Return to Sender

Readers, I have some bad news. Santa Claus has been murdered. You might ask, how can an imaginary being be murdered? Well, the fact of the matter is that he was quite real to all of the little kids writing their dreams and wishes to him. And now, he's dead. The culprit? The United States Postal Service.

You probably always thought that waiting in those lines at the post office were harmless, unless you had a bladder problem. However, today, the postal service has proved itself much deadlier than anyone had thought.

Here is my source: An NPR Article all about it.

A random out-of-context quote from it:

"Those [letters addressed to Santa Claus] intercepted by the Postal Service will probably eventually be shredded."

My haiku:

What kind of monster
Would steal Santa Claus from our
Great nation's children?


The answer, as explained in the article: A registered sex offender was found to be working as one of Santa's helpers. Really? One sex offender among a community of hundreds? Seems a little fishy to me. Especially considering the already thin line between Santa and sex offenders (considering that he does see you when you're sleeping, which is just plain creepy). No, I blame the Grinch. Who is apparently in cahoots with the USPS.

Just to clarify, the present delivering services will still be active. However, the temporary positions regarding letter-replying services have been eliminated due to the economic conditions.