, don't say that it will never happen, because it just might happen, and you just might look like a moron. For instance, Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM in 1943 claimed that "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." Fantastic premonition. He's practically a prophet. And it's good to know that Watson had high hopes for his company.

Another prediction was made by a non-famous person, but it's funny nonetheless. A random Boeing engineer said "There will never be a bigger plane built" in reference to a 10-seat plane. If there's one thing I know about predictions, it's that you never, ever say "there will never be" in reference to a record, because there will almost always be. For instance, If I said something like "there will never be a 5G network." This is on par with that other statement, because, like the number of seats in a plane constantly increases, the generation of phone networks does.

Now, I will make a couple of predictions of my own regarding the future, which are sure to be right.

There will never be a female president.
There will never be a Jewish president.
There will never be a dragon-man president.
There will never be another you (this is the name of a jazz standard, if you didn't get the reference).
Bob Woodward will never die (really, he's immortal)
By 2022 every man, woman, and dog (2025 for children) will have an iPhone. Even in Africa.
Soon enough, cell phones will have webcams, and no car accidents will ever result from them.

There you have it. Keep all of those predictions in mind in the upcoming years, and when all of them come true (even though saying something such as that has no expiration date on it, and as such can never come true), I can say "I told you so." And of course, they definitely won't be wrong.

"Brains" he rawred.

Well, today is Tuesday. It's a rather boring day. Although I guess that can be said about any day. Unless you live somewhere where people ride horses instead of bicycles and dinosaurs instead of shoes. Now there's an interesting  question: if you used dinosaurs for transportation, and horses for other transportation, a lot of people would probably end up getting lost and/or getting places a lot faster. This is assuming that the dinosaur is not an herbivore, of course, though that is always a possibility. Also assuming that the horse cannot fly, which is also a possibility. And that just gave me a post idea: dinosaurs.

The other day, I was in a restaurant, and one of the menu items was "dinosaur chicken nuggets." If it wasn't on the "under 12 kids menu" I would have ordered it. Why? Because of the following:

One never outgrows
The idea of dinosaurs
No matter how old.


Dinosaurs own. I think we can all agree on that. Even if they are extinct. I'm sure that if they were alive today they would still own, and I would not be writing this. I wonder what would happen if a planet was solely inhabited by dinosaurs and zombies. Or zombie dinosaurs. That would be awesome. Although I'm sure they exist. By which I mean in some weird sci-fi fan fiction. Not in real life. Although if they did they would be able to eat brains pretty effectively. In one bite. Om nom. And the fact of the matter is if you could outgrow dinosaurs, you probably couldn't fit through doors (ba-da-boom! (that was the tom-tom -> cymbal sequence you hear at the end of bad jokes)). 

Facebook is the Opiate of the People

Well, I wish I could say that it's another beautiful day, but sadly- it's not. The weather outside looks like some 8 year old's massive-Ithaca-scale vinegar and baking soda volcano gone horribly wrong. But don't worry, I'm not here to talk to you about the weather. Although I'm not yet sure what to talk about.

Today is Wednesday, and if you are a returning reader, that means it's waffle Wednesday! Although if you're a new reader I suppose that it's still waffle Wednesday.

I know this is a little overdue, but if you're on Facebook, you've probably noticed that the layout has been changed yet again. This is not because of it being easier to use, or easier to program, or any sort of convenience. And here's my haiku:

Facebook changes its
Layout simply because it's
Cruel and sadistic


That's right, I said it. The new Facebook is not about convenience or improving Facebook or anything. It's all about controlling the masses. Facebook knows that it can, so it does. It's as simple as that. It knows that even if it changed its name to Assbook, changed it so that users had to use their tongues to input the data (not sure how they'd do this, but they could find a way), and changed the language to text-speak with a collection of impossible-to-read excuses for words (although I guess that's already happened), people would still use it. It's all a conspiracy I tell you! Congress pays Facebook so that it preps our youth for accepting defeat later in life! Generation X wouldn't stand for this, and neither should we! Rather than boycott Facebook, which seems like the logical thing to do, I vote that everyone angst about it as much as possible and hope that the angst somehow wears off on the overall Facebook mainframe until it miraculously turns back to normal. So pretty much just keep doing what you're doing.

The Study of Escalators

So far, today has been good to me. I think I did decently on my prelim, did well on my medieval studies paper (which I turned into a creative writing parodying medieval romances... I may post it once I edit it), received a good grade on my survey of jazz paper, and am satisfied with the other paper I'm turning in today. It also helps that it is absolutely beautiful outside today.

So today in medieval studies, my professor for some reason began talking about the end of the world (he goes on tangents) and came to something called "eschatology" (don't look it up yet, I'll explain). I immediately assumed what you too are probably assuming, but here's the deal:

Eschatology
Is sadly not the study
Of escalators


I was really hoping that somehow our professor was going to talk about escalators, considering their awesomeness and all (speaking of which, we need one for Libe slope), but that's not the case. Eschatology, is in fact, a study (Well, not really a study... more like a concept) relating to the end of the world. Experts in the field include R.E.M. and the Mayans.