College through Haiku: Procrastination in Poetry

Excuses, excuses.

2010-10-21T19:03:00.000-04:00

Wow, I've been terrible at updating. But trust me, I have multiple good excuses.

One: I have tons of work. Even more than usual.

Two: I do make time for myself, but it comes in different forms. First off, I've been writing a fantasy novel. Can you believe it? I certainly can't, but I have almost 11 pages in word now! This is where most of my free time goes.

Okay, so there were just two excuses, but technically, two is more than one, and therefore qualifies as "multiple" excuses.

Last week, I saw The Capitol Steps live. They were awesome. If you don't know who they are, look them up. They're a political satire troupe, and are astounding. They write songs mocking politicians to the tune of popular classic songs. For instance, I saw them perform "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Korea?" (to the tune of "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria, from The Sound of Music as well as "The Lie of the Tiger," and many others.

For this post, rather than giving you a haiku as usual, I have decided to share with you a song in their tradition that I have written.

First, you must know what it's based on. So get Old Time Rock and Roll stuck in your head before listening to this.

Now, imagine someone impersonating Glen Beck as the singer.

Just take your phone, get ready to call

I’ve got solutions for problems big and small

Buy whatever coinage you are told

I like that Gold Line collector’s gold.

If you want your problems to grow gray and old

Just call the number you see on the screen

You’ll have gold fit for a queen

I like that Gold Line collector’s gold

Still like that Gold Line collector’s gold

The kind of riches that sooth the soul

Antique coins are a sight to behold

With that Gold Line collector’s gold.

Don’t let the government take yours away

With FDR’s mandate they very well may

If you don’t want to lose all you’re sold

Start buying Gold Line Collector’s gold

Don’t you dare get those bullion, no!

Numismatic are the way to go

They’re mostly worthless, but you don’t know

So buy that Gold Line collector’s gold

Th-th-that's all folks! Until next time.

Pew pew pew

2010-09-15T22:54:00.000-04:00

You know, if you haven't noticed, it's been over a week since my last blogpost. I feel like such a terrible human being. If you haven't been, make sure to check out my Twitter accounts (really, please do. Some of the stuff I say is actually funny. I promise), which are a bit easier to update every day (I give links in the previous post).

This coming month is a busy month. We're having lots of concerts and people coming: M.I.A., Phoenix, Donald Glover, Wynton Marsalis, Frank Warren (creator of http://www.postsecret.com/), and Louis C.K. (a comedian from Boston with his own show).

Between all of this, I will be incredibly busy working shows (pretty much one every single week). That being said, I know everyone generally has similar things on their schedule, be it a cappella, a job, or chess club (seriously, that stuff's addicting). And, though I know that this may sound cliche, I'm going to say it anyways:

Between homework, jobs,
And other things, make sure to
Make time for yourself

I know it's hard, but just an hour a day of taking some time for yourself (be it reading, watching TV, or playing video games) is invaluable in keeping your sanity. I know that if I didn't get my proper number of bad-guy-kills per day, I'd probably explode from stress with little metaphorical bits and pieces of me coating the wall like the blood of my enemies (I am sane, I promise).

The title of this post is dedicated to the sound my imaginary laser gun makes when I shoot it.

Labor Day indeed

2010-09-07T17:19:00.001-04:00

I am a horrible person.

Well, not really- but I have neglected to properly keep up my blog. My plan had been to post when I actually had something to say, rather than forcing myself to say something. So far that hasn't exactly worked, as I've found myself rarely having anything to say. I would reassure you that I'm trying to change this, but I can make no promises.

You see, I'm super busy this semester. I have my usual clubs and extracurriculars, but my classes are far more rigorous than they were last semester. Also, I have been trying to do more work on my songs. I have about 5 mostly completed ones at this point, though I will not be posting them online until they are in a presentable state (aka when they have good singing). I am quite proud of them though.

Yesterday was Labor Day, and, in a history-making choice, we had a significant holiday off! As a result though, irony was unavoidable, since it was a three day weekend. Allow me to elaborate in a poetic haiku (bet you didn't see that coming):

There's nothing quite like
Observing Labor Day by
Spending it working.

Yep, the entire day was spent doing homework. A holiday well spent.

In other news, this in my blog's 1 year anniversary.

I shall try to bring updates more often. But actually. Really. Sorry. Fin.

Oh, and also- if you happen to miss me between posts- check out my Twitter accounts:

http://twitter.com/Teowulf (my normal account)

http://twitter.com/FictFacts (where I make up fun facts)

Feminism

2010-08-26T20:40:00.000-04:00

Well, I've had 2 days of classes thus far. I've got to say, they look like they'll be good, though I'm sure I will have my work cut out for me (lots of readings and such).

All of the classes are very interesting so far, though I have noticed something about all of them- the male:female ratio is not quite representative of the school's ratio. In every single one of my classes (that I've been to so far), the male:female ratio is somewhere between 1:4 and 1:6. Now, I'm not saying that this is a bad thing, though for someone in a relationship (myself included), there are not especially any benefits of having a class full of girls.

Now, I would recommend the classes for single guys as a way to meet girls, except there's one important caveat: most of the classes are in the Feminist and Gender Studies department. Here's what this means

If you're looking to
"Meet girls" like at parties
Avoid feminists

I don't mean for this to sound sexist, but what I'm trying to say is that guys who are set on picking up girls for one night stands would better spend their time on people not in feminist classes. Something tells me that they will not so readily succumb to advances as, say, an econ major (no offense to any econ majors out there). So I guess what I'm saying is don't join my class unless you have serious romantic intentions. Or if you like the subject, I guess.

Sheriously.

2010-08-24T13:12:00.000-04:00

If you haven't been paying attention to my Facebook or Twitter, then this will be news to you. If you have, you can skip to the next paragraph (you won't though, will you?). The other week, I was accepted into the College Scholar Program at Cornell. Essentially, it means I can write my own ticket/major. In my proposal, I focused on humor. So yes, that does essentially mean that I will be majoring in humor.

While this may seem incredibly awesome (which it is), it will also be alot of work, considering that I'll be writing some sort of epic thesis that somehow incorporates everything I will have learned in my years at college. However, I have a while to think about that, so I'd prefer not to worry at the moment. I'm sure the topic will come to me. Eventually.

Now, if you were to assume that because I'm majoring in humor I'm gonna be funnier, that's a complete misconception.

Having a good sense
Of humor does not equate
To being funny

That's right. Just because I'm going to be studying funny people and memorizing countless quotes and quips does not mean that I myself will be any funnier. And, since I'll be studying humor seriously, I expect that I shall be taking it seriously, and whenever I say something funny, you'll have to stop and think about it from a scholarly point of view without any hint of laughter. Or else.

A Triumphant Return

2010-08-23T00:03:00.001-04:00

Wow. Sorry for saying that I'd try to update my blog over the summer, and then failing miserably to do so. I've just been busy, and, to be honest- there wasn't much to talk about. Home is not college, and anyone can sit on their butts at home observing what goes on- that's what Twitter's for. It takes a real pro to observe college from a real subjective, poetic viewpoint. I have a New College) Year resolution, which is to actually keep my posts a reasonably length. It'll be challenging, but I think I can do it.

Now, the question I'm sure all 2 of you are asking is whether I can just pick up my blog again and be as good as before. I'm not gonna make any promises, but I can guarantee you that I will try as hard as I can possibly attempt to try maybe.

And the moment you've all been waiting for:

Haikus are quite hard
To come back to after a
While. Obviously.

If you're wondering what I've been doing that's had me so busy, it's a variety of things. One such thing is my songwriting. I have been doing much songwriting. It's not funny writing, it's actually rap believe it or not. However, as my paper from my summer course argues, much of rap music is incredibly witty. And I'd like to think some of my work falls into that category. So I thought I would occasionally take the opportunity to share various rhymes with you. This will not be one of those occasions.

Ghosts

2010-05-22T11:42:00.000-04:00

I'm DONE! Well, done with my freshman year that is. Finally turned in my College Scholar proposal which marks the end of school work for my first year! Doesn't feel especially different though... maybe because I'm taking a summer course which starts a month from now.

It is awfully weird though. For the past however-many months, I've been living in this fantastical college world, and now here I am in the real world. Still unemployed.

The other day I learned something interesting: Apparently record companies give songwriting contracts. New dream career path? I think so. And call me strange if you'd like for not wanting to be a real musician (slash performer), but if I could make money off of writing pop songs, I would never have to work a day in my life (hooray for cliches!). I suppose I'm just different:

It's not everyday
That someone aspires to
Have a ghost career

Recently, I've realized that almost all of the jobs I would be interested in life are "ghost" jobs. Writing for a television show, writing songs, writing speeches, writing almost anything aside from books, really. Really though, I don't want to be famous, and if I can make money just riding the curtails of fame. Think about it, if I got a song-writing contract, I could be doing exactly what I'm doing right now in my free-time, only making money from it. That's a BIG "if" though.

Wanted: work

2010-05-18T07:44:00.000-04:00

Well, the job search is a fail thus far. Who would have thought that it would be so hard to find a job, even in a retail environment. No luck with bookstores or restaurants, and still need to take a look at other places. I'm beginning to think that it would be easier to land a record deal than it would be to find a paying job.

Honestly, you'd think it'd be a little bit simpler for perfectly qualified college students to find jobs. But nope, the process is impossible. Every job I either don't fit or I'm overqualified for (I'm pretty sure that the number of Ivy League students that have set foot in Abercrombie is smaller than the number it takes to screw in a light bulb (1-5, depending on the version of the joke). No offense to Abercrombie, it's just the nature of the store).

What I find more ridiculous is the number of graduates who can't find jobs. Namely those in English, linguistics, sociology, or any other field I'm interested in. It's unfortunate really. All of these college-educated students doing jobs that could be performed by high school drop-outs. Which brings me to my haiku:

Something forgotten
About college is that it
Is an investment

The point of college is not to drink, party, or have fun. It's to learn- and importantly, it's also an investment. People spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to go to school because they expect to make it back. Because college is worth that much. But when college kids are busy working a cash register, using less-than middle school math skills, it just seems like such a waste. Maybe it's a hint that colleges need to lower tuition, or maybe it's just a sign that they need to do a better job helping their students to find jobs. Who knows. All I know is that I don't have a job, and need one.

Cruel and unusual punishment

2010-05-14T10:20:00.000-04:00

It's Friday! I don't really care though, because it's the summer and I lose track of the days- because that happens.

Today, I was at the dentists' office. Very fun. Lucky for me, I don't have any cavities and I don't need to get my wisdom teeth out. Good thing it took me a hundred-and-something dollar dentist trip to learn that.

People always complain about dentists being torture, but honestly I don't see it- maybe I've just been lucky. I mean, sure- it's annoying and sometimes painful, but it's really not that bad. Whatever sinks your boat, I suppose.

If people really find it that bad, here are my thoughts:

They need to get some
Dentists for Guantanamo,
That's good torture

Really, if you want new means of cruel and unusual punishment, look no further than dentists. The only real problem I can see is that it's hard to talk when their picking your teeth with metal. Maybe that's a good thing. It can allow all those hygienists to blabber away like they're hair dressers, while the person in the chair can say nothing. Now that's torture. I'm sure it wouldn't be long before a suspected terrorist would crack while under that kind of pressure. And if they don't, you can always threaten them with the bill.

On a side note, shouldn't psychologists be paid to get haircuts? Seems like hairdressers get paid to receive what people normally pay for.

Assholes

2010-05-12T09:20:00.000-04:00

You may have noticed that I didn't put up a post yesterday. This is because I am no longer at school, and therefore don't have as regular hours to follow. I also don't have nearly as much to talk about since there's no college life to comment on. To that effect, I have decided to start updating my blog on a less regular basis for the summer (as opposed to just giving it up completely like I did for winter and spring breaks). So expect posts every few days. From now on I will be posting when I have something to talk about rather than posting to talk about anything I think of on the spot.

And I have something this time. I have come to a thought-provokingly profound conclusion regarding human nature: People are assholes. It's true, really. They lie, they cheat, they steal, they don't reply to you regarding jobs and internships (and don't even have the courtesy to say "sorry, you didn't get it), they give you false hope, they will insult you behind your back, stab you in the back if they feel like it, stab you in the front if they don't know you as well, or just act plain asshole-ish. In this post, I'm only really replying to one of those things: stealing.

Lots of people pirate. It's a pretty petty process, and quite common (I wanted to say "pretty common," but just had to get "pretty petty" in somewhere). They pirate music, movies, TV shows, games, pornography, the seven seas, and random software. I'm thinking of a special case.

I can understand
Pirating, but pirating
From charities? Douchebags.

In the news, I came across an article regarding a game bundle for sale online. Not only do proceeds from it go to charity, but customers can set their own price at which to buy. They can buy it at one cent, one dollar, or ten dollars. So for one measly penny, you can get a game- yet people go and pirate it? That's just plain low. It's like going up to a kid giving out free pamphlets, kicking him, and taking a pamphlet after he keels over. I just don't understand people. Sure, you don't have a credit card to put it on, but it's really not that hard to borrow one from a friend. I'm sure they'd be concerned about that one cent going to charity. Seriously, if you want the game, at least pay the one cent to get it. Or even better, pay 20 dollars, and feel good that you're compensating for over 2000 assholes (assuming they all were forced to pay 1 cent each).

Source: http://kotaku.com/5535744/

The morning after

2010-05-10T12:35:00.000-04:00

Been working on my English essay all morning so I haven't had the proper time window in which to post.

Today, much like Mother's Day, is a special day. It's the day after Mother's Day. A transitional day really.

After mother's day,
The mother's role goes back to
The opposite one.

It's probably the biggest change from one day to another- even more so than Opposite Day. One day the kids are making mom breakfast, the next day she's doing it for them and cleaning up from the previous day's mess. They give her flowers, she has to take care of them. They do the shopping for her, she has to go and buy non high-fructose corn syrup based foods. And you get the point. While the intentions of Mother's Day are pure (except for Hallmark and all of the stores), the drawbacks of it can make it not necessarily worth the hassle. Or maybe they are. Who knows, I certainly won't since I will never (probably) be a mother.

The ultimate gift

2010-05-09T10:50:00.001-04:00

It's a very special day today. No, it's not National Water Bottle Appreciation day, or Warren G. Harding's birthday. It's not some obscure Jewish or Canadian holiday. It's not Memorial Day or Veteran's Day. Still don't know what today is? Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, you might want to run to the store. Today is Mother's Day! That's right, once again you need to buy your mom presents, and yes- we all now it's unfair because they get three holidays for presents a year and you only get two. But honestly, your present is where you are now, because without them you wouldn't be there. Unless you're living in a cardboard box, which is a pretty bad present.

Mother's Day is the day to show appreciation for all that your mom has done for you. And that means getting her flowers and a nice card. Why's that? Well, it's quite simple really:

Nothing says "thanks for
The past nineteen years full of
Support" like flowers

Really, it's true. In spite of the thousands of dollars she spends on you for food and college and presents and things and clothing and shelter- getting her the ultimate gift of a $6 bouquet of flowers and a $1 Far Side card really says thank you like nothing else. And if you don't even go that far to thank her, you're a disgrace to sons and daughters everywhere. Jerk.

National Zip-Lock Baggie Appreciation Day

2010-05-07T09:31:00.000-04:00

It's Slope Day, and you know what means! Well... it means a number of things I guess.

First of all, don't be surprised if, when walking down your dorm's halls, you smell alcohol. It's a perfectly normal side effect the holiday. Especially in Donlon (that one dorm I talked about way back when... they're gonna be having a lot of ambulances today, I bet).

Second, it means that everyone is going to be gathered in one place. So if you happen to want to meet with someone for a study session on the slope, I'd recommend saving it for tomorrow (or the day after, depending on the efficiency of the cleanup).

Funny that we have
No usual holidays
But still have Slope Day

Most college campuses have some sort of day like Slope Day. It's just a common occurence. But most other schools also have Presidents' Day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Yom Kippur, Passover, Boxing Day, National Zip-lock Baggie Appreciation Day, and many more. Yet we have none but the last of those. So why do we have Slope Day, if they're so set on ridding the school of holidays, puppies, unicorns, balloons, and happiness? Well, I think that it's simply something that they cannot eliminate. They can try their best to restrict access, to have classes, or to distract people from it- but really, if they were to eliminate it there would be a rebellion. Or a hunger strike. Or just a lot of people getting drunk with their stored-up alcohol. That sounds more like college.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off x 20,000

2010-05-06T10:12:00.000-04:00

Thursday! And it's the last day of classes.... well sort of. I suppose technically speaking, tomorrow is the last day of classes- but I don't think many people will be going tomorrow. If you're not a student here, the reason for that is Slope Day- a massive concert and celebration on the slope where absolutely nobody is drunk, nooooo.

Some professors are having class tomorrow, and either threatening that people go, or offering extra credit for those who do. Either is a dumb move though. Why? Well:

To have class on Slope
Day is sacrilegious and
Must be avoided

Yesterday, my linguistics professor told us that we would not formally be having class because he doesn't expect anyone to come. However, he said that for any linguistic-loving, etymology-enticed souls, he would be there.

My TA for my English class moved our discussion forward "in observance of Slope Day." That's how you need to do it. It is just plain blasphemy to have class on slope day, and it must be avoided at all times. It is your right to skip class if your teacher imposes on you. Of course, you also have the right to fail if your teacher's a douchebag, so it's probably smarter to go if you don't expect your teacher to be cooperative.

Britches and hose

2010-05-05T09:24:00.001-04:00

The week is almost halfway through! Now if it could only be over. Test today, recital today, essay due tomorrow, presentation due tomorrow, and then BAM- Slope Day and I can relax. Then once I'm done relaxing I can pack my bags, take the 7 hour trip home, do another essay, then another essay, then another essay, and then one last essay! Yay, should be a fun-filled few fortnight (I only really used "fortnight" because I liked the alliteration, though it still works. Fun fact: "fortnight" comes from saying "fourteen nights."

In other news, I have learned something which very well may shape my entire future. You may have heard the song "Airplanes." It's number 3 on the iTunes singles chart (was #2) and is number 9 (number 9.... number 9) on Billboard. Now that its popularity is established, I'd like to share a little piece of information you may not know about the song: It was written by 2 Cornell students.

By "written," I mean that the chorus and music are by them, and somehow (friends in high places probably), B.o.B. got a hold of it, and now it's a hit single. Shows what a little initiative can do.

If Cornell students
Can write a hit single, I
Can too. Possibly.

The reason I say possibly is because it's unlikely. I admit that my song-writing is pretty good, and that I can also make some fantastic rhymes, but the chance of it becoming a hit single is low. It also probably doesn't help that most of my rhymes are sexual in spite of the fact that I generally dislike songs that are all about objectifying women. I need to rapping about britches and hose, not bitches and hoes. It's unfortunate, really. But I guess a mind in the gutter can somehow result in some clever phrasings. And it also probably doesn't help that I make allusions... the popular audience likely won't understand it when I reference Michelangelo, Moses, or the fall of Rome... sadly. I could share some rhymes, but most are inappropriate and my parents make up a third of my readership, so I will refrain from it for now (although if Shakespeare's parents read his blog, who probably couldn't have posted 75% of his work).

Source: http://www.news.cornell.edu/stories/May10/HipHopAirplanes.html

Won't you be my neighbor?

2010-05-04T09:17:00.001-04:00

When it comes to offering up things to blame, I'd like to think that I'm pretty good at it. Whether I'm blaming the toaster for burning my toast in spite of it being my fault setting it too high, or whether I'm blaming the weather for my not getting work done. However, there are often people who are much better (for worse) at pinning the blame. For instance, Hitler was pretty good at blaming the Jews (I know, it's horrible, but it's true). Also, Jamie Foxx is good at blaming alcohol, and Fox is good at blaming democrats. But the most interesting blaming by far I have seen of late, is one I read in an article the other day.

The article talks of a professor at University of Louisiana who decided that the reason today's youth feel so entitled is the fault of one man: Mr. Rodgers.

Yes, I know, it is pretty mortifying to think that such a beacon of hope and inspiration for the nation's youth could be dubbed a negative influence in the long run. If you're wondering where I stand on this issue, here is my response:

Fred Rogers meant well,
And probably helped children
More than anything

First off, I'd like to emphasize that the morals preached in Mr. Rodgers's show were all very positive. Second, I'd like to point that chances are parents had a much greater on their children's morals than a television character ever did. And any influence he did have probably was simply a positive influence on self-esteem, because honestly- simply a telling a child that he or she is special will not make them believe it. They would have to actually accomplish something to make them feel special. And if that's the case, there's a good chance they're not the type to feel entitled. Well, maybe they will- but in any case, someone who has accomplished enough to have a sense of entitlement (no offense, really), probably wouldn't be gong to University of Louisiana in the first place. So in that context, I personally would assign the sense of entitlement to the easiest thing to blame anything on: poor parenting. So leave Mr. Rodgers out of this, and find out what percentage of your students actually ever watched the show before jumping to such an outrageous conclusion.

Source: http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB118358476840657463.html

The fountain of youth

2010-05-03T10:13:00.000-04:00

Apparently Ithaca just received the whole "April showers bring May flowers" memo. Literally 5 minutes ago. One minute the weather was just plain cloudy, and in the next the clouds sprung a leak and it began pouring on us.

These past few weeks I've been reading an incredibly entertaining and thought provoking book by Tom Robbins called Jitterbug Perfume. The novel brings death and avoiding it into question, and goes to great lengths to describe the process of immortality. It really got me thinking. The conclusion that I came to?

Immortality
May not be possible but
You may as well try

All of the processes described in the book are the very same that doctors recommend for longevity. However, nowadays between war and cancer, the chances of immortality are slim. And I'm sure it's no coincidence that "immortality" is so similar in word structure to "immorality."All in all, I've come to the conclusion that I will try my best to be immortal, and if I fail like everyone else in the enterprise, I could at least say I tried. In the end, it really comes to one of the character's quotes: "Dying is a tradition, and I am simply not the type of fellow who defies tradition."

Music to my ears

2010-05-02T13:05:00.000-04:00

Well, apparently Ithaca decided that it's summer now, judging by the weather. Understandable, since it's May now. Hard to believe.

Today, I am reflecting on a popular mantra I heard one of my teacher's mention in a lecture the other day.

Whoever first said
"Music to my ears" never
Heard awful music

Really, just because something's a relief to hear does not make it music to the ears. Personally, I think that the saying just isn't specific enough. They need to narrow down the term "music." For instance, if you hear something nice, you can say that it's "Simon and Garfunkel to my ears." But if you hear some horrible news, you could say that it's "Nickelback to my ears" or "Miley Cyrus to my ears." Really, just because it's music does not mean it's pleasant. And trust me, the Nickelback blasting for suspected terrorists in Guantanamo is probably not music to their ears.

Short post today. It's Sunday.

Remember that disturbing video you saw in high school bio that one day? Yeh, that one...

2010-05-01T09:39:00.002-04:00

The other day, I passed by a scene outside of Olin Library, which brought me to the brink of vomiting. No, it was not any sort of bodily excrement- for I have stepped in my fair share of doggy doo, and have become accustomed to it. No, it was not any sort of spider or any possible disgusting result of nature... Actually, that's not true. Take the part of nature which is the most natural part of all- a trait common to almost all of Earth's creatures. Now apply that to humans and you have the vomitrocious sight I saw.

That's right, I saw two humans practically reproducing in public space. Now, they weren't actually in the process of mating, but they were very much enthralled in a ritualistic run around the bases that ends in home plate. They were about 120 feet in to that run, sliding into second base. Had I been in a more volatile mood, I may have shouted "get a room." However, I chose to maintain the generally respectable demeanor I keep about me, and my mouth refrained from yelling the words in my head. Though I did end up coming to a conclusion, and the fact that I'm writing about it now only shows that apparently I'm fine with being passive-aggressive as opposed to just plain aggressive. Considering that I'm not naming or directing this at any individuals in particular, I don't think it's too bad.

People showcasing
Their love in public somehow
Are compensating.

I don't want to go all Freudian analysis on it, mainly because I lack the knowledge to, but my general thoughts surrounding this are that anyone who feels it necessary to straddle their mate in public (I say mate because the lack of self-decency is animalistic in more than one way) must have some sort of insecurity when it comes to their relationship. Again, I'm not sure how it works- but if you really need to show off to the world "look, we're nauseatingly in love," chances are you're only trying to prove it to yourself. I would be highly interested in reading a sociological study on the length of relationships with common decency versus those with incredibly public showcases of affection and hornyness. My guess would be that those without displays would have a statistically significant increase in the chance for a long-term relationship. Sorry if I offended any of you who may fall under this category. I'm sure you're a very cute couple if you're reading this blog.

Decosmication

2010-04-30T11:24:00.001-04:00

An article in the Chronicle of Higher Education cited a study that students who have social media (phones, interwebs, etc) taken away from them experience withdrawal symptoms, similar to those experienced by alcoholics or drug addicts.

My reaction to this study?

Social media
Is too big to be denied.
Just like oxygen.

Seriously, if you're researching the withdrawal signs from the internet and texting, you may as well also research those signs for oxygen and water. If you don't know- the withdrawal symptoms often associated with those are suffocation and dehydration. The only difference with social media is that the withdrawal symptoms don't have a label pinned to them yet. To that effect, I have decided to personally dub the withdrawal from social media as "decosmication" (and no that word has never been used on the internet before. Google it). If you are at all familiar with linguistics, you will see that I simply used the Greek root for universe, since, in this day and age, to be deprived of technology is to be deprived of the universe.

Honestly though, this study may be a little bit excessive, if you ask me. We know that technology is necessary in day to day life for the average person- and vital for the average college student. Without a computer, one suddenly loses the ability to check homework, do homework, and communicate in general.

The article, if you're curious: http://chronicle.com/blogPost/Students-Denied-Social-Media/23561/

A scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful.......

2010-04-29T10:30:00.002-04:00

You may not know this, but I was a Boy Scout once. Unfortunately, I hated it and quit- when I was a Life Scout (one away from Eagle). However, I would like to think that the Boy Scout morals have carried on with me, and still consider the Boy Scouts to be a great organization in spite of my personal experiences with it.

I just read, however, that the Boy Scouts of America are adding new merit badges. Now, if you don't know- Merit Badges are what Boy Scouts need to advance. They get them in various subjects including: Wilderness Survival, First Aid, Emergency Preparedness, Family Life, Personal Fitness, Personal Finance, Music, Art, Orienteering, and many, many, many more. I personally had over 20 and was proud to flaunt them.

So why do the Boy Scouts need new badges? Well, to fill in gaps or make up for changing times. Two of the new badges are Photography (a long-needed badge) and Disability Awareness (a much-needed badge, in my opinion). Then there are a few which seem a little frivolous. For instance, there's a Good Manners badge (requirements should hopefully include chewing with your mouth closed, since that seems so hard in society), a Hiking badge (not that you ever need to hike as a scout), a Family Travel badge (seems like an excuse for rich kids who take vacations every summer to get a free badge), and Reading and Writing (it's not like scouts learn those in school or anything). However, a few of the new badges seem... a bit different. As if they're trying to appeal to a certain crowd. Some of these new badges? Skateboarding. Hockey. Kickball. Pet Care. Video Games. Yes, Video Games.

It seems like the new
Scout philosophy is to
Prepare for real life

That's right, it would look like the BSA are attempting to make a shift to practical things such as Pet Care and Video Games. Because let's face it, no one ever actually hikes or goes camping. Camping is so 1990s romantic-comedy. But seriously, I think the video game badge is actually a good move. They're teaching kids good habits surrounding games. The kids will be playing video games anyways so you may as well take advantage of that fact. The badge teaches kids to save money on purchases and to practice moderation in playing, which are both very useful things to have in life. The same idea applies to skateboarding and hockey, where the kids can learn proper safety in a controlled environment rather than going out and breaking their arms (they can still do that with rollerblading if they really want to).

And I apologize for the 2 days in a row of video games. They've been in the news. Different topic matter tomorrow, I promise.

Source: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/04/28/boy-scouts-new-video-game-award-sellout-say-critics/?loomia_ow=t0:s0:a4:g4:r2:c0.000000:b0:z5

Compact disks don't make good murder weapons

2010-04-28T10:35:00.002-04:00

In the news, a California case against video games has reached the Supreme Court. Essentially, it's just about the done-to-death issue of selling video games to minors.

Now, I really have no idea why this case exists in the first place, but to me it seems rather silly for a host of reasons.

First of all, I'd like to make this point:

Video games don't
Actually kill people-
If you didn't know

Really. Try to kill someone with a video game- it won't do you much good. Try to kill someone with a gun though and you'll probably be successful. So here's my first question. Why on Earth are many of these (Republican) politicians trying to ban video game sales to minors while trying to get every person and their mother their own handgun? Now, this charge is being lead by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who, though in favor of gun control, might not be in the best position to talk, considering the nature of many of his movies (*cough* Terminator *cough*).

Video games are not the direct cause of killing no matter how many studies try to pin it as such. And I'm sure that there are plenty of studies saying that guns do kill people. Also, if the case goes the wrong way, I don't understand why someone can join the army and kill real people once they're 17, but not kill imaginary people in a video game until they're 18. In addition, if you can't buy violent games until you're 18, and can buy guns once you're 18 (as it is now), seems like you would be more inclined to try the two out together.

At the same time, kids who are playing video games have a tendency to... well, play video games excessively. We all know that. So, while other teens are going out drinking beer, experimenting with drugs, getting DUIs, and dying in drunk driving accidents- the video game teens are a little preoccupied with playing video games.

All of the attacking lawyers (none of whom have ever played a video game, most likely) cite studies saying that violence in video games leads to violence in real life. In response to that- I'm sure there would be plenty of studies saying that playing video games helps relieve stress (it sure does for me) if there were people who really cared about the other side- but chances are the studies are funded by these rich BMW-driving lawyers, so there is much opposition.

The studies that also find this probably don't take into account something to be observed in every study- confounding factors. For instance, while they may come to the conclusion that violent video games lead to deviance, they may not fully think out the scenario. In my opinion, anyone playing Grand Theft Auto isn't just going to go out and shoot someone. In order to be so deranged, they probably need to be deranged in the first place. It could be childhood abuse, poor parenting, or just a chemical imbalance. But in all honesty, for every kid who just happens to kill someone and play a violent video game, there are millions who don't hurt a fly. Why? Because they're too busy hurting people in video games to care about real life.

Parsley, rosemary, sage, and time

2010-04-27T09:16:00.000-04:00

I have 4 classes of American Studies left. Weird to think the semester is practically over. Or, even more- that my first year of college is practically over. Boy time flies when you're too busy doing work to look at a clock. I've already discussed that to death though... Actually, I realized that the post I had thought discussed this did not. So I'm in the clear (yes!).

I've always heard that the college years go by in the blink of an eye. And so far it's proving to be true. It's strange, really. It feels like forever ago that I met my friends here and moved in, but at the same time it feels as though the weeks just zoom by. Time is strange like that. Evil, even.

Time is plain evil:
Slows to a halt in high school,
Speeds up in college

When one is in high school, it's not unusual to be tormented. Between time in school, schoolwork, overbearing parents, underpaid teachers, and rules rules rules- it can really be a torturous process. Most people desire to break free of the high school grind and to get to college. Only problem is, high school goes on and on and on forever (don't worry, it ends eventually- I'm a testament to that fact). Then, when you finally get to college, it sprints out the door before you can even so much as get its name and number (well, that's probably not a great metaphor since you actually do get that stuff, along with a pretty couple of lines on your resume and forehead). So yeah, the moral of the story is that time's an asshole who you can't mold to your uses (unless you're your goldfish Swimmy, who has somehow miraculously lived for 20 years and magically changes his shape and size every year or so).

The title's a pun, albeit a bad one.

Humdrum People

2010-04-26T10:23:00.000-04:00

I know I promised to avoid talk of the weather, but I would just like to point out the fact that Cornell days pretty much just ended, and the weather's horrible. Just as predicted. Now, on to better things.

OK Go was amazing. The music was fantastic and they had great visuals to accompany it as well. The lead singer was hilarious (and a nerd, which is always a plus), and seemed to be down-to-earth, which is understandable for a fun-loving band like them. They didn't have treadmills on stage, but it was epic nonetheless. They did a song with only hand-bells for instruments, which was realy awesome. And they had a set of chimes for music. Chimes. I mean, seriously, you know just from that that they're good. One thing I noticed though:

Not sure Ithaca
is the right place to sing 'bout
Average people

In their song "What to do," the chorus has a part that goes "mediocre people do exceptional things all the time." Now, I don't mean to sound cocky, but Ithaca is not necessarily a good town to be singing about mediocre people. I mean, some people might feel mediocre after getting Cs on all of their exams, but in general I'd like to think that the people here are slightly better than mediocre. Like, I'd think we'd be at least commonplace or humdrum. Honestly.

Weekly Chores

2010-04-25T13:32:00.000-04:00

I'm seeing OK Go tonight! If you don't know, they're this amazing band who I barely know who have been around for however long. They are best known for their famous treadmill music video for "Here it Goes Again." If they don't bring their treadmills for the performance I'm going to demand a refund.

There are two weeks of school left. I've posted about time flying before, but seriously- wow. Of course, there are still finals, but I don't have to worry about those since I have essays instead of tests. Which means that I can stress now instead of the night before! I've already talked about that too though. Covering college life just gets harder and harder. I guess I'll just take a cliche topic I have yet to discuss: parties.

Now, it's a stereotype that all college students go out and party. And yes, I have emphasized that many people stay in to do work on weekend nights. However, lots of students do, in fact, still go out every weekend to party (and they act like it's a chore: "I have to go out tonight").

On the rare occasion that I am to be found at a party, people tend to be baffled when I tell them that I don't drink. Most can't understand, but then again- in the context of me talking about, they're usually drunk themselves. Here's the best explanation I can give:

You never know how
Fun it is to be 'round drunk
People, till you are.

Really. Drunk people are actually quite entertaining. Whether you're drunk or not, it's always quite a lot of fun to laugh at them. Also, it gives you a feeling of superiority, and serves as a good reminder that students can actually have fun here.

Liberal Linguistics

2010-04-24T12:37:00.000-04:00

If my mom had yesterday asked me "what did you learn in school today?" I would have had a very simple answer: Liberals' linguistics are lame.

That's what I learned in linguistics class. Either the democrats are too proud to not take the "linguistic high road," or they just don't realize what a huge difference linguistics make in politics. Seriously, the conservatives have their Frank Luntz, a marvelous linguist, and as a result have made some remarkable headway. For instance, take the "death tax." It used to be called the "estate tax." Essentially what it did was tax people who inherited estates worth a certain amount or more. Obviously, rich conservatives wanted it repealed, so Luntz renamed it the "death tax," so that people would be all like "oh no, I don't want to be taxed when I die!" and he left out the part about how it pretty much only affected the top 2% of the populace. Here's the moral of the story:

If democrats took
The linguistic low road, they'd
Be much better off

Another instance of linguistic engineering (or semantic engineering, as it's called), is that Rush Limbaugh calls liberals "libs." You'd think it wouldn't be too hard for someone in the democratic party (here's looking at you, Keith) to start calling conservatives "cons." Seems like the logical thing to do. You'd think that words don't matter that much- but in all honesty words make a world of difference. Even the word "liberal" is a perfect example of this engineering. In the 50s, being liberal was something that all politicians aspired to be. However, because of smart campaigning, the word has undergone significant pejoration (decline of the connotation words give) and has become almost an insult of sorts.

If you want to learn more about this, Geoffrey Nunberg has an interesting book called Talking Right: How Conservatives Turned Liberalism into a Tax-Raising, Latte-Drinking, Sushi-Eating, Volvo-Driving, New York Times-Reading, Body-Piercing, Hollywood-Loving, Left-Wing Freak Show.

Earth Day Fail

2010-04-23T10:04:00.000-04:00

Well, it's the day after Earth Day. Yes, I know I probably should have done an Earth Day post, but I felt yesterday's topic was a more pressing issue.

I'll get right into my haiku, to make up for the length of yesterday's post:

Earth Day is the day
To do stuff that you should do
Normally, but don't.

I mean really. We shouldn't need a specific holiday to encourage people to throw their recycling in the recycling bin instead of the trash can right next to it. We shouldn't need a holiday to tell you to not leave your cell phone charger plugged in 24/7. We shouldn't need a holiday to tell you to take slightly shorter showers, or anything for that matter. All of the power-saving tips that are forced upon you on Earth Day shouldn't need to be forced upon you, they should be part of your lives. Yes, I know people are lazy, but still.

If you treat Earth Day like a single day and do the aforementioned things, you're doing it wrong. Earth Day should be about going above and beyond the call of duty. Today, if you're not doing the same environmentally friendly things you were doing yesterday, you fail at Earth Day. That's all there is to it.

It's too late for video games to "never be art"

2010-04-22T10:36:00.000-04:00

Roger Ebert is old. He has been in the movie criticism industry for as long as I can remember (though that's not saying much), and is quite the legend, having spent his whole life watching and reviewing movies. And apparently doing that qualifies you to review other things.

What I am referring to, of course, is Ebert's statement that "video games can never be art." First of all, I would like to point out that Ebert has likely never played a video game in his life. And no, Wii sports doesn't count. It seems a little silly for a critic to judge something that he has never tried. It would be like me saying that food can't be art, because I've never been to that fancy a restaurant, or even if I said that movies can't be art though I've never seen one. However, since Ebert seems to have appointed himself as the end-all critic for everything, I'll ignore this fact and proceed.

First off, I'd like to say- what is the critic exactly? Well, let's see. We have art critics, theatre critics, movie critics, food critics, and books critics, all of which can be considered art. Oh, and then there are video game critics too. And don't try to say that they aren't real critics- both Gamespot and IGN (the 2 main review sites) are in the 200s for the most visited websites. Rottentomatoes, the one movie-review site to rule them all, is in the 700s.

Now, here's the real reason I think video games are art:

If something is made
Artfully of art, does that
Make it art itself?

Really, look at all the work that goes into video games. It's an entire collaborative team, with as many parts as a movie production. First of all, you have the artists who make art which is used to model the games. These people graduate from places like RISD and the Art Institute of Chicago. They are as much real artists as any. Don't believe me? Here's some decent concept art, and here's some screens of a game I think is truly art, in visuals and everything else.

Then, there's the music that goes into games by professional musicians. These musicians graduate from places like Berklee and the Yale Conservatory. Just, instead of going on to some orchestra or band, they go on to a career that will actually support themselves. Berklee has a video game music club with over 300 students in it, almost 10% of the school's entire base. Music from games is played in symphony orchestras around the world along with works of classical masters, whose artistry cannot be denied. Here's one such occurrence.

Even still, there's plot and screenwriting. If movies can be turned into art by their dialogue, can't video games? For instance, the game Advent Rising was written by Orson Scott Card- and I'd consider anything by him to be a step up from most movies. Then, there are also actors- if you can consider acting an art. Voice actors like you'd find in any animated movie can also be found in video games. Oh, and there are also cut-scenes and animated dialogue like in those movies. The game Mass Effect is pretty much all cut-scenes and dialogue. So if you were take those cut-scenes and make a movie out of them, that would be art, but they aren't in the context of the game? I think not.

When you properly combine the aforementioned properties along with quality gameplay, I fail to see how it could not be considered art. Look at Okami, look at Katamari Damacy. At Psychonauts, Shadow of the Colossus, Elder Scrolls Oblivion. Video games can be art, Ebert- you've been too busy not playing them to notice.

Sorry for the length of the post, but I had points that I needed to make.

The price of freedom

2010-04-21T10:11:00.001-04:00

I've always emphasized the freedom that college provides, and my love of said freedom. However, I think it's important to emphasize that freedom is not for everyone. Some prefer a clear-cut set of guidelines to work with, and don't know where to start if they're not given a specific topic (these are the type who start hyperventilating and then jump out the window screaming "you'll never take me alive!" when their teacher says that they must choose their own topic). This problem plagues many who are given freedom, and even some who are used to it. For example, me.

The price of freedom
Is high if you can't think of
A decent idea

If I don't have an idea, I can't write. That's all there is to it. Usually, this isn't an issue, since I tend to have plenty of ideas, but occasionally I'll get stuck. For instance, right now. I need to figure out something to write for my English paper, but it's just a question of what that is. I was considering comparing Oscar Wilde's epigrams to Twitter- but decided that the topic would only net 5 or fewer pages (when I need 8). Luckily, I figured out my American Studies paper, so that's good. Now all I have to do is write it- which, honestly, is the easiest part.

Spring is here

2010-04-20T15:34:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the belated post today, I've been busy with classes and such all day.

After reviewing my past posts, I've realized that I talk about the weather quite frequently. This is in part due to the fact that when I look for inspiration I tend to look out the window (in spite of my horrendous view of nothing), and in part because weather is such a relevant topic in Ithaca. However, I've done to death that topic and will try my best to avoid it (as much fun as beating a dead horse can be).

Spring is truly here. Flowers are blooming, leaves are growing, the weather is... irrelevant, and everyone just has that happy spring feel. I have not recommended any music recently, so I have decided to do so today.

Spring music is by
Far the best part of Spring, with
Upbeat, happy bliss.

Spring music, to me, is music which makes you happy. Makes you dance. Makes you want to run outside and soak in the sun. To me, this means fun and upbeat blissful music. To find that, look no further than Hey Marseilles.

Hey Marseilles is a Seattle based band, and I absolutely love a few of their songs. My favorite is probably "Rio," which you can see a video of here. A bunch of others are great too ("To Travels and Trunks" and "From a Terrace" are notable). To me, these guys are fantastic for Spring. Upbeat, optimistic and just plain fun. So give them a listen, and/or buy their CD.

The post title is a general statement, but in my case it's a reference to Tom Lehrer's "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" (another fantastic Spring song.

He asked him knowingly

2010-04-18T11:14:00.000-04:00

It's Sunday, and I leave home tomorrow.

You know what's strange? I came here on Friday, and go home on Monday. That's the exact thing I did for my Fall break. And I took the bus then, so I was home for even less time. Yeh, Cornell- vacation fail. But I probably don't need to tell you that (assuming that you go to Cornell, I guess).

Another ugly day. But I shall not call it that, for in doing so I would only be adding to the pessimism so ingrained in our society. I shall call it... green! Because all of the ugly rain makes the trees green. I like euphemisms. They're fun.

Euphemisms are
Fantastic for both kids and
Cynical adults

That's right, you're never too old or young for a euphemism. Whether you're telling your kid that their fish "went to a better place," even though you flushed it down the John, or telling you're not unemployed and are just "between jobs." Euphemisms really are great for use in everyday life, even though in most cases they're just a way of avoiding saying the real word. For instance, when you refer to Tiger Woods' "putter," we know what you mean. Sadly, since I'm here I missed the linguistics class on "magic words (taboo, swear, naughty, etc) and how we avoid them. I think I know enough though, hopefully.

The title quote is from a Monty Python sketch. Shame on you if you don't know it.

Please turn off all portable electronic devices when reading this post

2010-04-17T11:01:00.000-04:00

Well, it's rainy and ugly in Boston. Probably because we don't have Cornell Days. Although apparently it's ugly in Ithaca too, so...

My flights went pretty well, thanks for asking. I had my iPod and book to keep me company. Unfortunate, as usual, I had to turn off my music and phone during take off. I'm used to it by now, but it's rather annoying. But you know what's more annoying?

The number of bad
Jokes about turning off when
Taking off is high

Really. If I had a nickel for every time I've read "the plane is taking off. powering off my iPod now so that it doesn't crash" on Twitter, I'd have enough nickels to really annoy a McDonald's worker. I would have made a joke like that, but really, they're overdone. It makes sense for people to question the practices of turning off an iPod which in no way will interfere with navigational devices. I do have an explanation though- it's so... damnit, I've got nothing.

On a slightly different note, I feel sorry for people with e-readers- can't read a book for practically half of the flight (though I suppose it depends on the length of your flight). I have a cure for that: It's called bringing a book- they're programmed to not be electronic or interfere with aircraft operations.

Nothing to fear but fear itself... and spiders

2010-04-16T10:27:00.002-04:00

Well. It's Friday. Finally. And I'm going home for the weekend! That's right, I have an internship interview on Monday, and I'm flying in today. Always love a good flight. Airports, layovers, and bears, oh my! (Don't worry, there usually aren't actually bears, that was a one time thing).

More importantly though, I saw the Reduced Shakespeare Company last night!... No, that's inaccurate... I didn't just see- I was on stage with them!! I was one of their 2 "volunteers" (who are pulled up on stage without volunteering). I got to run back and forth across the stage to metaphorically represent the psychological distress Ophelia goes through before killing herself. It was quite the experience. The strangest part though (other than the audience yelling "cut the crap Hamlet, my biological clock is ticking and if you liked it then you should've put a ring on it") was the fact that I wasn't nervous. Why is that strange? Well I get nervous when I speak in front of class, but I was fine in front of thousands of people. They say that public speaking is the chief fear of the American people. To that, I say BS.

I'm pretty sure that
Death, snakes, spiders, and taxes
Are much scarier

Really, I get nervous during public speaking, but I don't fear it. I do, however, fear spiders, taxes, heights, fear itself, and Dick Cheney. Chances are whoever did that study measured fear based solely on nervousness being an indicator for fear, and as a result had skewed findings, since people don't tend to get butterflies in their stomachs when they think about death. Good lord. Sociology has me thinking all sociologically. I need to stop!

EXIT PURSUED BY BEAR

The title quote is from a Robot Chicken sketch. And yes, I know that I've discussed public speaking as a fear before, but this is in a different sense. So there.

Names: Ugly Heads and Grateful Deads

2010-04-15T10:12:00.001-04:00

The other day I posted about how people aren't being original. And you know, yesterday I learned (in class) that I was right.

First, a brief history lesson. Did you know that last names arose out of necessity? For instance, if you had two Bills in town, and one was a blacksmith and the other a shoe maker, you had to distinguish them somehow, and now you have Bill Smith and Bill Shoemaker. Physical features were used as well, so if you were talking about John, the ugly one, you would say John Kennedy (which means John "ugly head"). Then there are patronymics, and you get names like Jackson, Stevenson, Fitzgerald, or Fitzpatrick (all meaning "son of so-and-so"). I found all of this stuff pretty interesting. However, my favorite point was this one:

Apparently the
Welsh need the sixties, or some
Creative movement

Did you know that 95% of the Welsh population answers to 39 names. So pretty much you'll have a lot of Jacks, Rubys, Megans, and Bruces (that last one was a Monty Python reference). Some creativity wouldn't hurt. Maybe we could send a few of the left-over hippies over there to populate the region with some Hopes, Rainbows, Destinies, or Prudences. Wouldn't be too hard, just put on a Grateful Dead concert there.

In other news, Hilary used to be a boys name. Hillary Clinton is bringing that back.

Scoffs for Peoplesoft

2010-04-14T10:42:00.000-04:00

Today was course registration. And to think, I was so looking forward to it. Apparently I had forgotten what course registration is exactly. So what did I forget? Well, for starters, the would-be five minute process takes upwards of an hour because of Peoplesoft, which seems to use elderly people as servers (they crash a lot). Peoplesoft crashed for everyone about 50 times in the course of 50 minutes, leading to a lot of extra stressed, already-stressed college students. Here's an analogy for you

Course registration
Is like putting all of the
School into one room

Really. The server, like a small lecture hall, is meant for maybe a hundred people at a time. However, when you have 3000 students from the freshman class using it at once, it tends to fail at its job miserably. So please, Cornell, get a new program that can handle more than Haverford's freshman class (about 200 people if you're wondering).

In the end though, things worked out and I got a number of classes which look awesome. I'm taking one on children's literature (I expect a lot of difficult reading for that one), another on sex and marriage in medieval times (in which we memorize difficult flowcharts, such as this one), another on current events and the news (don't really know what to expect here), and one on food and sexuality (where I presume I'll learn that my love of Izzes is considered feminine and/or homosexual). Then I need to take one more course, which I still need to figure out. Ta ta for now.

The Jock Major

2010-04-13T10:03:00.000-04:00

Apparently I need to start copyrighting phrases. Key Notes, one of our a cappella groups here on campus, has an upcoming concert. It's name? "It's Never Sunny in Ithaca." If you'll recall, that's exact title I gave one of my posts this past month. To top it off, a Facebook group has arisen on campus called "Mr. Skorton, Tear Down This Wall!" Again if you'll recall, I ended one of my posts the other week saying "President Skorton, Tear Down This Wall." Either people are copying me (unlikely), or I just beat everyone to the punch. If that's the case, I should probably become a business major and do stock investment. This brings me to my next topic.

I've heard quite frequently that economics (or AEM, here at Cornell) is the jock major. Everyone generally assumes that this is simply because it's the easiest. However, that is by no means the case. Try taking economics as an English major, and see how you fare. With all of those concepts and mathematics you'll be overwhelmed. And your paper-writing and book-reading skills really won't take you far. The fact of the matter is as follows:

Economics is
The jock major because they
Need to know that stuff

Really, it's a hard world out there for an athlete. Without knowledge of economics, you might accidentally take a contract for a measly 1 million dollars a year instead of that 10 million (oh noes!). Or you might mistake your batting average for the amount of money in your bank account. There are just so many numbers in sports and endless ways to mix them up. Which is why they need to major in econ, and why no one else understand it (because it's tailored for jocks so that only they can properly grasp it).

A Public Service Announcement

2010-04-12T11:20:00.002-04:00

I normally avoid alienating any of my possible readership with controversial issues. However, today I felt that this issue simply could not have been avoided. That's right, I'm talking about a horrible disease spreading rapidly through our nation's youth: Hipsterism.

In the news, the U.S. Census went out and the government has been frantically trying to get the word out there. However, there are some neighborhoods that they have trouble with. In the past, the worst response rate has come out of the projects and other poverty-stricken regions of the city. However, this year the most hassle hasn't come from those regions, it's come from an even worse-stricken part. If you guessed the hipster part, you're right.

So what is hipsterism exactly? Well, symptoms include feeling cooler than you actually are, wearing clothing for the sake of being "ironic" (for instance, advertising a brand you don't care about), not understanding the meaning of the word "ironic," listening to indie music, trying your hardest not to conform and ironically conforming in the process, and wearing a mustache for no real reason at all. If you only have one or two of these symptoms, it's somewhat normal- but if it sounds like I'm describing your life, I would seek seek help immediately. A prescription I would personally recommend is a large dosage of Lady Gaga music.

In spite of all that, I don't really have anything against hipsters, they're just an easy group to make fun of. Here's my real problem:

If you don't have time
To fill out a minute-long
Sheet, there's something wrong.

Really, you could finish the census before you reach the chorus in "Party in the U.S.A." Here's some other things you could finish the census faster than: sending a witty tweet that you purposefully try to think of, writing a poorly-worded love poem to your significant other, brushing your teeth properly, shaving, and many many more. Seriously, it's a tiny little thing and it's the least you could do for your government even if you don't agree with its practices. And yes, I may be a little biased since I'm taking a sociological statistics class, but still- JUST DO IT!

Sorry for the length of this post. In the time it took me to write it I probably could have filled out 5 censuses (censi?) or more.

Source: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125811666

The tip of the iceberg

2010-04-11T12:49:00.001-04:00

I have a research report due tomorrow. And if you didn't notice, I was tweeting yesterday about how much I hate Microsoft Excel. That's because I have to make tables in Excel and it's like a 5 year old who refuses to cooperate and insists on doing his own thing even though it's blatantly wrong and stupid. Luckily I finished the tables and won't have to deal with any more of them until my next paper for that class comes around...

It's another beautiful day, which is always nice- especially since I'll be spending it locked up inside and working on the aforementioned report. I've already written about that plenty of times though, so don't worry- I'll try not to be redundant.

During Cornell days, a lot of tours were going around the dorms. Oftentimes they want to show what a room looks like, so if they hear talking or music on the other side, the tour guide will knock on your door and ask if it's okay to show people your room. Here's what I have to say to that:

You may want to check
What a room looks like before
Showing people it.

Really. I'm pretty sure that those two tours that peaked into my room may have been greatly put off by the unsightly sight of my overflowing paper recycling bin and filled clean-laundry basket. But really, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Compared to the average college student, I'd say I'm much, much more hygienic. You never know how many doors you'll open before you find moldy socks, rotting food, rotting animals, or worse. So really, check with people before you tour.

I have confidence in sunshine

2010-04-10T12:27:00.000-04:00

I'm getting mixed signals here, Ithaca. Yesterday, it was horribly ugly and cold. Today, I look outside and it's a beautiful day! Then I go outside, and it's 40 degrees. What the heck Ithaca? Make up your mind- it's Spring.

In other news, there are tons of prospective students visiting campus. Seems as though every other person I see has a "Class of 2014" nametag and a parent they're walking awkwardly ahead of. Between their nametags, parents, sleeping bags (which most have), and general innocence, it's pretty easy to identify a prospie (as we have taken a fancy to calling them). However, it wouldn't be too hard for one of them to blend in:

By getting rid of
Your nametag and parents, it's
Easy to blend in

All you really need to do to blend in to the school of however-many-tens-of-thousands-of-students-the-number-is-now is leave your indicators at the door. Of course, there's still that innocence problem. If you're walking around and looking like you have no idea where you're going, or looking at all scared- chances are we'll know you're a prospie, and judge you as a result. What you need to do is be confident of yourself. However, make sure that you don't look confident, as that's a dead giveaway- anyone who looks confident obviously has not been at college very long.

The title comes from the Sound of Music song "I have Confidence." It fulfills a double meaning in this context (confidence and sunshine).

Man vs. Climate

2010-04-09T10:02:00.000-04:00

Yesterday it was supposed to storm. The day before it was supposed to storm. Both days it was beautiful, minus a couple of rough patches. I'm pretty sure Cornell Days and Ithaca are in direct conflict. That, or Ithaca weather is schizophrenic.

If you know anything about Cornell, you should know that weather during Cornell days is fantastic 90% of the time, and all days leading up and following it are horrendous, as usual. However, this year, things seem to be changing (can you say "climate change"?). The sunny weather came a week early, and now there's supposed to be all of this bad weather, but Cornell Days is holding out thus far. Now the sky is grey and cloudy, but I can still see some blue (which is better than what we usually have). Here's the conclusion that I've come to though:

If climate change can
Mar Cornell Days' weather, there's
No telling its strength

Really. Good weather during Cornell Days is an established fact. I don't know how they did it (deal with the devil) but somehow that's just how it always works, year after year. But now, climate change is going and ruining the tradition. It's just like the Tsar in Fiddler on the Roof, except it doesn't persecute Jews specifically. That would sort of suck if it did. Although at a school where a third of the students are Jewish, it may as well. So what do I propose we do to stop this madness? We need to tie up Al Gore, bring him here, and force him to directly fight the climate change, mano el climato. It'd be like Man vs. Wild, but done in a suit and without eating wild animals.

The Great Picture Show, indeed

2010-04-08T10:32:00.000-04:00

I had something to say, I swear. But as of now I have forgotten just what that was.

So instead, I shall share with you a musical artist, and maybe even make a weekly tradition of it, or something. It could be like Music Monday, but with not as easy alliteration (say, "Tunable Tuesday," "Symphonic Saturday," "Singing Sunday," "Thespian Thursday?"). In any case, I have lots of favorite musicians, so it makes sense for me to share them with you, I think. Music's fun.

This week's person is probably my favorite discovery this semester. Her band's name is April Smith and the Great Picture Show.

April Smith writes songs
With both proper grammar and
Some witticisms

Her tunes are not only amazingly catchy, but also reflect proper grammar usage (something I always love) and a number of funny and/or clever moments. For instance, she says "who's spinning whom now," which is the correct context for whom, and it works in the song. Then she has a number of comical moments to be found, such as "Is there anything going on in that pretty little head? Because if you're just drop dead gorgeous, you can just drop dead" or "so if you ever wonder if I'm dreaming of you in the night at my window, by the light of the moon. If you ever wonder if I'm dreaming of you- bitch, please- I've got better things to do." Overall, she's a genius when it comes to writing music and lyrics, and that talent carries on to her performance.

Here's perhaps my favorite song by her: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQohpZ2pVus&feature=related&feature=fvw (though there are about 6 others I absolutely adore, some of which are "Stop Wondering," "Wow and Flutter," or "Movie Loves a Screen").

A tedious, brief scene

2010-04-07T10:26:00.000-04:00

I've realized that recently my posts have been a bit long and rambling. I shall correct that with this post.

Concision is a
Quality worth having. Though
It can cause problems.

I can be concise if I want to with ease. However, there's just so much to write. It can be problematic though. For instance, in that haiku. I thought of those first 11 syllables, and then needed to come up with the rest. And then I did. Here's a few examples in which being too concise can lead to complications: concocting a Constitution for your country, conducting a hostage negotiation, sitting on the wrong side of a police interrogation, debating, writing a 40 page research paper, or doing stand-up comedy for a 30 minute block ("okay let's see, 5 minutes in? Crap, I'm pretty much done"). In any case, concision can be valued in blog posts. Unless they suck. Rambling and respectable is better than tedious and brief (the 2nd part is a reference to A Midsummer Night's Dream. There's no reason why you should know that though).

America's Favorite Pastime*

2010-04-06T10:18:00.000-04:00

In the news, Duke won the NCAA tournament! In other news, the Earth still spins around its axis and panda bears still eat bamboo.

Also, the other day the baseball season kicked off (although I guess that metaphor doesn't really work for baseball). The Sox (I'd specify which, except no one cares about the White ones) won their first game! And not just against anyone: They beat The Yankees. If you don't live in the Northeast and/or live under a rock, the Red Sox and Yankees have been rivals since forever ago. And they usually win, because baseball is a flawed sport where team strength is almost always based solely on the popularity of baseball in a given area (except if there's a really smart coach, as can be read in Michael Lewis's Moneyball). They usually say that baseball is America's favorite pastime. I'd have to agree. However, I must add a clause to it:

Watching baseball while
Sitting on the couch eating
Chips is our pastime

Really, baseball may be a big pastime, but no one goes to games anymore except for the biggest fans. The pastime is celebrated while loafing around in your lucky boxers and a white undershirt while your significant other yells at you to take out the trash or do the dishes or do the taxes or some other thing which definitely isn't as important as baseball. And most importantly, there's the food. Watching baseball just isn't the same unless you eat all of the foods that keep you from coming anywhere near the shape that the athletes are in. Foods like chips, hot dogs, ice cream, french fries, and anything else unhealthy that you can stuff down your esophagus. All of those combined are truly America's pastime.

Ecstastic about essays?

2010-04-05T10:15:00.000-04:00

I have a quiz today. And a presentation on Wednesday, and a book to finish by tomorrow, and a bunch of statistical regressions to run for tomorrow, and a large linguistics assignment for Wednesday. Did I mention I'm in college?

Lucky for me, that's practically nothing compared to the average college student, since none of my classes have real tests (humanities for the win!). None of them have real finals either, which means that I get to leave on May 8th, a whole two weeks before many others get to. Unfortunately, I don't get off the hook that easily, and I have 6 papers to write in the next month. Some people look at that and say I'm lucky. Others say they're sorry for me. I consider myself to fall into the former category. Why?

Paper-writing can
Really be enjoyable
If you make it that

I really don't mind writing essays, because I tend to enjoy writing the ones I write (which consequentially leads to good grades). It's all a question of topic-selection and choosing something that you're truly interested in. This year I've written papers comparing Merlin and Gandalf, discussing the separation of church and state in U.S. government (something I thought to write about myself), analyzing a single song of Mika's, explaining why translating poems loses their beauty, commenting on the rising (yes, rising) popularity of jazz in popular music, giving a history of the vibraphone, and comparing the lexiconal differences in the works of Tolkien and J.K. Rowling. Overall, I have had fun writing all of these (although my iTunes play-count on Mika's "Lollipop" is a little higher than I would like).

So please, don't take pity on me for having to write a ton of essays. If anything, simply take pity on the small time frame I have in which to do them.

Ithaca is... fences?

2010-04-04T11:57:00.002-04:00

And it's another beautiful day. I'm beginning to worry here. A couple more and I will think it the end of the world. Or maybe Mother Nature has decided that since no prospective Cornell students will be coming here (as soon as they see the fences, that is), it may as well rain during Cornell Days anyways.

The other day while walking to college town, I saw a sign up which was advertising a competition to design a more permanent fence replacement. Now, I'm all for taking down the fences, but now they're trying to create some sort of permanent solution? I mean, I suppose it only makes sense that they want to keep people from falling and/or jumping off of the bridges, but still- they don't exactly have their priorities straight if you ask me. It's quite simple:

If people didn't
Want to jump off of bridges,
They really wouldn't.

The way I see it is we really wouldn't need to worry about having fences around the bridges if we didn't have people who wanted to jump off. Here's a metaphor for you: if a bull is charging someone and runs them off of cliff- the solution isn't to build a fence, they'll still get gutted. The solution is to stop the bull. But obviously the administration doesn't understand that. If they did, we might have the most important Jewish holidays of the year off. Or maybe the occasional national holiday? Give people a chance to take a breath of fresh air in between drownings.

Oh, or here's another idea: give us a fall or Thanksgiving break that's longer than a local high school's. Really, our breaks are pretty much 3-day weekends when you factor in travel. Or maybe they could just ease up on requirements so people don't have to be taking 5 science classes at a time and not sleeping. And honestly, if people aren't sleeping and are working on Friday nights, you know you have a problem other than a couple of exposed bridges.

The title comes from the architects' ingenious giant poster with that phrase.

My iPad brings all the boys to the yard

2010-04-03T12:37:00.001-04:00

Still beautiful, luckily. Ithaca is giving you slackers who spent yesterday working a chance to redeem yourselves.

You're probably not reading this today. Why? Because as I write this post, chances are you're in line for a new iPad, which was released today. Why am I not in line? You might ask. Well, it's quite simple actually- I don't really need to pay 500 bucks for something I already have.

Buying an iPad is
Like paying for condoms with
A vasectomy

Sorry for the crude analogy. But seriously. I can see the merit of an iPad. It's small and very convenient for someone who doesn't have a laptop. It's like an iPhone, but easier to navigate, and without the phone part. There are all sorts of cool things that it could do using the touch technology, and I can really understand it. However, if you have a laptop and have an iPhone, there's not much reason for it. Anything I might use the iPad for I could use my computer for more efficiently. The iPad cannot multitask and just in general is an unnecessary novelty for a laptop-owner. But, since it's Apple- everyone, of course, needs to have one. So let's all just run out to the Apple store like the sheep we are and buy those iPads that will fill no existing void.

Really though, Steve Jobs is a genius. Anything he makes, people will instantly find a need for, even if they didn't think they had any use for it before. The iPad will come in handy to tons of people, and if I had one I probably would find it invaluable too. Only it costs $500 and I'm not about to spend that on something I really don't need at all and wouldn't use too much.

Enjoy it while it lasts

2010-04-02T12:44:00.000-04:00

It's a beautiful summer day. That's right, not Spring: Summer. All because Ithaca's cool like that, and does not believe in Fall or Spring, as I have reiterated a countless number of times.

Unfortunately, it is still Ithaca, and we still have the month of April, and therefore we will still be having plenty of rain to come. Yes, this gorgeous weather won't last forever, so take advantage of it while you can. Go outside, go biking, go hiking, play frisbee, play golf, play frisbee golf, sun tan, photosynthesize (which, in spite of what science may tell you, can be done by human beings), and just have a good time. Wait. I've forgotten something. We're at Cornell.

Weather isn't much
Concern when you spend your days
In the library

I've probably posted something along these lines before, but bear with me. While it's true that good weather is always a blessing, when you spend your days buries in bookshelves, you don't pay much attention to weather. Whether the weather (see what I did there?) is good or bad doesn't matter, since it'll be nighttime when you're out anyways.

We just returned from spring break and already there are papers to do and prelims to study for. But such is life. I would urge you though, no matter how many equations you need to memorize, poems you need to analyze, essays you need to improvise, or Wikipedia articles you need to plagiarize, to go outside. Have fun, enjoy this weather while you can, because you never know when the rain will return. Just remember: don't do anything you might regret, use protection. Sunburns are a pain in the ass (although that's one spot that hopefully won't get sunburned).

Cold Hard Truth Day

2010-04-01T10:18:00.000-04:00

There's not a cloud in the sky on this fine, warm day. And today, it is the first day of April, otherwise known as April 1st.

There's this silly tradition people have where April 1st becomes April Fools day. It becomes this crazy day loved by kids where you can say practically anything and get away with it. If you are waiting for the perfect moment to propose to your significant other, it's now- since you can just say "April Fools!" if they say no. In all honesty, April Fools day is perfect for cold hard honesty. Think about it.

April Fools day is
The day to test the waters
For any big news.

Waiting to come out to your parents? Do it today! If they're appalled, say April Fools. Want to introduce your non-Jewish girlfriend to your Orthodox Jew parents? Do it today! Want to confess to the police about your hit and run last year and how you panicked and just kept driving and driving and have since carried all of the guilt with you? Don't do it today, they won't care if its April Fools day.

In other news, I'm pretty sure that today's weather is Ithaca's April Fools joke on us.

Summer Soliciting

2010-03-31T10:14:00.000-04:00

It's yet another cold and cloudy Ithaca day. In other news, pigs still can't fly.

For the past few months, I, like many other college students, have been involved in this horrific thing known as the job and internship application process. I've sent a number of job applications out, and am sending more by the day, it seems. It really appears that companies try their best to screw you over though, if I'm not mistaken.

Job applications
Are just like college ones, but
Without safety schools

Really, think about it- you apply to a bunch of jobs, and are expected to do so by a certain time. Then, they decide that they will never ever get back to you, and you end up screwed over because by the time you find out you didn't get it, it's too late to apply for other jobs. And I don't think there's such thing as a safety job (except maybe those officers who help kids cross the street (bad pun)). Personally, I would much rather hear back from a job saying that I didn't get it than not hear back from it at all. And I think that's the case with most people. So please, when you're reading those cover letters and decide a candidate's not fit for the job, maybe you should let them know, so they can try for something else? Or just leave them screwed over and playing video games in their basements all day long.

Childproofing Cornell

2010-03-30T08:05:00.001-04:00

During my brief hiatus from this blog, I made a number of astute observations which I intended to blog about. However, I have since forgotten them, but I ensure you that they were quite the clever considerations.

For want of Windy City whimsies, I shall serenade you with closer-to-home matters. Well, not really serenade, but I felt it sounded nice.

It's really nice to be back at Cornell. I already have a lot of work and the weather sucks, but it's still nice. What's not nice on the other hand is the unavoidable downer that I am forced to witness multiple times per day. I didn't wish to write about this, but I feel that I have little choice in the matter.

Each morning, on my way to class, I have enjoyed beautiful views of the gorge and that nature around it. It's a highlight of my day. However, the university administration decided to fence off the entire gorge area overnight. Now, the bridge and all of the surrounding nature is lined with a 10 foot tall fence. Not just any fence though. This is a barbed wire fence. The type used in prisons. In concentration camps. The purpose of these are to prevent suicides, or at least reduce the ease with which they can be committed. Here's what I think:

Fencing off the gorge
Is like childproofing your home
For a teenager

I mean, really. We go to Cornell. We're Ivy League students. If you've made it this far, you're probably pretty smart (I say probably because that's not necessarily true). So to put a fence around the gorge is like using a child lock on your teenager sitting in the car, or assuming that a tamper-proof medication top will keep him out. It's just not effective. If the teenager wants out of the car, he'll find a way to open it up. If he wants to get into a medication, he'll open the tamper-proof lid. And if an Ivy League student wants to take his own life, he will. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but that's the case. You need not to address the means, you need to address the cause. Without causation, there is no need for medium. If you ask me, it's only a matter of time before students rally and say "President Skorton, tear down this fence!"

"Concrete jungle where dreams are made of"

2010-03-29T10:18:00.000-04:00

It's over! It's all over! The end of spring break as we know it is here! And classes shall be commencing, again. Sigh. Well, not especially, since I like my classes, but still.

During break, I had a good time in Chicago. I had never been, so it was nice to see the city, and I must say- I was impressed. It is much more towering and much more extraordinary than Boston (which by Chicago standards hardly qualifies as a real city). It is just a fantastic city. If you asked me to compare it to New York City, here's what I'd say:

Chicago is New
York, minus the honking, mean
People, and litter.

Seriously. I heard more sirens than I did car horns. Of course, this could mean there are just many more emergencies than angry drivers, but from what I noticed, the only people who ever honked were cab drivers, and usually they had good reason to be doing so. At the same time, everyone there was nice. It's like they're under some sort of spell (let's call it "blissful ignorance") that makes them unable to realize what a mess our society is in. They just go about their days, greeting each other and smiling. Then, there's absolutely no trash. There may be a cigarette butt here and there, or the occasional puddle of dog pee, but from what I saw there was no real litter. I attribute this to the nice people who not only avoid littering but also pick up others' litter.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if you took a bunch of people from Chicago and made them live in New York, they'd end up dead or in a mental institution (and if you took Buddy from Elf and put him in Chicago, he'd fit right in).

The title quote is from Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind."

Only YOU can prevent perpetuation of stereotypes

2010-03-20T11:36:00.000-04:00

Cornell is a ghost town. Everyone is gone. I see people wandering the hallways aimlessly, as if still in shock over the sudden absence. People look at me as if they've seen a ghost, because honestly- there is no one here. My guess is that everyone vanished yesterday, as I hypothesized. That, or they've left this morning. What's amazing is that some people stay around for the whole bread. Though the college leaves dorms open, they do all but encourage students to stay- closing all of the dining halls and coffee-shops.

Me? I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon. Over 24 more hours before I go. Lucky for me, I'm done with all of that work I had, so I can relax now. Of course, there's always the possibility that the seclusion and lack of things to do will drive me insane. I'm okay with it though, as I'm already halfway there.

People yesterday were saying bye and wishing us good spring breaks and such. However, I think some advice is better than other:

The one saying I've
Heard that is quite wise is to
"Have a safe spring break"

Honestly, considering the stereotypes that have evolved around spring break, it's really quite suitable for them to give us such wishes. And I will do the same: Have a fun spring break, and always remember: "Only YOU can prevent the perpetuation of stereotypes!"

I myself will be taking spring break from my blog as well, since I will be in Chicago and quite busy. I'll be back on Saturday or so, and if you can't wait till then, check me out on Twitter as I will be sure to keep that updates. Also, tomorrow I'll be in the airport, and we all know that airport tweets are the best (so much to make fun of)!

Pyromania.

2010-03-19T12:14:00.000-04:00

It's Friday! And Spring break! And I'm done with my essays! Yay!!!

You know what it also is? A very important holiday here at Cornell.. Dragon Day!

That's right! It is the day that Architects have been waiting for... that day that they parade a giant dragon around campus and then set it on fire! It's quite the holiday. Only problem is that half of the school will be gone.

If I had to guess
I'd say that Dragon Day is
Meant to keep us here

Really, everyone likes to leave early. They'll skip classes, and dash from campus as soon as they can. My hypothesis is that the only reason that they have Dragon Day the day before Spring break is to encourage people not to skip classes and to stay here long enough to witness a classic Cornell tradition. Only problem is that the parade is during class, which means that people will skip class in order to see the dragon burn. Which sort of invalidates my hypothesis I guess... in any case, there's FIRE, and I like fire. And I shall be there. And hopefully convince my professor to let our class watch, since it's definitely educational.

Seeing Green

2010-03-18T10:14:00.001-04:00

Well, yesterday was St. Patrick's day, and I probably should have focused my post on that. However, seeing as most people are probably still hungover from yesterday, I think it's fair to discuss it.

People usually wear green at St. Patrick's day. Or at least that's the tradition I grew up with. In New England we were very conscious of the holiday, probably in part because of the massive amount of Irish in Boston. However, at Cornell not very many people wore green, and I'm guessing that most of those who did are either Irish or from the Northeast. So to that effect, I feel that it's necessary to make people understand exactly what St. Patty's day is about.

St. Patrick's Day's not
About Irish. It's about
Drinking and green stuff

Really, there's no law saying that St. Patrick's Day is just for the Irish (why don't they have some sort of shortening? I mean, we call British people "brits" and Scottish people "scots," so why aren't Irish people "ires"?), just like there's no law saying that Thanksgiving is only for people who actually give thanks. And as a result everyone can partake in the festivities. And by festivities I mean drinking, along with wearing and puking green. Then, when you don't wake up in time for class then next morning, you don't fret because you could definitely see that one coming. Unless you have a midterm, then it sucks to be you.

It's Never Sunny in Ithaca

2010-03-17T10:14:00.001-04:00

Well, Cornell is on the front cover of the New York times, but not for any reason I would hope. Not for groundbreaking new research or the quality of the school itself, but for the three suicides that have occurred in the past month.

On a brighter note, it's another beautiful day here. And I still have essays to write and homework to do. As I said yesterday on Twitter: "I put the fun in 'spend a beautiful, warm, and sunny day inside doing homework.' Didn't see the fun? That's because there isn't any." That's how it works on the rare occasion that it's nice out. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the reason Cornell is such a reputable school is because of its location. Think about it:

It's always cloudy
At Cornell, so students must
Stay in and study

Really, there's not much else to do. If it was always beautiful here, you'd want to be outside frolicking in the sun and photosynthesizing. However, that is not the case, and as a result you spend all of your waking hours in a windowless library room, with no sun- which is not a problem since there's never any sun anyways. And that's why my essays are not done yet, it's just too pretty outside.

Oh, and did I mention that it's St. Patrick's day? Yeh, I probably should have just written about that, would have been much easier. I'll write about it tomorrow, you'll never know the difference.

The title is a play on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

There are no late passes in college

2010-03-16T11:25:00.000-04:00

Yay! It's pretty outside! And it's supposed to be in the 50s today. Apparently it's supposed to be sunny for the whole week in fact. Too bad I need to spend it inside working. Oh well, that's life.

I need to leave for class in about 2 minutes in order to be properly early. Some people, including me, like to show up early, which means that you have time to settle in and your professor will come into a classroom with you already in it (which leaves a good impression usually). Others will arrive right on time, and then some will arrive late. And honestly, arriving early guarantees that if there's trouble along the way (for instance, if you're attacked by a raccoon) you won't be late.

Being late to class
Is an insult both to your
Teachers and your grades.

Really, teachers hate to see students come in late, and some even count tardiness as an absence. Arriving late is an easy way to make your teacher dislike you and can count against your participation grade. Especially since usually the grade is based on no real set-in-stone basis. So if your teacher doesn't like you and you don't participate that much, it can lead to bad grade with very little bargaining power.

So why am I writing this? Well, I'm urging you to, instead of spending 5 minutes online and arriving late to class, arrive early and then spend 5 minutes online. Unless you're looking at porn, do that in private.

Get used to it

2010-03-15T10:16:00.000-04:00

Monday! The start of a new week, and, more importantly- the last week before spring break!

With spring break right around the corner, you would think that students would be ready to wind down for their break. However, this is by no means true. In fact, students are working harder than ever. This week I have two essays due and a large homework assignment. Other people have the same type of things but with midterms on that. All in all, the last week before break is hell.

Why?

Apparently they
Need to remind students that
We are at Cornell

Really, it's just not obvious enough from our workloads. They need to pile on all of the work right before we go away so we know that just because we have a break doesn't mean we can start unwinding for it quite yet. So while all of our friends are back home on their colleges' breaks, relaxing and having fun- we're staying up till ungodly hours studying, writing, and drinking coffee (or tea or hot chocolate, whatever floats your boat... which is actual quite a good metaphor for the scenario). So, to help the cause, I too would like to remind you, if you're at Cornell: You're at Cornell. Get used to it.

3/14

2010-03-14T10:59:00.001-04:00

Today is a special day. It's a holiday celebrated by about 1/3rd of the Cornell population (and no, it's not another Jewish holiday (which could definitely be the title of a movie by the Not Another Teen Movie people)). It's Pi Day!!!! No, not pie as in apple, rhubarb, pumpkin, strawberry, brambleberry, blueberry, cranberry, Huckleberry Finn, very berry, or chicken pot. Pi as in 3.14159265358979323846 (that's all I know) and more! "So why is it pi day?" I hear you ask. Well, the answer is simple- today is 3/14. It's as easy as that. "And why should we care?" is the obvious next question. The answer to that is just as simple (well, not quite):

Pi Day serves as a
Reminder of all the math
You don't need in life

Think about it. Way back when, in middle school or high school, you had to take math courses. You had to actually use pi to solve practical problems about circles and stuff. Now, it's as useless as the rest of geometry and trigonometry (for me at least). Pi Day is a way to remind all of us of what we once were forced to do, and the fact that we can still recite 21 digits shows what we have gone through in the past. It's sort of like Memorial Day. Only not nearly as significant. But the fact remains that Pi Day is a day for remembrance, a day for thanks, and most importantly, a day for "thank God I never have to do that again." Unless you're an engineer, in which case I am deeply and truly sorry.

Only at Cornell

2010-03-13T13:23:00.000-05:00

It truly feels like Ithaca again. No more sun, and Ithacating, just like how I remember it.

It's the weekend, and I have papers to write, homework to do, and blogs to post. Sounds like a standard weekend here at Cornell. I'm sure I've posted something along these lines before, and if that's the case please excuse any redundancy.

The weekend is not
All its cracked up to be when
You're here at Cornell

That's the age-old promise. You have to go through the week to get a break for the weekend. Hence the Monday blues and the TGIF attitude. However, when at Cornell, the only difference between the weekdays and weekends is that you (usually) don't have classes on the weekends (which means staying up later and sleeping in). Other than that, it's the same. In fact, because you don't have class, you usually have to set aside time to do all of your big homework projects. And, unlike high school, you don't just set aside your Sunday afternoon- you set aside your entire weekend. In fact, I'm gonna give you another haiku because I'm in a giving mood:

Only at Cornell
Do you feel unproductive
Not working Fridays

Really. Friday nights used to be a time for fun. Now, if I'm not doing work I feel as though I'm wasting a lot of time. And it makes me feel guilty. Now to go write my paper.

When you wish upon a star...

2010-03-12T11:09:00.000-05:00

It's an ugly day. I wish it would be nice again.

And speaking of wishes (see what I did there?), there are a lot of ways to make wishes. You can see a shooting star, see the first star of the night, blow an eyelash off of your finger, blow the candles out on a birthday cake, throw a penny into a fountain, throw a penny into a well, break a wishbone, and many, many more things. However, according to common wish-law, if you tell someone what your wish was it won't come true (which is why newly 13 year old boys don't share their embarrassing birthday wishes involving Jessica Alba). However, I find that this age-old wish-law has a problem:

Any clever child
Can find the loophole with the
"it won't come true" law.

Seriously, think about it. If you tell someone, your wish won't come true. So all you need to do is wish in the negative. For instance, if you want a unicorn, rather than wishing for a unicorn, you need to wish that a unicorn won't magically appear out of nowhere. Then, when you tell someone and the wish doesn't come true, a unicorn will appear out of nowhere! It's as simple as that. Now hopefully this knowledge will not fall into the wrong hands and result in pre-teen boys getting their giant killer robots. That could be bad. Unless we had enough wizards and dragons to counter them. That would actually be pretty awesome.

World of War

2010-03-11T10:24:00.001-05:00

Another beautiful day, I don't believe it. Enjoy it while you can, it's only a matter of time before nonstop rain.

The other day, I was looking at an article about Nobel Peace Prize nominees, and I stumbled across one, which I found rather odd. On the list of nominees, beside 236 others, is "the internet." That's right: that complicated series of tubes known as the internet we know and love has been nominated for quite the distinction. My thoughts?

The web is a great
Pacifier: Users turn
Thirteen years-old

Really, think about it. When it comes to the internet, there are no real wars- only flame wars. Why? Because everyone using it regresses to the maturity of a thirteen year-old. It's perfect for keeping peace. No pre-teens are going to go about starting wars (well, most of them, at least), at least not bad ones. And, if all goes according to plan, all our world leaders will start playing World of Warcraft, and become too addicted to bother with real war. Or maybe wars could just be settled without casualties and over WoW. Who knows. Consider this post to be my endorsement for the internet's nomination.

Poopypants

2010-03-10T10:40:00.000-05:00

Another beautiful day. This is mother nature's way of foreshadowing the months of rain to come.

I've come up with a theory about the human nature based solely on the English lexicon.

If the words we have
Are any indication,
We hate each other.

Think about it. Try to think of all of the insulting nouns that you can. Asshole, slut, whore, bitch, jackass, twat, dumbass, smartass, moron, retard, idiot, nerd, noob, crybaby, hussy, pussy, wussy, poopypants, buttface, and the list goes on and on. Now, try to think of an equivalent list of compliment nouns. Umm... nice-guy, kind-soul, hard-worker... and that's all I've got. Seriously, either human beings absolutely hate each other, or we just can't bring our selves to compliment one another. Well, both of those are kind of true. So yes, judging by what words are available to us, I'd say that the fact that we can never have enough insults (and turn to insulting others' mothers) is testament to human beings' natural hatred.

Who names a place "Guam" anyways?

2010-03-09T09:09:00.001-05:00

Last night we had Luis Foruño, the governor of Puerto Rico, speak here at Cornell. He spoke about how, in his opinion, Puerto Rico should become a state. If you didn't know, every year we offer Puerto Rico statehood, and they take a vote to become a state, stay as a commonwealth, or become an independent nation, and every year the commonwealth wins. Also if you didn't know, a commonwealth is a territory of ours, which mainly means that they don't have a federal income tax, but can't vote.

You're probably waiting to hear my opinion, so here it is:

Puerto Rico should
Be a state, but only if
They don't spread ideas

Really, I'm fine with it being a state, in fact, I think it's not a bad idea at all (though we'd have to adjust the flag, which is sad since it's just so pretty right now). However, they need to not inspire others to do the same. I'm fine with Puerto Rico being a state. However, Guam is an entirely different story. It's name is just too darn ugly. Maybe if they get rid of Kentucky, but until then- we don't have any more room for ugly sounding states.

Someone at the speech asked the governor how American citizens could benefit from Puerto Rico's statehood (apparently he's been watching a lot of West Side Story). He gave a decent answer, but I could think of better, so I shall share it. "How could we benefit from Puerto Rico's statehood? You may as well be asking how could we benefit from abolition of slavery? How could we benefit from women's suffrage? How could we benefit from the fact that "all men are created equal"? It's not just about Puerto Rico. It's about what we stand for. It's about liberty and equality. It's about America. Excluding Guam, of course."

Reading for the sake of reading

2010-03-08T10:15:00.000-05:00

And it's another blue sky day! And 42 degrees. I don't believe it.

Last night were the Oscars. And I continued not to care through the whole awards show.

In other news, on Saturday I finished a fantastic book called The Name of the Wind. All 721 pages of it. I could barely put it down. The author just has this way of sucking you in, not just with the plot of the book but with the writing itself. It was while reading this book that I realized something.

Though we read so much
For classes, it's crucial to
Read for ourselves too

I had sort of forgotten how satisfying a good book can be after doing such a ridiculous amount of reading for educational purposes. Sure, I sit down with The Silmarillion each night, but that's not quite the same as reading a book in a couple of sittings. So I would like to stress the importance of finding time to read for yourselves. I know you have hundreds of pages assigned to you each night, but reading for the sake of reading is different. It works your brain in different ways and it's much more relaxing overall. So please, I encourage you to take time out of your day to do some fun reading. And maybe grab a copy of The Name of the Wind if you like fantasy books (ie Harry Potter). However, don't check the Cornell store because I bought the last copy from there.

If I had a pet miniature person, I'd paint them gold and name them Oscar

2010-03-07T14:48:00.000-05:00

Okay, I lied. It's another beautiful day today, in spite of my prediction. The sky is blue and it's warm. Strangely enough.

I'd say that Spring is here, but I'd rather not jump the gun.

Tonight is a rather large event in Hollywood. It is the Oscars. Another chance for rich and famous Hollywood stars to become richer and more famous. I'd share my predictions with you, except I don't really care.

The best part of each
Award show is not awards.
It's all about hosts.

Really, if I wanted to know who won which award I'd look online, or on the cases for the DVDs, where they're bound to appear. The only real reason to watch the Oscars is for the hosts. This year, it's Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, who I reckon will double-handedly make it worth watching. Of course, neither is quite as handsome as Hugh Jackman, but honestly, that's not a qualification (trust me). I hope that this year's Academy Awards (which, for some reason, is just another name for the Oscars, although having an Oscar is a great honor than having an Academy Award if you ask me... it's like having a little person named Oscar) will be as entertaining as I expect. If not, I'll turn them off and watch some comedy compilation of the funny moments on Youtube. The end.

Dirty, dirty dishes.

2010-03-06T12:42:00.000-05:00

It's a beautiful (and warm) dare-I-say, spring day? It's 40 degrees, but it feels like it's summer again. Of course, it won't last, considering that we're in Ithaca, and it will probably be snowing again tomorrow.

While in the dining hall this morning for brunch, I realized something.

Dirty dishes in
A dining hall are a sign
Of pure apathy

Really. It's their way of saying "we know that we can keep our food bad and keep our dishes dirty and you'll still come to us." This morning at RPC I looked through about 20 different cups before being able to find a single moderately clean one. The same happened with each piece of silverware I wanted. I swear, their dishwashers could spit in each and every cup and we would never notice. Most of the time, I'm pretty sure that the dish-washing is more detrimental to the cleanness of the dishes than it is helpful- I find things in my cups that definitely don't come from any drink people might have. Of course, the other dining halls do a more-or-less better job. I think it's their way of saying "we know we don't have a stir-fry bar, but if you come to our dining hall you can have shiny silverware guaranteed to not contain thousands of germs and diseases."

Leeches!

2010-03-05T12:01:00.001-05:00

The sky is blue today! I cannot believe it! It was blue for most of the day yesterday too, but two days in a row? What an honor for the sun to have graced us with its presence. Probably the 3rd day of it since we got back.

It's Friday. Finally. And I sure am glad.

The other day in my etymology class, I learned something (well, a large number of things) interesting about word histories. The word "leech" used to refer to doctors, and what we now know as leeches are only dubbed so because doctors would use them in their practice of "medicine" (if you could call it that). I have a haiku about this.

Though leech may not mean
Doctor, that doesn't mean that
Doctors aren't leeches

Really, have you been to a doctor's office lately? It's insurance this, copay that. You get scheduled for the same time as 6 other patients, your doctor ends up being an hour late and then spends five minutes with you. They really are leeches, trying to suck the money out of you and as many other patients as possible with as little effort as possible. Of course, not all doctors are leeches. It varies from office to office, and profession to profession. For instance, in a pediatrician's office, they most likely won't be time leeches because that's exactly what the kids want to happen (and we can't have that). On the other hand, in a primary care office they'll use all sorts of tricks such as misdirection to make your appointment as short as possible ("hey, look a bear!" the doctor then runs out of the room). And then there are doctors who I'm pretty sure are actual leeches, considering the sheer amount of blood they take.

Quothe the Raven 'Nevermore'

2010-03-04T08:47:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, while looking online for a book I want to buy, I came across a page where the Kindle price was less than half of the standard price. And I remembered: "Oh yeh, those exist." I had never really given e-books much thought before, because I can't stand reading on screens. However, for some reason I felt compelled to click on the "what is a Kindle" button, and I did.

It was only then that I was introduced to the entire world of e-books. I discovered pages talking about the sheer number of trees that can be saved with e-books, the ease of buying books, the number of free books you can get (thousands of classics), the money you can save buying books, and the fact that you don't have to carry them around in your backpack (which can be ridiculously heavy). I also realized that you can read PDFs on them, meaning that course packets would be unnecessary, and I would have saved almost $130 on course packets alone already. I did come to a conclusion after a little bit though:

Not until e-books
Can emit an old book smell
Will they be mainstream

Right now, I can grab about a third of the books in front of me, open them up and smell the wondrous smell of old books. I can turn the pages, I can see the remnants of prior readings on folded down pages and underlined passages, and, most importantly, I can feel the feel of having a book in my hand. With that, I formed my opinion on e-books. E-books are fantastic. But for certain things. If I need to buy hundreds of dollars of books for a semester's worth of classes, I could probably save hundreds with e-books, as well as getting to keep them, and not having to carry them around. I can still mark and highlight pages, and streamline work needing to be done for school. I can avoid buying course packets and wasting hundreds of pages of paper printing handouts sent to me by teachers. It's really a fantastic tool for certain scenarios. But, at the end of the day, if I want to curl up with a nice book by the fireplace- I'm not going to read a Kindle. I'm going to grab my 30 year old copy of The Lord of the Rings, with dog-eared pages and the fantastic feel that having a nice book in your hands gives you. Books will still be alive for years to come, because e-readers simply cannot fully replace the satisfaction that reading a book gives you, and they certainly don't give you the feel of bookmarking a page and saying to yourself "look at that, I've read 2/3rds of the book." In my world, the two are not and do not have to be mutually exclusive.

Real Research

2010-03-03T10:30:00.002-05:00

That's right, Wed Nes Day is here. It's snowing again. I'm used to it. And I have a paper due today (which I have already finished and turned in. Definitely because I'm studious and not because I misread the date and thought it was due last week), as well as another essay and a reading response due tomorrow. My essay's almost done, so that's good I guess. I just need to write my conclusion, introduction, and body (but only actually the first of those).

One thing about essays (and research ones in particular) that many people hate is footnotes. I don't exactly understand the hatred, since I really don't mind citing my sources (especially since I am boss when it comes to finding good sources. And no, Wikipedia does not count).

People tend to think
That Google provides all of
The research needed

Really, it's amazing what some people do. The internet is a reputable source, if you know where to go. Wikipedia, blogs, random sites that you've never heard of, and forums do not look good on a paper. However, JSTOR, GoogleBooks, some news sites (I especially like using FOX as a source when my paper topic goes against what they stand for), and various trusty polling sites (if you want to wow people with statistics).

However, perhaps one of the greatest resources does not come from the internet. You see, here at Cornell, we have a little something called a library. In fact, we have a couple dozen of them. It's really not that difficult to walk into one and find a couple of books relevant to your topic. And really, sometimes you can even avoid that with the right essay topic. For instance, when I get to choose an essay topic (as I have emphasized in previous posts), it usually means that I can cite at least one book sitting on the shelf directly in front of me (and in the case of this essay, the book was Freakonomics). In any case, getting a good grade on a research paper means doing research. And doing research means doing work that a twelve year old can't do by typing a word into their search bar.

Products Entitled Nincompoopedly In Society

2010-03-02T08:13:00.000-05:00

Good lord! It's Tuesday already? Where did the week go. If only I could say that. But I can't. So there.

I learned something interesting yesterday. "Canola" is from an abbreviation. This explains the lack of a "canola tree" or anything of that type where the oil comes from. The full name for it is "Canadian Oil Low Acid," which is meant to promote its good qualities. So why exactly don't they just name it after the plant? You might ask. Well, there's pretty good reason for it.

If a product name
Makes it sound illegal, you
Should rethink your plan

The reason that canola oil isn't named after its plant, is because the plant is called the "rape plant," which grows from a "rape seed." Which means that the oil would be called "rape oil," which probably would not sell too well, if I had to guess (I can think of a number of possible misconstrued meanings for that). So there's a couple morals to this story. First of all, don't name a plant after something that would make people not want to plant it (keep that plant away from kids!), no matter how innocent your intentions may have been. Second, try to do the same with products. So, if you're gonna make a type of energy drink, I would recommend not calling it "Reinvigorating And Propelling Energy Drink."

And no, there's no hidden irony in my title.

I Spy Stupid Wasteful Spending With My Little Eye

2010-03-01T08:50:00.007-05:00

You know, there's something perverse about our priorities here at Cornell. Last night, while walking across the Arts Quad I realized something. Looking to my right into Goldwin Smith, I noticed that I could see into each and every classroom. Why? Because the light in each and every classroom was on. I turned to my left, looked into White Hall, the same thing. In front of me, in Sibley, the same thing. All around me, the building were lit up as if partaking in a Christmas festival. And this is on a Sunday night. Here was my reaction:

Cutting arts funding
Just seems silly when you can
See wasteful spending

If I can physically use my eyes, and say "we don't need to be spending money there," it seems like that should be the first place we cut down on funding. Oh, and in case you didn't know- Cornell is talking about majorly cutting funding to Theatre, Film, and Dance. For a school that already is weak in the arts, that really seems like shooting ourselves in the foot. Just because the school is good academically, doesn't mean it can't be strong in the arts. Just take a look at Yale (and yes, I know that they get no tail). Fantastic theatre program, fantastic music conservatory, and fantastic academics. You can't say that about Cornell. Sure, we have a great hockey team, but it's not the same.

If you want to help, take a look here: http://www.savecornellarts.com/

Also, I'd like to point out the fact that as soon as the article in the Sun came out saying "decline of Swine Flu," the school took away our Purell. Now that's what I call taking good care of your students (and an unfortunate occurence for germaphobes)..

Ice Forts

2010-02-28T08:11:00.001-05:00

It's Sunday, but I probably don't have to tell you that. Tomorrow is classes again, which is a shame because I've barely had a chance to play in the snow.

Yesterday afternoon, there were a few college kids in the courtyard building amazing forts. First, they piled up a mass of snow, dug inside, and made themselves a little shelter that fits three people. Then, I guess they decided that it wasn't epic enough (which it totally was), and they decided to make an igloo. So, using dorm room recycling bins (incredibly resourceful if you ask me), they build one up, with an arch, a keystone, and everything. I'd attach a picture, except apparently it collapsed. In any case, it was truly amazing, and it made me realize something:

Funny how igloos
Are built for survival or
With too much free time

Think about it. If you're building an igloo, one of two things is happening. Either you're trapped in the wilderness (or in my case at one point, trapped on a Boy Scout trip) and are building an igloo to survive the night without freezing, or you have way too much time on your hands. In case of the latter (the more likely of the two), it is actually a good way to spend your time (hard work that your dad could never pay you to do (shoveling) becomes fun!) and the outcome makes it all worth it (providing it doesn't fall over). And at least it's more productive than a snow penis (usually people who build these just have too free time- it has little to do with survival).

Middle-of-Nowhere, New York

2010-02-27T12:51:00.000-05:00

It's the weekend! And much of the snow has been replaced with slush (oh joy!). I hate slush. I wish snow could just go away without turning into slush. Or just stay as snow forever.

Now what to talk about. Lots of essays and such due this coming week. And lots of events going on this weekend, including multiple concerts, Asia night, and a drag show. That's Cornell for you. It's a city within itself, and I guess that's my topic.

It's nice. Cornell is
In the middle of nowhere
But you don't notice

Really, Cornell is in the middle of upstate New York, hours from civilization. However, we have so many people here that it becomes a city within itself. Thanks to programs such as the Concert Commission and the Programming Board, we have fantastic speakers and musicians who come, which makes us feel not too isolated, and we have enough people here to feel like we're in the center of the universe. Of course, when you realize that there isn't a Trader Joe's for hundreds of miles or that your favorite restaurant chain is hours away, you start to realize that Ithaca is not a real place, and if it were not for Cornell, we'd be the same as any other town around here (speaking of which, I can't name any of our bordering towns, and I'm sure that most Cornell students are the same way). On the bright side, Ithaca does have the most restaurants per capita in the USA. Which means there will never be a shortage of food (just a shortage of good food).

Trailblazing

2010-02-26T11:11:00.001-05:00

O...M...G. That's all I can say about the weather right now. We had a "delay" today, meaning that classes between 8 and 9:30 were canceled (aka AAP and Engineer's classes). Not that it really mattered, although I'm sure some people were grateful. The main problem though is shoveling. Here's what I have to say:

Winter maintenance
Is proof that Cornell does not
Believe in winter

I'm pretty sure that snow is against Cornell's religion, and so they deny its presence. Seriously. There could be 10 feet of snow and we'd still have class. And then there's the fact that Cornell refuses to shovel or to plow most paths (they "plow" some of the main paths, but that's it). As a result, most "paths" are from people being trailblazers (minus the actual blazing, though that might help). We have practically no maintenance which is unfortunate. Especially when you consider that they could be paying someone minimum wage to go out and shovel, and it would cost them like 20 bucks to have the arts quad cleared. You know what I make of all of this? That our head-honchos are elves. Think about it, it explains in perfectly- they can walk on top of the snow and therefore don't think winter maintenance is necessary. And, since we can't all be elves, I think in the mean time I'll grab myself some snowshoes, cross-country skis, or a hoverboard, and head over to class.

Happiness is

2010-02-25T10:18:00.000-05:00

Today's Thursday and it's a BEAUTIFUL day outside. People may consider it gross, but I think it's wonderful. I went frolicking in foot-high snow, filled my ankle-high shoes with it, and still didn't mind. I'm in a fantastic mood.

To be in a good
Mood at school is a rare thing
That should be cherished

Between tests, essays, reading, studying, more tests, class, and all that jazz, college can be incredibly stressful. Oftentimes we'll be gloomy for no apparent reason (probably from the weather), and sometimes we'll be gloomy for a very, very good reason (which relates to Tuesday's post). Occasionally though, and I'd like to think that this is true of all students, I'd like to think that we can all be in a good mood. Our brains are just wired to be cheery once in a while, it's just a question of what triggers you to bring out that good mood. Whether it be a falling snowflake, or a falling freshmen, you might just end up feeling happy. I am right now, and I plan to keep it going as long as I can.

The title is from the "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" song.

Brinner

2010-02-24T09:16:00.000-05:00

Annnnnnd today is test day. Also, it's laundry day. And it's Wednesday, which means there's a good chance that I shall be getting a waffle for breakfast.

You know what I've realized about dining hall breakfasts? Dining halls don't understand college students at all.

Dining halls don't seem
To realize when students like
To wake up and eat

Really. You can go into a dining hall at 10 AM, and they're already taking away breakfast items and putting out salad and lunch foods. 10 AM. People are still asleep at 10 AM. Yes, extremely fortunate people, but students nonetheless. 10 AM is not the time to eat lunch. I mean, maybe if you eat breakfast at 6, and then dinner at 3 in the afternoon followed by bedtime at 6 PM. But no one does that (usually). The dining hall really needs to learn this, and they could save a fortune on uneaten lunch foods, while satisfying their students dining needs. Oh, and they do the same thing on Saturday mornings. It's normal to sleep until 1 PM. What's abnormal is waking up at 8 AM to eat breakfast on a Saturday. That is all.

Also, it wouldn't hurt to have brinner once in a while (breakfast for dinner).

Preemptive Torture

2010-02-23T15:03:00.000-05:00

Tuesday is such a strange day of the week. It''s not Monday, and it's not quite the middle of the week. I do like Tuesdays though.

I have a test tomorrow! Well, not a test technically, but it is worth 10% of my grade (enough for me to call it a test, if I do say so myself). He calls it a quiz to make sure we've been paying attention in lecture. You know how most of my classes do that? Attendance. Also, I'm pretty sure he has enough people who come to lectures who aren't even in the class to warrant not needing to test people's attentiveness. Oh well. College is college. I also have multiple papers and other project type things due in the coming weeks. Which brings me to a point about college (and high school) teachers in general.

Teachers conspire
Against students, and put all
Tests at the same time

Really, I'm pretty sure that teachers have secret conferences in which they plan this (and I feel like I may have already talked about this before maybe). I'd imagine the conferences would look something like this:

Teacher 1: "Okay, I'm planning to assign a paper due Thursday the 4th. Does that work for everyone?"
Teacher 2: "Perfect! I have lecture on Friday, I'll have a test that day"
Teacher 3: "Hmm, I think I could probably have a research report due the 3rd"
Teacher 4: "Damn, I just had a test last week. I'll have a paper due Friday I guess, and I'll assign 200 pages of reading for Wednesday."

Seriously. If teachers spaced out work, life would be simpler. But no, that's not possible, and we end up having 3 papers due the same day that we have a test.

Free to Be Free

2010-02-22T10:31:00.000-05:00

Andddddddddddd it's classes again. And I have much work to do. Two essays and a quiz for Tuesday and Wednesday. And three more essays due in the next week. So now I can finally procrastinate for real again! This is the Cornell I'm used to.

You know what I love about college? Freedom. My assignment for my linguistics class is to write an essay about words. That's the prompt. I could write about swear and taboo words, euphemisms, puns, onomatopoeia, animal noises, words that make or break a career (e.g. "boooooyaaaa" or "macaca"), or anything I want. I'm choosing to write about the word etymologies of J.K. Rowling and J.R.R. Tolkien, and how the words work with the worlds. Why? Because I can.

College offers you
The freedom to do what you
Want, however weird.

Really, I have so much freedom, and I love it. Not only do I have choice on this paper, but on most of those that I write. For my decadent poetry class I can write whatever I want as long as it compares two authors (need to figure this one out still), and I can write whatever relevant topic I want for American Studies. This is usually how things work. You're usually not bound to any prompt, and can be yourself. Unless you're not in humanities. Then it sucks to write essays. No offense.

Ithaca's Irony

2010-02-21T13:12:00.000-05:00

It's a Sunday. Which means classes tomorrow. And which means everyone is sitting at their computers like I am now and doing work (unlike I am now).

I'm pretty sure our town is familiar with irony. Really.

Whenever it's nice
Out- sunny and beautiful,
It's always freezing

Today is an absolutely gorgeous day. However, after 2 minutes outside, you will have enough of it. Yesterday, on the other hand, was ugly but warm (comparatively). It's like the city of Ithaca is trying to torture us. And to add insult to injury, it's a Sunday. Today is the day that everyone is too hungover to go out, and has to spend time working. Yesterday though, that's when people go out and have fun. And it was ugly. I swear, this town hates its students. Just wait till Cornell Days comes around. The weather will be perfect every single day visitors are there. Before and after though? Rain. I guess that's what we get for going to school in Ithaca.

Theeeeeyyyyyyy're Great!

2010-02-20T13:08:00.000-05:00

It's the weekend! And yesterday Tiger Woods gave a press conference, publicly apologizing for his poor judgment (and seeking more attention, of course). My thoughts?

I really can't stand Tiger Woods. My respect for him had nothing to do with his golf abilities, and was based solely on how he treated his wife. Now, there’s just nothing left… I really don’t understand the big deal that is STILL going on about Tiger. I mean, really. He cheated, we get it. He’s a lying and sneaksy feline, we get that too. But come on, really.

No one would be left
To run our country if we
Killed off all cheaters

Think about it. If we were to force everyone cheating on a spouse into a 1 year break like Tiger is doing, there would be no one left in Washington, no one to play any sport, no one to run late night talk shows, and no one to make movies for us. So seriously, lay off Tiger. And I know that though his name may suggest otherwise- he’s only human, like the rest of us.

Dirty, Dirty, Dandies

2010-02-19T11:28:00.000-05:00

Sorry for my lack of posts these past two days, I have been under the weather with a bad stomach bug (which started with me vomiting pretty colors and ended in the ER). As a result, I have not really had time to post or to pay attention to things for posting.

People often think of today's teenagers as being perverted and dirty minded. This perception is not untrue. However, they tend to fail to take into account this fact:

Everyone, no
Matter sex, race, or age is
A bit perverted.

Really, even hundreds of years ago, when you'd expect everybody to be all prim and proper, people (and upperclass ones at that) had dirty, dirty minds (in fact, the Hasbro game "Dirty, Dirty, Dandies" is based on them). Seriously. In my English class, we're reading the works of Oscar Wilde, Verlaine, Baudelaire, Michael Field (who is actually 2 lesbians), and Von Sacher-Masoch (whose last name is the origin of the word "masochism."). They write poems and pieces about lesbians and sex and all sorts of artful and perverted things. They are dirty minded individuals, so next time your parents chide for a "that's what she said" joke, remind them that some of the greatest writers in history were perverts.

The Weather Outside is Spiteful

2010-02-16T12:27:00.000-05:00

Today is Tuesday! Nothing really important is happening today. Or this week as a whole, for that matter.

The Olympics are still going on though. And we're OWNING. We have almost TWICE as many medals as the person in 2nd place (we have 8, they have 5). Sadly, I haven't had much time to watch, but it's nice to know that we're able to continue our Olympic dominance (surprise surprise).

It's not especially cold today, though it is snowing. However, the other day I heard something a little depressing.

It is sad to hear
That the high for the day is
Just below freezing.

Really. The other day I was listening to the radio and the announcer said that. It just sounds depressing and makes you realize exactly where you are. What might be even more upsetting is the fact that freezing is not that cold in Ithaca. Right now it has to be below freezing, but I'm really not that cold (though I am indoors right now). I suppose if it's not too windy then the cold isn't too bad. qefkfneqfknqqfew bleh. That's all I can think to talk about right now. I'm lame like that.

Night of the Living Dead

2010-02-15T14:38:00.001-05:00

Yesterday's concert was ridiculous!

Apparently, all
The hippies thought that they were
In the Seventies.

Really, it's was like Woodstock, indoors! All of them dancing around with their mad dance moves, including the spin-around-in-circles, and the spin-halfway-then-spin-back-and-repeat (my personal favorite). The fact that Barton Hall is indoors also didn't seem to discourage anyone from lighting up. The room reeked of a combination of cigarettes smoke, pot smoke, sweat, and hippieness. People were lying down and/or passed out left and right, and there we plenty of people using acid.

While manning the drink station, I received a number of comical comments, including "is this water spiked" "where can I buy alcohol" and "this.... cup.... is.... ADORABLE!" (commenting on the small size of the cups... I was hoping someone was going to say "am I giant, or is this cup really tiny or is it just the drugs," but alas no one did). Now keep in mind, most of these people are in their 40s, 50s, or 60s. They were literally partying like it was 1977, and it was hilarious. Imagining going back in time and seeing your parents back in their hippie days. That's what this was.

Also, Furthur requested more than enough liquid to drown Seattle (not quite enough for a real city though). We got them at least 6 GIANT packs of bottled water, a ton of smart water, some sparkling water, Odwalla, lots of soda, Red Bull, these 4$ teas, and a bunch of protein shakes. In the end, I came home with Furthur's Kleenez Box and cashews. Score!

Happy "You're-Single-And-All-Alone,Sucks-To-Be-You" Day

2010-02-14T04:51:00.001-05:00

It's Valentine's Day! Everyone's favorite holiday of the year! But not actually.

Valentine's Day is
Loved by all, except for men
And single people.

So it's pretty much just the holiday for taken women. I guess it's supposed to be the one day of the year that girls get to feel like they're the queen. I read an article saying that Valentine's Day is supposedly great for our economy, since it's completely commercialized. I can see that. Except that it's hell for like 75% of the population. It gives men the opportunity to feel like slaves, and single people a reminder that they're lonely.

You know what I don't get? Why is it called Valentine's Day? It's named after St. Valentine, who must have been a priest or something. If that was the case, it would mean he probably didn't get much loving, so it doesn't make much sense to ironically name a day about love after a saint. Wouldn't it seem more fitting if it were Venus or Cupid day?

If you were to ask me, we shouldn't need Valentine's Day. Women in relationships shouldn't need it to be a validation of their man's devotion (every day should be that), and single people certainly don't need the reminder that they're alone. Oh, and our economy certainly shouldn't need more people wasting money (they do that enough).

O Canadia

2010-02-13T12:36:00.002-05:00

It's Saturday! And I'm spending the day writing my research paper! Woooooo!

The Olympics opened last night! I'm a huge fan of the Olympics. It's always fun to watch the winter ones while curled up with a cup of hot cocoa. And the results are always so surprising. I mean, I never can guess who will win the most medals (that was sarcasm).

What I love about the Olympics is the sense of internationalism. It's the one time we ever hear about African countries (who cares about starvation when you have national sports competitions!) and various tiny countries no one cares about such as Andorra, France or Britain. But most importantly, it gives the opportunity for one of the most secretive countries to validate its existence.

Olympics are the
One chance Canada gets to
Prove its existence

Really. We never hear about Canada. Why? Because no one cares about them! They're a peace-loving, French-speaking country, which we simply can't associate ourselves with. It's like having the Flanders right next door in "The Simpsons." But finally, when The Olympics come round, Canada finally gets to take advantage of the fact that it is always under 3 feet of snow. Of course, we're still going to own them.

Groovy, Man.

2010-02-12T11:18:00.000-05:00

It's Friday! And you know what this weekend is?! If you guessed Valentine's Day, you're right. But if you guessed the Furthur concert, you're more right! This Sunday is the Grateful Dead's return to Barton Hall, and it will be epic. The show is sold out, and 75% of the tickets went to the general public. If you're not great at math, that means we can expect a few thousand deadhead hippies, at least.

Apparently, the amount of police officers and security personnel at this concert will be more than pretty much ever. They're really worried about it.

It's funny how more
Security is needed
For older people

Really. Most of these people are probably going to be in their 50s and 60s. And so, of course, this means that the cops need to step up their game. They will be patrolling parking lots to stop old hippies from dealing any arthritis medications or other illicit substances. They will be in front of the stage, to make sure none of the deadheads get hernias while trying to jump the stage. They will be at the door, to make sure that all of the guests are fully clothed upon entering. And they will make sure that no one does anything remarkably stupid and/or reminiscent of the '77 Grateful Dead concert here (which resulted in the maximum capacity of Barton Hall being cut in half from 10,000 to 5,000). In any case, these middle-aged hooligans are a major threat, and the campus police are taking them very serious with multiple safety warnings and making sure they have enough officers on the job.

Litterererers

2010-02-11T08:16:00.002-05:00

Last night as I picked up someone else's litter, I realized something.

Imagine if the
Police had enough funding
To charge all rebels.

And by rebels I mean law-breakers. Think about it. Rather than just doing all of the big things, what if they had a homicide-level force for everything?

"Look, litter! Quick, let's dust it for fingerprints and track down our perpetrator"

There could be a whole "CSI: New York Litterers" show. Think about how clean and shiny the world would be if that were the case. Perhaps my favorite situation would be:

"Excuse me sir, my measurements tell me that you are 22 feet away from the building. The sign says 25. I'm going to have to write you a ticket and take you down to the station for questioning."

Although, I suppose it if the police force had this type of funding, it would be a bit ridiculous.

"You there, did you drop this bottle?"
"No officer, I didn't"
"OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE. You're under arrest"

They could easily abuse their power. Also, they could just sit by crosswalks and ticket every car that doesn't give the pedestrian the right of way, since it is technically an offense.

This post has weird spacing. The next one won't be so strange.

It's Snowing, It's Snowing!

2010-02-10T10:44:00.000-05:00

It's snowing out today! And I learned that just because it's "beautiful" outside doesn't mean that it's also "nice" outside. Apparently this blizzard is that huge one that was supposed to hit, which is weird, since it doesn't seem abnormal.

Some of my friends were hoping for a snow day, something that I found rather ridiculous. It's not just the fact that it's college, and we can walk places- it's the fact that it's Ithaca.

To have a snow day
In Ithaca would be like
A North Pole snow day

I mean really. We're in Ithaca. What do you expect? Snow such as this isn't strange. It's perfectly usual. I personally will never expect a snow day (unless we have 3 feet of snow or so), and if one happens to hit it will be certainly serendipitous. And besides, a snow day at college means very little. You still have to do all of your reading and such, and class really is not much of a burden to go to (it's the work that kills you). So, unless there's a snow storm that goes indoors, it shouldn't be much of an issue.

Road Rage

2010-02-09T13:09:00.001-05:00

Hello. I, the decider, have decided to make the executive decision to decidedly shorten my posts. Why? So I can cut out all of the stuff that no one cares about. And make it funnier overall. And I'm already rambling on.

You know what I've realized during my time here?

Whoever said that
Boston drivers suck has not
Been to Ithaca

I've heard all my life that Boston drivers are horrible, that they honk and are violent, and will throw red shells at you. The truth, however, is that Boston drivers are not all that bad. They will often let you merge, and are successfully able to complete a bottleneck without any honking (that's when traffic is funneled, it isn't some cool trick involving a halfpipe). Ithaca drivers, on the other hand, seem to be straight out of GTA. If you think that crosswalks hold any bearing in Ithaca, you won't last long here at all. It probably has to do with all of the waiting that they have to do for the 20,000 students to cross the street. Which begs the question: why drive a car on Cornell's campus anyway? That is all. Now, I'll go to class and try not to get run over.

10 Things I Hate About Football

2010-02-08T12:53:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was the Superbowl, not that I really cared (the Saints won though! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!). I didn't even watch it, although I peaked in on the common room at a few points, and saw the final couple of minutes, as well as the halftime show (which was decidedly inepic (unepic?)). I'm not a huge fan of football. That's not to say that I don't enjoy watching the Patriots go undefeated (and then blow it), or that I don't hate it when they suck. I have plenty of team spirit, it's just not my favorite sport. Why's that, you ask? Well, I know that football is supposed to be very action packed, but truth be told? It's not.

It's like romantic
Comedies: Lots of drama
And little action

A recent study found that the average football game has 11 minutes of action. The rest of it? People standing around, sticking their hands between another grown man's legs; judges arguing with coaches; replays; and commercials. Come to think of it, football is the perfect television event for commercials.

This is how it goes usually:
"Alright, let's watch this game... wow, what a great kick. Oh, commercials." Imagine if baseball were more like football: "And there's the pitch. Strike! Commercial break!"

I mean really, no wonder the Superbowl is known for commercials, that's all the game is. They should replace all of the standing around with commercials. People would probably like that more.

In any case, I still enjoy the occasional football game, but I'll never think it the most enjoyable sport to watch (although I do enjoy the pig-piles).

Source: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704281204575002852055561406.html

Time Can't Fly with Textbooks Attached to it.

2010-02-07T13:22:00.000-05:00

They usually say "time flies when you're having fun." I'd say that this is true, but there are some other things people don't think of. For instance, "time flies when you're getting old" or "time flies when you build a time machine and travel into the future." The former of those is what I'm going to focus on.

Apparently, the older a person gets, the faster it would seem that time flies (mainly because individual moments become less and less memorable). However, I realized the other day- time flies at college. I was writing the date, and I saw that today is February. What happened to January? What happened to 2009? It vanished. College just goes by in a flash, which I guess is why I need to enjoy my time here.

Now that time seems to be flying by, I thought of something:

Nothing makes you feel
Older than realizing that
Time is flying by

I mean, really- I'm only 19, and yet I feel like I'm speeding through life. With that, I've decided to try to capture moments better, and I urge you to do the same. Or, if you want- spend more time doing really, really boring stuff and it will feel like time is going more slowly.

Here's an article about it: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=122322542

That is all.

"Come Quickly, Porn in Room 24!"

2010-02-06T11:44:00.002-05:00

Curses! I totally had something to write about, but now I'm having trouble recalling... (5 minutes later ), ah hah! I remember.

The number of students that are in a class vary greatly. To me, so far, it would seem that there are three types of classes. Seminars (20 people or fewer), lectures (vary based on class), and lecture lectures (the 101s, basically as many people as can fit in the room). The basic lectures, though, are where things really fluctuate. For instance, an easy class with a boring lecture might start out with a large number of people and end up with no one. On the other hand, a class with an interesting name and interesting lecture that's difficult might start out big and stay big. However, perhaps the funniest (albeit these past ones weren't exactly "funny") is the following:

It's funny how some
Lectures can go from small to
Huge by word of mouth

For instance, I'm taking a class on word etymology. It's not exactly something that most people jump at the opportunity to take. And so, when I went in on the 1st day, the class probably had fewer than 20 people in it. The next week though, the class had about 60. I can only assume that this is because of the fact that the class is incredibly intriguing (we learn about the reasons why "cranberries" and "butterflies" are called what they're called) and an entertaining and educational way to spend a class period. My "Decadence" class also falls under the same principal. However, with Decadence, the class started out fairly large if only because of the really interesting course description. Then we watched a scene from the unrated version of Caligula. I swear, in the 5 minutes that the video was playing the class size tripled. The fact that my discussion section was only 8 people though would suggest that a good number of the lecture attendees are auditing. And I really can't blame them.

Naivety

2010-02-05T10:37:00.001-05:00

Annnnnnnnnnd it's finally Friday! Bet you weren't expecting that, were you? I certainly wasn't.

If you can't tell, I'm still having writer's block. Which is a little strange, since I thought that writer's block only affects real writers. Apparently I was wrong.

I'm pretty sure that my lack of inspiration comes from lack of procrastination. You see, it's kind of unfortunate- I actually have free time it would seem. Last semester, I had practically no time, so when I procrastinated, I would actually be putting off work. Now, I'm able to finish my work and then feel like I'm just killing time instead of properly procrastinating. I know that soon enough I'll have plenty of work, but for now it's just a lot of reading. Or maybe the weather is just causing me problems. Who knows.

To inspire me, I decided to look at my document I have with a bunch of random haikus. I came across one which I found rather entertaining looking back:

Writer's block for the
Haiku writer would be the
Same thing as blindness

What a joke that was. I wrote that on one day when I was feeling especially inspired. I wrote about 4 pages of haikus that day, and would just see something and then write a haiku about it. Now, when I see that I see how naive I was. It's interesting how things like that become harder, as opposed to easier, over time. For instance, I'm writing a screenplay for fun. I wrote the first episode, and then suddenly had more difficulty. I started writing fake factoids, and then after getting two pages I hit a wall as well. I started writing songs but then hit a wall. It seems like I keep starting enterprises but hitting a wall. Although I suppose that's what life is.

On that note, have a good Friday!

Also, I'd like to take this time to announce that I'm going to attempt to maybe design t-shirts or something. Please comment on this post or let me know if you think there's something I said that's especially t-shirt-worthy.

"No, Professor, I'm not bored- in fact, I'm in a state of ennui right now"

2010-02-04T09:45:00.001-05:00

It's almost the weekend! And it's a beautiful day outside! And there's snow on the ground! And I'm not sure what to write about!

Let's see... as I believe I've mentioned before, I'm taking a class called "Decadence." It's incredibly interesting, and we read works that barely count as homework, such as Poe, Oscar Wilde, Baudelaire, Whistler, and other such writers. Apparently all of these authors were known as the "decadent" writers, meaning that they liked aestheticism (or "l'art pour l'art" as they called it) and laziness/boredom (or ennui as they liked to refer to it. Just a fancy way of saying that they're bored). Oh, and they thought death was poetic.

They wrote all of these praiseworthy poems and wonderful works. However, there's a little something I don't understand. Their whole moral system revolves around this ennui.

If they're so lazy
Why do they write full poems
Instead of haikus?

I mean, really. Haikus are just so easy to write on the spot. It seems like it would have made much more sense if these writers wrote them. They're just so much easier. For someone bored with the world, it just seems reasonable. And no, I'm not decadent. If I was, I'd be writing many, many more limericks- trust me.

Couch Potatoes

2010-02-03T10:15:00.000-05:00

Though the impact of the freshman fifteen is not always visible, it's really a ubiquitous presence. Everywhere you look, you see people making diet choices. People choosing to get a salad instead of a burger for lunch, choosing not to get ice cream for the 3rd time that day, or going for a turkey burger instead of a hamburger. Most students are ever-conscious of this legend, and try their best to avoid it. However, from what I've seen, the sole culprit of the freshman fifteen is not food.

The freshman fifteen
Is not caused by poor diet,
But by laziness

First semester, I never really noticed that people were lazy. I walk absolutely everywhere, and so I personally get a good amount of exercise. However, yesterday I overheard a girl complaining to her friend about walking down the stairs. The conversation went something like this:

"Ughhh, why are we taking the stairs? Why don't we wait for the elevator?"
"Because it's not there yet. This will be faster."
"But we're on the third floor!"

Keep in mind, this is going downstairs. Now, I don't know about you, but to me at least, 2 flights of stairs is practically nothing, and definitely not worth complaining about. The same type of scenario applies to the bus system. I will pass people waiting at a bus stop for the bus, and get to where I'm going before the bus even passes me. If it was always faster, I wouldn't be so fast to criticize them, but the fact of the matter is that it is not always faster (though it is always fatter).

And so, to return to my original point- though food plays some part in the freshman fifteen, the real underlying cause is laziness. People just can't bear to move their butts in order to get somewhere, and elevators and buses have become the bane of healthiness.

"BUBBLES!"

2010-02-02T14:56:00.000-05:00

It's Tuesday! WOOOOOO! I'm being overly ecstatic because it's a new day and I feel like I deserve it. So there. And if you try to impact my happiness, I will CRUSH you. That is all.

It's a beautifully warm day. With a high of 27 degrees. Believe me, that's warm by my standards.

Today, I realized how much of a bubble I'm living in. Even more so than I had before. Apparently, this Saturday is a relatively hyped-up football game between two teams that no one really cares about. Also, in a couple weeks is some international sports tournament of some sort that only comes once every four years (and no, I'm not talking about leap year). And, finally, there is another awards show to honor more rich people, this time for movies. Yes, these are the type of things you forget about when living in the bubble that is college. Or maybe it's just me. Who knows. But in any case, here's what I figure:

When living inside
A bubble, people don't care
About other things

Now, I know- this might be a gross underestimation, but really- people just don't care as much. Sure, people will watch the State of the Union, or the Grammys, or the Project Runway season finale- but really, all of that is based on personal interests, and you usually need to make an effort to learn about what occurs outside of our giant Glad Press N' Seal (TM) bag. You can watch the news or read the newspaper, but usually unless there's something you actually care about it, all of the information will be taken in through the filter that is your brain, and will come out as only mush and traces of useless information. Or maybe this is only me.

I know what I'm going to talk about for tomorrow's post, so tune in then for a more organized (and timely) post.

The title quote is from Finding Nemo, duh.

Grammy, You Belong With Me

2010-02-01T10:05:00.000-05:00

Well, last night was the Grammys. Artists such as Beyonce and Taylor Swift finally got the respect they deserved in the form of more awards (that was sarcastic). The only thing I really cared about was Leonard Cohen, who finally received a lifetime achievement award, something that should have happened a long time ago. But really, I'm glad that the Grammys are here. Otherwise, how will I know whether Taylor Swift or Beyonce really is better? I definitely can't listen to the music and decide based on my individual tastes which are different from the Grammy award choosers. No, that would be far too difficult. You see,

We need the Grammys
To tell us what to think. How
Else would we judge songs?

It's not like any good music exists other than the mainstream. And every good band wins a Grammy, right? And every band that doesn't definitely can't be significant. Bands and individuals like Led Zeppelin, The Who, Queen, The Grateful Dead, The Doors, Diana Ross, or Neil Young are simply unimportant and invalidated considering that they never received the ever-so-high honor of a Grammy award.

If I were to guess, this is how the Grammys work: "Okay, let's open up the top 25 albums of this year... now boot up the randomizer. DONE!" Really, every year so many quality musicians are ignored based on the overly simplistic classification system. And, no this doesn't have to do with the fact that I have discovered more marvelous musicians in whose music I marinade. If you know me, chances are you've heard of God Help the Girl (who are amazing), but I also just discovered and ordered two CDs for Fredrika Stahl. Check them out. They might not be nearly popular enough to warrant a Grammy, but the fact of the matter is just because a band isn't popular does not mean that they aren't good, or vice versa. Really, I'm sure most of you were rooting for one person for an award, and someone else won. There's reason enough to take every Grammy with a grain of salt. Also, Flight of the Conchords and Mika weren't nominated.

Title is a play on Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me"

Isn't it Interesting?

2010-01-31T14:05:00.000-05:00

Oh boy, have I an article for you. I don't actually know what to say about it yet, I just know that I should have something to say about it.

But first, it's Sunday! I had pancakes for breakfast. Last night I had some banana bread for desert. But not just any banana bread- it was Reese's Pieces Banana Bread. If you don't happen to know, I love both Reese's and banana bread- so this combination was pure genius.

Now, on to less pressing issues. In a recent poll, Fox news was found to be the most trusted news network among Americans. Now, I know what you're thinking- that this is ridiculous. But don't worry- Comedy Central wasn't part of the poll, so it's not really the case (considering that both of them are meant for laughs). And if you think about it, it kind of makes sense. About 50% of people trust Fox (and by people, I mean of the 1151 voters that were chosen at random, which likely excluded most of the various demographic groups considering the underwhelmingly small number) according to the study, which is not the least bit surprising considering that they do the best job of brainwashing people. I think the results of this survey are really actually a good thing.

The results we see
Show that everyone doesn't
Believe everything

By this, I mean that people actually question what they hear instead of mindlessly listening to everything they hear on TV. If only 39% of people believe CNN, it really gives me hope for our country yet. So please, don't get mad over the results of this survey. This is disorganized. I'm tired.

In other news, Glenn Beck was declared to be the second favorite TV personality in another poll. This, again, is not surprising when you consider how entertaining that guy can be. Nowhere else can you see someone dodge slander by adding a question mark to the end of sentences. ("Isn't it interesting how Obama likes chocolate and Hitler liked chocolate? I'm not insinuating anything though, I'm just asking and ending my sentences a little higher like a teenage girl so that they sound like questions so I won't be sued and shut down for what could otherwise be considered slander?" (that was my Glenn Beck impersonation by the way)). Well I have my own question about Glenn Beck. Isn't it interesting that Glenn Beck is white and criticized Obama and the KKK does the same thing? I'm not saying anything, I'm just pointing out what would seem to be a coincidence.

Sources:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/jan/27/fox-news-most-popular
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=9659056

But I AM a Ninja

2010-01-30T13:16:00.000-05:00

It's Saturdayyyy! The weekend!

For most of this week, it's been Ithaca-cold (I'd say freezing cold, but it would be an understatement). Today, there is frost on the inside of my windows- so I'm guessing that it probably hasn't gotten much warmer. I personally wouldn't be too bothered by the cold if it weren't for the fact that my face and esophagus both freeze when exposed to the cold. This brings me to my haiku, which happens to be in the form of a question (and vice versa):

Is it possible
To keep your face warm without
Looking like a tool?

I mean, if you want to keep your face warm, you have a few options: You can wear a full face mask, and be mistaken for that bank robber who is on the run; you can wear a ski mask with goggles, and everyone will think you're that same robber, but with a vision problem; you can wear a scarf around the lower half of your face and look like you're trying to be from the wild west; you can wear a balaclava and look like you're very lost; a ninja mask and look crazy; a biker's helmet and look like you got your head stuck; or a riot mask. All of these options are less appealing than the next (unless you happen to be a ninja), and it leaves you with very few options of keeping warm. My personal favorite is pulling a Don Zimmer and keeping my head down (while hopefully not running into people). In any case, I would really like to find some sort of alternative that doesn't look absolutely ridiculous. Let me know.

Sandy Loam

2010-01-29T11:22:00.000-05:00

It's Friday! Yay!

The first week of classes is passed, and only something like 13 or 14 more are left in the semester! I personally have been enjoying my classes thus far. They're all really interesting, but perhaps the best part is that all of my teachers are incredibly invested in what they teach, be it word etymology, decadence, American studies, or the sociology of health. This bring me to my haiku:

A boring topic
Can become awesome if the
Professor is good

Really. You might have an interesting topic and a bad professor, in which case the professor can kill the topic for you. However, if you have a great professor and the most boring of topics, it can become awesome. You have no idea how exciting something like dirt can be when the teacher enjoys it ("see this?! This is sandy-fricking-loam! Can you believe it?!?!!) . And if you have classes that are already interesting, for instance, any of the classes I'm taking- it becomes even better when the professors are good. In two of my classes yesterday, the professors had to halt discussions in the middle of them, due to going over time. Although, I suppose it's not all the professor's doing- considering that classes can be horrible if the people in the class are boring. Why am I going on about this. This post sucks. The end.