"Sucking too Hard on your Lollipop"

Well today is a beautiful day again here in Ithaca. Don't worry though, I have something better to talk about than weather: The corruption of the English language as we know it.

There are some words in the English language that are perfectly good words, but have been defiled either through misuse or poor usage. For example, one such word is "erect." If one wants to put up a sign somewhere, they would erect it. However, due to the possible sexual interpretations of it (get you minds out of the gutter!) no one can get away by saying that without other people snickering a little. A similar word would be "horny." You'd think a word like this could be used to describe unicorns or weird horned lizards, but rather, it has come to the same point at which it can't be used in a sentence without laughs (unless used in the sexual context). Which brings me to perhaps the worst corruption of a word in the English language. One of the most innocent childhood words of all:

It's very sad that
The word "lollipop" has been
Corrupted as such


Here we have a symbol of childhood innocence, the lollipop, and it has come to be a symbol of sex thanks to rappers like Half a Dollar and Small Dwayne. It is a sad thing. I mean, why could they have not chosen something else for their songs? Something not as innocent? I understand that the lollipop is so perfect as an innuendo, what with the licking and sucking, but there are other things you do that to too. For example, some things you lick: envelopes, stamps, lips, and the top of the yogurt lid with that little bid of extra yogurt you can't get with your spoon. Some things you suck on: ice cubes, mints, straws, blood from a wound, and feet (this one is especially good for a song... forget street cred.... if you use this one you get Shakespeare cred... come to think of it, I'm gonna start quantifying Shakespeare cred... I get 1 point for this and another point for that Hamlet post from a while ago. 2 points of Shakespeare cred, haha!). So now, instead of defiling our innocent words, why don't you people go write songs about other things? You can use anything I listed above, and only pay me a small percent of the song profits.


The title of this song comes from Mika's song "Lollipop," which is surprisingly nonsexual in spite of the underlying innuendo present in it.